Daughter who is 13 and her father wants her to move away with him.

Kelly - posted on 04/25/2009

I wish I could give you some advice. Unfourtnatley, I am new to this. My 13 year old just moved out and in with her dad in March. It is killing me. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed but I know there are 3 other kids that need me. If you have any advice for me, please I am beggin for it. All I can say about your situation is you have her best interest at heart and if she despises you for it, your her mom, she will love you no matter what in the end.

Sandy - posted on 04/24/2009

thank you everyone this really helps to just know you are not alone and we are not bad mothers cuz we let our kids live with their dad. hopefully she will not fall flat on her face but if she does i will always be there to pick her up! I just hope she knows that.

Ginger - posted on 04/22/2009

I'm in this with you Sandy. I have an only child who is 14 and has moved in with her dad. I can't stand being away from her and can't figure out why she thinks it's better with him but I am trying my best to let her figure things out for herself. Lucky for me we live in the same town and it doesn't look like her dad will be moving any time soon. I understand exactly how you feel and how torn you much be. I can't give any advice because I need some too. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, I understand and support you.

Catherine - posted on 04/19/2009

I let my 15yo go and live with her father and step mum. I know she will soon be out in the big wide world on her own. It was very, very hard for me to let her do it (being the eldest). We only live 15-20mins away from each other and see her every second weekend. She told me I had raised her for 15yrs and she wanted to go and try living with him. It's the worst thing I could have done coz her schooling is suffering and its her last year of high school. I think now she sees it wasnt the best thing to do, but can't do anything about it. She has to live around their way of living. Her father and wife have 2 small children, so her step-mum puts them first. It's a hard thing to deal with, but my new husband and I have told her she is always welcome to come back home whenever she wants. Her brother and sister miss her all the time and are alway happy to have her home every fortnight. As they say "The grass isn't always greener on the other side".

Gwen - posted on 04/19/2009

wow, tough situation for you, I'm sorry. It's totally unhealthy for her to see dad being such a slut, and I'm pretty sure there's no judge that will OK it if you can prove this changing-partners thing.
BUT I do agree that unless your DD stays with you out because SHE wants too (or at least thinks she's the one that made the decision, lol), she will be a horrible miserable teenage girl until you give her what she wants.

Can you sit down and ahve a talk with her about why SHE wants to move? maybe outline some of the choices that YOU have to make, but that you want her opinion on (but I personally wouldn't tell her the decision is totally hers because she might just say something in order to get a reaction, KWIM?).

Gabrielle - posted on 04/18/2009

I agree with Heather it is hard situation but being in that situation kinda when I was a child I remember that my mom being honest with me and letting me know her feelings. I kept that with me and knew that if I wanted to I still had a place to call home with my mom. But as every teenager you know everything at that age so I still went with my father and ended up hating it and went back to my mom and stayed there till I graduated dad didn't really care. Just be honest share your parenting feelings with your daughter let her know even if she goes she can always count on you and don't force her to do anything unless it is a dangerous situation then you have no choice. But if you do it just because she will hold to that and remember that and it won't be pretty.

Lisa - posted on 04/16/2009

I moved away with my children for 2 years. Before moving, I petitioned the court for permission to take the children. My state has a "100 mile law". I told my children I was doing what I think is best for them (I believe that them being with me is best), then I tell them that ultimately the judge will decide where they will live and what the visitation arrangement will be. It really is out of my control. I trust God to take care of us. This is so tough. I have recently petitioned the court to move my kids again. My new husband has changed jobs and is already living/working out-of-state. This move will be permanent, we knew the prior move was for a set period of time and temporary. I pray for God's will and ask the Lord to be with the judge in making wise decisions for my family. Best Wishes to you and your daughter in this journey.

Heather - posted on 04/15/2009

Oooo...sounds like a bad situation for your daughter.  That's a toughy.  One part of me says, oh heck no!  Bring your little girl back home to you, the other part says, let her Dad continue to make a fool out of himself, like you said, she'll learn from watching him.  Boy... this is a hard place to be.

I think that if you don't share with your daughter your feelings, you will regret it.  Remember, you are still her parent.  It doesn't matter if she doesn't like you, she's 13.  She'll get over it.  Maybe try to sit down with her and talk the situation out with her and see if you can't some to a compromise, like she finish school here and can visit him for the summer.  I don't know how favorably the court would look at a man who is jumping from girl to girl.  Sounds very tacky to me.

Good luck Sandy, I'll be praying for you for wisdom and guidance as you and a receptive heart for your daughter as you deal with this situation. :)