Daughter beats up on Ex...

Susan - posted on 04/14/2010

Yes, she see's a psychiatrist and is on medications including lithium. I dont know for a fact that father has told psychiatrist how bad our daughter really is toward him. As for school, she gets in trouble there as well. In fact, just yesterday she threatened a teacher as well as calling her a nasty name. Tomorrow we find out if they send her to alternative school. From what I understand it will be temporary, "because of the way she is", i.e. "special needs". She's special alright. Also, when she gets angry she will hit herself in the head. She is definetly not normal but does know right from wrong.
She is my granddaughter whom I adopted when she was an infant. She showed signs of not being normal when she was very young. I've promised her things if she behaves. She can do it till she gets it. It's mostly short term waiting for it. But she can do it. I had her during spring break and she did not act violent with me. She got attitute but I put her straight on what I will tolerate. I tell her whatever she does to me I can do to her and worse. When she was 10 she swore she was going to kill me by cutting my heart out. She told all her Dr's that. Very emphatic about it. To protect me she is with her father. But when with me she wont pull that crap. Go figure.

Alicia - posted on 04/14/2010

Have you tried taking her to a counselor? What is thier input? My son is ADHD & has a severe temper he goes to a counselor & I tell him what has been going on & than we talk about solutions I know it sounds stupid but it really works. My son has never hit me but has hit his dad & grandma. If you have tried this than I would call the cops on her & maybe that will put the fear of god into her so she really thinks about before she does it again.

Jacqueline - posted on 04/14/2010

You said that he videos her outbreaks, that is evidence for social services... I just don't understand why kids now days think they can run a muck and still have room & board... After the beating I told you of before, my mother told me that if I called social services, she would let them take me... I was scared sh*tless... How to convince the father that something needs to be done... Hummm... Call the police after the next spat... She is your daughter too, and if he don't mind her, you have to be the bad guy... Domestic violence isn't a man hits woman thing anymore... Its a who hit first thing... Do you talk to the father about this?? Like a serious conversation where you tell him that it is only hurting your child by letting her behave this way... He needs to be shown (in a non threatning way) that his lack of tough love is the main contributor to her out of control ways... Like you said "SHE KNOWS" who she can play and how... Tell her, these are my rules & expectations... Break my rules, nothing new for you... White shirts and kahki pants for you... No phone, no friends, no fun... Do right and you get the world... A room, a bed, and some bland veggis is all you need to survive... A tree is only as strong as their roots... you have to chop her down so she can have hopes of a blossoming future... Bootcamps work ever see Murry Povich?? Hope some of this makes sence or helps even if in the slightest of ways... BTW how are the other aspects of her life like school and friendly relationships??

Susan - posted on 04/14/2010

My response to it is I tell her to stop abusing her father. I ask her why she is doing it and she usually says because he wouldnt let her do something. When asked if she knows it was wrong she says she knows its wrong but cant help it. But she can. If she can control it around me, knowing I'l kick her butt, then she can control it with him. HE needs to stand up to her in my opinion. But then there's social services to deal with. She had them on us once. She lied! As for a home he would never put her somewhere.
I beleive, sdaly, that she will end up in jail before age 20. My question is how does one help father to change or at least help him see he needs to change.

Jacqueline - posted on 04/14/2010

If it were me, I would put her in a mental home for a while or call the police on her... She has to learn now that her actions have consiquenes and that you cannot put your hands on other people no matter who they are... At 13 you may be too late... I hit my mother once and she handed me a beating I (20 years later) still have not forgotten... I'm not saying beat your child but if it doesn't bother her that her father is emotionally hurting then you need to step it up to the next level... And what is your responce to it?? Do you have an open communication with her?? What is the responce when asked if she thinks it's ok to hit?? Good luck sounds as tho he will need it...