do you still pack kids clothes for other parent

Kate - posted on 03/27/2013

Honestly, i think it depends on who is obligated per the divorce agreement. If mom receives child support, and it references clothes then she should provide. I think its easier on the kids if they have a few sets of clothes to keep at both houses so they dont have to keep track of 'moms' or 'dads' clothes. At the end of the day, whatever helps the kids be most at ease (minus all the issues b/t parents). I dont think they should have to take things back and forth, they should feel at home in both houses for their own mental health.

Kelly - posted on 03/27/2013

I think it is reasonable for the custodial parent to let their kids pack a bag. My husband has an ex who just pushes her 14 year old out the door with NOTHING but the clothes on her back. She told me she is not allowed to bring anything to our house and has to wear only certain clothes (dirty, smelly). Now, I have a daughter who visits her dad, and I let her bring her own stuff over there. I do not expect him to provide clothes because her pays child support. These girls being teens, want their own "stuff" from home. Every situation is different, but that's my view on it.

F - posted on 01/21/2013

I stopped sending clothes in the summer because they were getting ruined, and even though he pays me child support, I don't think I should have to replace things that he wrecked. So, he bought clothes and all was well for a while. Now, my son's winter jacket came backed ripped, and for the second time, his glasses fell apart. These big ticket items are very frustrating, and I don't know how to handle it. It's one thing to have my ex buy another set of clothes, but completely different to have him buy another set of jackets and glasses and whatever else I send over (boots, shoes, hats, gloves, etc). Suggestions? I've tried talking to him about it, but he just shrugs it off. I've even sent him the broken glasses so he could get them fixed, but it didn't stop the problem.

Fanie - posted on 01/20/2013

YES,LET THE DAD BE A LITTLE RESPONSIBLE......DON'T PACK ANY THING. LET HIM WORRY ABOUT IT A LITTLE.

Denise - posted on 01/07/2013

Mom knows she has to send the kids with clothes. We made that very clear to her. We provide pull ups and diapers as necessary. The kids are not here often enough to warrant keeping a wardrobe here for them. Most of them grow out of whatever we buy.
Here is a question. Mom and dad have joint physical custody. Mom got primary care because she was living with her sister and family. Now the sister has thrown them out and they are living in a motel waiting for a shelter space to open up. The kids are having to change schools for 3 weeks, then change schools again when they get into a shelter, then change schools again when she finally gets some financial aid with housing. Am I the only one that feels they would be better off with their dad who can provide them with a home for the time being until the mother can find suitable housing?

Tiffany - posted on 01/07/2013

My daughter is 6 and I still pack clothes for her. I feel that it helps her to stay connected with her full time life with my family. It may be silly but he probably feels that since he pays child support he shouldn't have to buy anything outside of that. Hey, it has worked for 4 years.

Denise - posted on 11/13/2012

I have read all the posts and wondered, they all mention kids spending every other weekend with dad and a night or two mid week, but what about those that are taken hundreds of miles away by their parent and come to visit for one week at Christmas, one week at Thanksgiving every other year, two weeks in spring and six weeks in summer. Period. Should we still keep outfits here for them? There are five of them by the way. How about things like hairbrushes and toothbrushes and toothpaste? My daughter in law seems to think we should keep a whole wardrobe here for them but for what? To wear for a few weeks and then come back and nothing fits? She sent them for a week at the end of summer and sent a list of what they were bringing, demanding that we make sure all were returned. My son is not working and has no means of supporting anyone at the moment. She gets food stamps and welfare money for herself and all five kids. She doesn't provide any of that to us when they visit.

Kate - posted on 09/20/2012

Thank you Tammy (post 7/12/11) - you couldn't be more accurate. Refusing to send clothes for the kids (especially if you are receiving child support) is controlling (and spiteful) and not in the children's best interest. Suggestion for moms - send a few outfits over (they do not need to expensive, just basics) and tell him/her (non custodial parent) to just keep them so the kids have something to wear when they are there. Do this a few times a year when the seasons change (ex. shorts to jeans) and you can't imagine how much less stress this causes on the kids and parents. Our situation is unbelievable. Mom is legally required (in divorce agreement) to supply clothes for the kids that are climate, event, duration and size appropriate. She never has in 7 years. So I (Stepmom) buy the kids clothes as they are there 50% of the time. Well, their mom will come by our house (unexpectedly most of the time) and tell the kids to run in and get clothes! So not only is she not supplying clothes as obligated, she is now taking the clothes from our house.

Kate - posted on 06/30/2012

my stepson is 6 and we have a full wardrobe for him at our home, but his mom would send him a bag of clothes to wear back to her house. We've told her that she doesn't need to do this - the clothes are HIS... not hers, not ours. He can wear the clothes from our house to her house, and from her house to ours. We also did this because she sends him in clothes and shoes that are too small or falling apart and we believe that he deserves to wear clothes that fit well and are in tact! I would fully expect the other parent to have clothes in his home - that's part of being a parent!!! What makes me sick, though, is that we pay MORE than enough for child support, yet we have clothes that actually fit him in our own home. His entire heel hangs off of the end of the sandals she sends him in, and the shorts she has him wear are mid-thigh - not appropriate for a tall 6-year-old boy! It's sad, though, that when we send him back to her house in clothes we have here, he gets upset cause he says, "my mom packed that for me and she wants me to wear those!" - even though they don't fit!

Shelley - posted on 06/26/2012

At their ages, I think you could encourage the kids to pack their own bag to go to dads, and again to come home. It's not unheard of for kids to do laundry, either. Having said that, I know it's kind of a dreamland wish. My son is not allowed to do laundry at his dads (weird to anyone else?!) So, I do "send" clothes, his electronic stuff, meds, ditty bag, etc. but ask my son to pack them and to make sure they come home. (No, it doesn't always work). I do check to be sure he has enough clean items before it's time to pack. I've "sent" a weeks worth of clean, fitting clothes and gotten back one dirty sock. Many times. Yes, I am bothered when they don't come back. Family tells me "don't send the clothes". But I feel strongly that it's NOT my son's fault he has to shuttle back and forth, and I don't want his dad's failings or my frustration with those failings to translate into my son wearing unmended or uncomfortable clothes, stuff I put in the "donate" pile before the divorce (4 years ago!) or filthy clothes. I've asked his dad to supervise, pointed out that "the paperwork" says the parents are to make sure the children have what they need coming to and from the other parent. His dad resists, saying "It's his job, I don't want to be a helicopter parent." My response is that yes, it is his job (he's 10 now) but that every job has a supervisor, and that's the parent. He needs to be sure the clothes are clean and available and that any "special" items are packed up to come home. My son got a Nook for Christmas, and the book we read from at night is in it, so he really needs that to be with him. It's a work in progress, but my priority is that my son have what is in his best interests, not in forcing his dad to behave (which he will never, ever do). So, back to my point - keep trying to do the very best for the kids, encourage their independence and sense of responsibility, but as the parent, make sure they have the tools they need to succeed. Hope this helps.

Jen - posted on 06/26/2012

Welp, I used to.. and stuff would disappear.. so I asked them (nicely) to please just throw everything back in the suitcase and send it back.. I'll wash it (that was always the excuse - oh, those 3 pairs of jeans are in the wash!) - Dad's girlfriend got pissed off and said "Just don't send them clothes then!!!"

SO.. I stopped.. and she dressed them in her older childrens old clothes.. my son doesn't care.. but my daughter does.. the clothes don't fit.. they aren't her style.. etc. Now that she is 11 (going on 12), I let her pack a backpack with a few essentials and SHE is responsible for it.. I don't give it to Dad or GF.. SHE has it.

They will buy her an outfit or two for Christmas.. then the GF gets upset when the clothes don't fit in the summer (yes.. she told my daughter she's getting fat...and those clothes/sizes fit HER daughter when she was YOUNGER than her.. etc) - she's a real gem :)

SO .. if it bugs the kids... I would send stuff... with the kids :)

Corinne - posted on 06/24/2012

hi yes i have same problem do i have 2 keep sending clothes

F - posted on 05/18/2012

Kristen - posted on 05/10/2012

My girls are 4yrs and almost 3 yrs i used to send them to their fathers in there nice clothes b/c all the stained ones i throw out i dont keep clothes that look worn or anything like that if i wont wear it then my kids are not going to wear it but i had to stop that when they every time he had them their clothes came home stained and i tried stain remover to get the stains out but i couldnt get them out so i had to throw them away and he got mad at me b/c i started to take all the worn clothes and stain clothes and that is what they wore to their fathers and now he gets them over night 1 night a week and has to put my oldest on the school bus and i told him he needs to go out and get them clothes and he got really nasty with me called me all kinds of names b/c i told him about sending my oldest to school not matching and in clothes that was too small for her and he told me to shut the F up that he can take care of them and so on and i told him not if he cant match her while she is going to school or put clothes on that fits her and his responds was that he gave me all the clothes he had but it is warm out and the clothes he gave me is winter clothes and they was too small for my babies when he gave them to me and the pjs didnt have matches and even going to bed my babies have matching pjs on i am not a mom that buys the most expensive clothes for my kids i buy used clothes and dont spend much on them b/c i dont have much to spend and he thinks b/c he pays just part of his child support here and there when he feels like it i can afford to buy clothes for his house well he has another thing coming this over night thing just started last week so next week if he dont have clothes for them i will take him back to court and have this taken care of but i was wondering the same thing about sending clothes but after the way he talked to me im not sending no clothes any more when he took them before he used to change their clothes while they was there for a little while that is and if he sent them home i send the clothes back to him clean but when i get my girls from him they are always dirty and their feet or socks are black and i am fed up with this crap does anyone else have this problem and by the way this is for a father that was never home when we was together after my oldest was about 4 or 5 months old and kicked my and my girls out on the streets when my youngest was just a month and a half old didnt care if we had anywhere to go just wanted us out so he can party at the house something i didnt allow when i lived there and someone that cant hold a job more then about 3 months and he always says he has no money but goes out to the bar drinks and shoots pool on a team 3-4 times a week and also eats while he is there so if he has no money how can he do this i just dont get why the courts dont do anything about this sorry to go on and on me and him bump heads really bad and his girlfriend told my oldest she can only use 2-4 squares of TP to wipe with and made her sit and eat a meal she has never likes at all my daughter is still upset over eating something she dont like i dont make my kids eat something they dont like they eat lots of fruits and veggies over any other foods and i think that is fine ist better then eating junk foods but they do eat their meats but not much of it so if their is something that we have they dont like i dont mind making them something else or they eat more of another food that we have that night for dinner that they do like but i dont see why if they have her 1 night a week they cant make something both the girls eat or make something else that they will like

Angela - posted on 05/08/2012

Saiqa.. .my ex tried that too with the car seats, but I refused! It's his job to care for his kids when they are with him!

User - posted on 05/08/2012

my little girl is 3 and stays at her dads twice aweek and he buys her own clothes to have at his house. we both wash,dry and iron the clothes and exchange them on drop of days. i have never sent clothes to his house. it was agreed when he started having her over night he would have everything she needed at his home

Saiqa - posted on 05/07/2012

My ex is a horrible person who demands I send clothes for our kids or else he will cut the child maintenance, he has them every other weekend. Shouldn't he have clothing at his house? I've been told to buy car seats for them. I don't drive, so the car seats would b sat in my house for two weeks, but it's his responsibility aswell for the safety of our kids. He expects me to provide for EVERYTHING!! Takes the piss.

Saiqa - posted on 05/07/2012

My ex says I have to provide wedding clothes for our kids when they with him. I mean that's his job, y shud i buy clothes so he can take them and ruin them in the process such a waste of money.

Lindsey - posted on 04/28/2012

In the beginning my fiance and I would send the boys over to their mom's with clothes for her every other weekend visits. However, our good clothes for them starting disappearing. So we stopped sending clothes. She has clothes at her house for them, which I think is kind of pointless. I would rather have all their clothes here, where they go to school and daycare from, and send over a bag with them when they go for their weekends of clothes. I think it is pointless because they will have clothing there that might fit them good but they only wear it a couple times before they grow out of it. It would make more sense for it to be here and them get more use out of them. It is THEIR clothing not hers.

Angela - posted on 04/17/2012

p.s. I think any responsible person who regularly has children at their home should know to provide clothing for that child. Providing clothing for your ex to use for your kids is a little too much like being his wife, imho. Even the kids' grandparents have a few emergency outfits for them to wear if they stay over - why can't their own father?!

Angela - posted on 04/17/2012

Tammy: I don't presume to judge about your situation, and I resent you judging mine. I am not in a position to provide clothing for two houses!!! When they come back from their dads they are wearing out of season clothing that is way too small for them, or with holes or rips in it, no underwear, mismatched socks, etc. This is after sending them in appropriate clothing everytime on my part. It's up to both parents to find a reasonable solution and if your children's father is responsible about the clothing you provide, then good for you. That is certainly not the case in my circumstance, and I was merely sharing that in case there are others who don't feel they have the power to say no.

Veronica - posted on 04/17/2012

Cooperation is supposed to work both ways.. My ex abandoned us 8 years ago in July to be with his brother's wife. When I would send clothes with my kids, they would come back bleached. And they weren't walmart clothes like he gets them. So, NO. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT send clothes with the children. The least the other parent can do is provide clothing for his/her children.!!

Denisa - posted on 07/18/2011

No I stop packing clothes when I wasn,t getting them back. He would keep them and then tell me what I should be buying when he doesn,t pay a penny of child support.

Christina - posted on 07/14/2011

Nope, but we do 50/50 shared custody of my oldest son and youngest son (who is my stepson.) With my oldest son, we do 50/50 custody in the summer, and in the winter they take him every other week for four days and a day or two randomly here or there. I buy 75% of his clothing and his dad and bonus mom buy extra stuff randomly. We have a collection pot I guess you can say. We split clothing so he has plenty at both houses and when one of us realizes we have run out of something, we swap. We are constantly calling eachother saying, "I'll swap you two pairs of shorts for four jeans!" It works great.
As for my youngest, she buys stuff for him to wear there, and we buy him stuff for him to wear here. We have him every other week. Now that we are finally establishing a good relationship with my husband's ex, I'm hoping we can get to the point of clothes swapping like I do with my ex and his wife!

Tammy - posted on 07/12/2011

I pack a bag for my kids & always have. If I don't, I send clothes over for my ex to keep for the kids. Doing otherwise is showing I just want control & I'm thinking of my anger at him over best interest of the children. He gives me child support & the kids already have clothes. No need for him to buy more. I guess that's why my kids are so well adjusted, unlike many of the divorced people I see & their kids/situation. It's called cooperation people!

Angela - posted on 04/16/2010

I sent clothes once or twice and they never came back at all...... So no, I do not send clothing! I still lose lots of outfits though.... :(

Angela - posted on 04/16/2010

No way! Don't do it!

Melani - posted on 04/15/2010

I have a 13, 14 in May year old daughter & she packs her stuff but he buys anything she forgets or needs while there. I still send her with spending money because I want to make sure she has everything she needs. I would guess it should be up to you, the kids & who they're going to visit. In my case my daughter only goes every other weekend or to his mom's when she wants.

Harriet - posted on 04/14/2010

OMG!!!! I STILL PACK FOR ALL THREE OF MY KIDS, 11,9, AND 4, HE IS STARTING TO BUY LIL THING AND KEEPING IT AT HIS PLACE, BUT EVERY FRI I PACK FOR THEM AND WHEN THEY COME BACK, GOTTA WASH AND DO IT ALL AGAIN. SUKS!!!

Ganilla - posted on 04/14/2010

i have a 9 yr old step daugther, and i went and bought her own cloths, the only problem i have is that her moms cloths and my cloths tend to get mix up sometimes and her mom gets upset when i cant find her cloths from her house, but to me its worth the fight from time to time so my step daughter doesnt feel like shes liven out of a suitcase, i would have the dad buy them cloths to keep at his house, it might be confusing at first but in the long run its going to turn out for the better for the kids. hope that helps

Diana - posted on 04/14/2010

I still pack clothes for my kids, because I know what my 5 yr old and 9 yr old like to wear. I've tried sending certain changes of clothes with them to keep at their father's house before, but he always sends them back. Why, I have no idea. I've told him before that he can keep certain things of theirs at his house, but he never hangs onto it. At least he sends back all their clothing washed and packed, with any dirty things stored separately in a plastic bag. For me, it just makes me feel better knowing that the kids will have clothes they like to wear while visiting their father.

Theresa - posted on 04/14/2010

My ex was forced to go out and buy things for him to have at his house. I tried to be congenial about it, but was not given the same treatment in return. My kids would sometimes like to stay over at his house unexpectedly, and if they did, then I had to take clothes to him, etc. He picked them up from school, then would have to bring them home to get clothing, etc. It kept me tied down during the time that he was supposed to have them. I wasn't able to make appointments, etc, because I had to sit around waiting for him to come get their stuff. When he refused to help by getting a few things to keep at his house, I refused to be available to sit at home and wait for him to come for their stuff. It is a sore spot between us. He says that the stuff at his house cannot come to my house, but I am not that way about it. His resistance to being flexible has created a situation where our kids lie to him, which I am not in favor of, but which he causes.

Alicia - posted on 04/14/2010

I still pack for my kids who are 7 & 11. In my divorce decree it states that all the kids belongings should go freely from one house to the other. Even though my ex buys them stuff for thier birthdays & Christmas & it has to stay at his house. I see how much that upsets my kids so I let them take most of thier stuff with them. There are a few items I refuse to let them take but they are te really expensive things.

Mandy - posted on 04/14/2010

I do pack and send clothes for my 3 kids......they go to thier dads every friday night, and sometimes sat. night as well......he sends it all back with them, so it has never been a big deal. he doesn't wash the dirty stuff though, it comes back in a bag.lol. but I don't really care as I am always doing laundry anyway.lol. I just send clothes, he buys all diapers, wipes and any over the counter meds when needed for at his house, as I do for my house. He is always buying them new clothes as well, and he sends them back here for the kids to wear. I have to say I am very fortunate as well when it comes to him always paying CS on time, and buying them anything they need, he also pays for camps, and sports and equipment when needed, sometimes we split the cost if it is to expensive or one of us is low on money that month, but we do what we can so our kids don't have go without anything.

Joanna - posted on 04/14/2010

I do pack for my daughter... First because all of her stuff is here and what she is comfortable in is here.. She has some things at her dad's but she is only there on weekends soo by the time she gets to wear what is there she has outgrown it. her father does pay CS (now) and does take her clothes shopping and sends it home with her. It is a discussion that needs to be had between the father and mother - At some point it does become an amicable relationship and a what is best for the kids and the anger gets put aside !!! Good luck -- I just didn't want my little one to go with out so I pack anything and everything she wants to wear, bring, listen, etc.

Mandie - posted on 04/13/2010

No because their good things from here never come back.

Jane - posted on 04/13/2010

I have to add that I have the best ex-husband ever though....he's always on time with child support, buys them whatever they need at his house (over the counter meds, PJ's, femine products for my daughter...anything you can think of). He splits anything that is large...camp costs, sports fees, cellphone monthly charges, sports uniform costs (my daughter was a cheerleader for years)...everything. I'm very fortunate. The kids just like their clothes from my house and I don't mind.

Jane - posted on 04/13/2010

LOL....I've been divorced from my kids dad for 13 years now. My daughter is 20 and in college so no longer a factor for her but my son is 16 and I STILL pack for him. My ex USED to do the laundry before sending it back but that stopped about 5 years ago and it was OK with me cuz' he's horrible at laundry. It's not a big deal to me...the kids like their clothes that are here at home....they didn't want to have another set of clothes at his house. Again, I don't think it's a big deal to do...takes all of 5 minutes.

Stacey` - posted on 04/13/2010

I pack clothes for my son's father when he takes him. Then again, my son's father takes him about 3 times a year, so I wouldn't expect him to have what he needs on hand for my child.

ROSANA - posted on 04/12/2010

My daughter is 4 and she also goes to her dads every other weekend and I havent packed clothes for her since she was a year old. I just stop sending them with her. I figured he doesnt have the clothes i send now he has to get up and go buy some clothes for her if he hasnt already

Kelsey - posted on 04/12/2010

I dont pack for my kids... I have a 2 and 4 year old... i made him buy his own cloths for the kids... He has them everyother week and it sux but i have learned that i dont send them in cloths i want back..

April - posted on 04/12/2010

i haven't packed my kids bags since my middle boy was a baby and he's 7 now it only happened once and then from then on he had to get his own stuff. Now that my oldest is 10 and my one boy is 7 the father gets really pissy if i ask him to bring a pair of boots from his house till i get another pair or anything cause he's worried about my youngest wearing them. My youngest and my older 2 have different dads.yeah definitley should stop packing bags for the kids tell him to get stuff for his place and if he gets a little grr with u just say then i guess i will have to keep them until u do and he can explain to his children why they aren't going and then he will probably get some clothes himself hope fully good luck

Valerie - posted on 04/11/2010

i would talk to dad about it and then decide...you don't want the kids to feel uncomfortable about the clothes they wear...if it is a problem with things not coming home, i would pick a few outfits and tell them to keep them there and send them only with the clothes on their back to visits. better to do whatever you can to make the visits go smoothly...dont put the kids in the middle...

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

I have three- Now 5, 9, and 13. The divorce happened when they were 2, 6, and 10. In the beginning I sent everything. Clothes, over the counter meds, and even pull ups for our youngest at the time. He would fight with me when he would come and get them when I would try to tell him something to do with their needed care. This to a dad that was never there or never home to help with the care for them in the first place. Now I have to release them to him for a whole weekend. So I sent everything to make sure they were ok. It gave me a piece of mind at first. But then him telling me he didn't need my help, He didn't need me telling him how to take care of his kids. And forcing them out of my car to go with him while they kicked and screamed because they wanted to do a family event with me one weekend. That was it. You don't need what I was doing for you. I STOPPED EVERYTHING. Clothes, over the counter meds, pull ups. EVERYTHING!!! The only thing sent is the prescription meds needed for the older one, you can't get over the counter. I only send enough for the two nights. NO MORE. And I now also have to make sure I send my son (the now 5yr old) with his older used up clothes because if I send him in his nice newer school clothes. He gets sent back in his old stuff that he is just growing out of and I don't get his new stuff back. Example when he first got into size 5 pants - fitting just a little big. I get him back in size 3T pants. Floods!!! I never got his new pants back. The kids would tell me he wanted to wear them back and dad would say No. So now after school on Friday pick ups, when he gets home from school, he gets changed before going to dads. It's sad but I will loose it if it's something nice. It sounds bad but he said he didn't need my help. Now years later he complains how hard it is. I tried to play nice, don't stick your foot in your mouth next time. I say take care of you kids and let him take care of them when with him.

Angie - posted on 04/11/2010

I have never packed for my kids, it's their fathers job to provide for them when they are at his house. That way nothing is forgotten. If they need anything for school on his weekend it's up to him to get it.They need to be dads on their time not just play dad.

Tracy - posted on 04/11/2010

We still pack. Silly really. I only get upset that I have to send over the counter meds (that get way expensive) and he won't even buy a dryer for my daughter. "What do I need a dryer for?" Duh!

Belinda - posted on 04/09/2010

my daughter is 9, my ex has her every other weekend. no school days. I still pack clothes for her, however this is the last weekend i will. I too agree with amanda the fathers should help support the kid(s). it took two to create our daughter. they may not like it, but its the truth.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2010

my daugher is 8 and also goes to her fathers house evry other weekend. i do not pack clothes for her. i feel that her father needs to have things at his house for his daughter..