Does the urge to weep go away?

Kelsey - posted on 09/09/2011

Hi Elizabeth~
I think i have a good idea the hard and good feelings your feeling..
when I started being a SAHM I was overwhelmed with how much you can get done in a day! Then the thought of other people asking or even "thinking" what they thought of me being home all day, mostly drove me crazy! I have learned to relax and to appreciate how much I do DO for my children when home with them. I have begun to just realize after 2 years ..that what I have planned to do for the day, usually only half or less ever gets done! Life just changes when you have kids. What you were able to finish up with in a days time(along with working even), still is hard to meet the demands of...especially when you have children who need the ongoing attention! Hang-in there and just keep it positive. You can get as much done as you want, but don't force yourself to get it done when you are not happy with it. Find your rhythm.

Kelly - posted on 09/06/2011

I think we all get a bit depressed (that feeling when you realize your party and social life is over). The house cleaning is fixable. Ever heard of the term "Its easier to work in a neat working area" (or study) I looked around my house and realized I am cleaning clutter. I sold all books, cds and dvds on ebay, threw out clutter things like orniments, donated all clothes that you think will fit you again but know they never will (and for the kids too). Got rid of all unnecissary furniture, and realized that in the end, My housecleaning is tossing all the kids toys into a big toybox, quick dust around the computer and tv, vaccume, dishes, Wipe over everything. Bathroom and toilets and beds get done once a week and the dryer is my best friend. No more stressfull housework. Also, find someone to take the kids once a week for a few hours to give you some you time. Since its so hot there, set up a little blow up pool in the backyard under a tree and the kids will be entertained for hours, and you can relax with a good book. Good luck.

Madelyn - posted on 03/31/2011

i don't know about others but im a sahm and have been for 9 months now and im still trying to figure out how to get everything done in the 24 hours our day allows and yeah laugh and cry alot all you reall can do is breath and keep on going

Chairettie - posted on 03/28/2011

I had my twins in July of 2010 and I still cry- sometimes I do not even know why - I get emotional pretty fast. Even movies or stupid commercials sometimes get me :o( hormone imbalance.... someone told me it took 2 years for our bodies to recover from pregnancy...I take it that means hormones too. I have always been emotional (rarely crying in front of people) but once I had the twins it seems to get worse or more frequent.

Carly - posted on 03/26/2011

I agree with Ronnie .It is a very natuarl feeling.Being overwhelmed is very commen with newbies .. Don't give up like Ronni said.and if possible take some time out each day if only for an hour to yourself your'll feel better more refreshed and happy when you back iwth your kids.. Also,find out weather ther eis any playgroups in your town that you can go to with your kids that way your there,but they are also interacting with other kids and you can get some time with other adults .Good Luck! And don't give in!! Your not alone!!

Ronnie - posted on 06/08/2010

Hey girl, that is so natural. Just don't give up. God will only give us with what we can handle.Take it one day at a time. I know. Have three kids and been a single parent for 14 years. And besides that I am also a foster parent. Life does go on and if we're lucky we have someone there who helps us in one way or another. If you feel overwhelmed with work, don't worry. It never ends so take some time for yourself. Take care. You're in my prayers!!!

Teigha - posted on 06/07/2010

I know what you mean. I could think of nothing I wanted more than to be a stay at home mom and now that I am, I sometimes feel like I'm going to go crazy. When I first started my SAHM position, it was mainly my hormones that were driving me completely bonkers, so much so that I had to take a mild dose of meds for a while. Now that that's straightened out and I have my days organized, the crying fits of insanity are mush less frequent. It helps me to have "educational" outings several timesa week from 1pm to 3pm wheather it be at the petting zoo or at Target. Walking in the morning before it gets too hot has helped me, too . Those things are probably more difficult for you with more children to keep track of, but it's an idea.

Jawaka - posted on 06/07/2010

Your feelings are completely normal. I have struggled with these feelings since I became a SAHM in Feb 2008 with 4 school aged kids and I was pregnant after 5 yrs!!!! I have tried to teach myself that everything will not get done today but it will eventually. It's funny how when both of us worked full time 9-5's and my older children were small (born 1998, 2x 2001, & 2002) I was able to get all of our housework done on the weekends in a few short hours but now that I am home and they are all in school and the baby is 2, I can't get even a few things done in an entire work week, go figure.
Give yourself a list of tasks that need to be completed by the week(I found a great template on Microsoft) and check them off as they get done. The template I have sets the chores up by rooms so there is a bathroom list(wipe countertop, wash sink, clean tub/shower, clean toilet, and sweep/mop floors), a bedroom list(dust, change sheets, and sweep floor), and so on. You can tweak your list to the needs of your household. Since I have older children and I do laundry daily, each child has a day that they remove their linen from their beds and it gets washed with that days laundry. You can also talk to your husband and express to him how you are feeling. Ask him to help you while you are getting the hang of being a SAHM, just because we woke up one day and became one doesn't mean the transition is that simple. Show him the list of weekly chores(make sure it's in writing because men aren't swift...lol) and ask him if he could take on a few of the tasks. Since females in my home outnumber the males my husband cleans the toilet while my girls are responsible to take out the bathroom trash(prepping them early for feminine hygiene in the trash) and my older son(9yrs) sweeps the floor so I can mop.
You will get past this point, it just takes time. Prioritizing is key, keeping the living room and bathroom clean so you can still have company over is more important then scrubbing baseboards behind your bed...

Good luck

Kristian - posted on 06/04/2010

Totally normal! I have been a SAHM for 7 years. I was an RN before and had to schedule care for several patients at a time. Now, I'm just happy doing one project a day. One day, clean the kitchen. Next day, laundry. My youngest was in school this year, so it got better and I felt a surge of freedom. Now that school is out, I just wonder how I will entertain them, or get a shower taken. You have to stay you to keep your sanity. Be it a hobby, hang with a group of moms with same age kids, lunch with friends. Take a deep breath, it's harder than it looks!!!

Brandy - posted on 05/20/2010

its been really tough for me too, and to make matters worse my license was suspended (apparently if you have a car registered in your name it has to be insured even if it doesnt run) anyway ive been stuck with no friends and no way to go for over a year now, im lonely when my husband is at work and im annoyed with him when hes home, i have to do everything but then when its time to go grocery shopping or run an errand i have to pack up my baby in the car and deal with my hubby straying from the budget everytime we leave the house. the only thing that keeps me sane is the schedual ive created with nap time housework cooking and bed time and im still miserable. i love my family and i love being home with my daughter but when do i get to have a life?

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2010

I feel you, hon. I am there now! It seems like I am on the verge of tears all the time! I only have a 5 month old to keep up with and she is not even mobile yet and yet I feel trapped sometimes. I used to like -- even enjoy -- cleaning and now I hate it. I am toying with the idea of chunking up my week -- for example Mondays I clean the kitchen and THAT'S IT -- but I don't have the energy to do it yet. It's so funny since as a manager I always had a schedule and prioritized my day out and now I have no schedule. Maybe we should create a schedule so it tricks our mind into thinking we actually have one? Hmm...I think these are normal feelings but I agree that it feels horrible!

Jo - posted on 05/05/2010

You are not alone and perfectly normal. I went from having a successful career in IT, to being a SAHM, in 2008. It took me about a yr to find my rhythm and I still struggle. Being a domestic type doesn't come easily to some of us. The only advice I can give is to treat being a mom as your job. I make lists and look at each task as a goal to accomplish, just as I did when I was working. I've also found ways to treat myself as a reward for accomplishing each week's task. Staying motivated at work is easy, because there is a paycheck involved. Being a SAHM doesn't earn a paycheck, so you have to find some way to compensate yourself, each week, as a reward. It is also important to have a loving and supporting significant other, who doesn't make you feel like the lesser parent, for staying at home. That is something my husband and I are still working on.

Helen - posted on 05/01/2010

Hi, it IS really hard and I felt exactly how you did - weepy at the drop of a hat for months. My health visitor said I had some post natal depression and although I doubted her, I did suddenly, many months later, realise that the cloud had gradually lifted and I felt better. However, I still feel overwhelmed and totally sympathise with the feeling of not knowing what to do with your child/ren in the day. I think it makes it worse when you feel worse, because you'll lack the energy to do things like go out for a walk or go swimming, which my daughter loves. If you have a garden, let your eldest run around and if budget allows, get a big umbrella to cover you up and do crafts, colouring, things with glitter, how about a sand pit (I'd recommend a lid). Lots of luck to you, and perhaps it would be beneficial to see your doctor.

Bryn - posted on 05/01/2010

you are very normal. I Just had my fifth kid and am completely overwhelmed some days. For me it is easier if we can come up with a schedule. Get out of the house and do something. Storytime, library, play dates, girls night out without the kids, get to know other moms around you. Then it doesn't seem quite so overwhelming. And if you are out, the house doesn't fall apart quite so fast.I also found that having a supply of supply of crafts and toys on hand, crayons glue etc, gives the kids something to do and me a little time to think. Of course be prepared to have them clean up if you choose to leave them on their own. But if you are doing things together it is less frustrating. Dont worry if the laundry doesn't get done all the time or you have to order out because dinner didn't get made it happens! I found that it always takes a while to feel like I'm in control of myself again after a baby. Staying Home is very hard and frustrating sometimes. Find a hobby or something you enjoy so you don't feel like you've lost yourself to mommyhood completely. good luck finding your groove, just don't forget to try to have fun while trying to get things done.

Lorrielyn - posted on 04/28/2010

yeah i got two kids too.. i know how u feel.. i just got back to work to help with paying bills.. i know how hard it is raising two kids and things in the house never get done.. what i do is when the kids are sleep at night i do as much work as i can so that the next night u don't have much things to do or i usually clean after when my 5 year old daughter is accompanied with other things and the newborn is sleeping.. i do alot when my hubby is home...

Fiona - posted on 04/23/2010

Yes, you are perfectly "normal", whatever that is. Being a full-time parent is extremely hard work, which is one of the reasons many parents choose not to stay at home (although they may say it's for financial or other reasons). It can be bone-grindingly tedious, and there are times you feel there is nothing in it for you at all. Of course, it's very socially incorrect to say so, but there are times I HATE being a SAHM. There, I've said it, lock me up and throw away the key... Good luck with your situation, Elizabeth, I hope things get a little better for you, but meantime join me in recognising it's not all sunshine and flowers! xx

Jennifer - posted on 04/19/2010

it is normal

Susan - posted on 04/19/2010

I was a SAHM from the start BUT my hubby was laid off on my due date soooo we were both SAH parents for the first three months until he found work. I had a c-section with some complications so even if I had wanted to I couldn't go back to work for 12 weeks. I agree that laundry never seems to end and neither do the dishes and some nights I think it would be easier to throw everything away and just buy new again, but that's not a reality. Prioritize your day and if the dishes are on the list but don't get done, don't freak. It's HARD to keep your kids entertained, and I only have one 19 month old, keep things clean and have a little time for your own sanity. It's normal to feel overwhelmed but if it persists you may have PPD, which is nothing to be ashamed of. And if these feeling do keep up go see your doc. Good luck!!!