Lissa - posted on 11/30/2011 ( 28 moms have responded )
Long story short... My husband has custody of his 3 children from his previous marriage. He has had custody of them since the divorce because his ex wife dropped the kids off to him one day and didn't return (or call) till 8 months later. The kids were really young when he got custody of them (the youngest only 7 months old) so they have never really had a stable relationship with their mother. She has been in and out of their life since the divorce (and since had 3 more children with different men). The kids have never had a positive female figure in their life until their dad married me.
At first it was GREAT and still is except the oldest and her lying. The kids and I are very close. The girls (the 2 oldest) love doing girly things with me cuz daddy is a "man's man" and they had been without the girly things for awhile. The oldest especially took to me, copying me, wanting to dress like me, wanting to dye her hair my color... LOL It was really cute and I was so happy our family was so happy. The thing about it is the oldest is a horrible fibber. She lies about everything. We have had problems at school with her lying and starting drama making herself out to be a victim. We understand this is an attention thing and we started having "Daddy dates" on the weekend where my husband takes the kids individually to do what they want and spend time with them without me. I think it's a great thing for them to do!! We thought this special time each child had with their father would help the cries for attention....
Well, about a year ago his ex wife decided to actually take the children for her weekend for the first time in months. Of course they went and it wasn't an hour after she had picked them up that she called my husband SCREAMING at him about how I had "grabbed the middle child by her arm and threw her out of a room". WTF? He turned and asked me about it sternly (which upset me that he could even think I'd do that). I told him I hadn't and they argued about it for awhile. When he hung up we discussed how she was probably just trying to start problems and left it at that. We ended up getting papers going to court. She was accusing me of abuse. We were flabbergasted. She claimed she saw bruises on the childs arm. We went to court and with no proof (no pics as she said she had) the kids remained with us but it was a 2 day deal and 5000 dollars for court cost/lawyer for all this.
Yesterday I took the middle child to a doctors appointment while the other 2 were in school. On the way home in the car we were singing to the radio together and she suddenly stopped and started crying. Having no idea why she was crying I asked what was wrong.
"(my oldest sister) was the one who told mom that you hurt me! I wanted to tell mom that it wasn't true but mom started yelling and got so mad I was scared to tell her it wasn't true. (the oldest) saw mom yelling and kept telling her that you hit us and yell at us and that you are mean! (the oldest) thought it was funny!!"
I was shocked. Why would she do that to me? I've bent over backwards to make sure I'm doing everything right. I am so sensitive to the fact that they are children from a divorce and try the best I can to be consistent and make sure they have time with their father. I never talk bad about their mother even though she trashes me and my marriage. I realize the child is only 9 and they can do some pretty out there things but this worries me so much. What should we do? My husband was outraged when I told him. We confronted her and she tried to lie her way out of it and finally told us yeah she had said that with no explanation as to why she had done that.
I'm starting to see a very alarming pattern with the oldest child. Her "worship" of me is very fake in alot of ways. She is quick to flatter anyone who she wants favor of at the time. She lies about everything from brushing her teeth to outright outlandish stories of how she is a victim. She is really 2 faced with her friends at school and called her best friend who is over at the house all the time "fat" to another girl in her class and they proceeded to make fun of this girl til I walked in the room. She claims she hates someone and then she is friendly to their face if she sees them. She steals and she ruins her clothes and shoes on purpose sometimes especially the most expensive things we get here. She puts candy wrappers in her brothers room and then comes to us and tells on him for "stealing candy".
What is the deal? We try so hard to make everything as normal as possible here. and we have addressed this issue with her several times from punishing her to talking to her and telling her if there is something wrong she needs to come and talk to us. Are we doing something wrong? I worry her next step is to accuse us of much worse. She has already caused a court room drama with her lies.