Why do women give up on breast feeding ?

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 03/14/2012

This thread is closed. This community is not a debating community. This is a community for breastfeeding support.

Thank you,

Sara

Admin

Gina - posted on 03/14/2012

Wow, this is getting heated. Everyone is entitled to her opinions, but if you really, REALLY want to increase awareness and encourage breast feeding, you should not hide behind a message board judging people. Join LLLI or one of the other support groups to have your opinion heard by people in "real life." If you are able to share it on here, you should be ble to share it in "real life." Better yet, become a LC and volunteer your services to new moms... Statistically, if they breastfeed their first, they are more likely to do it with subsequent children. Just a word of caution though... I encourage you to maintain a certain level of respect for the other side of the coin, or you may find yourself in some "real life" shit with people who feel just as strongly to the contrary.

Jodi - posted on 03/14/2012

You message the administrator of the group to delete this thread and restart it in a debate group.

Maree - posted on 03/14/2012

I did mean to put it on a debate group but as i said before i messed that up and don't know how to move it....



either way i still would have copped it simply for being judgmental so it really doesn't make much difference

Daniela - posted on 03/14/2012

But this is not a debate group, it's a support group...



There are threads again and again and again started by women who are really struggling and need a few words of encouragement. The thought that one of them would read such harsh words really worries me. People behind a computer are still people.



If you really feel so strongly about this subject, then why don't you seek out those threads and make a real and positive difference in another mother's life? I've looked for support here at times, and believe me, a few kind words from someone who can empathise make all the difference.



Support is not something loud and threatening, it's quiet and unassuming and it has to be wanted or it won't accomplish anything.



If your aim is to get people agitated, than you are doing a pretty good job. If, on the other hand, you are really trying to make a difference, than you have to learn to listen and empathise, and to park your opinions somewhere else for the time being.



I actually think, this is part of the problem of low breastfeeding rates. So much support is gone - not the artificially created, but the real support (watching it growing up, having your extended family around you, etc), yet the expectations are so incredibly high. We are supposed to be excellent mothers, partners, housewives, breadwinners, natural breastfeeders, all the while we are supposed to still 'have a life of our own', pursue hobbies, be active - preferrably all latest two months after giving birth. Oh, yeah, and the sex has to be amazing. Who can be all that?!



The best that mothers can do is being accepting of each other and take the pressure of. Otherwise, go out there and nurse your kid wherever and whenever, so you'll help normalise it. That's your bit.



I could ramble on, but I really have to get to bed, it's late here, sorry!

Maree - posted on 03/14/2012

Yeah i get that....and yes,breast feeding debates and discussions absolutely do touch a nerve for me....they sometimes infuriate me as well !!!



Let me just add for example...some people could easily become depressed when told they are doing the wrong thing by spanking,having an abortion,natural birth v c-section,circumcising their sons,working,not working and many other things.

People have VERY strong views on all these topics and will not hesitate to tell someone EXACTLY how they feel about their choices or actions.



I suppose in a perfect world,everyone would do the same things and everyone would agree with everyone else...but it isn't a perfect world is it ?



I could get very upset (if i was a sensitive person and gave a shit what someone else thought) if i was told that me having a c-section with my second baby was wrong, selfish and lazy as i have read on threads on here more than once.



I don't believe i had much choice if i wanted a healthy baby but still..many would think i didn't even try !!

Fact is,people feel VERY strongly about natural birth and do their research about it...i did not !!! I just assumed i would have a natural birth as i did with my first baby. It didn't go as planned so ignorant me just did as my Obstetrician recommended. Maybe i should have tried harder or waited longer for labour to happen...maybe my doc was wrong but i CHOSE to do as he said was best rather than tell him that he didn't know shit and that i was going to continue to wait...



Do you think it is unacceptable for people to EVER state a strong opinion on this or any other topic???



Must they ALWAYS say it in such a way as to keep the ENTIRE WORLD happy??



Sorry but that isn't possible.



Personally i believe that breast feeding is such a hot topic and a source of anger and frustration on both sides. The ones who couldn't/didn't do it and the ones who did and believe that others should try harder...then there are some in between who don't really care either way.



I think it is really silly to think that people should not judge and should accept things that they believe are wrong....just to avoid someone elses feelings.

I know i am in the minority here but i honestly see no issue with saying what i think as long as it is not to someones face in a disrespectful way.



I am shocked that so many people think it's fine to call people who have abortions,murderers....and people who spank or circumcise,abusers.....these are some of the same people who get all up in arms about me saying some bottle feeders are selfish....HYPOCRITICAL !!!

Teresa - posted on 03/14/2012

Wow... touched a nerve, I guess. Just as you have a right to say what you want... so do I.



You badgering people online is your business. I just don't happen to agree w/ it.



Your negative judgements about non breastfeeders doesn't effect ME personally as I breastfed twin girls for 15 months and my son for 3.25 years. I do, however, have a lot of experience w/ depression and was simply trying to point out something about that. Whatever. Have fun.

Maree - posted on 03/14/2012

Well Teresa...i don't particularly care,that is true.



Breast feeding or not, is none of my business however i do have an opinion on it and have a right to voice it especially on here. I meant to put it on a debating group but obviously messed up there !!!!



Mostly though,i comment on debating threads where an opinion is asked for so i give mine. I don't care if i am offensive,they should not ask for an opinion if they don't actually want to hear the truth,or if the way in which something is written is a source of stress or anxiety,depression or whatever. I personally believe if someone is so fragile that they become depressed from another persons post...whatever it may say....that they really should not be on here...i don't believe it is good for their mental health to put themselves in the position to become that upset. It is certainly not up to another person,particularly a stranger,to ensure their posts are worded in such a way as to not offend ANYONE. For me,that would involve bullshitting constantly which i am not about to do.



I have as much of a right to be on here as anyone else does and if i am upset by someones comments....which i get often,then ill either suck it up or leave the community.



As for MY post....well if someone reads it and doesn't like the sound of it they should go read another post and think no more about it.

I don't "badger" anyone. If you are talking about ON HERE...then ok,I badger,but i am refering to real life and in the presence of people who i can touch and feel...and that i know for a fact...are real !!!



I have never,and would never say anything to any person in day to day life,away from the computer...but as i said,i have every right to say what i think on a debating forum or on any other thread that i feel i would like to comment on and once again,if it is too much for someone they can CHOOSE not to read it....just the same as they can CHOOSE not to breast feed !.

Teresa - posted on 03/14/2012

If depression is one reason women quit, Maree.... badgering them will cause more depression. DUH!!!



Sorry to see you haven't changed your approach, but then again... we're just internet people so you don't care, right?

Jenny - posted on 03/14/2012

I breastfed my children (all three) for a minimum of 12 months each. I was educated about it, but still needed a whole lot of encouragement from my doula with my first. I am one who has a very hard time overcoming obstacles. I have never had problems producing milk, but I battle with mastitis, yeast infections, and engorgement throughout the entire 12-14 months. It was constant... and I did everything right. So, for me it was not true that the pain and hurdles were over after the first few months.



I teach breastfeeding and childbirth classes. I always try to paint a realistic picture of breastfeeding for my clients, while emphasizing all of the many benefits of breastfeeding. I think that the reason many women quit is that they aren't educated, plain and simple. I wish more were and I have made it my mission to do that. I have written an ebook called Unbound Birth: How to Have a Natural Birth in the Hospital (http://www.unboundbirth.com), and plan a follow up book specifically on breastfeeding. Education is soooooooo important!!! Breast is most definitely best, and women need to know why, and the lie that formula is just as good- it is not! Thanks for posting this thread!

Heather - posted on 03/14/2012

I posted yesterday...and now just finished reading the posts since mine...



Again, this is such a HOT topic. Breastfeeding moms vs bottle feeding moms. I CHOOSE to breastfeed my children because 1) I personally feel it is best for them 2) it IS more convenient...we can decide to do something last minute and not have to prepare bottles with water, pack enough formula, etc...3) in the middle of the night, no one has to be fully awake to make a bottle, i just pick the baby up and nurse; no disruption in the night for my other children or husband...4) it is more cost effective...and 5) I love the quality time that breastfeeding provides me and my baby...with having older children it is sometimes the only time we can have our own quiet moments...which included in that I feel like by making the choice to breastfeed, I have done all I can do to establish a good start to health and I love the feeling that comes with breastfeeding (my own personal satisfaction). Not to mention the other side...there is also a lot of research on the benefits of breastfeeding on the mother.



I know that it is a lot on Moms...there have been plenty of times in the past with the girls and in the last 9 1/2 months with my son where I get overwhelmed and question myself. Do I continue on breastfeeding or do I give up and give a bottle? I still do...last night being one of them. My little guy isn't the best sleeper and there are a lot of nights that I wonder is he not getting enough? Do I give him a bottle? But I get thru...and by morning, I am so glad I did. But not every mother can do this...for many reasons that I can not imagine. There are so many situations and reasons that a mother does not continue to breastfeed her baby. As a supporter of exclusive breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding, and because I have been able to continue past the barriers and the worries and the overwhelming feelings that come with it...I also am not going to judge another mom who chooses not to breastfeed. I am not in their situation. If asked I will do whatever is in my ability to assist a mom who is trying her hardest to breastfeed, but I will not criticize her if she chooses to bottle feed. With that being said, I do feel every mom needs to at least try...and yes some give up too early due to maybe lack of resources, support, etc...but who am I to judge her? Even if she doesn't try at all?



I know I am sometimes "judged" because i am still breastfeeding. For some reason, many people think that a baby should only be breastfed for the first 6 months of life. So many people ask me. "you are still nursing him? when are you going to stop the boob?".



It gets frustrating but I choose to "ignore" them and continue doing what is best for my baby, and me and my family.



I didn't reread this so I hope I didn't cross any lines...I apologize if I offended anyone. :)

Jodi - posted on 03/14/2012

http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/data/re...



"What do the numbers tell us?



High breastfeeding initiation rates show that most mothers in the United States want to breastfeed and are trying to do so. However, even from the very start, mothers may not be getting the breastfeeding support they need. Low breastfeeding rates at 3, 6, and 12 months illustrate that mothers continue to face multiple barriers to breastfeeding.



Across the United States, the average level of support that birth facilities provide to mothers and babies as they get started with breastfeeding is inadequate, and hospital practices and policies that interfere with breastfeeding remain common. In the United States, too few hospitals participate in the global program to recognize best practices in supporting breastfeeding mothers and babies, known as the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative."



Actually, breastfeeding rates are on the rise for beginners. Site after site that I just read backed up my belief that there really truly is not enough support out there. So, your craptacular attitude of "every mother should do it this way regardless of their situation because I said so and because I did it." doesn't help anyone. Support, education and all that "crap" IS the key.



BTW, it's moms like you, that give breastfeeding moms like me a stigma and bad name by other moms before they ever get to speak to me. Thanks for that. :)

Lisa - posted on 03/14/2012

I haven't been to this sight since my oldest weaned herself last year. Now I have a 7 week old. I never considered bottle feeding. I currently have an excruciating case of mastitis for the seccond time this Month and my husband said this morning I should maybe give up. He's always been very supportive but I think he's really scared of me being sick. I was up all night with a fever and chills last night.

I don't want to stop and I will keep going as long as possible. Today is the first time ive ever thought that I might not be able to breast feed my daughter for at least a year.

I don't think bottle feeding would be easier. What a pain to have to do all that sterilizing and preparing formula in the middle of the nIght when it's do much more convenient i to just pop the baby on the breast. Also what about comfort sucking? How do you calm down a bottle fed baby? I might be getting off track here but I'm just trying to wrap my thoughts around this horrible day I've had today at the dr getting IV antibiotics etc...

Maree - posted on 03/14/2012

So if "this" attitude is not the way to do it....then what is ???



Don't bother telling me that there needs to be more acceptance,support,free services etc because that is crap...



Not sure about other countries but where i am from there is a ridiculous amount of support and acceptance. Too much if you ask me !!!



If a midwife in the hospital dares to try help "attach" a baby or God forbid...expect a mother to TRY more than once then women all over go nuts !!!!



"How dare she judge me",they say...



"She just grabbed my boob and now im completely put off and its ALL HER FAULT"...





I would consider pain and agony an excuse for stopping i suppose,as well as the mothers mental health...of course !!! However i do believe that if a woman can get herself in the right frame of mind to where she is less likely to become depressed,get some of the FREE services and support that bloody well IS THERE...whether you care to admit it or not,then she would have a better chance of success.



It IS NOT anyone elses fault...if a woman CHOOSES to blame herself then whatever !!! If she tried and failed then i guess nothing more can be done,but to blame nurses for daring to help is a poor excuse.



I know all about the pain,the weeks and the months of it. I know about struggling,i know about being alone and young with a new baby...i don't expect that everyone is able to get through it but me saying that they may possibly be weak is true....maybe they are not weak,maybe i am strong or stubborn.



Why get so offended ???



So ill ask again....what are people supposed to do when their help and support is thrown back in their face and breast feeding rates are falling ? Give more support so they fall further???

Gina - posted on 03/13/2012

And I would like to add that it was nearly 13 ("few" is 3 or so) weeks until I had no pain with nursing. I had a clogged duct in at least one breast for almost all of those weeks, not to mention sore, SORE nipples. And though I chose to stick it out, I do not feel that that makes me a better mom or stronger or whatever you want to call it. It was just my choice. MINE. Every mom is entitled to make her own choices with regard to the rearing of her children, as long as she is not harming them.

Gina - posted on 03/13/2012

I personally believe breastfeeding is the harder choice. That doesn't mean it's RIGHT or WRONG. But despite its convenience and cost effectiveness, it is a tougher route because it is hugely demanding of a mother's time and energy (especially in the early weeks). I agree with some previous posters that it may seem selfish of a mother not to breast feed; however, at least one poster raised the point that if bf'ing is not working out, then it is more beneficial for mom and baby to switch to pumped breast milk or formula. Many moms who struggle with bf'ing put off feeding their babies due to pain... I'd be lying if I said I never did it when I had cracked nipples and clogged milk ducts (both of which are NO picnic). I have a friend who had her baby three weeks before me, and she was having a terrible time with nursing, and suffering from PPD. She was very close to hospitalization. Once she switched to formula, she was a whole new woman and mother, whereas before, she was disdainful and bordering on neglectful towards her helpless newborn. She is now one of the most doting and attentive mothers I know, but neither of them would have stood a chance if she had listened to everyone pressuring her to keep nursing. The moral of the story is that nursing just isn't for all moms, and any one of us could have a similar experience with subsequent children, so we shouldn't be judgemetal, but rather be supportive to fellow moms, as long as they are not harming themselves or their children.

Amanda - posted on 03/13/2012

Well said Jodi.

You do not know every womans circumstances or their reasons for not breastfeeding, and as Jodi said, it's not always as black and white and you are making it out to be.



When my nephew was born, my sister tried to feed him herself. He wasn't latching on and was loosing alot of weight really quickly, all he did was scream and scream and scream because he was always hungry. She saw lactaction consultants, doctors and I tried helping her to get him to latch on. She tried and tried, and in the end her doctor said the best thing for her baby was to be bottle fed. She ended up on antidepressants and couldn't cope with the stress of trying

Jodi - posted on 03/13/2012

"I realize that some women cannot bf but for the ones that can but simply don't want to...i hope you realize that you are doing your child a huge disservice as well as us tax payers,the hospital system and society as a whole. "



What about women who, under the stress of breastfeeding, would end up abusing their child? What about the mothers who might end up depressed trying so hard to breastfeed, but constantly feeling in pain and feeling a failure that they don't care of themselves, and therefor, cannot take care of their child? It's not black and white. Yes, I believe we need to get our breastfeeding rates up, but this attitude is not how it's done.

Jodi - posted on 03/13/2012

WOW, all I have to say is...WOW. I didn't know you had "reputation" before this...but I certainly see why now.



When my twin girls were 10 months old I got mastitis. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced...every time I had to nurse. It hurt so bad...I just stopped. Once it cleared up, I offered breast again and my milk, which had dropped drastically low, slowly came back. I have been nursing one baby or another for 3 years now, so my supply is WELL established. Someone who has only been nursing for 2, 3, 4 months...their supply is likely to not be so well established. I would *NEVER* EVER judge anyone who quit nursing due to the pain of mastitis, cracked nipples or thrush (I've had them all).



"Are they just weak?" OMFG...are you serious???

Maree - posted on 03/13/2012

I too believe that many allergies are caused by not breast feeding. Obviously some are genetic but i also believe that although something may be genetic therefore the person may be predisposed to it...that formula feeding pretty much guarantees that the baby has a much higher rate of developing that particular allergy.



For example,i have asthma and allergy in my family.

My brothers 2 kids both have asthma and multiple food allergies and were only breast fed for a few short weeks.

Both my kids were and are breast fed and so far there are no allergies or asthma (they are 11 years old and 1 year old)

My sisters 3 kids were breast fed for 18 months plus....one of them has eczema but the other 2 have nothing.

My brothers son was bf for 4 years,no probs.

My other brothers son,not bf for long and has asthma,severe eczema and multiple food allergies that prevent him from eating pretty much everything.



I am constantly hearing from friends that their new little babies have problems. They are seeing allergy specialists and have them on all sorts of creams to get rid of the eczema.

Not a single one of them was breast fed either at all or for more than a month...except for my one nephew who has allergies and was bf for almost 2 years.



So.....I have come to the conclusion that formula is ruining the health of many many children and if these children were bf for a reasonable amount of time then i have no doubt it would prevent or significantly reduce their asthma and allergies.



I realize that some women cannot bf but for the ones that can but simply don't want to...i hope you realize that you are doing your child a huge disservice as well as us tax payers,the hospital system and society as a whole.

Amanda - posted on 03/13/2012

Ania, yes I have done all that. My husband is very sensitive to preservatives and has food allergies so I make sure nothing I buy has any in them. I never give any of them anything with added colours or sugars they don't drink juice, fizzy drinks or cordial, only milk and water.

Sally - posted on 03/13/2012

One reason that many women don't look forthe tons of good info available is that we've been trained from birth to trust our doctor without question in all health matters. Most OB's and pediatricians are very poorly informed about breastfeeding, parenting, and natural health. They are trained to look for problems to fix medically and preventing those problems from the start just isn't something they have time for.

Teresa - posted on 03/13/2012

Who are you to judge another woman's pain tolerance level? Maybe for them it felt so excruciating that they would rather die than feel that pain.... wouldn't it be better to stop breastfeeding and be a happy, attentive mother than one that dreads feeding her own child?

Heather - posted on 03/13/2012

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said...but personally, I notice a significant difference in my children and my two nieces (my husbands side). I have two girls plus a 9 month old son. My oldest daughter and oldest niece are 14 months apart. My younger daughter and younger niece are 16 months apart. I breastfed my girls for as long as I could (my oldest weaned herself I suppose at 6 1/2 months--nothing I did would get her interested any longer so I pumped for a few months after and fed her bottles of b milk). My other daughter lasted 9 1/2 months...same thing. Lost intersest? Now my son is 9 1/2 months old and loves it! Maybe it is because I am more experienced? More determined? Or he is just a different baby? My younger daughter at 6 months was diagnosed with "failure to thrive" because she dropped off her curve and then "plateaued"...she was only about 15 lbs at a year. Of course, the peditrician thought she wasn't getting enough. She was on some solids but thought food was more of introduction and "food for fun until one"...and not a major source for gaining and growing and all that. I continued to bf her until she wouldn't. Sadly, I gave it up. Not this time.



Anyway...back to my point. My nieces. My girls and little guy are/were rarely sick. My nieces have all sorts of allergies and are always at the dr for infections, strep, etc (always on meds!)...and the younger is extremely hyper. This was from the time they were young...6 months old? My sister in law tried with her oldest, but gave up after about a week because she (my niece) was hungry all the time. And she said her milk supply was too low. never tried with the younger one. Excuse? Of course...my niece wanted to eat about every 2 hours, which is not as often as some! (I know mine bf sometimes every hour or less---there are days my little guy still nurses every hour!) My sister in law just wanted "her" time...which is on her. Her kids have been staying the night at the grandparents since they were a month old if not younger??

They are now 10 and 7. Still have lots of sick days...My girls have each been on one antibiotic. And they were both around 9 months...ear infection...but were also teething too. Strange but my little guy was on an antibiotic 2 weeks ago...same as the girls. Now genentics play a role in a lot of illnesses, etc...but I have to wonder if some of the issues are related to not breastfeeding. I know this is a debate that is never winning...on either side since so many people have so many opinions about either side...i just know what works best for me and my family. I personally love the convenience of not having to pack bottles and formula...we can up and go and food is always there!! :)



BTW...I also went back to work full time (m-f 8-3) when all of mine were 6 months old...I bf when I was with them and pumped while at work so they had breastmilk from a bottle while away from me. I plan to bf my baby beyond his first birthday.



Oh and yes, in the beginning it is challenging...I never had mastitis so I can't relate there, but crakced, sore nipples that when they latch on it curls your toes and you lose your breath? yes experienced that...felt like i was tied down? yes. but was it all worth it in the end? absolutely.

Ania - posted on 03/13/2012

Also Amanda, did you check if your son is getting enough sleep- not enough leads to behavioral problems and a lot of sugar in the diet. Sometimes we don't even realize that we use so much sugar, I'm checking labels all the time now, plus food dyes especially red - 40 and yellow- whatever nuber, they are really toxic to young kids brains and are banned in europe, but not here. They are in drinks, cereal and everything that has fake coloring... My advice on that would be to check all these first and then try assesment, you don't want doctors to strat drugs too early

Ania - posted on 03/13/2012

@AmandaI was breastfed too, for 3 months only and it did not help enough with all the issues I had to deal with in childhood, I still believe....based on research that I read all the time...every day something new that BF is the answer to many diseasess in adulthood, but you also need to have a healthy lifestyle. food exercise and genes are the key components and balance between them will guarnatee a long healthy life. My brother in law was BF for probably a year, but at 30 he is morbidly obese with many issues that follow obesity and it is because of his life choices in adulthood. He brought this on himself. His mom did her job well when he was an infant

Holly Janelle - posted on 03/13/2012

Hi maree! Well first of all I'm a 24 year old mother of one, my 11 month and 3 week DD. That being said I couldn't have gotten through the first couple of months without the support of the moms on circleofmoms. Thank you so much! It's been a beautiful journey and will continue to be into our extended Breastfeeding years :)



Anywho, to be completely honest I don't remember pain so much...I remember a lot of frustration with thrush that's lasted months and months and some discomfort due to that but I have been told i have an incredibly high pain threshold so maybe that would be the reason I don't recall extreme pain. But I never had mastitis either.



My daughter being almost a year in a week is quite fast and genius when he comes to emptying the breast. Each month has gotten easier and easier. At first it was really hard having a baby attached to you 24-7 building your milk supply and wanting/needing you every moment because of the new unknown world she was just born into, it was rough! I hardly remember the early days because honestly I was just surviving but I was DETERMINED. I was head strong about Breastfeeding and knew I was going to do what was beat for her no matter what I had to do. I knew it wasn't about me anymore it was HER. There were times I wanted to just throw in the towel and just bottle feed and do it the easy way but I kept on trucking and took it one day at time.



I agree with you on the bottle feeders being angry and everything but honestly that's their deal. My sister in law really wanted to bf and just didn't stick with it she gave up and uses excuses all the time when she sees me bf but I honestly am just like "whatever lady, if it makes you feel better go ahead and say it, but I know better!" but really who cares! We are doing what we know is best for our kiddo we didn't take the easy way out and that's all thats all that should matter.



Breastmilk isn't a miracle potion and no one is going to get ill once taking it. What it provides is antibodies to fight against illness and build their immune systems not 100% prevent against every possible sickness that would be nieve to believe so or even suggest. my daughter is 11 months old and she has gotten a few colds here and there but has snapped back with just a day or two. If she was formula fed I trully believe it would have taken her longer to bounce back.



I plan on Breastfeeding until she weans herself hopefully in the next year because I want her to receive every benefit of bf possible even though I have to admit I would like to just throw on the towel once she hits 12 months but im going to keep going for her sake and not be selfish and I know I would regret it immediately if I weaned. There are too many precious memories in our bf bond that are still to come ♥



Breastfeeding is a challenge. It's really hard and sometimes its really easy, it takes a lot of patience, love endurance and determination but I trully believe it's not only for their benefit, it's for us also. it's a precious time we'll never get back and bf is a gift so why not enjoy it to the best of our abilities :)



Thanks for you time hope this helped!



Husband severe Athsma- genetics/hereditary

ADHD- hereditary

Me mitral valve prolapse- needed open heart surgery back in '07 to repair eventually need mechanical valve- congenital/hereditary in females

ADHD-hereditary

Behavioral problems- learned and due to repeated abuse from stepfather



Before you say eh Breastfeeding doesn't have that many benefits. Antibodies don't protect against what was formed and already done and created through DNA, or what has been learned through the environment the child was raised in ect. that's a whole nother ball game.

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2012

Ania, my husband is a chronic asthmatic and is always sick with some sort of chest infection, he was breastfed, my son was breastfed and the bottle fed expressed milk for nearly a year, he has behavioural problems and I am in the process of getting him assessed for ADHD. So your statement that alot of these things are caused by lack of breastfeeding don't ring true in my situation

Chantelle - posted on 03/12/2012

mothers that give up breastfeeding because "it doesnt fit in with their lifestyle" piss me off! why have a baby if you not fully commited?! my son is 19 months old and still breastfed, i have never left him with someone else for more than 2 hours let alone overnight! i understand that some mothers have to go back to work so their babies go into daycare and i am not judging you at all. also if you give up for health reasons fair enough. but if you give up so you can have a "night off" or so you can drink, continue with your pre baby social life, or the pain was too much (i got serious mastitis in one breast and had to have it sliced open and drained, from severly cracked nipples so i do know it can be painful!!!) i just think you are selfish. once again i am not judging mothers who genuinely couldnt breastfeed!

Maree - posted on 03/12/2012

True...which is why when i'm with my friends i never say anything and convince myself that it doesn't bother me...and it's why i come across as such a bitch on CoM...because i need to get it out !!!!!

Daniela - posted on 03/12/2012

I know what you mean, but I still think there are so many factors, that it's difficult to generalise. I'm in Ireland, and breastfeeding rates here are amongst the lowest in the world. I think it's improved somewhat in the last few years with the health services making a great effort, but at the end of the day it's still not the cultural norm at present, so I guess a lot of women really don't feel it is that important. More like a special extra that you can take or leave. And that thing about being able to get away from your baby is such a common opinion, too, although I think we as a society are slowly outgrowing it. I didn't leave my daughter for a VERY long time, and I think most people actually thought I had anxiety problems, and not that I was just doing what felt right for me. I do know women who gave bf up, not because it seemed to much work, but because it seemed like much more work than they were made believe is normal. As I said, I do feel really passionate about this subject, and I was very well informed and committed with my daughter, but I also have to say that rational thought didn't really come into it much at the beginning. I was an overwhelmed, emotional mess and no theory could change that. In short: I think a lot of women might give up because it's not the cultural norm anymore. And because of all the reasons you also mentioned in your op. Not having a support network is not to be underestimated for example. On a political and cultural scale I also find the stats for bf disappointing, but on a personal level it wouldn't bother me one bit. Most people here either don't bf or do it only for a short time, so I'd be stuck for friends if this was an issue for me...

Maree - posted on 03/12/2012

Fair enough Daniela...I didn't mean to offend anyone,i am just really interested as to why exactly most people seem to be so misinformed when as far as i am concerned there is so much GOOD information out there....if you want it that is !!!!



Why do women go through pregnancy and have babies without doing research and looking only to family members for information ???



Of course they will fail if they get the wrong info. I don't think it helps to tell women just to give it a go,don't worry if they fail,formula is just as good...I think saying those things is as dangerous as calling them selfish bitches !!!!



I don't know what the right thing to do is...it seems the disgraceful bf-ing rates are not getting any better by being supportive.

I have honestly not seen so much support for anything else.There are free services everywhere and bf-ing is accepted and welcomed everywhere. It is rare for it to be a problem and is against the law to ask a bf-ing women to leave a place although i know on occasion this has happened.



I really believe that so many women are under the false impression that formula is healthy and bf-ing is an unnecessary hassle. It is sad but true....either that or maybe they feel so guilty that they "claim" that formula is healthy because they don't want to admit that it is a last resort.



Although i am sure there are many women who really can't bf...i believe that most can,i could be wrong but that's what i believe. Most don't want to badly enough which i find very disappointing.

Daniela - posted on 03/12/2012

Honestly, as extremely passionate as I am about breastfeeding, I feel your post is rather insensitive seeing that this is a support group and any new and struggling mom who is coming here for support might just read it and feel dreadful.



I had read loads about breastfeeding before I had my daughter. I was prepared for it to be difficult at the start. Our puplic health nurse came by almost every day. And still, I almost gave up.

Having a baby is such an incredible and life-changing event, not everyone deals with it in the same way.

I probably don't have a very high threshold for pain. I was struggling with another Being forcing her way into my personal space 24/7. I couldn't sit on my episiotomy scar for about 5 weeks, hence was bed-bound for most of that time. No one fed me for the first two weeks, so I was practically starved by the time my mom came to visit (my daughter only ever gave me time to down some cornflakes). I was really anaemic, weak, super-emotional and sleep-deprived.



If I, in the middle of all that, had read your post, it would have made things a thousand times worse. And it wouldn't have mattered that in the end I stuck it out.

I enjoy coming on here and try to help others who might be in the same situation and maybe just need a little encouragement. I certainly don't in any way feel I'm somewhat better than others because I stuck it out. In a different situation I mightn't have.



Oh, and I second what Lori said about learning as you go along. I learned sooo much in the whole first year, not only the first few months. And I'm sure I'd be much more determined the second time around, because now I really know what I'd be giving up. Before, it was just theory.



Anyway, I'm not trying to have a go at you, I just always felt that this side is more for support.

Maree - posted on 03/12/2012

I am much more educated this time than i was last time 11 years ago and at 20 years old. I bf my son for 18 months and hope to bf my daughter longer than that,she is almost 1 now.



I was not aware that the issues that happen in the first few months are still an issue later in the first year so i am a little surprised to hear that from someone that posted.



I was sore,bleeding and in lots of pain with a screaming reflux baby (actually babies !!!) for much more than the first 2 weeks. I am not trying to say that i am better than anyone else but i was under the impression that things would improve so i just kept telling myself that so that i wouldn't give up.



I keep being told by bottle feeders that i am so brave and so strong and they wonder how i am still feeding a 1 year old. This is the reason why i posted in the first place. I think these women are thinking that the suffering continues the whole time you bf. I have told them that the first few months is hard but that feeding a 1 year old is so easy...it is still a huge comittment because i can't really go out without the baby,have a job,drink alcohol etc...none of which i want to do anyway and have no interest in working bf-ing around these things.



I have a friend who just gave birth a couple of weeks ago and her baby has had sleep overs at its grandparents house...more than once.

It's all well and good that she can have a break from a baby she waited so long to have....but i think that maybe some people also give up on bf-ing (my friend didn't even try) because they know they will need to be completely comitted to the baby where as if you bottle feed you can get a break.



I love my friend but i believe she is wrong and selfish to leave her new baby for days in a row when it's barely been born...I know it's not my baby or my business but i still think she is wrong.



Ania,what you say is so true....about the long term health although there are many many people who believe you are wrong and will swear black and blue that every bf baby they know is sick and every formula baby is in perfect health. There is no way to convince these people when they are so set in their beliefs.

Christina - posted on 03/12/2012

i had reasons for stopping the nursing with my girls but it wasnt because i didnt want to. my oldest didnt get enough she was 10 lb when she was born.after feeding 45 mins i still had to give her 4 oz bottle so i figured i obviously wasnt making enough for her. my youngest was because i got sick and i couldnt nurse with the meds i had to take so that messed me up with her. i would have loved to do it longer but i do believe ther is a limit on how long to do it

Ania - posted on 03/12/2012

As for moms who bottle feed and say that their kids are fine and don't get sick. A little cold is irrelevant it is the long term effect like asthma, ADHD, obesity, diabetes heart disease that will affect so many people in their adulthood and a lot of it is caused by lack of breastfeeding in the last 50 years it is just a fact. If I didn't know enough about breastfeeding before I had a baby I would probably gave up too, because my son would not latch at all, but after we resolved that everything went ok, of course I had plugged ducts, sore nipples and sometimes I was sick of breastfeeding ALL THE TIME, but I knew the benefits of it and that kept me going until he was 21 months and I was pregnant with second baby and my milk suddenly dropped (which is also normal when you are pregnant and nursing) plus the pain was unberable it was like someone was sticking knives in me but at that point I was ready to stop, my son maybe was not extremely happy about it, but he was not extremely upset either, so we weaned

Ania - posted on 03/12/2012

It's not about being weak. It is lack of education, lack of REAL friendly support, lack of trust in the ability of your body, because most of women don't have correct information. Women usually get discouraged after first few demanding weeks, coming up with pain and supply issues. Your nipples have to get used to a latch an suck it is ok for them to be sore for up to two weeks. You don't have supply issues if your baby has between 6-8 wet diapers a day, the fact that they are fussy or want to nurse every 45 minutes in those early weeks (up to 12 weeks for me) is completely NORMAL. The more you nurse the more you produce if every woman knew these few simple rules BF would be easier for everyone. Of course support and help is necessarry too.

Parents who bottle fed maybe are happy, I don't know I never bottle fed but they also are the first to comment on your breastfeeding, especially when you nurse past what is expected - 6 months. I really hate that.

Christina - posted on 03/12/2012

as far as breast feeding no i didnt breast feed as long as you and other women. but as far as is it better.i dont think so. my son only nursed for bout a week or two because my breast were so big with him he couldnt latch on properly so my milk never came in. with my girls they both nursed for b out 6 weeks. my oldest daughter has asthma. my youngest daughter just had surgery in december because she has a kidney prob that had to be handled. my son who only got it a week or so. never gets sick. i take him to the doc on a reg for adhd meds and physicals for school thats it. the boy never gets sick. he did come home from school one time and it was this year where he caught a 24 hr bug from one of my girls. other then that he has never been sick a day in his life other then an ear infection here or there when he was tiny

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2012

My son was breastfed for 10 1/2 months, I didn't get mastitis until he was 8 or 9 months old and my first lot of cracked nipples until just after that.

My boobs were always sore and swollen and he took forever to feed. At 10 1/2 months when I stopped I had got his feeding time down from just over an hour to 35 minutes.



My daughter was breastfed for 8 months, by then she had lost interest in the boob and was more interested in feeding herself from a bottle

Brittney - posted on 03/11/2012

I was very exhausted from birth I hemorrhaged and had a blood transfusion, in the hospital I was nursing for 30 minutes on one side, then less than an hour later I was nursing again. She had trouble staying latched on, maybe it was just me though. I tried but I desperately wanted relief from all the pain. I tried pumping and it worked out but she was spitting up more breast milk than formula, so I thought there was something wrong with it. I turned to formula and took it from there. I really wish I would have continued, I just didn't have any support from anyone and thought I couldn't do it.



My daughter only had 2 colds her first year and has yet to get another one. (she is 17 months old). I didn't get all crazy with purell (didn't have any), didn't constantly clorox everything, didn't make people wash their hands before handling her (unless they were filthy). I welcome germs, although some can stay away.

Lori - posted on 03/11/2012

Maree - I have 2 girls who I have breastfed. My first one I breastfed until 23 months. My 2nd I still breast feed and she is now 15 months.



That being said.....



You ask a question assuming that all new moms know



"that after the first few months that the pain will go away and breast feeding is likely to be easy,quick,convenient and enjoyable whilst also being the best food nutritionally"



I don't think all new moms do know that the pain will go away. And I don't think it's enjoyable for everyone.



I know personally I'm much much more educated about breastfeeding this 2nd time around than I was the first time... and I thought I was educated about it the first time around. There was so much I learned as it happened to me. And I am a reader... I read birthing books and chapters on breastfeeding. And when I want to know something - I'll look it up. But I didn't know about plugged ducts, and I didn't know about what I now call the "3 month worry" (worry that you're no longer engorged so you must not have enough milk anymore, worry that baby is feeding too often, etc., worry, worry ,worry) And if I hadn't had a very good IBCLC who did follow up phone calls I might not have made it past 3 months with my first one.



I'm not going to bother addressing your other points, and I think you make some good points. But so much of our issues with breastfeeding can be dealt with with education about breastfeeding and by supporting each other.