Feeling Lonely

Katie - posted on 12/31/2008 ( 33 moms have responded )

37

14

3

Hey everybody - I recently stopped working and am now home with my two sons, ages 2, and 4 months. I have been so surprised how lonely it can be staying at home. It feels like I change diapers, do dishes, fold laundry, sleep and start all over. Anyone else having the same problem?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

33 Comments

View replies by

Heather - posted on 02/10/2009

8

0

1

Yea seems you get in a rut the key is to make your weekend funm filled with the hole family leave house cleaning , dishes laundry and all that stuff for during the week because just like your spouse that is your job and like him the week end is your time to play with the family. Make sure that at least on night a month you and you spouse get a date night. as well

Lissa - posted on 02/07/2009

16

40

1

I know exactly how you feel. I stay at home with all 5 of my children now. i stopped working when I had my daughter on december1 of 2008. Its only been 2 months and i am so ready to go back to work because I miss interaction with other people. Dont get me wrong I still see my friends and talk to them but its sad when the high-light of your week is going to your 5 year old sons basketball game just to get out of the house. Ive found that getting outside a little each day helps, just to get some sunshine and fresh air.

Erica - posted on 02/04/2009

2

17

0

I'm so relieved...I thought I was the only on ewho felt this way! Before I got pregnant the first time I never thought I would be a SAHM. I've made my peace with it and now have three boys 4,2,8months and I know I've made the right decision, but I miss the life I had and I feel like the "old me" no longer exists. I feel like all the dreams I had as a young woman are either on pause indefinately or have been tossed out the window. I too keep telling myself that raising a family is the most important/rewarding job, but I feel guilty that I have to talk myslef into believing it.

Bobbi - posted on 02/04/2009

4

21

0

yes absolutely. I gave up my career by accident since my husband and I were laid off together in the same week. It has been two months now and I am afraid that if anything I might be falling into depression. I love my son and I know that I am no longer going to be returning to a career until he is grown and ready for school, but I need to find a way to not make myself feel like everyday is ground hog day here at the house.

Melissa - posted on 02/03/2009

8

14

1

I completely understand where you are coming from. I recently quit my career to be a stay at home mom and sometimes feel lonely. My husband is a golf professional and can work very long hours as well. My children are 7 and almost 2. I am in the process of finding local groups where I can meet other stay at home moms. I think if we can find other adults in the same situation to develope friendships with it would not be as lonely. The social groups are not only good for the adults, but also a good way to keep your children socialized with other children. It is amazing the number of people who feel exactly the same way you do, it is just a matter of finding them to communicate with. Good luck! Just remember, you now have the hardest but most rewarding job there is.

[deleted account]

If you can afford it, and there is a class in your area, go to Music Together.  it gets you out of the house, gets your kids moving (even if they are 8 mos. old like mine), and they give you a CD for home/car.  Fun times...

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2009

5

22

1

I so agree with you. I went from working two jobs with all kinds of adult conversation to everyday with 3 year old and 17 month rationalization. I like you have moved away from family and friends that I have known for years and years. Making new ones just doesn't come as easily when you aren't able to get out much. My husband works odd hours, whether it is opening or closing the restaurant, he is gone pretty much the whole day, or night. I hope that makes sense, haha. I also totally agree that it is a HUGE difference going from one child to two. I hope that you can find some type of mom group because that really helps with just not getting out of the house, but also with not feeling like you are about to lose it.

Crystal - posted on 01/29/2009

67

17

5

i'm going thru the same thing. my near 3 year old son is so cooped up that he is bouncing off the walls when we go somewhere and my 6 month old son is often fussy (teething) when we get anywhere. i can't go to mom's group bc nothing ever fits sleep schedules. i can't wait for some sunshine (we live in MI) so we can at least go outside. it's tough!

Ruth - posted on 01/28/2009

11

26

1

I totally feel that way except that I am 44 and don't change diapers. I had a great job that i loved but my husband - the real breadwinner - got a job in another state and so we moved. I stay home to take care of things - my daughter transitioning, home stuff, building a life for our family here. But I have been really depressed. I miss my friends. i miss having a reason to get up, take a shower, and put on nice clothes. I miss interacting with other adults that respect me and do what i say with out back talk. but I keep telling myself that this is the most important job i will ever have and if I am good then when my daughter is grown it will be the most rewarding job too.

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2009

37

23

2

I'm on vacation right now, with Grandma and Grandpa down in AZ roght now. I totally have the same issues as you Katie with a kid that wants to go outside and do stuff, but just won't cooperate because he's learned how not to, and the teething babe in the background. I'm so dreading going back to cold Winnipeg and having to dress to go outside again.

One thing that my mom just reminded of - it helps if my husband and I don't call each other 'mom' and 'dad' cuz that completely changes our relationships to be non-adult except for child rearing....

[deleted account]

millions of us are feeling it although i am beyond diapers and into just driving kids to 3 different schools



through the years- the best thing i found was to use the kids to connect with like moms. find a MOPS program or other playgroups where you can commiserate and trade babysitting so you et some friend time and some you time

Amy - posted on 01/26/2009

34

5

2

I completely understand. I left a very social career, most recently employed by a chamber of commerce. At the same time we moved to a rural community where I don't know a soul. I can literally go weeks without speaking face-to-face with anyone besides my husband. Unless you count the clerk at the grocery store, I don't.



Compound this problem with a medically fragile preemie who cannot be taken into public places and I am likely to go nuts.



I've been trying to get out at least once a month. While I don't have friends in the immediate area, there are friends about an hour away. FB has helped as well. It's not a good as a cup of coffee or glass of wine, but it is something.

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2009

2

1

0

Wow, I knew how you felt with having little ones to care for after going to work each day. And sometimes I still do. If you haven't already, get out with your boys or join Gymboree Play or My Little Gym - or a gymnastics place. Its really valuable that you are able to talk with people even when you are a Stay at Home mom.

Sue - posted on 01/18/2009

11

33

1

ive decided to stay home with my 1 yr old as well and i was feeling alittle lonely as well. so i did some research and i found a group at the local library to join and we love it. they do songs and riddles for half the time then the kids and the parents socialize for the oother half. i loved talking to the other moms. i enjoyed it just as much as jennifer did. that definitely motivated me to look for more groups to join. maybe if you try to do something like that it would break up the week for you. also movie theatres usually have a movie day for moms and their kids. they call it reel babies where i am. maybe that is something you can look into. just letting you know that your not alone. we are always going to feel like short order cooks and maids but its very important to feel like you; your just not a mom and sometimes we forget that.



 



 

Julie - posted on 01/18/2009

18

12

0

i hear ya, i feel that way sometimes too, especially in the snowy weather.

any mom groups around you you could attend maybe once a week to get out ?

Katie - posted on 01/18/2009

37

14

3

Brandi, I So feel your pain! I am a professional musician, and I used to travel the world performing. I struggle with feeling that I have lost my identity. I also wonder sometimes if my husband has forgotten who I am - who I was before staying home with the children. I too have joined groups but have a difficult time actually attending because of how difficult it can be to get my 2-yr-old out of the house. Anything I tell him to do, he is going to scream NO! and run away giggling like he's having a grand joke the whole time.... once I finally catch him to get him dressed and shoes on, he goes limp as a wet dishrag and kicks his feet when I try to get shoes on him add on top of this commotion, the teething baby crying in the background. Once we actually get out of the house, he is extatic! Why won't he just cooperate?... Sigh, anyway - many times I just don't have the energy to deal with it, so we stay home instead of going to the group.

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2009

37

23

2

hey Brandi, what if you got your kids in for one day at nursery school or something? Just that one day might make all the difference - I recently found out that several of my friends take one or 2 of their kids to different daycare centres to have less or no kids for a few hours a week. It won't cost as much as your sanity...

Brandi - posted on 01/16/2009

4

0

0

I hate that everyone is feeling that way, but happy to hear I'm not alone in this.  I have always worked and was a single mother to my son for 5 years, until I met my now husband.  This past April we won custody of his two children from another state and then had a baby in August.  I'm feeing so overwhelmed essentially going from 1 to 4 kids overnight.  I stay home now because by the time child care is paid for, I'm working for free and someone else is raising my kids.  Last week he worked nights and this week he is out of the state, working for US Customs he travels a lot, leaving me to do everything.  I feel like I'm stuck in groundhog day with NO adult interaction. 



 



I'm feeling pretty down, so even having joined a MOMS group, I can't seem to get myself to go.  I have actually started therapy to release some of this stress and learn some tips to get through it.  I went from being an independent woman to a mother of 4, 2 of which are constantly with me.  I feel I have lost all of my identity.  I even have to take the girls to my therapy appointments.



 



I know I will dig myself out of this hole.  I'm just taking one day at a time.  My first goal is to get over the guilt I have for even feeling so stressed.

Hollymace - posted on 01/15/2009

20

7

2

I can't imagine trying to do it with 2 of them. I feel u. I tried going to the local library for story time today, and it was packed. It was too much for my little girl to take in so we had to go. oh well. It is very very normal to get lonely. THank God for internet. I really for mothers back in teh day that didn't work and didn't have the internet to at least connect with mom's this way if you don't have any groups near you. I keep hearing that this will get better when she gets older and we can actually go out and do things. I hope to get pregnant again soon, b/c once I get my freedom I don't know how i will feel about giving it up again for another infant.

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2009

10

12

0

I completely understand too...I was a parole officer working full time and I now have an 11-month-old and a husband who changed jobs a year ago, moving us to a really cold area where we dont know anybody and where you really can't get out that easily unless you have 4-wheel drive...anyways, I always had a ton of friends in college and in high school...even afterwards, and it just seems like they all disappeared...and the ones who are left tend to be more "flaky" then you remember..cuz at this point, you want a SERIOUS friendships who can talk about adult things and understand where you're coming from as a mom...there aren't any places like the YMCA or anything around here...so outlets are hard to come by....I think it's normal to get lonely...and to feel as if you havent had adult conversation in days...i guess you just have to really really keep your mind occupied with reading, and doing other things so that you dont think about...

Michelle - posted on 01/15/2009

37

23

2

I just found 2! potential mom groups by visiting my local YMCA-YWCA webpage. Hope that helps. (I found out about checking into the group through a woman I met at a McD's playland close to home). Try that too - just chat with mom's at the playland and playgrounds. I've found a lot of them are going through the same stuff, just didn't know how to say it, and once the coversation starts, it's really easy from there...

Leah - posted on 01/15/2009

22

15

1

I feel you katie! I dont even know were the days go. I feel like I have no one to talk to during the day. Kinda makes you go crazy..... : ) I moved to TN from Ga, and I dont have many friends to talk to..about whatever! I would love to get out of the house, but its so cold outside, I dont want to get her out. Blah...

Katie - posted on 01/15/2009

37

14

3

Yeah, I do go to the mall and the playground, and the library sometimes... I agree with Michelle Creran, though. Having 2 makes it completely different - finding age appropriate activities for my 2 year old that I can keep up with supervising him while caring for my 4 month old infant is so hard... not to mention the circus that is getting out of the house.

[deleted account]

I was having the same problem.  I started getting out of the house though... found things to do with two criteria. 1) Something stimulating for my daughter. 2) Entertaining or social for myself.  I got a membership to an aquarium and joined a mommy group at church.  I sometimes just go to the mall and walk around with her in the stroller.  A key thing in this is to schedule what you are going to do the day before so that you  can look forward to it and are motivated to get up and get going.

Hollymace - posted on 01/14/2009

20

7

2

I understand my husband works 10.5 hr days and when he works he is basically out of the loop. And the fact that its winter doesn't help any either. Good luck finding a mom's group.

Michelle - posted on 01/14/2009

37

23

2

It's different with 2 kids too. I used to get to a lot of mom's clubs and classes with my little guy, but now that there's two (almost 3 and almost 6 months) it's very difficult to get out of the house (cuz it's just sooo cold bundling them both up) but also trying to find something that fits for both of them. They need mom to supervise toddler and be physically engaged, which means no baby, or no toddlers running around cuz the babies need the engagement....

Nikki - posted on 01/14/2009

18

18

3

I felt the same way as you. I really needed to get out of the house so I found a stroller class that meets in the mornings which works out great for our schedule. Both my son and I are happier getting some time with our peers and I've lost all my baby weight and then some. I also have met other SAHM's and we do stuff outside of class. This was key to me as all of my friends work or don't have kids yet.

Tricia - posted on 01/03/2009

33

11

6

Have you tried finding a mom's club? Google mom's club and there's one in most areas. You meet with other moms once or twice a week and your kids play together while you get some adult conversation. My sister did it when she was home with her son and made some great friends from it. You might also try taking your kids to a Gymboree Play & Music or similar where there will be other moms probably in your same boat! Good luck!

Katie - posted on 01/01/2009

37

14

3

Yes! We just moved too! I have a friend here now, but she is in school and doesn't have kids, so we rarely get to meet. My husband can sometimes work very long hours, so I often spend days without any real adult conversation. So frustrating!

Hollymace - posted on 12/31/2008

20

7

2

i completely agree. i went from law school and lots of friends to moving across the U.S. and being a SAHM. I only have one daughter. she is 7 months old. I joined a mom's club, but the meeting times never correspond with her nap times. its very frustrating. so much has changed it makes me very lonely. I so feel you!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms