After divorce which last name did you choose

Kathy - posted on 12/04/2012

i was married for 7 years and had 2 wonderful children. when the divorce was final i decided to keep his last name. i am planning to marry again, and i am going to continue to keep the last name and add the "new" one to it. i am very proud of my marriage, even though it did not last and he is still a bit of an ass, i have learned so much. he gave me the two best gifts in the world, our two sons, and also helped shape me into the woman i am today. i have faith that one day we will be able to agree that although our marriage came to an end us being parents will last forever. i want my children to know that i do not regret any of the choices i have made, right or wrong i have learned a lesson from each and every one of them and i am proud of them.

Jennifer - posted on 10/24/2012

I kept my ex's name also ~ I hate having to write out envelopes to friends who never married but have kids with more than one man ~ so many different names and it's just easier for people to identify you to your children!

Good luck! Divorce can affect you in so many ways!

Amy Somethingorother - posted on 09/05/2012

I chose out of ChunkyNuggetmcGee and BirdbraintheGruff



I chose neither and now i live at Mcdonalds

Gina Marie - posted on 09/03/2012

My daughter was 20 years old when I divorced and said she wouldn't know me by any other nme. Now, 6 years later, I want to change it but I've got no idea how to do it or if I can after this long. I'm so happy now, I just want to be myself, I like me now. Does anyone have any advice. Thanks, Gina

Gina Marie - posted on 09/03/2012

I feel at this time you need to take care of yourself, { going back to your maiden name,} in order to be happy. If you are not happy, your kids aren't happy either, Do what you can to be content, your children will accept anything as long as your family is happy and healthy. Don't under estimate your childs resolve.

Erika - posted on 08/23/2012

I kept my married name. We had an amicable divorce and we have three grade school aged daughters. They like that I have the same name as them. However, depending on who I'm with I also use my maiden name socially. School/college friends and family use my maiden name more often. I started my career when I was married so it's easier to keep the same name professionally. If I ever remarried I would take his name (I'm old-fashioned that way I guess). I did keep my maiden name as my middle name b/c I still strongly identified with it so I guess that helped to with maintaining my sense of self apart from my marriage.

Ella - posted on 12/10/2011

I think for the same reasons we are not staying in broken relationships for the sake of our kids, we should think about every other aspect of being divorced and what the kids live with and without. Your married name is your husband`s name and your maiden name is yours , to be free from that relationship even if the kids have his name it`s best to be your own person, you`re still the mom that won`t change , he is still the dad. We dont have a wedding band or home or games or outings or all the use to be`s together so why have the name. One thing i have been thinking of and it was my 5 yr old`s idea is to hiphernate her last name with mine. so she has both.

I was recently featured in the news paper for my work and i was refered to as my husband`s last name through out the article and I resent that it does not sound like me, i would prefer my first name but if i had my maiden name last would be be ok. I also had a home daycare and i wanted it to be a family recognised name but i couldnt give it my husband`s last name so i gave my first name. I think it also has to do with your family and how you want to be recognised to anyone anywhere.I am not divorced yet, hence the last name (not mine).

Debra - posted on 01/11/2010

Good for you. I have to admit to treating it as a given, or even an afterthought with my kids, and they don't seem to care a bit. We do argue about what the dog's last names are in a joking way. I think a lot has changed since we were kids in this regard. Enjoy getting back to yourself...

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2010

I went back to my maiden name after my divorce, i couldn't imagine keeping someone else's name whom i wasn't married to anymore, my son was very young, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I am remarried now and my husband's ex kept his name, citing it was for the children, he didn't want her to keep it since she filed for divorce to be with another man, it just seemed silly. I just couldn't imagine signing my ex-husbands name, it feels weird to me.

Alisha - posted on 01/11/2010

I kept the same last name as my ex I hate him and his name but it was very important to me to keep the same last name as my children because they are with me and live with me all but 4 days a month. My parents were divorced and my mother had a different last name and it was very hard on me and I didnt want my children to ever feel that way.

Tiffany - posted on 01/11/2010

Im going thru the same thing. My divorce will be final God willing this Jan. I told my sons who are 6 and 11 that im changing my name back. I don't plan either to get married any time soon. I figure I want to be my own person and why would I want to have my ex's last name for the rest of my life and having people ask me are you related to blank or blank. I feel im starting over and my sons understand they are'nt loosing their last name. This is only about me as long as I communicate with my sons they will be fine. Ive given my ex enough and I can't wait to have my last name back I've went to long with putting my own wants and needs aside. This is my right. My boys will understand. I love them and your kids will to.

Debra - posted on 01/10/2010

I had the same thoughts, and did change my name back. I am SO glad I did. The kids barely noticed, perhaps in part because so many of their friends' moms kept their own names to begin with. It may depend on your community

I can't begin to describe how nice it is to have separated my identity from my ex. And I'll never change it again.

On a side note, you may like a blog I help my friend with about being a divorced mom: www.beccalov.wordpress.com

Good luck!

Stephanie - posted on 01/10/2010

I divorced when my kid was 9 and I changed my last name back to my maiden name. I discussed it with my kid first who told me that I shouldn't have the same last name as daddy because I wasn't married to him. When asked about having different last names my kid wasn't upset about it, they know who their mom is regardless of the last name.

Lenore, reclaim your identity and disconnect from the energy that came with the man you married. Your kids will understand, talk to them. You can change your last name but you can't change being their mom. Plus it is so much easier to do it now than later.

Bethany - posted on 01/10/2010

I chose to keep my married name. I never regretted marrying, only divorcing. I had no desire to erase my 'mother' identity, nor was I a virgin again. It was for the reason of not having a different name as my sons, it was meaningless and unnecessary. Honestly I don't get the whole "gotta be myself" thing. You are the same person one way or the other. Your 'self' does not change. Maybe I just don't believe there's progress in taking backward steps...

Catherine - posted on 01/09/2010

When i got divorced 2 years ago i changed my name back to my maiden name my daughter eas 8 at the time and was not too impressed to begin with but it is now a joke in our house!!I did it because i couldn't bear to have his name......I am now re marrying in May this year and sticking to my maiden name....good luck with your decision...kids are resilient,they bounce back;)

April - posted on 01/09/2010

My husband and I divorced when my daughter was 7 months old. I chose to keep my married name for two reasons; one reason was because of my daughter. I felt it would be easier for her in the long run. The second reason is I'm a professional working in a small community. All of my clients know me by my married name. It was a good business decision for me to keep my married name. Whatever decision you make needs to be right for you and your kids. Be open and honest with your kids about your feelings and they will understand. Good luck to you!

Susan - posted on 01/09/2010

i have recently got divorced and i have a 9 and a 7 year and have gone back to maiden name and they seem to be fine with it all hope it helps

Loretta - posted on 01/08/2010

I kept my married name because of the kids I think it's easier on them.

Amanda - posted on 01/08/2010

I think that you are making the wise decision. That way the kids won't be upset and when they get old anough to know the difference and understand it, it won't be too hard on them..

Meryet - posted on 01/08/2010

I kept my exs last name because frankly it was such a hassle changing it in the first place lol. Just didn't want to go thru all that crap again :)

Clare - posted on 01/08/2010

I changed my name to my grandmother's maiden name and I have a friend who went for her mother's maiden name - we just didn't want to go "back" to our original names so picked something different. I really wouldn't keep your name for your kids' sake coz they will cope with it and in a few years' time it will not be an issue for them at all but it might still be for you. Good luck with what you decide and remember "That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."

Alyssa - posted on 01/07/2010

I never thought about changing my name back. I am still technically married after being separated for 2 years but I wanted to keep "my daughters" name. My husband told me in an argument that I HAD to change it back and I said "sure, but I'm changing our daughters too" and he never mentioned it again. LOL. Just for the record, I have been asked this question a lot and I just want to say "what do you care!?!?" Nosey people!

Tammy - posted on 01/03/2010

When I divorced there was no question, I was keeping my name the same as my kids. My girls were 3 and 6 and I didn't want to add any more confusion for them. I knew they had to feel like there lives were turning upside down. The life that they always knew was being ripped out from underneith them. They were not going to be seeing there daddy every night like before and for me to tell them I wanted to change my name. That just was unnecessary. I didn't want them to question that too? They would not understand any of my answers. Kids interpret things strangly. I didn't want them to feel like mommy was rejecting them.

I had been married for 14 years and the name was attached to me too. I have volunteered and worked in the community for all 14 years. No one would know who I was by my maiden name. It would be like moving to a new town and having to establishing myself. I didn't want the teachers and my kids' friends, other parents, and neighbors to be confused when I called or signed things. I myself didn't need all of those extra changes. My life was changing enough also.

Later when I re-married. My oldest daughter had asked me if my name was going to change to match my new husbands. I told her yes. She begged me not to. She said your my mom, we are family. Your name is suppose to match your families.

Can't Jason change his name beings he's the one joining our family? His name should match ours. Then she said, Wait. isn't your last name going to match his kids'? Your going to match his kids but not me and sis'. That killed me that this is how she saw it. We talked for a while and she then said, that she didn't mind if I added his name to the end of mine. I told her it was something that I had to think about. I told her when she grew up, she would be married and her last name would change and match her husbands also. I explained when that happens that would leave me matching her dads by myself and I wasn't even married to him. She agreed that, that was silly. I told her that I left it for her sake. To keep it less confussing, but it may be time for a change. I told her that I wanted to match my husband and that I would always be her mom no matter what my name is. I laughed and told her she doesn't even call me by my name. I said you call me by the weird name of mommy. :-) She smiled. I told her I would think about it and we'd talk again about it.

We did discuss it later and she got more use to the idea. She said she didn't want me to be alone when she got married. That's how she interpreted it anyways.

It showed me that day, how important this name thing is. I'm glad I didn't do it during the divorce. They had enough on there plate at that time. And like Mariah said, they would've felt more alone and rejected.

Denise - posted on 01/02/2010

Like you I am contemplating the same thing. My kids are 17 and 14. I asked them what they thought if I took my maiden name back. my daughter really didn't care. She is 17 and figures when she marries she will change her name anyway, so it is not a big deal. My son said sure, and wants to change his last name as well to be like me. Is that possible? Anyway, I am more comfortable with the name I was given at birth than keeping a name from a man that doesn't want to be married to me any more. :)

Heidi - posted on 01/02/2010

I kept my married name becuase I did not want to go back to my maiden...lol it is always mispronouced...lol

Anne - posted on 01/01/2010

This is a touchy subject for me, as I grew up not entirely sure of what my last name should be. My parents divorced when I was a baby, my grandparents raised me the first few years of my life, and then my mom remarried. I still to this day have old school papers around that I put any one of three different last names on. So I know how confusing it can be to a child.



I am on my third marriage, but after my second divorce decided to go back to my kid's dad's name. I have kept it since my third marriage, as it is the name I have had for the past 12 years anyhow. My current husband doesn't like it very much, but I told him I had already had quite enough confusion as to what my name was, thank you very much! And considering that he's my third husband, I told him if all goes well I'll take his name after all my kids are grown and gone. It's a personal choice, so don't let anyone push you into something you don't want.

Amy - posted on 11/01/2009

I decided to hyphenate my name using my maiden name hyphenated with my ex's (married) name so I would have my pre-married identity as well as the same last name as my children. I am not the same person I was before I was married so taking back that name was not right but keeping only the married name was not right either- you have to go with how you feel.

Kelli - posted on 10/30/2009

I used my ex's name as my middle name. His last name is Salter, so when I went to my maiden name it went from Kelli D. Lilly, (which is what I grew up with) to Kelli S. Lilly. Now that I am re-married, it's Kelli S. Muse. My son's last name is Salter, and because of him I wanted to keep it. Not because his dad is attached to me, but because my son is.

Twyla - posted on 10/29/2009

in my state , if u had children with him , u had to keep his name

Rita - posted on 10/29/2009

I changed mine back to my second childs last name. Its a very hard decision. Ill pray for u. Rita White

Brandy - posted on 10/07/2009

I did not change my name back because my son was young and I did not want him to feel I was wanting to change from him or leave him in any way I felt if I changed my name it would hurt him I did not want to hurt him in any way but with you wanting to keep your name even if you do remarry you will have to think about when a good time for that will be I would do that when the children are old enough to understand why you are doing it

Kay - posted on 10/04/2009

I am going through a divorce and I am going to go back to My maiden last name/// My kids I asked them they have no problem with it .. But ask your kids see what they think>>>

Raquel - posted on 09/14/2009

I have 4 children, one from my first marriage and two from my second, the last carries my madian name. I kept my married last name after the first marriage which was fine but after my second...that was it, I changed it back to my madian name and I'm sooo happy I did. The reasons for the divorce was the same reason for getting MY name back, I had to get myself back and feel better about myself. I know my two children have his last name and they love him but they know about divorce and the differant last name and if they have to live with the fact that we are now divorced the name change is the least of it. Your children will be proud of their last name no matter what, I was, being brought up in a family where mine and my sister's last name was differant from others in my family as well. I believe it can be the best thing.

Cheri - posted on 09/14/2009

I kept my children's last name. I was a divorced child and was tired of everyone asking who signed my notes or letters (my mom with her new name), so I kept his name and hypeneted (sp) my name when I re-married so my new childern and I also had the same name (you never know).

Jill - posted on 09/14/2009

I have been divorced about a year and I kept my married name because it was the same as my children's. I have regretted it! I would like to remarry before long, however, until that time I wish that I would have changed it back to my maiden name so that it would have disassociated me with him. Don't get me wrong we are on good terms and we communicate well, but it is like he is still identified with me on a personal basis. If I were you I would take back my maiden name.

Cindy - posted on 09/13/2009

I kept his last name for the kids sake

Karalee - posted on 09/08/2009

I changes my last name after my divorce! My kids are 10,8,7,6, and 4. Told them it is because me and there dad is not together any more. If you are going to do it just do it. Kids are more understanding then we all give them credit for.

Gwen - posted on 09/04/2009

I took my maiden name back. I have been happily divorced 11 years! I lost 180 pounds of dead weight. I have done nothing but improve my circumstances since the divorce. On the other hand, my ex has gone all the way down and has aged tremendously. It's all about choices and what is good for the children. My ex has no input regarding my children. I now have a 18 year old that is a 3.7 IB student and a 16 year old that are well-adjusted. He is maintaining a 3.0 GPA. It's no big deal that we have different last names. It's more important that you and your children have stable self-esteems and your family learns that it's okay. The "New Era " of families continues to grow and adjust to change. As long as you stay positive and support your children you will be okay! YOU can do it!

La Keeda - posted on 09/04/2009

I went back to my maiden name. It was like reclaiming my individuality and sense of who I am. I have three children who has their dads last name and we have no problems. However, the school teachers will automatically call you by the child's last name at times. This does not bother me and I do not bother to correct them.

Melissa - posted on 09/01/2009

When I divorced I was going to change back to my maiden name but decided it would be easier for me just to keep my last name. You know, I would have to change all my info like ssc, dl, credit cards ...etc. Then my x took me to court. How rediculous is that...lol So, me being me, I fought it. Just out of spite. If he would have asked nicely i would have changed it with no problem. Needless to say, I kept my name. Talk about him being pissed. Do what you think is right for you. If you want to start over, a new life, go back to your maden name. Keeping your xs name is sorta keeping the past alive. Good luck!

Erika - posted on 08/31/2009

I'm keeping my ex's last name. We had an amicable split and discussed it together. I asked what he thought and we both think for the sake of being easy for school/daycare/etc. that I keep it the same. The girls are 4, 4, and 5 and I don't think of it as being "attached" to him but more keeping an attachment to them. I kept my maiden name as my "middle" name so I have it still for my own identity. Also...the very practical side of me said....why change all the banking/drivers lic/work and school info and besides his name is WAY easier to spell and pronounce.
The point is you do what makes it easiest for you. Children adjust...they will be fine whether you have the same name or not. It has to be for your well-being that you make this decision!

Beth - posted on 08/30/2009

i kept my ex's last name just to upset him but its helped my kids associate with me more. my kids live with their dad and its hard on us all.

Cheri - posted on 08/30/2009

I kept my married name thinking it would spare any confusion and be the same as my sons'. Eventually I ended up remarrying anyway, so it changed. Personal choice for everyone. No wrong or right answer to that question.

Deidre - posted on 08/29/2009

I know it's been awhile since you posted this question, but I'm new...So I'd like to give my input... I didn't change my name with my first husband . I did give my son his last name. Then I remarried and chose to actually change my name this time.... 2 more sons later, one more divorce, but I too decided to keep my MARRIED name . At this point I thought at least 3 of us will have the same last name... It's hard enough to deal with idenity issues as a grown up , I did it for the kids..

Marilyn - posted on 08/28/2009

I kept it for the kids. Sometimes I think about changing it, but it is really not a big deal. He was married before we were married and she has kept the name. He knows that I do not belong to him. I use the Ms. with it, but the school still gets confused. It has to be your decision on what you do, you are the one that has to live with whichever name you decide.

Jennifer - posted on 08/17/2009

Keep the last name. It is good for the kids. When you marry again (if you do) change it then. Until then KEEP IT for the kids. You will make plenty more changes for yourself.

Jaime - posted on 08/17/2009

I was "informed" by my ex that I "was" taking my maiden name back... for tht reason alone I decided to keep my married name (didnt seem fair he could decide for me). lol... though I would have anyways for my daughters 5 and 11. You do what is best for you, either way just be open with your kids on the changes and why and all will be fine.

Helen - posted on 08/09/2009

Lenore with my children's father I took back my maiden name. I should not have done that. Reason was anything happens at school and these dingaling people who work in them do not look up records totally so if anything happens to your children they find it hard to get a hold of you as they try and go by children's last name. I was married a second time 3 years after my divorce, BIG MISTAKE!!! Should never have married again at all. Wasted 17 yrs the first time and 23 yrs the second, stupid, stupid, and even stupid I was. I am happy being single now but I did keep my last husbands last name this time. Only because I got sick and could not go to SS office or the bank and finally said oh forget it. I lived with it for 23 yrs another few years will not matter. It really is your call but I hope I have given you an idea of what can happen either way.

Stacy - posted on 08/09/2009

I kept my married name just for the simply fact that I didn't want to go through the same problems as I went through when my parents divorced and my mom took back her maiden name. Things where hard when mom and I had two different names. Now that it has been 6 years I am starting to use my maiden name and just hyphen my married name. My son cannot spell or pronoun my maiden name or can anyone else for that matter. It really comes down to personal preference.

Nicole - posted on 08/06/2009

I kept the name until I remarried. Just remember that no matter what you do your children's friends will refer to you by thier last name. I always just answer them but now that my kids are older they will correct thier friends. If you want to correct them ask them to call you Ms. Lenore. It's less confusing.