I am a very confused Catholic. Please give your thoughts.

Leah - posted on 11/22/2010 ( 47 moms have responded )

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I am nervous about posting this so please be gentle. I have been on the birth control pill for about 5 years. My mother made me get on it when I turned 20. She raised me Catholic, church every Sunday and religious education. I followed what she told me because she is my mother and I trust her. I know what the views on the pill are and I am still on it. I don't think I am alone in this, I think it happens quite often. However, it is a hush hush subject.
I have been researching the "better" options since February. I miscarried, and I believe it was because I continued to take the pill while I was pregnant and didn't know it. I have mentioned this to my husband and he is very weary when it comes to NFP. I must admit, I am a little weary about it, too. I just cannot let that miscarriage go. It breaks my heart even though I didn't even know about the pregnancy. (I had my suspicions).
Basically, I want everyones thoughts on what the best way to go about this would be. I want to do the right thing. I don't want to feel like a sinner anymore. I am a pro-life activist in my community and sometimes feel like a hypocrite.

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CA - posted on 05/05/2011

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Karen, are you Catholic? The only reason I ask is because if so, I'd be really shocked that you haven't heard of NFP before! Most parishes, or at least dioceses offer NFP classes. Anyway, NFP stands for Natural Family Planning.
Modern methods of NFP (sympto-thermal, Billings, Creighton model, etc) are thoroughly researched, highly effective, and medically safe, as they do not use any devices, surgeries, or harmful drugs. Basically, the woman learns to interpret her body's signs of fertility to determine her fertile/infertile periods, and the couple then, with a prayerful heart, takes that information, and decides whether to use the knowledge to either achieve a pregnancy (have sex during the fertile time) or to avoid a pregnancy (abstain during the fertile time).

I'd encourage you to do some research on why the Catholic Church does not support the use of artificial contraception. There are too many reasons to list here, but I assure you, they are accurate, loving, logical, compelling reasons!

Megan - posted on 06/23/2012

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Hi Leah, I am not Catholic, but Presbyterian. I truly believe that everyone must seek in the Bible their own beliefs - having a clear conscious is priceless! As a Presbyterian (PCA) we believe that birth control is not a sin, but part of responsible family planning. Try reviewing other Christian beliefs to help you decide what you believe, and remember that our God is a forgiving God. You are forgiven before you even ask God's forgiveness. Also, take comfort in knowing that in general, there is no reason to believe that birth control would cause harm to a fetus; and, although this is a very difficult way to view a miscarriage, it may actually be a gift in disguise. I have never miscarried; but, have had other trying times in life. I still feel sad about those times; but, I know there are gifts and lessons that I would not have otherwise. Remember also, that miscarriages can be natures' way of relieving a child of living with a lifetime of debilitating problems. The fetus likely was not viable, and probably had nothing to do with your actions. May God's love bless and keep you and your family.

Yvonne - posted on 08/27/2011

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I am not Catholic, but Jewish. I also have strong views on life. You should not beat yourself up. Even if you had your suspicions about being pregnant while taking the pill, you were not doing anything to hurt others. Maybe you did not know the ramifications of what would happen by continuing the pill. Maybe there was a "subconscious" choice that you were making. Whatever the reason is, you sound like a loving understanding person and you should think about all the good things you have done in your life. Consider the "serenity prayer" as a help for you to heal. Try to accept the things you cannot change. Stay positive!!!

Nicole - posted on 07/12/2011

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I just have to add something. NFP is more than just trying to conceive or not. For one, it's knowing your body better but more importantly, it's about being open to God's will in your life. And you have to have that mentality. Here lately I have heard of a handful of women who have become pregnant while on some form of BC. How do you think they responded? I myself am pregnant using NFP while trying not to conceive. All I can say is that despite the initial shock, I see that this is God's will and this baby must be "meant to be" as I closely follow NFP rules and had had the weirdest cycle ever (I had no ovulation symptoms and a very short cycle). The best thing to do is pray about it and research it.

Tia Melissa - posted on 04/11/2011

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I haven't read all the replies that you may have gotten but I'm going to give you my $.02, adjusted for inflation. I wasn't raised Catholic. I lived the life that mainstream America and it's media says is "just fine". I am a living example of what happens to a woman who buys into the lies that Moral Relativism feeds you. I didn't gain my self-respect until I began my conversion into the Church. I staunchly believe in the teachings of our Faith because I have lived and learned why doing it the other way is so harmful.

I also have huge issues with how badly hormonal contraception messes with a woman's endocrine system. Depo-Vera has caused several women I know to suffer irreversible sterility. Plus, the pill always made me a raving wench as well as completely killed my libido and prone to endocrine dysfuncion triggered depression.

All that being said, we use the SymptoThermal Method of NFP. I took a whole load of wrestling and prayer and jumping off the deep end to fight the birth control mentality. I had to do as much research as I could and find the method that had the most cross checks with the most information so I could be comfortable working with NFP. My husband and I fall into the EXTREMELY High Mutual Fertility category. The only reason we don't have twice as many children as we do is because of NFP and knowing when to abstain instead of relying on the true failure rate of any hormonal, barrier or chemical method. I would investigate your local NFP providers - Billings, Couple to Couple League, Marquette, Northwest Family Services, Creighton Model of Fertility Care, etc. Take your classes, find the best fit for you and your husband's personalities and stick with it. There are protocols for coming off of hormonal birth control and nobody is going to read you the riot act. Understand that there is abstinence involved at precisely the times you don't want to abstain. It's a sacrifice and can be frustrating. However, by using NFP, you can be assured that you ARE following the teachings of the Church. NFP works bt only if you follow the rules. If you went to your OB/GYN and were pregnant because you didn't follow the rules included with the packet of pills, s/he would say, "Duh! Of course you're pregnant. You didn't follow the rules." Same applies for NFP.

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Jessica - posted on 01/07/2013

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NFP is hard, because you have to practice self control and abstinence. But you can offer that sacrifice up for your marriage too. We have had 3 kids when we planned, and 1 miscarriage which was 'our 3rd' (no pill involved). It was devistating! NFP works even if your cycle isn't regular, sympto thermal is pretty much fail proof as long as you don't have sex during the fertile period. Try a free charting site, fertilityfriend.com. Now, those people are trying to get pregnant and charting, but it works the same way, those people have sex during ovulation, you wouldn't unless you wanted to get pregnant. It has a lot of info and graphs your cycle. Once you get used to monitoring the cervical fluid and body temp at waking in the am, you'll find it pretty easy. I wouldn't have sex the first couple months until you notice the temp change post ovulation, or til you are confident in knowing what your most fertile day is based on your cervical fluid.
Check out 'Contraception Why Not' by Janet Smith, 'Sex Au Natural' by Patrick Coffin (a kind of humorous commentary on why using NFP is best).

Andrew - posted on 01/02/2013

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If you have an irregular period than I would use the creighton model of NFP because it is as just as effective as using the pill. I would say we can't always follow our parents. My parents are good and loving but they are going against church teaching as well. I focus on the sciences and I would say get off the pill if you want to be married and have children at any time in your entire life.
God Bless
PS I suggest you call Catholic Answers radio (you don't have to give your name)

Lisa - posted on 06/29/2012

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Actually, there is no evidence that proves that being on the pill while pregnant causes a miscarriage. However, if u are married now and were upset that u had one, perhaps u are ready to come off the pill and start trying for a baby...

Laura - posted on 06/18/2012

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I'm Catholic. I've never taken bc because of the chance of early abortion (not to mention it's a very strong drug, but I'm sure you know that) and we just want a baby to 'happen when God sees fit'. I have one child. You might look into the Creighton Model. I'm considering learning it for the sake of treating my crazy hormone imbalance because I want to feel normal again and be able to have another kid. :) Good luck!

Heilin - posted on 03/17/2012

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i am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I have never been on the pill but have had a miscarriage myself so i know how heartbreaking it is losing a child before they even got a chance to be born. I am married with two kids on earth under 3 so even though i am against contraception, i know how hard it can be. we use the creighton model of nfp which is 99% effective when done properly, it really helped us know our fertile times and the best times to get pregnant. it can actually show you if you are prone to miscarriages by your charting. 'the good news about sex and marriage'is a great book by christopher west which explains about the churches teaching on the pill in a loving way. remember God loves you and I will pray for you that He helps you to do His will.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/27/2011

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You're welcome Leah. If you're worried about the effects of the pill and how NFP will work for you, you should talk to your OBGYN about other options. IUDs and implants may cause spotting but most stop you from ovulating altogether. You can also skip the placebo in the birth control pill or take seasonal which gives you only 4 periods a year if it gives you more peace of mind. Make sure your health care provider is aware of your personal beliefs and is sensitive towards them

Leah - posted on 08/25/2011

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Thanks Megan. You hit on a fear of mine. I get pregnant easily as well. I was off my pill 2 weeks and got pregnant with my daughter. Then, last February, I missed the first 3 pills, started them on the 4th days and just took 2 a day to catch up. Still got pregnant. I just know if I do NFP I will end up with a bunch of kids. And the simple fact is, I don't want to abstain if the time is right. I've had enough libido issues to abstain now.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/24/2011

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I've honestly never heard of NPF either. Of course my husband (who BTW is an atheist) would be thrilled if we ended up with more than 4 kids.

I use an implant type of birth control (I had an IUD but it moved to my abdominal cavity so I had to have it removed a few months ago.) I'm also pro choice (not pro abortion mind you because there is a difference) and Catholic. From what I understand of any form of contraception it prohibits an egg from being fertilized in the first place so there's no aborting a fetus because there was no fetus in the first place. So you're not killing a baby. Because there never was one to begin with. I have no spotting and haven't had a period since I was on either. Of course I also breast feed so that could be part of it. There are contraceptives that can keep you from ovulating all together.

Now I was raised Catholic by Catholic parents- my father's mom marched in pro life rallies. But my mom took me to Planned Parenthood to get birth control and has supported my choice of control methods (if not the fact that I got pregnant last year by accident because I didn't always remember the pill and my husband and I weren't married yet) Because she believes God gave us free will to decide how we want to live our lives and that includes when we want to have children. I've already found out I can get pregnant at the drop of a hat (I had my 1st girl after being off the pill for 3 months!) so I'd rather have something that I know will keep me from having a period in the first place.

Leah - posted on 08/24/2011

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Thank you all soooo much for your comments. I have learned a lot. I brought up the issue with my husband to get off the bc and try for another baby, and that didn't go so well. However, I believe with all of your prayers he has had a change of heart and we discussed beginning ttc in Jan 2012.

Something that I was thinking about though... And this is just my experience, but, the few women in my church who actually follow NFP have 5/6/7 kids. I'm talking all under 10 yrs. That scares the daylights out of me. Some are able to handle this (very few) and others are complete robots now! I don't want to be a robot!!!! LOL! I know its a a mindset but I just don't think I could handle having uh-oh babies. Of course if I were ever in that situation, I would have the child, but I just cannot see myself with more than 2 kids max! Believe me, I wish I had the patience it takes to have that many children.

I haven't given up the bc pill yet. I hope everyone understands that giving up on a crutch as major as this one is absolutely terrifying. I just don't want God to give me 5 kids and actually expect me to be able to feed them all...I guess if he wants me to have 5 kids, I would, but he would also have to promise a lottery win. That's the only way that one would work!

Nicole - posted on 08/10/2011

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Just a thought to think about. I believe that if you have sex, you should be open to life or to the "consequences," whether you're using NFP, birth control or whatnot. I'm not going to say much on NFP, God's will, etc. as many ladies have addressed this nicely. I was talking to a friend of mine. Her and her husband are leading the NFP classes at our parish. Her husband did some math (he was a math teacher until recently) and the #s came out about the same of the chance of having a child within so many years, no matter if you used birth control or NFP. I think that if you were using NFP then you would be more open to life so it wouldn't be such a shock. You know?

From a personal point of view, NFP can be hard but it is also a blessing. I know my body better. Self-control is practiced (or not sometimes...). We are currently pregnant with another. This one was truly a surprise since I had the oddest cycle ever (very short and no ovulation symptoms) - but this is very abnormal for me so I do believe it was "meant to happen." :) I used to use sympto-thermal method but my sleep schedule is so messy now that I can't rely on proper temperatures. So I plan on taking a class soon on the Creighton model which goes over the mucous in more detail and also has follow-ups with a trained teacher.

Susan - posted on 07/18/2011

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Regardless of NFP, please be aware the all forms of chemical "contraception" like any birth control pills, norplant, etc. are not contraception but abortifacients. In a healthy woman it is said she does in fact conceive on average FOUR times a year. So, if you must use contraception, but do consider yourself a Catholic who is against abortion, for heavens sake get off of the pill. Use condoms. But also, read On Human Life, with your husband, and pray about it. Most folks, Catholics included, never stop to say should we use contraception, but what kind? Our Church has a beautiful theology of marriage and the body that should be explored by every married couple. And it is my belief if they open themselves up to the teachings of the Church on contraception the choice is quite easy to make.

Rosaura - posted on 07/08/2011

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Leave the guilt out of it. Be practical and look at the health risks and the future of your family. Do the research and take an NFP class. My obgyn is the one that turned me NFP and told me if done right was more " full proof" than any contraceptive and much healthier. There is so much hushed research on the direct links between the pill and breast cancer that that in itself is worth getting off of the pill.

Karen - posted on 05/04/2011

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I do not know what NFP is but if you are asking if you should come off the pill and have kids, I say go for it!! If you are ready and able to handle kids, you should have them! I know Catholics do not believe in birth control, my grandmother is Catholic and she had 6 kids, well kids until she couldn't have them anymore..... and I know that is what Catholics believe, but honestly, I believe that it is a personal choice to have kids or not have kids....if you are ready for them, you should have one and you should be pressured to have another....if you have one and want to go back on birth control to wait to have another child, you should be able to do that!! I would never judge you, because it's not right to say that one person should always have kids and not be on birth control...because I feel like it's your body, if you don't want to be a baby making machine, then you should not have to be!! I love my kids, but I like that I was able to control when we had them, along with my husband!! Not when someone else says I should have them!! I don't know if I answered you, since I don't know what the NFP means, but I hope I answered something for you!!

Meg - posted on 05/04/2011

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I am sorry you miscarried. That is such a hard thing to deal with. Pray about your choices. Please stop beating yourself up with being a sinner. God loves you and wants what is best for you. Talk to your priest also.

Kathleen - posted on 05/04/2011

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Hi Leah, I don't think being on the pill while pregnant caused you to miscarry. Actually what all birth control pills do is weaken the uterine wall so that the fertilized egg cannot attach. This in itself is just bad for anybody regardless of their religion. I have never been on birth control, not because of my faith but because I've always been afraid of the lasting effects it would have on my body. NFP does work, but it takes dilligence and both partners to be involoved in it, in order for it work. Quite simply it brings you closer as a couple in a more giving relationship because you come to a deeper understanding of each other's bodies in the process.
I fell away from the church for quite a long time and due to my husbands diagnosis with cancer came back cause in my heart I know it's the truth. Since then my stance on all issues takes a Catholic perspective and I agree with the churches teachings not only on sex after marriage but also on birth control. My husband and I were told we wouldn't have children if we didn't sperm bank, well knowing the church was against this, we didn't do it. Even after his chemo treatments they were still encouraging sperm banking (this made me wonder). We got married a few months into his chemo and 3 years later after praying the Rosary every day for a baby we conceived. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter, we had a miscarriage last June and are due to have our second daughter in just a few weeks. God is good. I highly recommend becoming acquinted with NFP because it will bring you and your husband closer, it isn't just a way to prevent pregnancy but also a good way to become pregnant.

God bless friend,
With Love in Christ,
Kathleen

CA - posted on 04/23/2011

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I would also like to start by offering my condolences on the loss of your baby. I can imagine that is very difficult to get off your mind. My best friend has suffered two miscarriages and one thing that she has done to help the healing process was to name her babies, and continue to connect with them, as they are now intercessors in Heaven for her and her family on earth.

Now, addressing the birth control issue. Aside from all the the horrible physical side effects that come from using ABC, I'd say the most damaging effect of ABC is the mentality that it creates in you. Since it is a means of preventing pregnancy, it slowly, subtly teaches your brain to think of pregnancy as a "bad" thing. Which it so obviously is not. Pregnancy, new life... is the most beautiful thing on earth. Prolonged use of ABC instills a FEAR of becoming pregnant, which again is contrary to God's plan for us. As Scripture tells us, "Perfect love casts out all fear." (1 John 4:18) So in order to better understand God's perfect love for us, and in order to better transform our own spousal love into perfect love, modeled after the Trinity, we must live without fear.

My husband and I practice NFP and although the initial reaction might be to think that using NFP as a means of family planning would create MORE fear for a couple, the truth is... it drives out all fear. Like I said, it has everything to do with your MENTALITY. Once you start to realize that every life is sacred and precious, and truly accept that God's will for your life is far greater than any will of your own, well... then you will not fear pregnancy. Because even if you fall pregnant during a time when you were planning to postpone, you have full faith and trust in God's sovereignty and you will know it was his will for you.

I actually wrote a blog post about this. Feel free to check it out. http://candidcatholicliving.blogspot.com...

Also, please be assured of my prayers for you and your family. Know that by examining your conscience and exploring answers from the Church, you are being an AMAZING Catholic. Keep seeking God's will, and you will find peace.

Lots of love and blessing to you this Easter weekend! :)

Nicole - posted on 04/22/2011

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I practice NFP and my husband goes along with it. We're in a weird spot as he's falling away from the Church but this is one area he doesn't bother me too much about (yet - as he's made some comments). However, aside from Church teachings, he respects me and my desires, so for now we're ok. One of the perks for me, as a previous poster stated, is the intimate knowledge of your body. I'm definitely sharing this with my daughter when she comes of age!

Tia Melissa - posted on 04/11/2011

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I actually have been thinking about NFP a lot lately. How can it be considered okay if it is still the prevention of a child. The end outcome is the same.
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Because there is no mandate to have sex. The Church doesn't tell you when and when not to be intimate with your spouse. If you were sick, tired or one of you traveled during your fertile periods, you wouldn't be intimate, right? Choosing abstinence together is different than using an artificial means to prevent pregnancy while still engaging in, what is essentially, a life-giving act. That's the difference between NFP and ABC.

Susan - posted on 04/11/2011

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Pretty sure I cannot add to the dialogue in any new or real way. Just wanted to say you and your husband will be in my prayers. This certainly not an easy thing to navigate, and I wish you luck in figuring it out, and deepening your relationship with God and your husband.

Leah - posted on 03/10/2011

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Ok, after careful consideration, I have decided to talk with my husband about having our second child. This will get me off the pill and then after having my bundle I can easily choose not to return to the pills. We are ready for another and I feel God is telling me it is a great time to do it. Things are falling into the right places and it feels like a message. I seriously feel it in my heart. My spirit feels lifted just thinking about the possibility of having a second child. My heart and my head tell me are ready!!!!

Michelle - posted on 01/31/2011

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First of all I am very sorry for your loss. Many birth control pills are abortifacients and have horrible side effects to boot. IUD does in fact prevent implantation of the already embryo (thus post conception) as was said. The churches position is obviously that NFP is the only acceptable form of birth control. It does work if you follow through on what you need to do. I would imagine that your obgyn could give you any extra guidance if you needed it to get going with it and most archdiocese offer classes on NFP. You do need to be open to pregnancy as a possibility as was said, but honestly the pregnancy rate is not significantly higher then with the pill if you follow your NFP method carefully. I would suggest going to confession. I'm not judging you by saying that, but listening to what you've said it sounds like part of what you are seeking can be found in a good confession. Please pray about this before making a decision.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/31/2011

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Leah, I want to reassure you first about the miscarriage. They happen to women all the time...pills or not. I had one a couple of years ago and I had been off the pill for more than 2 years. I stopped for many reasons, including not liking the effects of the hormones. (I believe they contributed to my weight gain and minor depression). Then, I joined the Catholic Church and felt a strong moral obligation...especially after my first confession. I can't say anything about the effectiveness of NFP because I don't follow it. But, another aspect of the pill is that sometimes when you stop them, your body has a hard time adjusting to not having them when you DO want to get pregnant. Just a thought.

Others have told you the difference between artificial bc and NFP. You do have to approach NFP with an understanding that you could get pregnant and be open to it. No one has commented on your IUD post, however. Please consider that while some believe birth control pills keep conception from occuring at all (and I don't know 100%), the main thing IUDs do is create a negative environment for implantation of the egg AFTER fertilization/conception.

Please consider prayerfully what you choose to do.

Jenny - posted on 01/22/2011

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Ok I do not mean to offend you or to tell anyone the right way to go. I'm just mearly giving you another view. Natural to you is no pills or "artificial barrier" and thats fine. To me Natural is to trust in God to go with what feels natural. That God will tell me how many children we are to have. Not me by trying to plan it out. I am very happy for you that your method has blessed your marriage. I just feel that God has joined me to my husband and if the spirit moves me when the calander doesn't, that doesn't feel Natural to me, or that I'm giving my all to my spouse. I believe though that every couple can give their all to each other with whichever way they choose, pill, condom, or cycle.
NFP is still a form of birth control and to say that any path, difficult or not, is better or worse is not very nice. I'm not trying to start a battle here and I'm sorry that I angered you. I think we all agree to follow what God is telling us for our marriage and we will be ok.

I know the following reading talks to everyone differently but to me it talks about the importance of intamacy in the marriage. I thought I'd share even though it dosn't talk about pregancy specifically

1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

Let the husband fulfill his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body the husband does, also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Gina - posted on 01/22/2011

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There's a profound difference between NFP and any artificial form of birth control. In fact, there are several. NFP is more than an acronym. It is Natural Family Planning. The key word is natural. Sexual relations between a husband and wife are to be complete. With NFP, there is not one single artificial barrier between the spouses. Instead, the spouses completely give 100% to each other. Christ gave His all for us. With NFP, we attempt, in a very meager way, to give all of us to our spouses. NFP is based on God's mechanism of creating the woman's cycle. Artificial birth control is based on man's inventions. I do not question the sincerity and seriousness of those who choose artificial birth control. I also do not judge or condemn them. I just write this in a strong fashion because I know how much God has blessed our marriage through NFP and I believe in it with all of my heart. I agree that we should pray and listen to God's voice in our hearts. I also think that we should give strong consideration to Jesus' Catholic Church which has consistently spoken out against artificial birth control.

I suggest going to http://ccli.org/productsservices/brochur... This is Couple to Couple League's website and there are pdf brochures you can look at online. There are one specifically on the pill and what the church teaches about birth control.

NFP is more difficult than artificial birth control. To some extent, you might have to give up your desires until a less fertile time. However, knowing that Christ gave His very life for me, I can choose the more difficult path of NFP for His sake because I believe that it is His will for marriage. With God, all things are possible.

Jenny - posted on 01/22/2011

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Hi, First know that obviously Gods Will will be done no matter what. One of my best friends has had two healthy pregnancies on the pill. So though I know how hard it is to go through a miscarriage dont blame yourself. Also it is my belief that there is no difference between the pill and NFP. You are still trying to "control" not getting pregnant. The advantage to condoms or birth control is that you can enjoy the closeness of your marriage with out having to plan it out. (Along with some pills cut down your risk from some women problems) Relations between a man and a wife is very important to maintaining a happy and connected marriage. My Husband and I personaly dont use any form of control or counting just trust. THough I know when I get older I will want some sort of birth control just to help with the hormone fluctuation that comes when I get older.
I dont know if that helps at all. But know that there is nothing wrong with any way that you and your husband choose you just have to pray and listen to what God wants you to do.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/19/2011

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Leah, you're welcome. I know I come across as blunt sometimes. But I hope what I said helped. And I pray that when you and your husband are ready to have a child you have as much luck as I've had with having one.

Gina - posted on 01/19/2011

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With NFP, there is always a chance of having a baby. Even during the infertile periods there is a 1% chance of getting pregnant. So, if God really wanted you to have a baby it would happen. By using NFP, you are using the NATURAL cycle that God made for a woman, not something artificial created by man. NFP allows couples to practice self-control, therefore strengthening their marriage and allowing spouses to look at each other as a person, rather than an object. NFP is always open to the gift of life. My husband believes that NFP is one of the greatest gifts a husband can give to his wife. It shows that he respects her and the way God created her. The only 100% way to not get pregnant is to abstain.

Leah - posted on 01/18/2011

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I actually have been thinking about NFP a lot lately. How can it be considered okay if it is still the prevention of a child. The end outcome is the same.

Leah - posted on 01/18/2011

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Thanks Angie and Megan. I went to the Dr today and she told me that because my mother and aunt have breast cancer that it is up to me to quit the pill if I want to. She said that she doesn't believe I should do something I'm not comfortable with. I think I am going to have a copper IUD put in because that is what my husband and I agreed on. No hormones make me happy and no baby quite yet makes him happy.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/17/2011

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You didn't cause the miscarriage, things like this just happen. It's not like you intentionally killed your child- okay that came out wrong. I'm sorry, but you weren't responsible for the miscarriage. You need to talk to someone you can trust to get over these feelings of guilt. You're not a sinner, you have no control over every aspect of your body. You really should try talking to a psychologist about that- not that they really help all the time. Does your husband know you still have all these emotions? Because God knows you didn't intend for the baby to die and from what I've learned he's very forgiving.
As for the pill, I'm not even sure how well it works because I was on it taking it on a regular basis and I'm now 7 months pregnant. My mother's middle of the road old school Catholic and she took me to get the pill when I was 18. However I don't believe it can cause and abortion because it prevents the egg from being fertilized which means that there was no life in the first place at least that's my opinion.
As for myself I'm pro- choice which is somewhat ironic because I'm adopted. But I only believe that abortion is necessary in cases of rape or incest or if there is a danger to the mother.
I'm not sure what else to add, one of my friends has been using the cycle method to try and get pregnant, but it doesn't seem to be working for her. And I really hope you can forgive yourself because I'm sure God has.

Angie - posted on 01/09/2011

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Like you, we didn't start our marriage out using NFP and it's one of the biggest regrets of my life. I also wonder how many of my children died or were never given the chance to live. But.....After 10 years we learned about NFP from The Couple to Couple League and it was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. Both partners have to have some self restraint - but that's always a good habit to have. I took my temp daily and my husband drew the lines from day to day - sometimes he logged the temps for me. This made it so that I never had to tell him where I was in my cycle. It worked for us. We never had a child we didn't plan. We were able to get pregnant in the cycle we decided to have children. While it may not have been the best way to use NFP, it was our way and after that, I have no regrets. My brother was leary of NFP too but once my sister in law found out about it, she told him that she would no longer be part of the possible death of their children. In front of him, she threw the pill in the trash and when he realized how strongly she felt about it, he was on board and learned the method too. It's true that every type of birth control can cause abortion in some way or form. If you go to the Planned Parenthood website you will see that their research says the same. I wrote a paper and presented it to a high school class and if you'd like to see it, let me know and I'll send it to you. God bless you. Pray hard about your husband's conversion of heart and God will take care of the rest.

Gina - posted on 01/03/2011

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Before my husband and I got married he told me about NFP because I had only heard about the "rhythm method" which I was told didn't work. I looked into NFP and began learning about it a year before my husband and I got married. We weren't able to take the courses because of my husband's busy schedule. So, I bought a home study course and read about it. I filled in my charts and sent them to an NFP counselor, who checks to see if you are following the rules. She was extremely helpful and the charting became very easy. I have been practicig NFP for over 3 years and it does work. If you find out more information about NFP you will be able to explain to your husband all the amazing benefits. I believe that my husband and I would not have the great relationship we do if it wasn't for NFP. Learning about NFP was such a blessing. If you have questions about it, let me know.

Sabrina - posted on 12/15/2010

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hello, there. Having a miscarriage is painful. your not alone. And I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself some quiet time to reflect and pray. THe good news is that your asking questions with spiritual insight to our Catholic faith! I just heard an episode on this very topic on EWTN radio, you can google it and also you can find them on air. evn on your ipod in the form of a pod cast,. you can go intoo the blog as well and search your topic. My advice thusfar would be two fold for you to think about, One, while im glad you trust your mom, your showing trust for your own self guidance, Thats GReaT! Let your research lead you to your own conclusions. This is your own faith journey in our faith as a mom and wife. the next thing is that there is a basic premis of our Church for that does not support the use of birthcontroll in the sacrament of marriage. so do your reasearch and findout more from a theological prospective. and thanks for reaching out and trusting your catholic community!

Leah - posted on 12/09/2010

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Talea, I didn't take offense. I don't take things too hard on these posts :). I just wanted to clarify what I had said before because I did sound pretty nasty in my first post. I respect my husband and his opinions more than a lot of women I know...lol. You are right, it is very scary to talk about. I can talk to my husband about it but I know it stresses him out like crazy!! I appreciate the comment. Life is super stressful right now for us both and bringing this up scares him, and me. Lost my job and my house. Lost my grandmother and my mom has breast cancer, all in 6 months!! So it is understandable that this issue would be tough for fear of bringing a child into this world right now in our situation. Sometimes I feel he has made his mind up and it doesn't matter what else I have to say, so my natural defense is "it's my body"!! I may wait until the new year before bringing it up again. Thanks to all the ladies!!

God bless you all!!!!!

Talea - posted on 12/08/2010

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hope I didn't cause offense none was meant I just know so often we women don't bring our husbands into our "female" issues and didn't want to see you go through that mess (been there done that) as for pill the horomones have messed me up from the pill so much so I don't recommend them for anyone anymore. (((((hugs)))) on the asking your hubby to go with you I know how hard it can be sometimes. If not maybe you can go to a few and scope it out first or talk to one of the teachers with him if he would be more comfortable with that. Good luck with it and let us know. (((hugs)))

Leah - posted on 12/08/2010

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My husband is a huge part of the decision. I haven't taken any steps without his consent. I also haven't used the term, "it's my body". That is why I am posting on this particular page because I feel that maybe some of you have been in the same situation. I was reading up on the hormones in the pill and it scares me. My mother has breast cancer as well as my aunt. The extra estrogen in my body is a risk. Anyway, I am just trying to clear things up a bit. I truly don't think that my husband would take the NFP class with me. I will just have to ask but its hard. I think its a great idea to speak to my priest with my husband in tow. Thanks for all of the advice, keep it coming.

Talea - posted on 12/08/2010

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My suggestion is to pray and talk to your priest. You mention you feel like a sinner the only thing I've found that help me with that is confession. This is a very personal and touchy matter at best. We wanted to try NFP but could never afford the classes being offered here and my husband is OTR driver so sex was limited anyway. I did get my tubes tied with my last one because the cord was in a knot and she wasn't breathing, with the miscarriages I've had and almost losing 2 of my kids because of complications I just decided in the moment I couldn't take anymore. I regret it for the most part, but I would be lying if I said a part of me wasn't relieved to some degree. I hate not being able to have more babies, but am relieved I no longer have to face a miscarriage or a cord around another neck. I personally would take the NFP classes with your husband and go from there. If there are none in your area your local priest can tell you where to find resources to help you make what is ultimately your decision. Word of caution though doing what you want because "it's my body" can lead to a whole lot of bad blood. It may be your body but any babies would be his too so it doesn't effect just you, it will ultimately effect you, him and any potential baby. So he does need to be a very real and very important part of this process.

Cathy - posted on 12/07/2010

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Well I am replying for the sake of balance! My parents used NFP and I am one of 5! You can get those machines that tell you if you are ovulating cant you? could that be a kind of compromise that could work for you? What exactly are the "rules" on childbearing? Is any form of stopping babies being conceived considered wrong, or only "unnatural" methods? I get pregnant very easily (3rd month of trying with our first, happy surprise with our second, and 3 WEEKS after discussing having a third!) So I admit I had a sterilisation after our third( also because I have arthritis in my spine and was told I could literally be paralysed by any more pg's)
I hope it works out for you

Brittanie - posted on 12/04/2010

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My hubby and I have used NFP from day one (almost 5 years now) and have had no unplanned pregnancies, though there have been a few “scares” along the way. So don’t be scared! I think you’ll be surprised with how second nature it becomes after only a short time. Also I think the one thing I found has an added bonus was how well I know my own body now, witch was a benefit when the time came to start trying for a baby (we got pregnant on the first try), but also last year when I wasn’t feeling right it help in ruling out “female problems” and my diagnoses was a lot faster then it probably would have been other wise. I know that it’s hard putting your foot down with your husband, but like you said it is your body and it is your choice.
The only recommendation I can make is be very careful the first few months, because your body is use to the pill and it will take some time for it to regulate itself back to a normal state. Good luck with the transition, I know everything will work out for the best! God Bless!

Leah - posted on 11/30/2010

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Thank you for actually replying to my post. I have been checking for days for a little helpful advice. My husband and I are terrified of having another child right now. (If it happens, it happens) My husband has more of the problem with me going off of the pill. However, it is my body. I just don't know. I have heard of many people getting pregnant while relying on NFP. I'm just afraid.

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One thing that might make you feel better about the miscarriage; is that my eldest sister got pregnant twice while on the pill and had sucessful pregnancies.

NFP is difficult and you'll need support from your husband. The hardest thing about NFP is self control. You can't necessarily have sex when you want to. Depending on how regular your period is off the pill will determine the counting system. Most women ovulate about a week and a half after their period. However you can't go on numbers alone. Basel temps (which is the temperature of your body the second you wake up), is very useful. I suggest keeping a thermometer along with a log at your bedside and taking right away.

Right now my husband and I are using it in reverse because we want another one. However I normally use the date and mucus check.

I highly suggest checking out books from the library over online. Online can be great but there is a lot of missinformation out there.

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