Child Abuse Charges Against Ex and Ex's Girlfriend

Kelly - posted on 08/12/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My ex met a woman about a year ago and moved in with her after 3 weeks of dating. She has a 7 and 5 year old. He and I have a daughter who is 3 who he has visitiation with every other wknd. Last October, he and his gfriend were arrested for severely bruising her son. One held the 7yr old down while the other used a wooden spoon and spanked him 14 times. (2x the child's age is the magic formula she uses). The boy said that my ex did the spanking, my ex and his gfriend say that she did the spanking. Regardless, they were both charged with child abuse. Since then, my ex's bond only allows him supervised visitation with our daughter.
Skip ahead to now...they are about to go to a jury trial regarding this. I have not allowed my ex's girlfriend to be with my daughter when my ex has visitation every other wknd at his grandma's house. He resents me for this and expects that once the trial is over, everything will go back to the way it used to be, where he and his gfriend have our daughter every other wknd. I think they are about to accept a plea deal to a lesser charge. My fear is that once they accept the deal, he and his gfriend will be allowed to take our daughter without supervision for his wknds. His family and my family think that I should do something to keep that from happening, but I don't know what. They think the gfriend is the problem and that he will do whatever she tells him to do. Can I get a no contact order against his gfriend with regards to my daughter? Can I ask the court for supervised visits to continue? Will a judge even grant me these things when there is only this one charge against the two of them? I don't know what to do and I'm scared. Plain and simple.

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Christina - posted on 08/14/2011

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You go in and ask for a hearing to amend your custody order. Explain your ex was arrested for child abuse and you do not want him alone with your child. If you tell the judge that you don't want to keep him from your child, but want to keep your child safe, thus asking for the restricted visitation, unless the judge is a complete ass, he will agree.
I got that order for my ex-husband so he can't be around my children alone, for their own safety.

Natasha - posted on 09/18/2011

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my parents smacked me a wee tap or smack, it never effected me but there is always the other side, most people do not stop at a smack that is where it starts then what happens when that does not work anymore? do you punch them? then when that does not work??? I know people who where abused as children and it only got worse, better to not start at all i say!! That is my opinion, my children are very well behaved disciplined children and surprise surprise i have NEVER had to smack them. In a perfect world a little smack would be o.k but it is not a perfect world and there are to many children being hurt every day, so i am against any form of child abuse mental or physical

Erika - posted on 09/18/2011

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Well, I do not live in Australia, I live in the US and here there are many resources...diagnosis or not. You are most definitely entitled to your opinion and I won't tell you that you can't have it. We don't have to agree, that is okay. I just wanted to quickly clarify that I do not believe spanking a child is abuse, neither do the courts. What I am saying is that I believe and the courts (here in the US) believe that having someone hold your child down so that you can hit them with a wooden spoon 14 times IS abuse. Whacking your child across the bottom and using an object are two different things. I hope that more resources become available to parents in Australia......

Danielle - posted on 09/18/2011

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I grew up getting smacked by my parents & I beleive that parents are the ones who choose how to discipline their child. We don't have a right to tell anyone that no they can or can't. It is your opinion. Well my opinion is that if you have exhausted all other avenues of discipline then sometimes yes a smack does work. This is my opnion and after experiencing it growing up I turned out a very well adjusted happy person. My parents didn't abuse me because they smacked me, they taught me that there are consequences with your actions, most of the time you didn't do anything wrong because you didn't want to get a smack. If we got a smack we knew instantly what it was for. I'm sorry but all this bull crap about sitting down woth your child & talking to them & putting them in time out simply just don't work for some children. All children are different & i form of discipline doens't work for ALL children. This is my opinion yes you may think it's wrong but at the end of the day we all feel we have the right to judge others when really unless we walk in their shoes we have no right to! As for there apparent;y being man many resources out there to help parents with out of control children this is very much not true unless your child has been diagnosed with a disease you get didly squat! Here is Australia there is noone who can help they all pass the bucket & you're left feeling very upset & frustrated by the lack of help.

Erika - posted on 09/17/2011

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Smmfh. I myself have a small child that is EXTREMELY difficult and I don't care what she does I WOULD NEVER have someone hold her down so that I could hit her. Do you have any idea the type of damage something that traumatic can do to a child? WE are the parents/adults. WE are the ones that need to be in control of our actions. I have worked in the social services field since 2001 and so has my husband. We have seen first hand what happens to the esteem and trusting abilities of children who have been abused. It can affect their entire quality of life. Yes, holding a child down and smacking them repeatedly with a wooden spoon is abuse. If she is having difficulty raising her son she needs to ask for help. There are MANY MANY resources out there for parents. And if he is willing to do whatever his girlfriend says then he obviously isn't grown up enough to make his own decisions and should not be allowed unsupervised visitation.

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Jody - posted on 04/12/2012

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You can file for a no contact 3rd party order in probate court for your daughter. You'll need to take all the evidence you can gather on her...and it wouldn't hurt to dig up his dirt either. If you can prove that she causes a potential threat to your daughter then they will probably grant it. I just went threw the same thing with my daughter. The dad's girlfriend has hit, spit on, pulled hair etc to my daughter and the finally was a month ago she slit her wrists in front of her. I was in court last week to prove my case that I needed a no contact order for my daughters safety, it was granted. I had facebook posts from both the girlfriend and the ex to prove how unstable their relationship is (you have to print them and print the WHOLE page including the address bar) I also went to the CPS office and got every CPS report that involved my daughter. All you have to do is put in writing that you are requesting the reports and photo copy your ID, they then have 30 days to get you the reports, in my case they got them to me in a week. You should def. get a lawyer, and a really good one. It's expensive, but kids are worth every penny! The no contact order (if perminate) is usually for a year duration, at which time you would have to renew it. There is no contact permited my mail, phone, e mail, 3rd partys relaying messages, and the person in question is not allowed in the childs home or within so many feet of the child (the judge decides that) I will say a little prayer for you! I totally understand the spot your in...I was there a week ago. Good Luck!

Luanne - posted on 03/06/2012

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I know how you feel, my ex husbands wife held my son down while her 16 yr old son beat him with a baseball bat, the police did nothing even after they admitted what happened days later. She was founded for abuse and he was founded by CPS for neglect because he stood there and watched He called the police but nobody told the truth and my son was too scared to talk, during the scuffle my son knocked over a plant and a chair. So he was arrested for that. They didn't arrest anybody else. My son was taken to junvenile and they took pictures of his back and he told them what happened, and they did nothing, didn't report it or offer medical care. When I went to pick him up the next day, nobody there told me anything about him being hurt. He told me on the way to the car, I took him straight to the hospital. When I tried to get a no contact order, it was denied because the judge said that was parental discipline, next time you better listen. I got the same response from the juvenile prosecutor. I have spent 3 yrs now looking for justice, my son has a Tramanic brain injury. So if anybody out there has any resources, please reply. Thanks.

Crystal - posted on 09/21/2011

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All I can say is WOW!!! I think if I were you I would most definatly go in front of a judge and express my concerns. I know here in West Virginia that your ex's girlfriend would be put in jail, one time offense or not. I would not allow my children around anyone that has been found guilty or if i even suspected abuse. As the mother you have the right to protect you little girl. I would try yo get an order of protection and ask to have the visitation continue to be supervised until he can prove that he can be trusted. I know once that trust is lost it is hard to get back but you need to do what ever it take to protect your child....

Valorie - posted on 09/19/2011

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I have an awesome attorney and for anyone who needs one , My family has been through like encounters. Kerya actually cares you should call her Kerya L. Koeut (727) 643- 7376 Best of Luck Valorie Torres- Arantz

Natasha - posted on 09/16/2011

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I feel very sorry for you what a horrible situation to be in, i would not want my daughter at all going back to that situation the law will be on your side good luck :) and Danielle there is no excuse for hitting ANY child ever, there is other ways of disciplining no matter how naughty the child !!!

Robin - posted on 09/15/2011

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You should really speak to an attorney regarding this issue. You have a much better chance at a positive outcome and protecting your child if you use an attorney who knows the laws and system in your area. Remember the old saying "innocent until proven guilty"? If they are not found guilty of "abuse" then how can the Judge treat them as though they abused that child? Also, if YOUR child was not abused, why should the Judge limit conact with your child? I'm not supporting your ex, I just honestly think you have little chance of getting what you want on your own. The justice system does not work the way it should. Please speak to an attorney.

Rebekah - posted on 09/14/2011

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YOU have a super fantastic day too!!!!!!!!!!! If YOU paid ANY real attention to what I said, I was giving advice on how she can protect HER daughter. Charges pending reason enough to do everything in the world to protect your kid. But since you're so well versed on the accused side, I will only hazard a guess as to why you're so adamant to make a case for her ex. No you really aren't worth my time, but stupid pisses me off. The truth here is, NO ONE has all the facts. All that we have been presented with is her side of the story, and her feelings on the matter. And if they are abusive people then yes, they are jackholes. If not, then I am sorry they are facing such an ordeal. Perhaps you should take a step back and consider what this mother is going through NOT knowing what really goes on at her ex's place, and NOT knowing if she can protect her daughter. THAT my dear is what I meant by stay on topic.

Danielle - posted on 09/14/2011

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Rebekah I was staying on topic I was replying to what you wrote! You also were wrong as you said these people bashed her child, maybe you should read things a little bit better and make sure you have the facts straight before jumping on someones opinion and if I wasn't worth your time why did you feel the need to reply? Have a great day

Rebekah - posted on 09/13/2011

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Danielle-Calm Down. YOU clearly cannot handle anyone disagreeing with you. I could care less to one up you, you're not worth my time. The only child that she is asking about here is HERS and what she can do to protect him. Get back on topic.

Danielle - posted on 09/13/2011

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To Rebekah, from what I read this lady was talking about the step mother smacking her OWN child not this ladies child. I am not making excuses at all for anyone. I am simply saying that there are 2 sides to the story. That is all if you wanna up me because I have an opinion then go for it. Wait until the court case goes through and ALL the evidence comes out before you judge a person. That's the problem these day is everyone feels they have the right to judge others. Judge yourself before you point at other people. Noone was in that house apart from those people and they know what happened noone else wait until ALL evidence is presented then do what ever you choose!

Rebekah - posted on 09/11/2011

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To Danielle-Are you serious? No she was not there and does not know what caused those two jackholes to beat her 7 year old son. However, they were charged and are about to stand trial. That is proof enough that the two of them pose a danger to HER daughter. It's not as if its just an unfounded accusation. How in the world can you even give excuses for what they are charged with?

I would contact a lawyer do whatever it takes to keep your daughter safe. With the charges they are both facing, you should have justice on your side. Especially where the wacko girlfriend is concerned. Good luck!

Christe - posted on 09/10/2011

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I can relate, my ex married a woman 2 months after he met her. She immediately started to turn the kids against me and is still continuing to do so. She lies about anything and everything. It is a wonder why she is able to work in the health care field when she is doing this to kids. But hey, she is from Florida. So being through the court system from the other side, I can tell you, try to Talk to your lawyer about supervised visits until they see a established positive response for all parties. This will show the childs best interest. My mistake was trusting my ex would do the right thing and put a stop to it. Ha! He started doing the same thing. So fight for your childs rights but remember your child also needs both mom and dad. It helps if all adults can get along. I wish I was dealing with grownups too.

Melissa - posted on 09/09/2011

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You have a duty and obligation to protect your child from even the POSSIBILITY of harm and granted we cannot control everything 24/7/365 - you have control over this and why risk it? You cant un-ring that bell once its done and your child is then damaged in the process.

Kyleigh - posted on 09/09/2011

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i d get a lawyer and address ALL of these issues. after all courts look after the best interest of ALL children

Evelyn - posted on 09/05/2011

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You can request a restraining order on her, so that she has no privileges to be around your daughter PERIOD!!! You can tell authorities about your concerns with your daughter and make sure you have anything documented. Chances are that your ex will be able to chance the supervised visits to unsupervised visits. As long as you have documentation and legal proof that you've done your part, the authorities will be held responsible if anything wrong were to happen. Also make sure that both your family and his family are 100% supportive in everything that you will do to protect your daughter!!!

Danielle - posted on 08/30/2011

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I have been through a situation similar to this. All I can say is you were not at the house when this happened so you don't know what brought this on or why they smacked him. Surely you know your ex well enough to know whether he is quick to smack or not and to this extent. That mother is the one who obviously has the idea that discipline is to be 2 x the childs age as it is "her" magic formula as you say. I agree that the holding down and with a spoon is fairly excessive punishment for a 7 yr old but do you know what these children are like? They could be little brats and soryry but a mother does know what discipline does and does not work with her children. I am not saying that any of this is right I am simply saying sometimes the situation reflects the punishment. It sounds to me as if this mother had enough and your ex was silly enough to assist her when she should be the one dishing out the discpline.

Jennifer - posted on 08/30/2011

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Legally, you should be entitled to supervised visitation. Any proven harm against children, whether your child or not, is usually enough for a judge. Some places would allow him the chance of no longer being supervised after they attend anger management or parenting classes. You most definitely should take it before a court using his charges as proof that there is a possible danger to the child.

Bridget - posted on 08/29/2011

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yes u cAN ASK THE JUDGE U CAN ASK FOR NO VISIT FOR THE SAFETY OF UR DAUGHTER

Kelly - posted on 08/24/2011

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Id be scared to. You need to talk to a lawyer right away. If they pleaed to a lesser charge will they get jail time? I would go before the judge and ask for the supervised visits to contine. Keep her way from your child. As for the no contact order?? I dont know. Has she done anything to your daughter?? Good luck.

Melissa - posted on 08/22/2011

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yes you can get a no contact order unless they want to hash it out in court then it will be a protective order and 500 feet once they hear the story....good luck sister i will say a prayer for you...been there done that - it will be okay.

Kelly - posted on 08/13/2011

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Christina - thank you for the suggestion. I'd like to believe that the justice system will work like it should, and they will not walk away from this without some sort of restrictions with regard to the children. However, if the worst case scenario does occur, how do I petition the court? Is it recommended to hire a lawyer to do this kind of thing?

Kelly - posted on 08/13/2011

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Thank you for your response, Michelle. In the police report and when they both first told me about it, they admitted to everything. Now, they are denying that they did anything wrong and that the bruises were from something else. I asked my ex tonight - do you think you did anything wrong? He said no. I asked him if he thought what they did was excessive. Again, he said no. If he had some remorse and admitted to really screwing up and doing something that he shouldn't have, I would be much more likely to trust him with our daughter in the future. Now, I don't know what to think. He's all about discipline discipline discipline. I think it makes him feel more like a man to put a child in it's place. ugh.

Christina - posted on 08/13/2011

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Actually, you can petition the courts to keep the supervised visitation. With the nature of their charge, regardless if they accept a plea bargain, it doesn't mean that your daughter is in any less danger. Any sane judge will keep restricted visitation going.

Michelle - posted on 08/13/2011

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It would be a good idea to get some legal help. I know if I was in your situation there would be no way in hell that my kids would be with them alone.
I would see a judge laking your concerns seriously since they haven't denied the charges at all.

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