Are any of you married to a man who is not Catholic?

Charlotte - posted on 12/28/2008 ( 29 moms have responded )

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My husband and I are very happy in so many ways, but he is Jewish, and I sometimes worry about how our difference of religion will affect our son, Isaac, who is 11 months old.

Do you have any experiences or advice you can share?

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Camellia - posted on 09/27/2012

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My husbands family is Catholic, however he is not. I converted in 2009 and am very adamant that our children will be raised in the catholic faith. However, he could care less and does not take it seriously and will sometime feel the need to say negative things. I pretty much ignore him and will do what is best for my children's spiritual health. However, I am worried that his example will influence them in the future.

[deleted account]

I don't have much advice to share but wanted to say thanks for asking the question and to everyone for posting their advice!

My husband was Evangelical when we married (in the Catholic Church) but is now an atheist. We are still pretty new at this and are still figuring out the logistics. Luckily he is mostly respectful and is not a fundamentalist atheist. I guess the toughest thing for me is that it is scary to be the only one in charge of our children's spiritual development. Wasn't expecting to do it alone! I'm just trying to trust that he is on his own journey and will find his way. And in the mean time trying to strengthen my faith and set a good example, but it's tough. . .

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Elizabeth - posted on 06/12/2012

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I can't speak from personal experience but I have a good friend who I draw on for inspiration. Her and her hubby's compromise is to raise their children as messianic jews (sp?) because Jesus was Jewish after all. They are also educating their children on the principles (not beliefs) of other religions and that as long your religion or faith doesn't require malicious harm to another living thing then what you believe is acceptable. Their children are 10 and 7 and very well rounded, and not the least bit confused.

Charlotte - posted on 02/28/2011

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My husband was not raised in any religion and does not believe in any organized religion. But I know he prays to God and we've had many respectful discussions about our beliefs. I've always told him I wanted to raise our children Catholic and he's been supportive of that. It does not interfere with us raising our son because he's respectful of my beliefs, and I'm respectful of his. He's even asked me questions about what I believe or what the Catholic church believes about different things. And he attended my son's baptism. He also attends Christmas mass and Easter mass with me to help me with our 2 year old son. It pleasantly surprised me that he wanted to attend the baptism. I was also raised in a household where my mother was Catholic and my dad was raised either Methodist but only attended church on Easter and did not attend any of our sacraments. My husband does not believe in my religion but he respects it. Truly, it's all about the respect :o) That's what makes it work.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/02/2011

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Heh forget Jewish, I'm engaged to a wonderful man who doesn't believe in any organized religion. But he respects the fact that I was raised Catholic and that my religion is important to myself and to my daugter. He's also taken a larger role as a father to my six year old daughter than her own father who is either practicing Baptist, Catholic or Methodist- I'm not sure now all I know is that his new wife has the ex Satanist (yes I am quite serious) going to Church and talking about God.
I believe that the main thing for our non Catholic (or non religious) spouses is to respect our religion and we respect theirs. I take care of a man who's Muslim and his Wife's Catholic, they've been married for 25 years. My papa (mom's father) converted from Methodist to Catholic when he married my mama and they've been married for nearly 60 years. In the end it's not just about religion it's about love, trust and respect for eachother's differences.

Jessica - posted on 01/31/2011

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Im married to a man who is Lutheran. Different but the same.
Unfortuantly the differences we face are big. However he has not attended his church in many years, and we baptise and send our children to catholic school. So slowly in his mind he is converting.
I think the most important thing is that a couple connect with god in mind.

Desiree - posted on 01/20/2011

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Charlotte there is no need for you to be worried about your religions being different because in a way they are not. His religion is the basis of ours. They are the people who gave us Christ in the first place. You just need to teach your child to be tolerant of both and let him understand that Judaism is the History of Christianity before Christ. That makes him especially lucky because he will be taught the way Christ would have been taught. and then he will also be taught about the teachings that he taught the desciples.

Yadira - posted on 01/20/2011

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My husband is also from a different religion then me and I know It's very difficult to be with somebody that is not our same religion but I hope that with our love is enough to be happy and also I hope that this matter would not affect our sons and daughters.

Emily - posted on 12/20/2010

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my hubby is baptist but isn't really practicing, and he works on Sundays. We had a Catholic wedding, our daughter is baptized Catholic and she and I go to mass. He is fairly supportive, and we compromise by going to his church with his family on the rare Sundays he is off work. We also go to social events at his church (4th of july fireworks, fall festival, etc) he was a good sport about the marriage and baptism classes. It's not always easy, but nothing worth having is!

Maria - posted on 05/05/2009

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I agree with Angelique. When we met 21 years ago, he knew that my family is a staunch Catholic, but we married in a Catholic church anyway. Our children were baptized Catholics, and although all these years, he hasn't fully committed himself to the Church, he has been attending masses with us all this time. And even pray with us. I know that it's just a matter of time, but the decision has to come from him. To answer your question, to allay your fears, you have to communicate with your husband. Don't dwell on the differences, instead point out the similarities of your faith. In the end, patience and strength of your love and faith will endure.

Roseann - posted on 04/17/2009

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Hi my hubby was not raised in any religion, i was raised catholic our 4 childred have been baptised & our older 3 attend a catholic school, although he does not attend mass with us every sunday he attends at all the special occasions that involve our kids, he belives that it is important for our children to have faith even if he dont have any

Julie - posted on 04/16/2009

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My hubby is not Catholic. His family is Hindu but he does not really practice any religion. We were married in a Catholic church and he allows me to raise our children as Catholic. It can be challenging at times because he really does not know the benefits of having a religion so he doesnt understand it and I see what the lack of spirituality takes away from him. Its also hard taking two young kids to church on Sunday's by myself. However, I want my kids to know what Catholicism is.

Celia - posted on 02/21/2009

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My husband was baptized Methodist but didn't really do to church growing up. Now we go to church every Sunday as a family with our son. It really depends on what you and your husband have in mind for his faith development. We baptized our son when he was 3 mos old and my husband is even considering going through RCIA. But you guys need to decide what you want for Isaac. All you can do is be a good example to him and teach him to love God. It's a tough situation since your husband is Jewish. With me, my husband is Christian and Catholics and Methodists aren't too different. Like I said, just talk to your husband and pray, pray, pray!

Carmela - posted on 02/13/2009

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My husband is not Catholic; he is united, a form of Protestant.  We each go to our own churches and take turns bringing our boys with us.  I did baptize both of our boys Catholic and our 4 year old is in a Catholic school.

[deleted account]

Although I'm a cradle Catholic, I was not practicing when my husband and I met and married.  I went back to the Catholic church when I got pregnant with my daughter, who is now 6.  My husband is very against the Catholic church.  In fact, he once said to me, "If I knew you were going to go back to being Catholic, I never would have married you."  So I know that he will never convert.  But I had my daughter baptized in the Catholic church and she attends the religous education program at our church.  She will get the sacraments of reconciliation and holy communion next year.  I go to church alone every Sunday (her RE is during church this year, but she will be going to church with me starting next year and then RE after church - it's just the way they do it here) and it hurts to see the other families - especially when they get to bring up the gifts.  But all I can do is raise our daughter Catholic and try to be a good example for her.

Erin - posted on 02/10/2009

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My husband never had any sort of faith growing up. We met and less than 2 months later got married. I knew that I couldn't push him into going to RCIA, but did ask him every once in awhile if he was thinking about going or wanted to go. He's now in RCIA and it was his choice. If he had never started going or didn't want to go it would have been hard to raise our children Catholic, but it would not have stopped it. It would be harder if he was Jewish though... that's for sure.. lol

Karen - posted on 02/10/2009

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My husband is Baptist and I was raised Catholic.  Initially when we were married we eloped in Denmark.  My husband knew how important my Catholic faith was to me, so he married me in the Church for our 10th anniversary.  All three of our children have been baptized and are receiving the Sacraments.  I have a daughter that will be Confirmed next year, a son who is an Alter server and a toddler, who won't sit still in Mass.  My husband fully supports our children being raised in the Church and supports our Church.  We have discussed RCIA, but it has to be his decision, I will not force him.  For now I just pray for him as I do everyone else, that God will lead him where he needs to be.

Julie - posted on 02/04/2009

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My husband was not raised with any faith, and he does not attend mass with us. However, he has always supported raising our children as Caholics. My children attend Catholic school, and he has always supported that, even in hard economic times. I pray that someday my husband will find a faith. He does believe in God and in Jesus, so he is slightly Christian in his beliefs, however, he says that he does not feel comfortable at our church. It does put a lot of pressure on me in some ways to be the one that teaches our children about our faith and I am the one who makes sure that we make it to mass every Sunday. I would never want to pressure my husband into the Catholic faith. I believe that he must be the one to chose and to determine where is heart leads him and to go from there.

Breeze - posted on 01/24/2009

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I hope I don't offend anyone here...

Jesus was Jewish and God isn't Catholic. I've chosen Catholicism b/c I believe that it is the way and the truth. My husband is supportive of my faith b/c he sees how I live it and he supports the kids and me in it. A lot of my Catholic family and friends secretly smile at him behind his back b/c he knows the prayers, the traditions, the practices and frequently attends Mass w/ us. He just doesn't receive the sacraments. I have to say that I respect his perseverance in not becoming Catholic just b/c everybody thinks he should. I want him to do it when he feels it in his heart. One thing I'd recommend is to stick w/ your beliefs, respect his and if/when your son starts asking questions, tell him to ask Daddy about it. That's what I do when the kids ask me. It's not supposed to be manipulative. It just gives him a chance to explain why he does what he does -- and sometimes it makes him think about those reasons too.

Angelique - posted on 01/23/2009

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My husband is not Catholic but he has agreed to raise our children in my faith. He is extremely supportive. He was technically raised Methodist, but doesn't practice. He attends church with us every Sunday and even helps answer questions. I really find it is important to have him be a part of it as I have two boys so far and boys truly do follow the lead of the father in many ways.

[deleted account]

We had this discussion with the Catholic priest who married us, and he gave us some amazing advice.  1) Don't pressure your husband to become a Catholic, he must do that of his on free will.  2) Make sure you celebrate both traditions (if your husband is practicing his faith), that way your son can have an understanding of both religions.  This means possibly attending both services on the weekend.  3) When the time comes allow your son to choose which path of faith he feels is best for him.



 



This clicked with us so much.  I also started praying more about it, and God definitely answered my prayers because my husband is currently going through RCIA.  He has even helped me to become a better Catholic.

Sandy - posted on 01/14/2009

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My husband is not Catholic and me and my girls go to church without him. My husband does not practice any faith so it is kinda easy but in a way it is hard because it is up to me to take them every week.

[deleted account]

My husband was agnostic when we met and after a couple years of being married and exploring lots of different religions together he was baptised Catholic.  During that time I felt that I needed to be very open minded and pray for guidance so we would be able to discuss our thoughts and feelings instead of fighting over any differences.  I was grateful to have such a wonderful and educating experience during that time and we didn't fight over any of it. 



I think if my little girl was born then I would have approached it in the same way and continued to teach her as I was taught in the Catholic church but also educate her on other religions.  Education is the most important thing and that includes knowing what else is out there even if your heart and faith only lie in one place.

Michele - posted on 01/10/2009

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Quoting Charlotte:

Are any of you married to a man who is not Catholic?

My husband and I are very happy in so many ways, but he is Jewish, and I sometimes worry about how our difference of religion will affect our son, Isaac, who is 11 months old.
Do you have any experiences or advice you can share?


My husband used to be Mormon-He'd been mormon for almost 20 years before converting to Catholisism.  Before then I supported him in attending "family" meal events, we shared prayers when we could and we did a lot of looking/reading about each other's belief systems.  Before marriage it was a subject we fully considered and it was never something we were to bring up during the rough times.

Brooke - posted on 01/07/2009

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I totally agree with Angela. When we first started at our childrens school and parish my husband did not go to mass with the boys and I. Now he goes and is thinking of converting himself. It is really nice to know he has taken interest on his own and I have not had to push him in anyway.

Angela - posted on 01/07/2009

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My husband is not Catholic and was raised with no religion at all. It has been difficult as I already had 2 children when I met him. We now have 4 children (2 from my first marriage and 2 with my current husband) and this past fall he started the RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation or convert class) at our church. I have never pushed for him to attend Mass except when it was something special for our children. He decided on his own to attend Mass about 9 months ago and he comes voluntarily every week! I believe that husbands who are not Catholic need love and understanding and that the Holy Spirit will guide them!!!!

Lori - posted on 01/06/2009

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My husband was baptized Lutheran but while growing up his mom took him to many different types of churches so he is extremely confused about religion.  This has caused a few issues between us because I am a practicing Catholic and I attend church with our children every Sunday.  He comes once in  awhile, but it almost seems as though he does not want to be there.  He does not understand the majority of my beliefs and it is difficult to try to get someone to understand when they are so cynical.  Someday I hope to get him to attend some bible study classes so he can understand me better as a Catholic! 

Jennifer - posted on 01/02/2009

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I was raised in the Catholic church and my husband was raised in the Lutheran church. Currently we attend a Catholic church and have had both of our children baptised in the Catholic faith. My husband does not attend communion since he has not taken the classes to convert to the Catholic faith. Our religious backgrounds are very similar in most aspects. I hope that my husband will decide to take the classes to convert to Catholosism- but I haven't pushed him about it. I know that our children are beeing raised in the Catholic faith and that is good enough for me- for now.

Brooke - posted on 12/31/2008

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Hi, my hubby is Pres. but has been willing to send our boys to Catholic school and be baptised Catholic. We went and talked with our Father and he seemed happy with this choice. That is a tough call when your husband is Jewish though. I think that he has a very strong Religion behind him and most likely will not sway. I am sure you guys can find a middle ground. My mom was Catholic and my dad Pres. also and they seemed to work it out...... Maybe talk to the head of both of your churches for a 3rd parties input. Goodluck to you both! No matter what you choose as long as it is in the best interest of your son that is all that matters. God bless!

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