resentful and jealous of my husband

Jitka - posted on 11/14/2012

I was a stay at home mom on and off, and its tough! Whoever said staying at home was easy, was never a stay at home mom. But what i can tell you now is that almost 10 years later, i look at my relationship with my boys (Dylan almost 10 and Ryan 8) and I can tell the time put into these boys was so well spent! I get hugs on daily basis, i get kisses and i love you's daily. I am missed when i'm not around, i have company for every activity i choose to do (be it gymming, shopping or having coffee). I get to hear all the secrets, stories and worries from school. And now that i am pregnant with baby no. 3, my boys are my biggest fans and support! My husband has his work and colleagues but he's jealous of ME for not having such a great relationship with the 2 people that matter the most!

Tara - posted on 11/04/2012

I understand where you are coming from. I have 5 children ranging in ages 7- 6 months. I was a nurse before I had my first child. I went through a lot of the same feeling you are having him and staying home.

It sounds like you need some me time to yourself. Also dealing with a special needs child is another challenge in and of itself. My third son has autism. I do understand to some degree what you mean.

I deal with it by going to the gym and talking on the phone with other moms who have young children.

I have heard that play groups are good too. I don't go because I find them to stressful as my son is a handful when I take him out and find it difficult to deal with him and the other 2 younger childern.

Jade - posted on 09/14/2012

Before I had my daughter I hadn't found a purpose or a job I really enjoyed so I cant relate with that part of your post. But when i had my daughter and my partner went to work I started to get a little resentful that he gets to have Independence and go out and when he gets home gets to relax because he has been working all day when I don't get a break.I started to get really depressed because I didn't feel like i had anything for me. I was going insane and starting to take it out on him. I felt bad because all I wanted was to have a child and now here i am and I feel like something is missing. I knew this is how it was going to be, we planned it all out and now I want more! One day I saw an add on tv advertising for a home business opportunity and thought Id check it out. I thought it would be nice to have a little money of my own and something to do for me rather than constantly doing things for everyone else. What I found turned out to be so much more than I thought. What I do centers around personal development education and part of my job is to use that and help others to succeed, I have joined a community of people from all warps of life.

If what I do interests you feel free to contact me. I hope you find what you need.

Carrie - posted on 08/12/2012

yes I completely understand how you feel. I point out to my husband all the time that he gets to leave the house without worrying about diapers, and juice and nap time, etc. How many adults does he come in contact with in a day? How many conversations, work related or not, does he have in a day. I too am jealous but what we are doing is the good work. And we all know the good work is not easy. I go crazy and go through boredom and lonliness but its so much better than having to worry about what is going on with our kids. I was molested by a babysitter and I would spend the rest of my life in 'solitary confinement' than have my children go through that. It's worth it. Just know in the bottom of your heart your doing the right things for the right reasons. Also you don't want your husband to be miserable when he's away from you guys, so although he's having a good time without you, it better than him having a bad time. We want to teach our children humility, that not everything that we do is fun, but its worth it.

Jordan - posted on 08/05/2011

I completely understand. I went from working for years to be a SAHM. I always wanted to be a SAHM, but when it came to quitting the job, it was MUCH harder than I thought. 1 1/2 yrs later and I find I get jealous of my hubby too. One thing that I felt that helps us is that I tell him when I am having a hard time with this jealousy and he tries not to be so overwhelming with all the great stuff, but still enough so I get the picture of his day. I also think it is my mindset. I don't see how productive being with my baby is yet, but my mom (and I know) says it will show when she is grown all the work I and hubby have put in. *smile* But I don't see it now. We also have been starting to play games and go for walks around the house when she is asleep for something to do without 'kids'. Also, maybe your hubby can watch the kids 1 day for a couple hours and while he is gone you can see about having a friend/family/sitter come over at least once a week to give you a break or an outing so you keep your sanity. If you are close to grandma and grandpa, let them go spend a night if the grandparents want. If none of these help, I would stay awake at night or get up early to get some alone time in with the 'kids' so I can feel 'normal' for a little bit *smile* Hope this helps!

Evone - posted on 07/06/2011

its okay to feel the way you feel...it does not mean that your bad for feeling this way. I was in the Army and i miss it soo much. my husband works n i stay home. everytime i try to go back in he gives an excuse as to what might go wrong with me being away. you have life, its just taken a different turn is all. n the word you were looking for is not jealousy..its envy...because you wish it were you, jealous people try to come between the things they want the most and try to destroy the chances of another person doing or getting what they want. envy is different. you want to be able to have the life of conversations with out cartoons or the other things that come with being a mom...n you have hard with a special baby, but guess what...i want to you to get encouraged from this....i dont think i could do what you're doing. it takes a special person to take care of special people...i'd fall apart..but here you sit still strong minded and ready for action...my hat goes off to you. since you have a bussy schedule try getting a online certification...to work with the same special babies...no body knows the job better than you...n this is just a suggestion....but who better to work in that field than yourself. and i have done the research...there are many jobs that allow you to work in this field and also bring your child to what ever facility you'll work at or start your own non-profit organization...that way you feel "useful" again, and what a conversation that will make....goodluck n remember this is a life that was chosen for you...dont let it be a burden..turn it into a blessing and leave a legacy. as far as your husband...men dont think like us, they think in stages, you and your husband will never cummunicate the way you want b/c we think with are brains and they think......uh huh..you get. dont be soo hard on yourself...b/c just you sharing this...gives you a life...im reading your story and i am full of nothing but respect...n guess what else....being able to have someone else comment on your life is cool too...start blog. ill be your first follower..lol. but you have a voice it has not gone unheard mommas.

Jennifer - posted on 06/12/2011

I know how you feel!! I've had similar thoughts "why does he get to go out and have fun, while I have just been here changing diapers, etc"
Thats when I know I need some encouragement and some redirection! :D
When we as wives realize that we have an amazingly important role, raising our children and keeping house, then we wont be so resentful. When we are thankful, truly thankful, that we are home with our children, we will be content.
Can I just encourage you? You are doing a very good thing!! Certainly your husband has bad days. Don't feel that you don't have a life, it's just different than his.
Enjoy those children! :)

Momof2 - posted on 06/10/2011

thank you for all of your responses, nice to know I'm not alone. However I wish you all weren't hurting too. Kim-I feel you. Its so hard when you give up your entire life and they don't. I think its really hard when you are used to working, being independent etc. b/c you know what its like. I was in the military and did the same job my husband does now and know what its like and most of the time you sit around and laugh with all of your coworkers, and he works with all females. I've been TDY to where he is now and its nice, not dangerous. Its funny b/c he works with lots of females and has been an ass about it in the pass-having inappropriate conversations etc at work with them. Then I come to FL for a few months and hang out with a very good friend of mine I've known since highschool b/c we both have kids the same age and my husband is really mad about it. But he works with females for 12hrs with no one around-there are no windows or cameras in the command post and so many people have sex in most of them. But he gets mad about me going to the park with a friend and our kids. I know it sounds bad but I was kind of happy he gets to feel how I feel a little bit everyday. And Kim-lol I feel the same way, I want him to sit alone for awhile by himself too.

Kim - posted on 05/28/2011

Reading your post made me cry and want to hug you! I was a very independent single mother of 1. Made a career and bought a house for my son and I. Then I fell in love to an AF man in Montana and rented my house/quit my job/moved all my crap 700 miles to his place. We've been together 8 months now(married) and I am going out of my mind. I am a stay at home mother and now I am expecting our first. We are PCSing to Japan and he left first and on his way he stayed in Seattle for about 3 or 4 days. Had a blast with his friends there. Went out, went golfing and even a baseball game. We were supposed to plan a family trip there before he left so we could all go a game but that never happend......which I think adds to my jealousy and anger. So he's in Seattle having a blast and about to head to Okinawa and more fun there while I am stuck in Montana bored and lonely!!!! I am waiting for my damn cat to get cleared so I can leave. I already left a lot behind for him....I'm not leaving my cat!!! I'm so mad and sad and everything....and yes I know the pregnancy hormones are not helping the situation one bit. Is it awful that I want him to be stuck in a damn hotel room by himself with nothing to do and no one to hang with????? I'm awful I know

Shelley - posted on 04/04/2011

i hear you and could have written the same post. I had a job for 13 yrs and loved it. My second son was hyper sensitive and couldn't deal with me being away. he had separation anxiety and would not eat. So i quit my job. I cried hard!!!! like you my first 3 years were stuck with the kids and that is it! i am now doing more but it has taken me awhile to get here. i joined a mommy meetup group and do some awesome activities with other moms just like me. I have learn alot too while being a part of this group. The next big thing that helped me to get my sanity back was i just left when my husband got home. i need that "me" time. he didn't like it but i told him his job has ended now i will go on my break for an hour away!! once my youngest goes to school i will look for a job but now it just doesn't make sense because i don't have a sitter nor family that wants to help. ((momof2)) keep your chin up it does get better. there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm. :)

Brandy - posted on 04/03/2011

i understand, sometimes i get so angry because it seems like all my husband has to do is go to work and he gets to leave the house! im stuck at home cleaning and cooking and taking care of the baby all day everyday and it sucks, im 30 i live in a small town in ohio and most of my friends either escaped this town or they had kids early on and are raising teenagers, i have found some moms with toddlers but theyre all in their early twenties and i mean like 21 years old. i dont have anything in common with these girls and we dont usually agree on how to raise our children. i love being with my daughter but i feel like i cant enjoy life because even when i have maybe an hour to meet up with an old friend from the past (which is rare) im worrying about jenna the whole time, and i always look like crap which ive been trying to change but i have a very demanding child and its hard to make that time for myself. my thoughts are that jenna will be going to school soon and she will eventually become more independant and although i will miss this time eventually soon i will be able to leave the house once again! and when that time comes for you maybe you should look into some kind of program for your special needs child i know a woman who did that with her son because she is a nurse in the ER.

Cindy - posted on 04/03/2011

I would say find ways to get out with the kids were you are around other adults. Play groups or sometimes a good gym just helps. It will help you feel like you are not alone and when you find the right group to hang with you will also find a purpose to your new job that is unlike anything you ever thought possible.

Jen - posted on 04/01/2011

I totally understand how you feel, i'm far too independant to be stuck at home all the time and hate having to rely on someone else financially. At the same time i'm grateful that I have had this time with my son and haven't missed out on anything.
I've been applying for part time work, this won't even bring enough money in for me to really contribute to anything but it will give me some independance back, a bit of my own life when i'm not just Mummy and housekeeper! Can you go back to work part time or is that not possible?