[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )
Hi my name is Brittany. I was at one time a total loser. I was a selfish 16 year old highscool dropout. I had been on my own since I was 15. I got pregnant and married at 16, and after some growing up went back to school, and onto college. I married out of stupidity. he had issues miles long. I divorced him, dropped out of college, and worked and worked, and eventually became s police officer. I had a very high powered career that I was great at. Eventually I remarried. My husband is educated and a great man. however he is also a police officer for a different dept. He adopted (our daughter). She had just turned 3 at the time. Our jobs (the long hours, the out of town trips ( I worked out of town) and the separate living arrangements..I worked REALLY out of town) began taking an emotional, and physical toil on our baby. So I quit, thinking it would be best for us all. I am SO unhappy. I have the type of personality where I need to be constantly doing or creating something..making progress somewhere. It sure shows. My baby who just turned 4 is reading. She does basic math, and is learning asl among other things, but I need to do something for me. I push her to hard and I see it. I am working on it, but I don't know what to do. I need to be able to pour myself into something constructive. I need to feel useful and accomplished. Now I'm pregnant, about 5 months. It brings on a whole other set of issues. I used to run miles a day before prego. I have asthma and can't take an inhaler, so I can't run now. I feel gross and like a blimp. I know its unreasonable, because I'm not. Its that need to be accomplishing something that makes me feel that way. I'm 21 and I feel like such a failure because I don't have a degree yet, and I'm not fluent in other languages. I just need to accomplish, but now I don't know if it would be wise to go back to school yet. I feel doomed like I have just given up the next 3 to 5 years of my life to this baby. My husband won't really be there to help. The hours are very long and we don't have any family in this state, and due to his contract moving is not an option for at least another year and a half.I need help coping..