My husband makes me feel like a bad parent?

Vanessa - posted on 12/09/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Our 2 1/2 year old daughter is a handful. She goes through stages of rebellious acts and then calms down, totally understandable as she IS two years old. When my husband comes home or is with us on the weekend her behavior improves loads. I know that kids her age get bored easily and it's our job as parents to find activities (esp. at home) to keep them busy and out of trouble but I can't always find something to interest her. And of course she is going through a phase of asserting her independence because she wants to do everything herself which isn't always safe or possible which leads to a lot of these tantrums.

The thing is my husband says that most of it is my own fault. He told me he doesn't think I can cope, that when Im stressed out or agitated I snap at her or loose my temper too much and that I just don't know how to handle her. Which I agree, so I take moments away from her to collect myself so that I dont blow up. BUT when I do that he says Im neglecting her.

It's really upsetting me. He's had this opinion for almost a year now and we are always having this issue arise whenever our her behavior deteriorates. He honestly believes that 99% of the time he knows best. He's a elementary teacher and uses the argument that he deals with this type of behavior all day. Which I can understand and give him his props, but it a little bit different I think when it's YOUR child. I feel like such a let down as a mother but somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking if I'm doing the best I can, how can everything I do be wrong?

He thinks our daughter's behavior has improved because she's with her daddy who knows how to handle her and discipline her. I think it is just because she's kept busy. I think I am firm with the discipline, like how my mom raised me, but I know there is always room for improvement. We use time outs mostly or threats to take away something thats important to her. I admit I do *pop* her behind or hand as a final option after my verbal warnings arent working.

Am I doing something wrong or is it just a lack of confidence which is making me accept what my husband is saying.

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Carly - posted on 03/26/2011

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Your Not doing anything wrong!! You are taking on (by the sounds of it) the role of mum and dad and tha'ts not right...the father needs to take as much responsablitiy as you on child raising... tell him that you need some time off and he needs to play a lot more active role in fathering your child and that is the reason why you might be frustrated ..i am in a similar situation my husband works every day and i am the home with him all the time my husband doesn't understand why i'm frustrated i beleive parenting shulld be done by both the mother & father!! not one or the other and that's what you need to explain to your child father Good Luck!

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Anna - posted on 01/17/2014

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I feel like I am in a similar situation to you. My husband is an elementary teacher also! He doesn't think I discipline well enough. I think he gets angry at them too fast. I feel like I am a good mom. I wish he could see all the good I see (In myself and my kids).

Kelly - posted on 09/06/2011

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So....does your husband teach two year olds? Two year olds are very different from 10 year olds. Perhaps he is not as knowlegable as he appears. Let him exclusively take care of your little one for the whole weekend, and lets see if his 'teacher' skills are still working for him. Its one thing to look after kids you can give back at the end of the school day, but 24/7 with a two year old is enough to drive even the most dedicated mother insane. Just remember, its ok to ask for help. It sounds like you are a bit run down and need time out. A happy mum makes a happy child. Perhaps hubby could help out a bit more around the house to ease the pressure. I know because I am having the same issue right now. I told my husband last night that it has now been exactly 2 months since I last saw anyone outside of my immediate family. He was shocked, and then understood why I was a bit high strung lately. He suggested childcare one day a week to give me a break. Luckly, my hubby works with me, not against me. Your hubby needs to do the same.

Tania - posted on 05/20/2011

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i cannot believe you put up with that ....who does he think he is just cause hes a teacher .....we all have times where we struggle with our kids its a learning process theres no book of rules , what sort of husband would put you down like that ....as long as your doing the best you can thats all that counts , and all mums get frustrated with there children and if they say they dont well they are lying. tell ur husband i am a great mother and you should be upset that he is even questioning you as a mother . good luck .

Jennifer - posted on 03/28/2011

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I think you just figured it out yourself :) Your husband keeps her busy? 2 year olds are notorious for bad behavior when they are bored. Do lots of fun things with her, read to her, play with her, take her to the park, give her a nap everyday. Tired toddlers are unhappy toddlers. When you're making dinner, let her help. Sounds crazy, I know! But it will drastically cut down on behavior issues!
Blessings!
Jennifer

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Take a few days off!!! Reverse roles see how he copes and then compare notes. Kids can also b manipulative from an early age....the discipline maker is always the bad cop!!!

Chloie - posted on 12/18/2010

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had to double check I didn't write that for a minute, your not the only one all you can do.is your best and at the end ofthe day if your happy with what you've achieved then just ignore him I don't know how to so himmaking you feel.that.easy but just look after yourself :)

Franshell - posted on 12/16/2010

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They are called "terrible two's" for a reason! I don't believe your doing anything wrong, your in all your right to feel a bit frustrated, as all do at time! your husband might think like that because he's only with you both at a certain time which might be the time of day that your daughter is already a bit calmer and isnt into acting up as much! Your husband has to realize that he might know how to deal with children because he is a teacher and all but he doesnt exactly deal with his daughter all day everyday!
you need to believe in yourself and know that if you are doing everything you can and are giving it your best that your doing just fine with your daughter!!

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