Choosing a surname for baby

Katija2013 - posted on 08/06/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am not married to the father of my children. We are engaged (although both my partner and I have started referring to the other as partner, not fiance - actually, hes never referred to me as his fiance), but i've cancelled the wedding once due to issues with his family, and him. The way things are going, i'm not sure we'll ever make it down the aisle. To make matters worse, he suffers depression and anxiety, and has assaulted me on a few occasions, he says because of stress. No hits or punches - pushes, etc. As a result, i am preparing to leave him if things don't improve, and he doesn't ease up on the drinking - its not uncommon for him to go through a bottle of wine a night (plus beer on weekends). He was not like this when we first got together 4 years ago. Hes refused treatment to date though, so i really dont know at what point do i give up on him. But that's another post.

I've been in a bit of dilemma, as we had initially hyphenated our babies names, but with both of us having complicated surnames, its just become a nightmare, and will only get worse when they start school. As a result, we agreed to take the hyphen out and give them my name. I feel very guilty, but with my partner threatening suicide, threatening to change his name in any event, which he's done before (his first name), i just feel that it was more sensible, practical and stable for the children to have my surname. Ive just sent off the paperwork for the name to be formally changed, but im in tears and im not sure why. I wanted things to work with him, but im not sure where this relationship is headed. I never for a second planned, or wanted to have children out of wedlock, but it happened. I love my children, but im just feeling so guilty about the surname issue, and im steeling myself from the barrage of insults from his mother (who is on anti-psychotics herself). But i did what i felt was the right thing to do by my children. And what happens if his condition improves down the track ,we get married and/or have more children?

Any thoughts on this issue would be much appreciated.

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Brandi - posted on 08/08/2012

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hey I am one to take the daddys side on this.... i have 3 kids with one on the way... they all have there dads last name and i am not married to him.... the only reason i say give the baby his name is because no matter what ur last name is he is always the daddy.... but if u have more than one kid and they have ur last name id keep the baby having the same as the others because of issues when they are older and in school.... and u also have to think if u dont get married or stay together are u willing to pick out the phone and hear is this mrs _his last name__ me myself have no problem with that because he will always be a part of my life even if we are not together because he is the father of all my kids... it all depends on how u feel. dont be upset things will work out one way or another i hope i helped in some way.

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