Help me answer the question, "So what are you doing now?", without feeling bad.

Susan - posted on 01/22/2009 ( 46 moms have responded )

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I am a new stay at home mom that used to be very proud of her career, and was very successful at it. But now when I get asked the question by old friends, So what are you doing now?, I feel less than myself saying Im just a mom. I feel don't feel as good about myself now that I am a stay at home mom. I miss the job and social aspects of it, but I don't miss all of the hours, or the fact that I missed so much of my kids lives that I will never get back. Work at home information need not reply. Thanks!!!

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[deleted account]

Susan you do have a full time job. You are forming the minds of the next presidents of the United States. Motherhood is by far the most important profession that there is. I stayed at home with my girls for as long as I could. For both of them it was around 2 years. Then my husband went back to school and we ha to have a place to live and food to eat. :) Sometimes this current social depiction of working women as the only women who are truly fulfilled, tends to make at home non working mums fell inadequate. YOU ARE MY HERO!

[deleted account]

i love being at home with my girl and when people ask what i do for a career i say .....................



im a nurse, a cook, a cleaner, a mother, a girlfriend, a interia decorater etc and then laugh and say i am a full time house mum!!!!!!!



remember we do alot lol

Heather - posted on 01/25/2009

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I know what you mean!.......... I have all those same feelings, and many of those comments come from people who don't have any children..... so it's impossible to explain it to them. Don't feel bad, raising a decent human being, and sending them out into the world is the MOST important job you can do.  You are incredibly lucky to have the means to stay home with your kids....... just enjoy it> You will always be able to work when they are bigger. 



I worked so much , I don't think my son recognized me sometimes.......lol. Now I work from home and go to school ( during his school hours). I miss the energy of working full time, but I just missed more than it was worth. In fact the other day I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up...." stay at home dad"... because he thinks his kids will want to see him, and he'd like to play with them all the time...( he's 8yrs old)...... such a tear jerker...but it goes to show he likes having his mum around...I am doing the right thing right now while he's little. 



At any rate in the grand scheme, they are only little for a little while..... but you can work anytime... even though it is extremely frustrating fielding those comments from people that just don't 'get it', and it makes you feel a bit low..... you ARE doing very valid work with your child. 



Hey maybe if you can fit it in, take a class at college, maybe once a week, just to keep you learning .... It helps me feel as though I am also doing something productive, and it's no where near as consuming as a full time job.



Keep your head up!

Selene - posted on 01/24/2009

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I agree with Aly. I worked for years with kids and teens, and thought that was a difficult and time comsuming job. However, it was nothing compared to parenting full time. I have never done a harder job, never done a job that took all my mind all day, everyday. And it's such a fun, worthwhile job and important job! Our culture tends to discount most thing women do, and definitely discounts jobs that get paid little or nothing at all. That doesn't make it less of a job! So, I try to educate people and have a little fun with trying to alter their perspecive by saying things like: "So, do you have a second job?" to people I know have kids (parents being the first full time one. Or "how many jobs are you doing?" to people I don't know anything about. When people ask me what I do I proudly say "I parent!" You could also say you are a psychologist, an advisor, a coach, a mediator, a cheerleader, a nurse, a time-management specialist and on and on! *grin*

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2009

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I was never a “baby-person”, wasn’t sure about having children, and certainly never planned to stay at home, and everyone knew it. But shortly out of college and before I even really established a career I got pregnant and promptly lost my job. My husband and I decided that it would be best for me to wait and look for work when our daughter was a few months old. However, after she was born, I experienced an astronomical priority shift. (I’m sure all of the mom’s in this “community” can relate.) Now, while I still plan to go back to work eventually… I cannot imagine being away from her for forty plus hours a week. Or even eight! It is so hard for me to tell those people that I went to school with, and those that knew all my big career plans, that I am now a stay-at-home mom. So I just tell them the truth, that this is the most fulfilling job I have ever had and I can’t imagine doing anything else right now!

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Kelly - posted on 09/06/2011

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I am a domestic resolutions consultant. It sounds great and is an excellent description of what I do all day. Problem solving at home.

Jeanne - posted on 04/05/2009

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Welcome Susan welcome aboard..........when your ex-coworkers or old friends should ever ask :"What are are you doing know?" ...........Be proud that you can afford to stay home with your kids............also nothing huge thing........YOU get to love them more watch them more, do things with them enjoy every minute, becasue tomorrow may never come............watch them grow into adults I bet this would be every mothers dream just to able to home with ther precious & priceless kids................and that does not mean that you must give up on everything............you still get together from people at the office or catch up with some old friends..........write a daily journal about yourself or one for the kids...........How many kids do you have? Join group at your Community Services with the kids?..............



Take care & keep in touch!



Jeanne

[deleted account]

I'm an attorney who chose to stay home. Needless to say both family and former law school friends were quite surprised to hear I chose to stay home. I try to preempt any of the "huh?" responses by starting my answer off with, "My husband and I decided it was important that one of us stay home to raise our children ourselves." Emphasis on ourselves. ANYONE with children will understand your answer. Then follow it up with statements like, "It was hard to see my children for just a few hours a a day. It just seemed weird to have wanted children so badly only to pay someone else to raise them. . . "



More than anything, though Susan, don't feel bad. Feel bad about being the instiller of values, the giver of love, the person who created those children? Look at you, you have a crown! You're the queen and your children know it! Be proud and don't give your choice a second thought. It was the right one. You know it and somewhere inside themselves they all know it, too.

Meghan - posted on 04/03/2009

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I think a stay at home mom is just as important as a mom who works outside the home. The only difference is we do not get paid nor do we get a vacation or time off. I was the same way when people would ask me what I do. I would say I stay at home, and I would get looks or someone would ask me don't you go crazy.

Lennea - posted on 03/05/2009

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Don't feel less! I was a realtor prior to having kids. I have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. I have had many different job titles...Being a stay at home mom is by far the most difficult thing I have done to date! Now I do have a home business I started in July just because I started getting bored as the kids get older. Just be thankful that you are one of the moms who CAN be home with their kids when there are so many moms who would drop their career in  a second to be with their families at home.. Hope this helped!

[deleted account]

That's a really good point Nicole. There are so many things you don't think about when you look at your husband and go, "Let's have a baby!" It is so much harder than I thought it would be but SOOO much more rewarding as well!

[deleted account]

On the other hand I know a bunch of women who go back to work cuz they discover after having a baby that "full-time parenting" is not for them. Man, I hate hearing that!!! Parenting is not about taking the easy way out. Children suffer from that approach far more than parents think they do. (I'm of course talking about going back to work for "other than" financial necessity. I understand if two incomes are needed.)

[deleted account]

One other thing I thought of...I get a LOT of women when I tell them I'm staying home say they wish they could do the same. The grass is always greener!

[deleted account]

I think it is sad in our society that women's lib has swung so far in the other direction. It was never supposed to be about working or staying home, it is supposed to be about CHOICE! Your comment about "just a mom" makes me wonder if it's from outside pressure or have you not bought into the importance of your job of Mom? Don't let anyone else make you feel any less. You are making a sacrifice that many women can't or won't so you can feel good about that!

Jeanne - posted on 02/24/2009

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I was a stay at home Mom from birth till my twins turned 8 years, and then I was a working after that. So then a became a career women and I loved every minute of it, and I think I was also great at my job.



Know I'm back stay at home Mom.









My name is Jeanne I have 3 children my older son Sylvain is 19 years old with Twins Matthieu & Natalie will turning 17 years old on the 3rd of March. I'm a single mom over 40 will be 45 this coming May. I'm really looking forward of being part of your team and hopefully we can learn and all grow together to become a better person. My doctor wants me on a disability since July 22 2008 was my last day worked as a career mom. I was battling chronic depression + anxiety for over 15 years and now I have Fibromyalgia wow this major work for me to be a stay home mom, and sick......



YOU (I feel less than myself saying Im just a mom. I feel don't feel as good about myself now that I am a stay at home mom.) Stand tall and be proud of yourself  you've done everything you did the career & NOW A STAY AT HOME MOM being home is hard work & a full time job. But NOW your a big part of your kids life NOW and enjoy every minute of it and you should feel proud of yourself! You can still call your ex-coworker and meet 1 month for lunch or supper that's one way of keeping in touch.



This way you can have it all.  I hope we can talk again sometime! Hope this helps!



Jeanne

Jeanne - posted on 02/24/2009

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I was a stay at home Mom from birth till my twins turned 8 years, and then I was a working after that. So then a became a career women and I loved every minute of it, and I think I was also great at my job.



Know I'm back stay at home Mom.









My name is Jeanne I have 3 children my older son Sylvain is 19 years old with Twins Matthieu & Natalie will turning 17 years old on the 3rd of March. I'm a single mom over 40 will be 45 this coming May. I'm really looking forward of being part of your team and hopefully we can learn and all grow together to become a better person. My doctor wants me on a disability since July 22 2008 was my last day worked as a career mom. I was battling chronic depression + anxiety for over 15 years and now I have Fibromyalgia wow this major work for me to be a stay home mom, and sick......



YOU (I feel less than myself saying Im just a mom. I feel don't feel as good about myself now that I am a stay at home mom.) Stand tall and be proud of yourself  you've done everything you did the career & NOW A STAY AT HOME MOM being home is hard work & a full time job. But NOW your a big part of your kids life NOW and enjoy every minute of it and you should feel proud of yourself! You can still call your ex-coworker and meet 1 month for lunch or supper that's one way of keeping in touch.



This way you can have it all.  I hope we can talk again sometime! Hope this helps!



Jeanne

Jennifer - posted on 02/24/2009

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To add to my post from yesterday...I forgot to mention that my reply to the question, "So what do you do?" I have two replies that I use...one is that I am a recovering insurance agent and the other is that I am a recovering control freak. It really sparks the conversation and takes the discomfort away. Humor is the key to sanity. Enjoy your mothering years ladies...I dont' think we will ever regret a single moment! Blessings!

[deleted account]

I'm so thankful for all of these posts. My husband just retired from the Marine Corps and I have had my fair share of days where I'm not sure if I'm doing enough as a wife. We have a two month old son, and having people ask if he has found work gets hard enough, but when I get people asking me "if I have a job yet" I get really angry. Inevitably the questions come from people who either have never been stay at home moms or don't understand what's involved. I just want to say that I really appreciate the support. Especially with the economy the way it is. Being able to stay with my son is a blessing that I am very grateful for. Today it seems that mothers who work outside the home forget about how valuable the role of nurturing really is. My mom worked from home (daycare) and she said it still wasn't enough. Raising a child in the right ways is huge. Our home is our priority and it's perfect that way.

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2009

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I have been a SAHM for almost three years now! I missed the first three years of my daughter's life (she is 6 now) because I tried to be Super Woman and have the career, be the perfect wife and the perfect mom. I soon discovered that 10-12 hour days at the office would not fit into my perfect mom/wife plan...



Once I decided to leave my career, my husband was extremely supportive. Unfortunately, this once very independent woman suffered from "guilt" for at least 2.5 years! I felt guilty for being home with my daughter when there were other mothers who had more than one child that they wanted to stay home with. I felt guilty that our household income was half of what it was prior to my resignation. I felt guilty that I felt guilty because I was doing exactly what I wanted to do! What is wrong with me?! I took my guilt to a counselor who helped me through some tough road blocks. Even today, I still hear her words..."You are powerful beyond your wildest imagination, YOU set the tone in your household. The job that you have embarked upon as a mother and a wife is the most powerful and rewarding job that you will ever have." I could go on and on....



I spend my days making the house a home and improving areas inside and out to make it the way that is most nurturing to our family. I also completed my college education (on-line courses) and repainted the inside of the house. Next I will conquer the outside. I am now volunteering once a week at my daughter's school and I am a member of the PTA.



I still feel guilty at times for not brining in the $$ and having a whoopsie moment at the Target register (how could I have possibly spent $280?). Perhaps I will never get over that...my husband remains supportive and has never given me reason to feel guilty about anything I have spent since I quit working...the guilt is all self inflicted. I have no regrets, only pangs of guilt every now and then. My family is better for what I decided, and that is priceless!

User - posted on 02/20/2009

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I am probably a lot less nice than other ladies on here, but if someone asked me that, my first response would be "well, right NOW I am talking to you".  And if they continue with this nonsense "No, what do you do all day", I would probably answere "depends on the day".  I can go on like that for a looong time, until they hopefully will realize the absurdity of their question. 

[deleted account]

Susan, you should be proud and feel lucky that you are able to stay home with your kids. You will NEVER miss any of the firsts that so many parents do. Hold your head proud and say I "chose" to stay home with my kids because I can.



Dawn

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You should never feel bad about doing one of the most important jobs in the universe! I stayed home with all 3 of my kids.  I often wondered through those years if I was doing the right thing. When my son graduate from high school he said something to me that never made me question my choices again. He said " Mom I am so glad you were always home for me while I was growing up. Most of My friends had parents and mothers that worked all the time and were never home for them when they got home. I was lucky because I always knew you were there for me"



Now I understand some people do not have a choice and I would never assume they are bad parents becasue they have to work. But to the mothers that choose to stay home and be with the kids... I have to say  this.......Your job as a stay at home mom is one of the MOST important jobs in the world, never let anyone make you feel less for it, your kids are the ones that count most and they will be glad you were there for them and might I just mention it is not a easy job either.

Susana - posted on 02/10/2009

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I do believe we are blessed. It is still taking some getting use to.



Sometimes everything completely changes. But just take a look at the wonderful child before you. I love to think I will not be missing anything important in my childs life as he is begining to walk, talk, etc.



Even though I miss my career and that part of who I am. Being a mother is one of the most important jobs!



It's not forever, before we know it they will be going off to live their own lives. We should enjoy it!

Genevieve - posted on 02/09/2009

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Quoting Halle:

It's wonderful to know that I can say that I miss my job at a high school teacher but that I realize what a blessing it is to be able to raise my kids. My joke is that if anyone is going to teach them a four letter word ... It's going to be me! (So far so good) And for the pretension jerks ... "I'm an unfunded reasearch assist studying the developmental stages of early childhood and intrafamilial communication"



I LOVE that!  I am still working, but I'll be staying home in a few months to finish out my pregnancy and have the baby and I honestly think that if anyone asked me if I "just" stay at home I might answer with something sarcastic like "Yes.  I stay at home and watch the mold grow on the walls.  I should probably clean or cook or feed my baby or something."  Or maybe "Do you JUST go to work now?"  



 



Hopefully I come up with something more diplomatic by then, but right now I'm working on hormones... ;)



 



Try to remember that being a stay at home mom doesn't come naturally to everyone.  There are different personality types out there, and you as well as thousands of other moms probably need more  social interaction or chances to take charge of projects or other executive type work.  I've heard that playgroups are wonderful, and when your kids are old enough you could probably introduce them to volunteer work which would not only instill good values but help you make more friends and find yourself outside the house more often.



Lastly, there is no such thing as JUST a mom.  Mothers are superheroes.  (Don't worry though, all superheroes have weaknesses too)  :-)



For anyone who's feeling at a loss with the change, I recommend the book "The Color Code" by Taylor Hartman -- it really helps you figure out some aspects of your personality and what you crave in order to be fulfilled.  From there you can find new ways of doing things or even just new things to do.  You also become a lot more forgiving of yourself when you don't seem to fit the box you're 'supposed' to be in.

[deleted account]

You do have a job! Its called "I'm a mom"!!! So many people that ask you that question, just wish they could be at home with their children. Be proud of being at home. I am!
Besides..You are a nurse, a best friend, a social worker, a maid, a carpenter, a Chef!!, and ooh the list goes on and on. You are so much more than "just a mom" Sister you are blessed!!!

[deleted account]

It's wonderful to know that I can say that I miss my job at a high school teacher but that I realize what a blessing it is to be able to raise my kids. My joke is that if anyone is going to teach them a four letter word ... It's going to be me! (So far so good) And for the pretension jerks ... "I'm an unfunded reasearch assist studying the developmental stages of early childhood and intrafamilial communication"

Tara - posted on 02/04/2009

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Hey Susan. I know how you feel. It wasn't until I started joining playgroups and making friends in the same situation, that I realized I was I didn't feel bad about staying home. My oldest child is 3 and is smart as can be, speaking both english and some spanish. I know that is because of all of the hard work that we did together. If it helps, all you have to say is" I chose to stay home with my kids until they are older or in school." Seriously consider getting out to one or two playgroups per week you won't feel that lack of socialization and you will watch your childrens social skills develope as well.

[deleted account]

I am working on being a WAHM (work at home mom) but if I was a SAHM I would have probably went nuts....and most of my friends work outside of the home or are married to husbands who make enough so they can stay at home, me I wasn't so lucky...so I feel for ya! Its all about choices and remember you still need your time!

Melissa - posted on 02/03/2009

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Hi Susan. I completely understand where you are coming from. I was able to become a stay at home mom at the beginning of 2009 after a career with a company for almost 10 years. It has been hard at times, but I try to keep in touch with my co-worker friends. We often go out to lunch and chat about what they are currently involved with at work so I don't feel like I have been cut off cold turkey. Usually during our conversations, they at some point begin to vent about the issues they are having (especially since they know I have been there and will understand) and that quickly reminds me why I am doing what I am doing.



In the very beginning, I felt like I held the titles "Mom" and "Wife" but no longer held the title "Melissa". It was almost like I had lost who I was. I have been getting out with friends without my children or husband from time to time which really helps with re-defining myself again. I just try to keep in mind that there are so many people out there who would love to be in my shoes and I really am one of the "lucky ones". You just need to find something else that defines you as a person that is separate from being a mom (and spouse if that is the case). I hope this helps in your new journey. If all else fails, you can continue to chat with me on facebook since we seam to be in the same boat. I am not sure if you have a new baby and have recently become a stay at home mom. I have two children - son who is almost 8 and a daughter who is getting ready to turn 2. I worked the entire time my first one was small and during the first year of my daughter's life, so I am able to appreciate not having to work and take care of two kids now. Good luck with your transition.

Bradi - posted on 02/03/2009

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You will so love the community at myworkbutterfly.com as it was built for woomen just like you. Smart moms who want to fulfill personal and professional aspirations.

Melissa - posted on 02/03/2009

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There is a lot of great input here.  I agree with Hayley - I like to say that I am the CEO of our household when people ask if I "JUST" stay at home. "What do you do all day, anyway?" 



Be proud of being home for the children...I know I appreciate the fact that my Mom then my Dad was always home taking care of us!

Monica - posted on 01/31/2009

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Hi Susan! I had a difficult time with that too when I chose to stay home with my child. When I started feeling the way you do, I realized I needed to find something to fill that void and to help me re-establish my identity. I decided to attend night school and once I finished college I started a home-based business that only required about 2 hours of my time a week. You just need to find your new identity. For me it was still having a job that was only about me to provide an identity that was all mine. What's your passion? Pursue it!

[deleted account]

Great support going on here. I am staying at home and all of my friends work outside the home. I just remain honest with myself, my feelings and with friends. My response when I get asked is " I stay at home and take care of my family now."

Sandi - posted on 01/29/2009

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Maybe you need some new friends... lol... When I adopted my first child, she needed Early Intervention 3 times a week (ie 3 mornings were tied up for me) and she slept every afternoon. So I only had 2 chances to get out in public per week. I felt very isolated, but a neighbor introduced me to the local chaper of International MOMS Club. It is a great resource - it is a social network for moms (mostly daytime activities like 'Coffee and Chat', where kids are welcomed during all activities. You can also find a playgroup, which was a godsend for me. There is probably one in your neighborhood... None of these fine ladies would bother ask such a question - they'll give you the answer.
Alternatively, you could use the common 'ask a question back' method - 'Why do you ask?' Or 'I'm home with the kids - do you want to come to the Art Museum with us on Thurs.? (which of course they can't if they're working... nyeh nyeh). Oh sorry too bad you have to work.' Implying they're missing soooo much fun.
A specialist dr. I went to a couple of weeks ago asked me and I said 'I'm home with the kids' and accidentally looked at her like she was weird for asking (she also had 2 little kids). I even forgot to mention I worked at IBM for 21 years.

Maggie - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'd simply tell people that you are now the executive assistant of a very important corporation...your family! After all, don't we take care of everyone's personal errands, schedules, etc.? We schedule everyone's activities, we arrange for lunches, handle the petty cash transactions / accounts payable, maintain supplies [grocery shopping], supervise building maintenance [lol] and train newcomers to the corporation. Sounds like an important job description to me!



If anyone gets an attitude with you, point out that lots of people work for free for community organizations and noone thinks twice about giving them the respect or credit due. Why should motherhood be any different? It IS the oldest and noblest of all professions.

Rachelle - posted on 01/27/2009

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HI Susan....I could have written EXACTLY what you wrote. I've been home with my kids for 5 years now. I still ache for my career every day....BUT I don't regret it one bit. The thing that I think of when people ask me the same question and I respond in teh same way..."I'm home with my kids", it's not so much that I feel bad about saying it, it just seems like such an inadequate response. Being home can mean you sit on your butt and your house falls around you...or maybe it means your home b/c daycare is too expensive and you'll be going back when they kids are in school....OR it could mean you have a new career as a MOM! What I'd really like to say is that I have so far raised 3 brilliant, sweet, funny, ambitious little boys. My oldest started Kinder reading at 2nd grade level and can name a dinosaur for each letter of the alphabet, builds very difficult lego things that I could never build and my other 2 youngers are following right along! My 4 yo is already reading past what they expect of my 6 yo at school....my 2 yo is the little comic and sings and dances for everyone. They are SO joyous. BUT of course, we can't say all that. Not really. So as you are home and see the payback in your investment, you'll feel more and more sure of what you decided to do. Your new career just hasn't quite taken off yet. Good luck!

Vanessa - posted on 01/26/2009

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Hi Susan,



Reading your post was like reading my own feelings a year ago. I was a very active and career oriented person as well. So, when I had to stop I did not how to. I got a little depressed at times (especially with the what are you doing now question). You should not feel any less because you stay at home. your children are much more important. I felt great after a long talk with my husband and prayer about my decision. I knew my child was healthy and safe because I was there. Being a stay home mom is hard work. You may work 40 hrs a week or a little more on a job but being a mom is a 24hr a day 7 days a week job with no overtime pay. Our benefits is knowing our precious children are receivng the best quality care. 

Katie - posted on 01/26/2009

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Hi Susan!

I felt the same way at first, but then received a lot of support. My one co-worker was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) until her kids were old enough to be home on their own and my other co-worker stayed home for each of her kids' first year. Being a SAHM is a personal choice. Those that go back to work have their reasons just as those of us SAHMs have for staying home. My husband and I chose for me to stay home because we couldn't afford the daycare in the area and closest family is 45 minutes away. Also, I was working a minimum wage retail job and we would end up losing money in gas and daycare if I went back to work. Plus, I can say I get to see all of my daughter's milestones when they first happen and get to instill the values we want her to have without them being contrasted by others'. I do miss the socializing and adult conversations that went with my job. Next time someone asks you what you do, respond with confidence that you are a SAHM. I occasionally run into someone who gives me a less-than-enthusiastic "oh" when I tell them, but I don't let it bother me.

Liana - posted on 01/25/2009

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Tell them you are a Domestic Assisstant it sounds cool and people back off straight away I have 2 kids the oldest is 5 and I've stayed home since day 1 I'm proud of what I do :)



Just remember you don't have just one job now you have every Job rolled into 1 you will be a Dr a nurse a teacher a toy engineer a cook a  cleaner  as kids get older computer expert the list goes on.



Never feel ashamed of what you do you are bringing up the next generation to be fully functional members of society what could be a more important job than that?

Aly - posted on 01/25/2009

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well what are you doing for you now?  not  anything related to the kids or the house... believe you me i KNOW how much work it is to run a house and can't believe i used to do it and run a company fulltime.



I tell people how i enjoy going to the gym, playing tennis or whatever activities i'm into.  if you say it confidently without the tone of "feeling bad" then what can they say?  if you look at them sheepishly and say i don't do anything but stay home with the kids then they will think you're not doing anything.



Honestly anyone who stays home knows how much harder it is than working and anyone who is still working and has a family probably wishes they could stay home :D



 

Aly - posted on 01/24/2009

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well what are you doing for you now?  not  anything related to the kids or the house... believe you me i KNOW how much work it is to run a house and can't believe i used to do it and run a company fulltime.



I tell people how i enjoy going to the gym, playing tennis or whatever activities i'm into.  if you say it confidently without the tone of "feeling bad" then what can they say?  if you look at them sheepishly and say i don't do anything but stay home with the kids then they will think you're not doing anything.



Honestly anyone who stays home knows how much harder it is than working and anyone who is still working and has a family probably wishes they could stay home :D



 

Aimee - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hi Susan,



I feel for you.  I think I am in a similar situation:  worked very hard and was very proud of my career, even let it define me at times.  Now that I am at home, although I have a beautiful little girl that consumes my every waking moment, there is a void that I am experiencing.  This feeling is exaggerated by friends asking things like "so what are you doing these days?" or "how is it to be a lady of leisure?"  That last one just sends me but I have gotten really adept at hiding my disdain! 



I have adopted a simple and silly (but not dismissive) answer:  "I have developed a curriculum and I'm putting her through Aimee bootcamp." People either laugh or look at me like I've been watching too many Baby Einstein videos!  Either way, the conversation usually shifts to something else.



I also miss the social aspects of my job (sales--extremely social).  Fortunately, I have a great friend in the industry who understands my situation, keeps me plugged in and stimulated.  I hope you can do the same. 



Good luck!



Aimee  

Patty - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hi Susan, I am new to staying home and have felt the same way from time to time. I would have to agree with some of the other comments about working mom's wishing they could be home with their children. I know, I was one of them! When I am asked the question "So, what are you doing now?" I start with telling them I have started a new job and it the best job in the world, raising my children! Some will get it and some of them do not. It's ok they are still my friends and probably accept me more than I accept myself at times. Best of luck and take care!

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hey Susan!!!! I went threw the same thing and then I thought the same thing "Missed so much of my kids lives that I will never get back."  Try to remember that and be proud that you are a stay at home Mom,many moms wish they could stay at home but cannot and you are very lucky that you can. I am not trying to sound rude if I am. I just have many friends that wish they could stay at home with their children and cannot. I am very lucky like you that I am able to do so. We are all very blessed to be stay at home moms and if anyone asks what you do just say " I have the best job in the world, I take care of my Beautiful children and each day is more exciting than the next." Who wouldnt want our job!!! I know that some days can be very trying but what job isnt, pkus the rewards and perks at this job is better!!!! You are able to see your children grow and devolpe in front of you daily, in which you would miss if you didnt stay home with them. I know I am ranting........ I wish you the best and I hope I helped out some. Best of luck to you Susan!!!!



Thanks!!!!! - Jennifer

Jen - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hey Susan!  Nice to meet you!  I work my butt off at home in order to stay home with my kids and I still feel the same way you do most days!  I think society has a way of doing that to those of us who take on one of the most diverse and difficult jobs/lifestyles out there!  You are likely proud of alot of the things you are acomplishing with your kids that you wouldn't be able to do if you were at work and simply not there!  I'm all for working moms, at-home moms and work-from-home moms alike!  It's a difficult life in the first few years but we're all trying to do what we feel is best for our children and you're no different.  My biggest issue is ISOLATION!  And then there's the social expectating (which could be 3 parts legit and 1 part us projecting our social fears) You may want to take the attitude, "I don't expect you to understand, but this is the best job ever!!"  Even if there are days that you don't believe it yourself- I have them here and there- it will get that social 'faux pas' out of the way and lead to more genuine conversation with aquaintances!  I think your kids are going to appreciate what you're doing a whole lot when they get older!  Congrats on your life change!!



   I hope it helped. Jen

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