Child lieing stealing, misbehaving at school and no support from DAD

Sue - posted on 11/18/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have an 11 year old boy, his father and I separated when he was 6 weeks old. We have both been with new partners since he was about 13 months old. I thought this would make the sistuation easier for him as he does not remember it being any other way. However over the last three years, he has been insistent on his father and reconciling.He says it is not fair his brother has two parents together and he doesn't. Over the last 12 months he has become really badd with the lies. It seems that every time he speaks he lies. He has taken to stealing money, his lattest theft was $100 from my car. His Dad's only answer is that I am not coping with him and he can go live with him. He does not accept that the childs behaviour is unacceptable. Or that the behaviour needs to be dealt with by the two of us. I will not agree to him going to live with his dad as I do not believe that will help our child as their are things that happen in his fathers house that I do not want him to see and be part of. I just want to help my son see right from young and make better choices.

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4 Comments

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Erin - posted on 12/01/2009

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wow. I think the best course would be family counseling so he can get his feelings out in a productive and non-violent way. Boys tend to become closer to their fathers around age 10 or 12 as well as girls with their moms so don't be offended. Another option to get his anger out in a better way might be sports, art or writing. My son loves to draw and when he was sad or mad it helped him. Maybe your boyfriend (or new husband) can spend time with him as a male role model so he feels that he belongs. Good luck

Jessica - posted on 11/21/2009

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I was going throught the same kind of thing...my son just turned 13 on Sunday he went through a bout of stealing things from tire air nozzle covers from the neighbor's parked car to bike pegs from a kid's bike at school...nothing as serious as $100 from my car (as I do not have money like that to leave laying around...lol)! However the lieing was also a major issue. His father was and has been a part of his life since birth. He and I seperated when Dan was about a year and a half old and even though his father, Jamie, has not ever stayed current on child support, I felt that Dan still needed his father around. Jamie is now remarried and his wife thinks she knows all and can convince Jamie what is best for Dan. With all that being said, they tried to convince me to let Dan go live wiht them..thinking that would solve all the issues!!! NOT HAPPENING!!! LOL!! Same as you, there are things going on there, that I do not agree with nor do I wish to have my son around on a regular basis. I started by sitting him down and asking him how he would feel if someone took his favorite things away from him, then I asked him if he knew the diference between stealing and borrowing. I then started taking things like privalages away from him, taking away with X-Box time, making him sit at the table and write appology letters, bring him to the people to whom he stole from or lied to and giving them these letters and actually returning the stolen things back and telling them why he stole them. It was worked for us so far. I wish you and your son the best of luck! If you wish to talk any more about this or want any more ideas please feel free to email me at jlg.dolphins@yahoo.com

LeAnn - posted on 11/20/2009

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I would go talk to a probation officer....not to press charges but to scare the pants off of him. A friend's son is in trouble and just got a probation officer. The mom is to call her if he does so much as doesn't listen or talks back, he will be locked up again. Mite be a shot. I would not let him know living with his dad is an option-if its not to you then its not. If all he is ever known is this I would guess there is more going on.

Tangi - posted on 11/18/2009

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Firstly, u and your son's father have to come to a compromise. He have 2 be willing 2 help u make your son a better person not just for u but, for his son as well. It sounds like your son is acting that way because he wants attention. He's old enough to where u can sit down and talk to him and try 2 give him what he needs before he hurt himself or someone else. He can live with u and still be a great kid but, he needs 2 hear dad say," Son u must obey your mom or you won't be able 2 visit me." That's the least he could do in hopes that your son respect him enough 2 listen and believe it 2 be true. If u guys can compromise 2 help your son, his behavior may change. All kids need both parents in some respect. Let him see u both at peace when you are around each other, even if u can't stand each other. Don't let your son see any anger or hate towards each other. It's worth a try if you want 2 help yourself and your son. Good Luck Mom

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