divorced kids

Ellen - posted on 07/30/2010

A great post that every parent should hear!! I myself come from a broken home and became estranged from my father because of my mother, even though my mother never said anything bad about him. From what I understand my mother kept me and my brother from seeing our father. But I also blame my father for not trying harder. He was allowed to call us but only did so when he felt like it. Bottom line is children need TWO parents and the adults need to put their differences aside and work together for the sake of the children. I have had to swallow a lot of my pride where my ex is concerned for the sake of my own children. When it comes to the kids, it is not about who wins or loses or who is right or wrong because in the end, it is the kids who lose the most.

Angie - posted on 07/17/2010

I married a man a lot like my father. We divorced when the girls were very young. He has had regular visitation with the girls, I think just so he can trash me. I have tried hard not to do that to them. I have to admit, I have slipped from time to time when they have told me the things he has said. I do apologise and tell them it wasn't right for me to do that just because I was mad. (We are only human)
The girls are now 18 & 14. The oldest doesn't have much to do with him any more and the youngest is on her way. They try to tell him it is because of the way he acts. But, being the "good christian" he is, he doesnt believe them. It's all my fault. He has already damaged his relationship with his daughter from his first marriage and now doing it again. He has 2 grand kids he has never seen because of his behavior.
I think all that we can do, is be there to listen and set a better example for our kids, and hope that they learn from the mistakes made.
My oldest said it best, "Even a bad example can be a good example and I know what I want for my life." That statement gave me hope that this cycle will be broken. We can't do anything about their relationship with their fathers. All we can do is make sure we make strong and healthy ones with them ourselves.

Angie - posted on 07/17/2010

my parents divorced when I was in my early 20's... but they never had a good marriage. My father always trashed my mother. My mother didn't start trashing him until they got divorced. My sister and I never had much of a relationship with our father, just because we weren't that important to him. He always accused our mother of turning us against him, not realizing his behaviour was what did it.I discovered at a young age that he was the one missing out and got past it. He has missed out on his grand kids growing up, by his choice.
My mother passed away a year and a half ago and my father came to her funeral. That was the 3rd time in my life that I saw my father cry. Since he is the only parent I have left I have tried to rebuild a relationship with him. things went well at first. Then,for reasons unknown, he has started trashing my mother again. I finally told him that he was the reason that we never wanted to have anything to do with him. That mom didn't have to say a word about him. It was his actions and his actions alone. He has made a little more effort where my girls (18&14) are concerned.
I guess the moral of this story is,,,,,confronting an issue my be the best way to make a positive change. If it doesn't work, then they are the ones losing out the most.

Deidre - posted on 07/16/2010

you are lucky to be able to say that....hope it stays that way forever

Deidre - posted on 07/16/2010

i wish i could connect you to my ex husband. he was the one who chose to be unfaithful and leave even though i begged him to stay and work on our family. he has remarried (the affair) and she trapped him into two more kids. my children are 13 and 11 and her children are 4 and 2. now my boys are not allowed time with their dad without the younger boy and girl. my kids resent the heck out of the "new" kids. they just want to be able to do "grown-up" guy stuff with their dad instead of baby stuff. their stepmom is ugly to them...very sarcastic. i am not aloud to pick them up or drop them off at his house. he either picks them up or we have to meet at a gas station. he and she both have made it very clear to my boys that they hate me and that i beleive i should be able to "control the world" and that i use the boys as a "tool of destruction" against him. he doesn't come to activities for them and when he does he leaves early a lot of the time....my boys tell me often that their dad hates me and doesn't want them to communicate with me while at his house so if they call or text me they have to do it in private.....the funny thing is you would think he knows better...he came from divorced parents that bashed each other as well......wish he would realize that he is his own emenmy...sorry you had to experience that as a child and for your grandkids...it is surely devistating

Jane - posted on 07/14/2010

As a divorced mom of two kids, now 20 and 17, I can say that my ex and I may have had much dislike for eachother when we decided to split but we promised eachother for the kids sake, we would not slam eachother or argue in front of them, etc. We've been divorced now for 12 years so our kids were young when we split and we are happily divorced with a blended family.

My current husband and my ex get along. My ex has always come over for kids bday parties, we always sat/sit together during school related performances or activities and for the past several years, he comes to my home for Thanksgiving, with one year bringing his brother and one of his friends from another state. We do 4th of July together in our small town and other holidays depending on what's going on.

Divorce doesn't have to be hateful. At one point in time, you loved eachother and even though you might not anymore, if there are kids involved, people really need to put them first! It can be done...I'm a perfect example of it.

Julie - posted on 07/14/2010

chrissy is the prime example of what can happen if we all play amicably....its nice to hear a possotive story for a change..... theres too much bitterness in the world and the job of the parents is to sheild the kids from this........

Chrissy - posted on 07/14/2010

AMEN!!! My parents were divorced, both remarried to different people, and both divorced again, and my dad remarried again...but my parents never bad mouthed each other in our presence, or I don't think ever! They kept in constant contact, decided together on what was best for my brothers and myself, and still keep in contact even though we are all grown and moved out! But I am a divorced parent, and I follow my parents footsteps in not talking bad about my ex in front of the kids and we stay in contact.