what did i do wrong? my birth story

Julie - posted on 08/16/2010 ( 103 moms have responded )

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im just wondering if i did the right thing????

with my son (now six months) i had a very harsh pregnancy..... at 11 weeks we lost his twin and had mult times of bleeding time throughout the pregnancy...... he was due jan 26...... toward the end of the pregnancy i was put on bed rest as well as given a strict low sodium diet i went into mild labor on the 25 of jan at 4 pm and my app was 9 the next morning with the ob we had planed a natural birth at the hospital birthing center (ours has one as well as a regular delivery floor).....i started full active labor around 2am that morning before the app at the app my dr said he would like to get me into the hospital that day at 6pm
so by the time 6pm came i was ready for the dr to give my first exam 75 effaced and 1 dialated at 26 hours into labor......

10 pm....he started me on a pitocin drip to speed up my contractions
11 pm....... 80 effaced 1 dialated still natural aside from the pitocin i was not allowed to eat anything either except ice
7 am jan 27..... 80 effaced and 1 dialated pitocin gets uped and contraction are now 18 to 20 a minute
4 pm jan 27 .... no change
7 pm....... 100 effaced and 2 dialated pitocin uped again to make me contract 18 to 20 an hour (they had slowed to about 15 an hour)
11 pm ......no change
4 am jan 28..... no change pitocin uped again bag of waters popped
9 am ....... ultrasound finds baby fliped over now sunny side up (posterior position)
12 pm ...... 100 effaced 3 dilated pitocin uped again
2 pm.......... dr finally talks me into having an epidural placed moniter attached to babys head vaginally
2 34 pm....... epidural placed and pitocin uped still 100 effaced and 4 dialated
2 49 pm ........babys heart rate slows drastically
2 57 pm ........babys heart rate lost dr insists on emergency c section
3 02 pm .........wheeled to OR epidural uped
3 05 pm ..........c section begins
3 11 pm jan 28 .. troy is born perfectly healthy apgar is 9 weighs 9 pd 10oz and is 22 and 3/4 inches long
3 47 pm .......... me out of OR and headed to meet my baby boy


also you need to know that i hemoraged severly during the birth and was in the hospital till the 6 of february i have EBF my son the whole time since then he is now 18 pds 4 oz and is 27 in.

what i want to know is: was this the right way to do things did i do something wrong to cause my son to be born in such a harsh way? the dr claimed troy had a severe allergic reaction to the epidural... but a nurse told me that he was born concerned about the birth itself and me being too exhausted to push i had been awake the whole time and i labored for a total of about 70 hours 60 of that active labor with no pain meds and i could not get him out what did i do wrong?????

my MIL and SIL and own sister all think thats they are better moms than me because i could not give birth vaginally all of them had births of 12 hours or less with all of thier children they tell me all the time that i opted out... did i opt out? am i less of a mom? they keep bringing the issue up ..... i just need some support here.....

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I'm sorry that you are going through this. How awful of them to keep bringing it up and making you feel this way. Have you tried talking to them about it? There is a support group called ICAN. You may have a local one near you (http://ican-online.org/chapter/search). You are not less of a mom and you didn't do anything wrong!

Julienne - posted on 08/16/2010

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Of course you have don't nothing wrong and it definately doesn't give your MIL and SIL the right to believe they are better mothers. You didn't opt out - you were given the advice of a "specialist". And that advice was that a C-section was the safest option for both you and your baby boy at the time.

In the end you have a healthy baby boy who will thrive in your care.... No one can function efficiently after about 60 hours of no sleep, let alone push a baby out!! Move on and enjoy being a new mum.

Rita_2_davey - posted on 08/18/2010

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Dear Julie: You opted out of nothing. You were in an emergency situation and your Dr. basically took your rights away and did what he had to do. My niece just recently had her baby in June. Again, she labored for a long time, they finally inserted the epiderul. The baby was facing up as well. She was hemoraging prior to giving birth and throughout birth. They decided to pull the baby out, using forcips the whole nine yards. Poor little Carson, his head was deformed, bruised, the poor little guy, she wouldn't even show pictures' only to immediate family. He also weighed 8lbs.7oz I believe. My niece couldn't see him for a whole day due to hemmoraging. Finally on the second day they brought him in. She was so upset with his poor little head. He is perfectly normal now but it took roughly 2wks. for the bruising and all to go away. Now her OBGYN wouldn't do a C-Section which me personally would have asked for. Again, myself yrs. ago with my daughter, I was in hard labor for 18hrs. They had the monitor on me as well as the one on my daughters head. They had already induced, broke my water the whole bit. Finally after so much pain, it was my mother who went to the Dr. and said do something or I will. They performed a C-Section, giving me the epidural just prior to. I was in so much pain I didn't care. I had gone in at 4:30am. on Monday morning and had my daughter at 5:45pm. Tuesday. It was all done, me sewed up, wide awake at 6:10pm. My daughter who now has 3 children gave birth to all 3 normally. The first being the biggest at 9lb.10oz. she was out of the hospital the next day.
It is very unfair for your family to say you opted out. Just because everything went normal for her, not all pregnancies are the same. They weren't hemmoraging, they weren't all doped up like yourself, and their babies no doubt came out normally. If nothing at all they should feel blessed that your child made it into this world healthy as well as yourself. So much could have happened. You have my support and no doubt anyone else who answers for you. Dont' ever feel that you even had an option in what took place. You had "NO" option at all. You and the baby were at risk. Was theirs "NO". I think maybe they should read what everyone writes to you and give you a big apolgy. Your here and so is your little one, both healthy. Did they want something to happen. You were very brave in all that you went through and I myself congratulate you for giving birth the way you did, and congratulations to you, your husband and your little son who I am sure is both of your Pride and Joy!! If they keep undermining you and saying that you opted out, I would simply say to them, Think what you want" I myself did, and so did your OBGYN do everything in your powers' so that you and your son were not in jeopardy. I wish you the best and perhaps your husband should have a word with them.
Again, dont' ever think that you Opted Out!! You were fantastic!! I myself feel like giving you a great big hug, and a little kiss on your sons' forehead!!

Shelz - posted on 08/18/2010

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everyone has their own birth story, nothing is the same! you are a mother, no matter how they come out, you still spent 9 months creating a life a human being, you have done something amazing no matter what anyone else says!!!
i had a 76 hour labour, i too didnt progress till the last 14 hours. her heart rate stayed strong and she was so far down she blocked even the broken waters from coming out (she had done meconium so we didnt know she was in distress - otherwise i too would of had c-section) but she birthed naturally, floppy and nedding to be resusitated for 10 mins or so... Apgar of 4.
But shes now 16mths old and a grgeous, heappy, healthier than most lil girl :)
Dont listen to anyones negativity, no story is the same!

Danielle - posted on 08/17/2010

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After reading this, I think you are an amazing woman! Every woman's body is different and reacts differently to pregnancy & labor. I was pretty lucky with all 4 of my children - athough I had issues with hypoglycemia with my 2nd & had a pulmonary embolism with my 3rd (which resulted in shots of blood thinners for the rest of that & 4th pregnancy). I also had a miscarriage between #1 & #2. But I can only imagine what it's like to deal with a miscarriage while praying everything was still alright with a twin!

And as far as the labor itself goes, I'm amazed at what you went through & have to say, I don't think I could! My oldest was sunny side up & the pain from the contractions shot down my legs so I couldn't stand. Also, I had pitocin with both my 3rd & 4th to speed things up, and I swear that makes the contractions much more painful. My longest labor was only about 12 hours & my shortest was 4 hrs 20 min., but I would never even think to criticize someone for having a longer labor. And to have to go through the pain of 70 hours of labor & then have a C-section! They should be questioning why your doctor waited so long before to make the decision for the C and praise you for going through it!

In an ideal world, every labor would be like my 2nd, which lasted just over 4 hours. I walked in to the maternity ward at 9+cm & barely had time for a spinal before she was born 1 hr later. I was up & moving around like nothing happened by the time I got to my room. But in reality, that doesn't happen very often! And I really didn't do anything different from 1 pregnancy to the next, but had 4 completely different labors & deliveries!

Good luck dealing with difficult relatives!

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Julie - posted on 08/23/2010

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lol i live in tennessee elanor but my preg was high risk and its illegal here for a home birth unless it is accidental and a midwife has no control over the birth in the hospital if the baby is in any position other than face down head down

Elanor - posted on 08/23/2010

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OK - please don't blame yourself. However when Doctors look at birth with a medical model it really doesn't help your natural birthing instinct.
More often than not one intervention leads to another.
I had a fairly difficult 1st birth (in a way)
I was pushing for 3.5 hours (they don't really like you to push more that 1.5hours)
But I felt empowered - as I had read Ina May Gaskins books. I honestly feel that that empowered me to refuse intervention and believe that I and my body could do it.
My second birth was 5 hour labour - I pushed my 9lb brow presentation baby out in 13 minutes.
I knew I could do it.
So can you. Unfortunately if you live in America you need to pay for a midwife - if you are lucky enough to live anywhere near Tennessee you could visit The Farm (the birthing centre that Ina May Gaskin lives and works).

Sarh - posted on 08/22/2010

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Melanie said it had a longer recovery time then vaginal, but not in my case w/having third degree lacerations and 64 stitches, I could barely walk, I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I felt hopeless and useless. I couldn't do all of that after needing a surgeon come in to stitch me up on no pain medication and the surgeon along w/the OB and all the nurses in AWWW and stating that I have a very high pain tolerance.

Sarh - posted on 08/22/2010

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You are NOT at ALL less of a mom and you definitely did not opt out! They should realize that not everyone has the option to give birth vaginally. All they should be concerned about is that your baby and you both are alive and healthy!!
I'm wondering why your doctor did not break your water?!?!?
With my daughter I was in labor for (mild contractions) for about 4 hours then my doctor broke my water and she was born w/in 2 minutes! She was 9lbs, 13.5oz, a nice big, HEALTHY baby just like yours!! I only pushed once and she came right out, however, by giving birth vaginally they had to call a surgeon to give me 64 stitches!! I did not know you could get so many in what I believe to be such a small area, but I had to have them inside and out due to a third degree laceration. I did this all natural w/no pain medications. I was only 16 yrs old.
With my son I had a different OB and he did not believe me when I told him that I pushed only once and had my daughter w/in 2 minutes of my water being broken. He insisted on inducing me. I was on a pitocin drip for 5 hours which was producing contractions, but no other progress just as it did w/you! The pitocin just does NOT work on some people (you & I... only people I know of. We are special mommies! :)). They were upping my pitocin every 10-15 mins! I had reached the max that they would give me. My OB finally listened to me and broke my water, when he did so I was only about 3 cm dilated. I went into VERY ACTIVE labor almost immediately! My son was born about 30-45 minutes after that!

I'm pretty sure that the same thing would have happened to me if they had not broken my water w/my son. However, with my daughter she pushed my water bag OUT!! And it had not broke on it own! I believe you and I both just have VERY strong amniotic sacs! Nothing wrong w/this at all.
I'm very sorry for the lose of the other twin. :(
And the birthing experience you had was not at all your fault!!! Please stop blaming yourself!! And ignore those ignorant people (I'm sorry, but that just makes me sick that they would say/think such things!!!).

Courteney - posted on 08/22/2010

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If anything you are a GREAT mom for going so long in labor, active labor at that, and not requesting a C-Section right off. Look how big your bundle of joy was! Thats why you couldnt puch him out. So many factors come into play with pregnancy and sometimes you just dont have a say in what happens. My due date was Mar 30. My doc wouldnt let me go over and induced. I had no say even tho I wanted to wait and see if I went naturally. I bet your a great mom and you love your son to death!

Lorraine - posted on 08/22/2010

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Firstly with your labour you done nothing wrong, with my daughter i was in labour for about 3 days but established for 28 hours, if the midwives had not found the Dr to perform a ventrouse i would of ended up having a c section. As far as your family are concerned don't you dare listen to them, very birth is different and as long as bubs is out happy and healthy they have no right to critise or judge you. I hope i made you feel a little better XX

Dawn - posted on 08/22/2010

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You are no less of a mom becuause you had to have a c-section! Anyone who thinks that HOW the baby gets here determines the quality of mom is crazy... Vaginally, c-sec, natural, pain med, adoption, it doesn't matter. What you do every day from here on out will detrimine what kind of mother you are. You did nothing wrong, and you did not "opt out." Being a mom means there are going to be many times where you will need to stand up and say something to someone when you would rather not. It sounds like you need to start now and tell your mil and sil to let the issue drop, or you may "opt out" of being around them!

Alex - posted on 08/21/2010

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Julie dont let your sister or inlaws get you down. My 1st son was a breeze but i deliveried him w/ an epidural. my 2nd son was awful. I was hospitalized onand off for 2weeks for dehidration, then the day i started back to work and worked a 12 hr shift i dove myself to the ER to have my appendix taken out adn exporatory surgery. another 2 weeks out of work. Then i was in labor with him fo rjust under 2 months with a 2yr old to also take care of. I was fortunate that my husband, dad and step mom were there to help. But since his birth my step mom has been trying to talk me in to not breast feeding she thinks that it takes to much of my day up. I just stick to my guns and tell her that when she decides give birth to her own children she can make that decision for herself. My children will be breast feed for as long as i can and they want to do it. My siblings and i were all breast feed till we were 3 yrs old. DONT let anyone walk all over you. I never oce thought about not having an epidural during either of my delveries and was glad for both. I was less than 5min. from having a c-sec. with by second son but was able to get push him out with the help of dish soap (14centimeter head and sunny side up(boththe boys were sunny side up)) my doc said that she has seen very few women able to push a sunnyside up baby out and that they usually have to get a c-sec. be proud of what you did adn intil in your child that what you say can have an effect on other people but not to let then wal;k all over you either. you are not alone out there adn what you did was amaizing and now you have an awesome child who needs you to teach him to be strong and how to love even in the face of mean and vile people.

Winnie Takyiwah - posted on 08/21/2010

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I think you are no less a mom if you had to give birth by c-section. During labor, things don't always go as we planned. I had a vaginal birth without and epidural cos I wanted to and I was fortunate to be able to do it. If things had not gone as planned, my birthing plan would have changed to suite it. Being a good mom is about being there and taking care of your child the best way you can. I say you are more of a woman than a lot of women for going through all that. You did great and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Carmen - posted on 08/21/2010

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Anyone who could think they are a better mom because you had a difficult delivery is an idiot, plain and simple. A birthing plan is just that, a plan and plans rarely go off without a hitch. I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad birthing experience and such dimwits to "contend with". with their narrow minded views and total ignorance, its clear to me who the real mother is :)

Sarah - posted on 08/21/2010

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OMG tell your MIL and SIL to go jump you did what you had to do, to make sure that you and your baby are healthy and that makes you no less a mother than any one else. No one is more or less a mother because of the way the gave birth to there child. You are a mother and your child will always love you and need you regardless of how it was born. And in the long run that is all that matters.

Juli - posted on 08/21/2010

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That a load of hog wash if you ask me. You did nothing wrong some baby's have to fight to come out. My DD and I had a rough time at the end of pregnancy I got Gestational diabetes ,She stopped growing than started bleeding @34/35 weeks along then tried to induce at 36 weeks She was not geeting enough oxigen so they had to do a c section. At 5:60 pm My DD was born. After a while I got to meet my miracle Baby

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I am absolutely horrified by the ignorance and insensitivity of your MIL and SIL! I wanted a natural birth as well but it wasn't to be. All that matters in the end are your and your baby's health. The fact that six months later you are still worried about this rather than telling your MIL and SIL to get lost and mind their own business shows me that you are a great mom who just wants the best for her child. He is lucky to have you as a mom and not either of your narrowminded in-laws. Keep doing what you think is right and remember: YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!

Jessica - posted on 08/21/2010

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You did nothing wrong and don't let anyone, even your own sister tell you any different. You did what you had to do for you and your son and you have a healthy, precious little boy!! I'm proud of ya!!

Stephanie - posted on 08/21/2010

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Sounds like they dont feel very good about themselves and for some reason put you down to do so. It is so immature and rude on their part. MIL and SIL I think have a harder time with DIL because it is another woman coming into their territory. I know I probably sound a little elementary but basically that is what I think it boils down to. You did a fantastic job by your birht story and have nothing to be ashamed or even think you did any thing wrong. You little boy is healthy happy and you are too that is something to be thankful for!
I wish I had a comment to tell you so they would shut up but I dont LOL I can think of a lot of colorful ones but that just how I do it.
I guess the next time they say something that puts you down smile and walk away. Maybe kill them with kindness LOL

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Don't feel you did anything wrong... birth is unpredictable. With my first son I was told you can plan how you would like to birth your child but be open to change. Before c-sections mom and baby could have died during birth it doesn't make you less of a mom at all. The most important thing is the end result a healthy baby :) besides it doesn't mean you couldn't try a vaginal delivery next time if you still wanted to. congratulations! enjoy your little one!

Jules - posted on 08/21/2010

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HI there!

Dont think that you are a less of a mum because you had a c section. I had an emergencu c section with my first because her head got stuck and like you i had been in labour for hours! My second child was born naturally and the birth was easy and uncomplicated! I think it all depends on position of baby and how tired you are it does not mean that if you were to have another one that the same thing would happen! Plus at least the doctor did what was safe for you and your lovely baby and you are both safe and well! try not to beat yourself up over it and keep your chin up!

Kimberly - posted on 08/20/2010

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just a thought....The epidural and the pictocin was too much for your baby to handle together. I'm pretty sure that was the case.

Kimberly - posted on 08/20/2010

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Less of mom? How could people so close to you hurt you with those harsh words? I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. It brings tears to my eyes to read what you wrote. Really I'm sorry. You are in no way less of a mom, or a bad mom or anything in that matter just because you could not have a vaginal delivery. Watch the "Business of Being Born". Sometimes women just can't labor efficently and the pictocin does not make it any better. I am not sure if I am fully correct in my thinking but I blame the pictocin drip for my son's birth via c-section. I hope that you can see the beauty in your child and be grateful that you were able to have him and have a healthy son right now. I know those words will never help to alleviate your feelings but you need to be strong. I was put to sleep and could not see my son's entrance into the world. The epidural did not work and I felt the doctor opening my stomach while the anithesialogist insisted that I could not feel a thing. How naive doctors can be. The nurse I had cried when I said just take me in for the csection. She believed in me and that I could have a vaginal birth. At times, it just might be the fault of the doctor. Allergic reaction to the epidural? I never heard of that before. I'm really sorry again. For your next child, I would suggest you find another doctor. Best of luck and congratulations MOM!

Julie - posted on 08/20/2010

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OMG!!! You did NOTHING wrong! I also had an emergency c-section. My delivery sounds somewhat similar. Dr started pitocin and my daughter's heartbeat slowed down and then was lost. I was rush to the or. My daughter was 5 lbs 3oz. Small, but healthy. I felt cheated, but then realized that it's not important how your child was birthed, but that they are here. Dr thinks baby didn't react well to the pitocin. I dont think the nay sayers really understand how painful a c-section is....not to mention the hemorrhage that you had. I say keep your head up and KNOW that you're a GREAT mom!

Loren - posted on 08/20/2010

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That's just the way it happens sometimes! They should just be grateful that you and your baby ended up healthy, instead of being critical of you over things that you could not control. Would you have done it a different way? No doubt! Who wants to go through all that? Not me, that's for sure, not you either, I imagine. Your story makes me feel fortunate for having three easy (less than 12 hours TOTAL, no drugs, and 1 stitch TOTAL) labors, and three healthy children, though none as big as your baby!

Jessica - posted on 08/20/2010

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i dont know how long labor feels but i will say you had a healthy baby and the only baby i know bigger than mine at birth..lol...maybe thats why it was so hard for you because he was so big but thats something to be proud of!!! also the doctor should have taken you in sooner and could have helped you along...just by the size of your baby along i am quite certain you are a good mom...with my first i hemmeraged too...these things just happen...and as for your mother in law and sister in law...just shoot something back like "well i am not as loose as you two so sorry if my vagina wasnt big enough" lol...im mean when im defending myself..(but it sure feels good!!!) and the looks they will have on their faces!!!hahaha...no seriously just raise your baby right and karma will come when he is older and smarter than any of there kids you can silently rub it in then!!

Melanie - posted on 08/20/2010

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And surgery is NOT the easy way out! It has a longer recovery time than vaginal, and it was a necessity, in your doctor's eyes. Let it go!

Melanie - posted on 08/20/2010

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You had a birth plan set, but it didn't turn out. It's not that abnormal or uncommon. Things change, and sometimes it's for the better. For all you know, the long labor was his way of saying "I'm not ready quite yet." He was healthy, and that is what counts! There is no normal time for labor. Most doctors do prefer to have a baby out at 24 hours or less, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way. I'm proud of you! You did an awesome job!

Heather - posted on 08/20/2010

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Let it go! It's hard to do after a hard labor thinking of all these things in the end you and baby are safe and healthy and you love that baby that's what counts!
When they bring up the issue just thanks for your opion and leave the room..blow it off!

Jenica - posted on 08/20/2010

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People who have never had a c-section just can't even begin to understand it. They think that it is an easy way out. Anyone who has done it both ways will tell you that SURGERY is NOT an easy out and does NOT make you any less of a mother! I had a very similar birth experience, luckily my MIL had her first vaginally and the next two were c-sections. She knows this was not an easy out and completely supported our decision. When baby is in distress all you can think about is getting them into this world safely. The "right" way or "normal" way to give birth, no longer matters. and do NOT let anyone tell you that you are doing something wrong by BF!! That is one of the most awesome gifts you can give your child. You are giving him such a great start to life!

Don't doubt for one second what a great mother you are!

Tarrah - posted on 08/20/2010

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they are full of ccrap, you are a great mom, with each of my children my labors were longer and harder, the first was with no meds, the second was with an epidural, they were born after 24 and 27 hours, with my 3rd, she was overdue, so they induced, 32 hours later, we had made hardly any progress and i developed an infection in my uterus, finally had a c section, it was a releif, she was stuck in my pelvic bone, if your relatives only had 12 hours of labor, they dont know what youve been through, and they wont know until they experience 60 hour labor for themselves. I cant beleive your dr. let you go that long without a c section. You did great.

Ashley - posted on 08/20/2010

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I too, like the many awesome Moms that posted before me, take my hat off to you. You endured a very emotionally and physically trying pregnancy and birth. For that alone, I say, how dare your in-laws criticize you! Furthermore, it sounds like you had a rather large baby…almost 10 lbs! It’s not surprising that he had a rough time making his grand entrance!

My daughter was 8lbs at births, and I also had to have an emergency c-section. I had actually reached 8 centimeters, but my LO just couldn’t move through the birth canal successfully. Of course her heart rate dropped and …well, you know the rest.

Keep you head up sweetie! C-sections make us no less the fabulous mothers that we are! PLUS, we even have the battle scars to prove it! Always remember...we brought our precious babies into the world safely, by ANY means necessary!

Farah - posted on 08/20/2010

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You are in no way less of a woman for having a c-section, and your MIL and SIL probsbly needed to be told to shut the heck up. You did a brilliant job birthing your son, no matter what any one says, he is here and he is healthy that is all anyone should or could ask for. As far as the birthing expereince, I have found that all bets go out the window as soon as you enter the hospital, you are no longer in complete control, the drs and nurses dictate what happens to you and your baby. And most of the time it is for the best. I was induced with my oldest and labored for 24hrs before my ob decided to give me a c-section, Was is what I wanted NO WAY, but I am so happy that she decided to do it, my baby could have been very hurt if I waited and had to force her out vaginally. She decided to turn on her side and was completly stuck from ,y water being broken too soon. My advice would be to not dwell on your birthing expereince and think about your beautiful son and how glad you are that he is here safe and sound.

Jamie - posted on 08/19/2010

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No hun you did nothing wrong. To be honest I think you are a very strong mom. You went through 70 hours of labor. I was in labor 13 1/2 Hours with my first child and 26 hours with my second. Just because they got of easy doesn't make them better then you. For you to go through so many hours of hard labor makes you tough. you didn't give in to pain meds at the first sign of pain. You didn't beg for a c section when you hadn't seen any change in labor. you were very strong. How would they have done it if it was them? They sure as hell wouldn't have been as strong as you. It wasn't your fault that your delivery didn't go as planned. My first didn't. I wanted to go into natural labor but I was induced. with my second I planned to have a quick birth by using all these techniques i learned and well that didn't go as planned either. Honey you had no control over how your child's birth went. I think you actually did better then them because you pushed through 70 hours of labor and never gave up. You are a real women!

Sara - posted on 08/19/2010

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I think first off, you need to give yourself permission to grieve the birth experience you didn't get and don't let anyone act superior. You are no less of a mother than any other: in fact, perhaps you went through a bigger ordeal than many to bring your sweet baby into the world. You made the best decisions you could, based on the information available to you at the time. Labor and Delivery is a hugely difficult time for a mother to think and process logically. You're not focused on your brain and your thoughts... you're focused on your body.
It may be that the medical system failed you. Did you get the opportunity to eat? How can anyone work that hard for that long without fluids and nutrition? Was everyone in your room helpful and encouraging focused on YOU and helping you relax? Did you have some fears or anxiety about labor or becoming a mother? Your treatment/support team should have been helping you through that.
And, at the end of the day, motherhood is much more about raising your child than how your child was brought into the world. ((hugs))

Samantha - posted on 08/19/2010

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You did nothing wrong!!! They are not doctors and were not there to observe you did just fine he is a perfectly healthy baby and so are you and thats what matters.

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julie i really feel for you i was in tears reading this, my heart goes to you to have to go thirough this for so long and then have family say that is not nice. you r a good mum and dont let anyone tell u otherwise, your son is here and he is healthy that is the most important thing and you didn't do anything wrong he just was ment to be born by c section, you did a good job for goin g that long as it is i dont know how u coped my birth was 13 hours and i felt dead sometimes during it. i dont even know u but i am proud of you and so would your son be. l

Nancy - posted on 08/19/2010

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sweetheart you are a wonderful mom and it is not wrong that you could not have him vag.i was schedule for a csection because my son was breached. i ended up having him vag. after 27.5 hours of labpr and teo different kinds of medicine to make me dialate.so please dont feel bad, some people just dont understand that every woman is different and every labor is different. so pleases just cherish your moments with your bundle of joy. nancy

Elysia - posted on 08/19/2010

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there is no way that having an emergency c-section makes u less of a mum. all that matters is that both you and your baby came out of the whole experience healthy. I dont think anything you did could of changed the circumstances of your childs birth. It is very sad that women that dont have a vaginal birth are made to feel inferior. 50years ago or there abouts you both prob would of died under those circumstances so we do have to be thankful for advancements. Ive had 2 children and both times never went into labour on my own i had to be induced at term due to blood pressure issues and pre eclampsia.
Hold your head high and love your little boy it doesnt matter how he got here all that matters is that he is here

Danielle - posted on 08/19/2010

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I had a difficult birth as well. I had to push for two and a half hours. You are not less of a mom because of this. If anything you are more of one because you went through all of that and wanted to bring your baby into this world in the best way possible. Don't let them get to you. My SIL always says things and it gets me upset to but then I just remember that I know what is best for my child and me and no one can change that.

Dionne - posted on 08/19/2010

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Hi Julie,

You did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG, and you are in no way any less of a mom because you had a section. All births are different and sometimes there are certain circumstances that can't be helped. That's why there are alternatives available to resolve problems should they arise. Given the fact that you were in labor for 70 hours, that in and of itself is remarkable. The end result was that Troy was born healthy and is doing well now.

I am so sorry that your family is making you feel as if you've done something wrong or that you are any LESS of a mother because you didn't give birth vaginally. To be honest, when it comes to others, no matter what you do, they will find fault with it. Even if you were able to give birth vaginally, someone would find fault with that. Unfortunately, some people can never take a situation as is and just leave it. That's their problem.

At the end of the day, YOU gave birth to Troy, no one else. YOU are his mother and YOU are providing the best care for him, NO ONE ELSE!!! Know also, that you will always have the support of your fellow moms here.

All the best, Julie, continue what you're doing and remember, you're a great mom and you haven't done anything wrong. Keep your head up.

Dionne :o)

Tanya - posted on 08/19/2010

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every preg is different and just know that it does not in anyway make you a bad mom or less of one i think and i gave birth vaginally that you and other moms who have to have a c section are more couragous than someone who gave birth reg. and i say that becasue its major surgery and not only did you go through so much before hand but than a c section and i bet just like any birth they came and woke you up not only to make you move but to take care of your son so you can def tell those women in your life that they need a grip on reality. p.s....no one should make you feel less of a mom every one is very special because your there in your child life ♥

Kristin - posted on 08/19/2010

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These women in your family are being rather stupid and insensitive. You didn't do anything wrong. You have a beautiful, healthy, thriving, baby boy. Congratulations!

What you had was a complicated and possibly high risk pregnancy. You did the best you could under the circumstances. Everyone of us could tell you what we would have done differently, but that is us and we were not having your pregnancy, labor, or delivery.

As for your exceptionally rude and unsupportive family, tell them that you do not care to discuss the subject any longer. Leave or ask them to leave if they can't respect your wishes on this. Spend time with friends and family who do support you and are helping you move into parenting your child. Best wishes and again congratulations.

Corinne - posted on 08/19/2010

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Wow! How unsupportive of your family! Of course you didn't do anything wrong, these things just happen. A friend of mine also laboured for 3 days and was eventually given a section. Not what she wanted, but the baby was born safe and sound. I personally don't agree with elective sections, the thought of not even trying?! But if you have complications and need to have one, it's a completely different story. Would they have preffered you to lose your baby? or perhaps yourself? Rise above it honey, they are obviously very immature, insecure people to make you feel bad about yourself at this time. I hope others in your family are more supportive and that you get the love and care you need right now. Chin up. x

Anna - posted on 08/19/2010

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First and foremost.... You did NOTHING wrong!!!! My 1st born was an emergency c-section as well. I went into labor the week before our planned c-section due to him being postierior breech and refusing to turn. While laboring at the hospial waiting for the dr to arrive my son ended up with a prolapsed cord. They lost his heartbeat. I was immediately rushed into the or and put under sedation ( I had no pain meds til this) I had hemoraged during this as well. When they got him out he had no heartbeat. They immediately (or soo I was told since I was knocked completetly out) started CPR. I thank God that this worked on him. They did have to breathe for him for at least 7 min before he began to do this on his own. We were warned on the posibility of brain damage since they had no idea how long he went with out oxygen. My son will be 4 years old next month and couldnt be healthier! I wondered and cried many nights over what I had done wrong and if I could have done anything different... but the answer was always no! Sometimes these things just happen and there is nothing we can do. I am just thankful to be living in the day and age we are with this technology or we would have both died during delivery. I had my heart set on an all natural delivery but those plans changed and since my son is happy and healthy I couldnt ask for more. I had a second c-section with my daughter. She was on the larger side and I was worried about my cervix during a VBAC. I still wonder what it would be like having a natural delivery, but with my small size and growing larger babies... I am afraid those chances are slim. Does this make me less of a mother? Certainly not! Every mother needs to do what is in the best interest of herself and the baby!
The way your family reacted is unbelievable!!!! You are not less of a mom for what happened, however they are for how they treat you! Did they seriously want you to risk your babies life? They had already lost his heartbeat! You did the right thing and if they continue to tell you otherwise I would not see them any more. You need encoragement as a new mom not their harsh comments!

Rachael - posted on 08/19/2010

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You're no less of a mum because you had a c-section! Being a mum isn't about the way in which you brought your baby into the world but looking afetr and caring for your new baby as well as you possibly can. Even whilst you were in hospital recovering from the birth you made an effort to express your milk to give to your child. You sound like a fantastic mother and you really tried your best.
At the end of the day you had a c-section because it was best for your baby and if your mother in law and sister in law can't see that then they're just plain stupid

Genevieve - posted on 08/19/2010

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You are the best mom that you could be. Let's see those 3 women stay awake through 60-70 hours of active labour and then push out a 9pd baby! Let them think whatever they want; you did nothing wrong, you just had a difficult pregnancy. You did your absolute best; believe that and very soon what those 3 women say will simply fall on deaf ears. Good on you! I also had a c-section, out of choice (it was planned) and I did feel a little guilty, like I was 'opting out', but it was the best thing for both me and my daughter, and don't regret it for a second. You said it yourself - Troy is born perfectly healthy, apgar is 9 etc. Chin up and ignore those ignorant women. xxx

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not all moms can give birth vaginally, you did nothing wrong! You tried, it didn't work, you have a healthy and thriving baby...this is what matters! You did the best you could, and your son will love that! If your family thinks you're not a good mom because you had to have a c-section then they aren't being fair to you! What matters most is your baby's health and yours, not how you had your baby!!

Larissa - posted on 08/18/2010

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wow firstly i take my hat off to you that is a story and a half that you unfortunatly had to go through but at the end of it an amazing baby to cherish... I am flabergasted at the fast your family is putting you down like that honestly i couldnt and wouldnt accept it does your partner, babys father step in and say anything to them! this is not fair on you nor your baby boy speak out and say something they can not keep making you feel like that. these things happen for a reason unfortunatly sometime its not fair but its just mother nature! i hope things get better for you... Chin up and take no shit as they say =) all the best

Darby - posted on 08/18/2010

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Oh sweetie, you are just as much a mom as they are! No denying that! My first was an emergency c-section after 13 hours. I never got past 6 cm dilated...her heart rate dropped and they put me out completely. I didn't get to see her till she was almost 2 hours old! My 2nd, we tried for a vbac because I really wanted to experience a vaginal birth...15 hours after my water broke I was still only 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated. Too much longer and I would have been risking serious infections and other complications. We decided on another c-section. After 2 prior c-sections I was told I'd be hard pressed to find a doctor in my state that would even attempt a vbac so my third was a scheduled c-section as well as my fourth. Although I have at times felt I 'missed out' on a vaginal birth and that experience, I do not ever question whether I am a good mother. All I have to do is look at my beautiful children that are healthy and thriving and know that though they didn't come into the world how I had planned for them to, they are here, they are healthy, they are loved, and they are well cared for. I hope that helps you. And by the way, my first two pregnancies were perfect, the 2nd two were a little harder on me but it's because they were bigger babies among other reasons. I consider myself blessed and so should you. :-)

Cindy - posted on 08/18/2010

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You did NOTHING wrong. How you birthed your baby in NO WAY effects your abilities as a mother.

Selia - posted on 08/18/2010

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I suspect you had a stenotic cervix, I did and couldn't get past 2 cm despite really hard labor for 15 hours. I was 100% effaced too. Turns out I had scar tissue holding my cervix tight. We manually broke the scars, felt weird but painless. I went to 4 instantly, then broke my water and delivered an hour later. Doctors and midwives miss it often. Maybe they could check that if you have more in the future and have a VBAC? You didn't do anything wrong, I am sorry you didn't have a happy birth...

Nyssa - posted on 08/18/2010

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Seriously, your MIL, SIL, and sister think they are a better Mother than you because of that? They weren't put in the position of losing their baby and possibly their own lives, you were. I would only think of a c-section as an opt out if you chose all on your own before you even went into labor. Sounds like you didn't really have a choice. You didn't put anything on here about being fully dialated, so I don't know why you put that on here about pushing. In my personal opinion, a woman shouldn't be made to push unless she is fully effaced and dialated. I have had 5 births. My first was an emergency c-section. I really had no choice. My second they gave me pitocin, and kept me in bed. I didn't really like that. Near the end his heart beat was getting slower, so they wanted to put a monitor on the babies head, too, and then discovered that he was crowning. The doctor said huh, that's why they were losing his heartbeat because he dropped below the monitor around my belly. My last one here I was induced, so had pitocin also, but told my doctor that I wanted to be able to walk around. Walking really helps the baby drop, and get you fully effaced and dialated. It's all the pressure from the baby. When you are laying in a bed, the baby doesn't really put any pressure on the cervix. I go thru dialation pretty quickly, so when my doctor left because I was only at an 8 she missed the delivery. All they had me do was turn on my side, and within one more contraction the baby was crowning. It scared me because I didn't expect it to happen that fast. Also, breast feeding is a beautiful thing. I know how it can make people uncomfortable, but it is what is best for you and the baby. Not to be childish, but you could always throw that in your families face when they say they are a better mom. "No, I'm the better mother because I'm giving my child something you wouldn't, mother's milk."

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