Divorced 5 yrs ex only wants the kids on holidays!! How to make it fair?

Jen - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Joint custody cause it was easiest, still not certain I want the headache of asking for sole custody because he never sees them anyway.

I know legally I should not deny him any parenting time, so how do I buffer the 'dad wants to take you at the drop of a hat last time he saw you was six months ago' regardless of what's going on in our lives? The few times he sees them they are depressed lumps of nothingness and I want to scream at him look what you're doing to them!!! (I have remarried and this even hurts their stepdad and stepsister)

He promises them gifts they'll never get to use because they'll stay at his house (lives with his folks) and buys what he can with the money under the table, (child support comes from unemployment do I report him?!)

SO FED UP!!!

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Diamond And Rubies - posted on 06/05/2012

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I have lived through the same thing.. the last time my son was seen was 2 days after xmas this last year, only becuase dad called 3x on xmas to make excuses , when really no one was prepared to take him. before that I can't remember . it has now been years of doing this. it is hard to stay non biased and "nice" about it.
I have sole custody but never wanted to deny my child. now he has said if he "happens" to call, to forget it. he keeps having kids, two since my son, with different women, which i don't judge having different fathers/mothers, becuase so many of us do it, including me.
I was beging to feel that i would tell him no, but my son said it first. I usually don't talk bad about the person infront of the child, but if it is a fact, that can be backed up, well- we have no secrets in my house..
speaking of gift.s , my son got i think 20 dollars from the grandma for that xmas, and in 2008 got a crd from his father. that was the only one in his life!
I would report him, because it is your obligation to update them wiht info if you have it. it is your obligation to have that person step up and least pay for the kids. mine is now on 5 probations for failure to pay mulitpe 160 days in a row. so , his fault/ not mine.

Jen - posted on 05/22/2012

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For the sake of your kids and your sanity.. get this addressed through the courts. I have sole custody of my children, with Dad having visitation rights. In other words, they reside with me, I am the main provider, blah blah blah.. but he sees them (once a month, he lives 5 hrs away) and alternating holidays (even me, odd him).. I will allow changes WITH NOTICE and will even let them switch weekends if the kids are off an extra day, whatever. Call Domestics (where your child support is coming from if it's not Domestics in your area) and ask them how you can get this all worked out. If he asks why.. tell him it's for school reasons or medical insurance or whatever... get a plan and get it in place...

As for the unemployment... SHOULD you report him... you can, and then you won't have any child support.. so I guess it's just a matter of whether or not you need the financial help :)

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Would look at seeking legal advice for your situation. Surely any visitations should be done on a routine basis and not when the non-residential parent feels like it. If your ex has brought them gifts, then surely the gifts should be able to go freely with the children so that they will get the useage out of them and things don't get doubled up on. Yes I can understand why there are occasions for some items to be doubled up on, but only really if there is regular swap overs between the parents.

Certainly talking to a solicitor and revising the visitation plan makes sense. Also talk to your solicitor to see what your options are for your situation.

I am sure that it would be upsetting for all involved if the contact between your child(ren) and their biological Dad is not regular, with long times of absence without Dad being in contact, especially if he is living relatively close/'easy' travelling distance.

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