Do Bio Moms give excuses of not getting along with the ex in order not to co-parent effectively?

Tammy - posted on 05/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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In general, I am cautious with the role I play in my spouce's kids' lives. The only things I ask is that the pick up after themselves in the common areas of the house and that my bedroom and master bathroom remain my private areas. I am careful not to step on their mother's toes and my spouce In general does the disciplining (discussing with me of course). That being said, bio mom has begun to say to the children 'If she was a good stepmom she would.......' implying that if I don't do what she says I am not a good advocate for the kids. The things she is suggesting however are easy logistical things that the bio parents should be working out, but she refuses. Essentially, she wants me to do the logistical stuff Instead of stepping up to the plate to co-parent. They have a 50/50 agreement but refuses to do anything that might logistically help with parenting the children. For example, if one child wants some alone time with their father she says I should be looking after the other two. She has not done it for him once yet he allows her a couple of hours WEEKLY of alone time when he has the kids. She then implies to the kids that I am not a good person because I require her to step up to the plate, put her personal opinions aside and co-parent. My opinion is when they both have tried to work out a situation for the kids which logistically doesn't work for them then that is when I am happy to help. She seems to want to use the excuse that she doesn't get along with her ex in order not to actually co-parent.

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1 Comment

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Chrisdee - posted on 07/23/2012

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Have you tried sitting down and discussing as a family with your spouse and the bio mom directly? A wise person once told me "There are 2 sides to every story, and somewhere in between is the truth" Most mothers simply want the best for their children and the fact that your spouse and his ex are in fact "exes" does not change the fact that they are parents. Co-parenting can be a challenge for all involved. I would suggest an objective discussion and perhaps mediation if you are not able to discuss as a family.