Ex's girlfriend moving in..anything I can do?

Jennifer - posted on 08/23/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My ex recently informed me that his girlfriend of 1 year is moving in and that they will be sharing a bedroom. We have joint custody of 2 daughters ages 16 &12 that I feel this is an inapproprate example for. I told him this and he said he can see where I'm coming from, but I'm sure he'll go ahead anyway! I think this is being selfish and putting his own needs and his girlfriend's needs over our childrens.

Do I have any recourse with this or do I just suck it up? thanks!

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Meghann - posted on 08/15/2012

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None of you get it!
Jennifer is NOT trying to control her ex, she's trying to protect her kids from being exposed to a lifestyle that IS wrong!
My ex of 8 years is moving in with his current gf, he's still married to his second wife, he's had numerous sexually based relationships in between and his behavior is completely destroying our 9 year old daughter! I don't give a shit what that piece of trash does but I do care what he exposes our daughter to! Suck it up?? SCREW YOU!

D - posted on 09/07/2011

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My husband's ex reacted the same way as you did when he first told her I was moving in with him. His son was 4 at the time, but luckily for us she had no right whatsoever to control his life and I moved in anyway. That was ten years ago and now we're married. I don't get why this bothers you so much... you lost every right to have a say over his personal life when the two of you broke up. The only reason you could possibly have a right to be concerned is if she is abusive toward your kids. If that's the case, go see a lawyer.

Chrisdee - posted on 09/21/2012

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Jennifer, I ditto Meghan's sentiment. I too noticed that the my ex's values (married for 12 years, knew each other for 18) seemed to change dramatically after we were separated. We also have a teenage daughter and a seven year old son. I agree that this is an inappropriate example for children, especially teenage or pre-teen children, and very selfish.



The issue is that the choices that are being made by the "ex" do not only impact the ex. When children are involved, they are also impacted. It is difficult enough for a child to experience divorce and the total disruption of life as they know it, but to make matters worse, these children are often forced into inappropriate adult situations. Why should a child have to see his or her parent move from lover to lover. That makes no sense.



This is not a control issue. It would be different if the ex did his thing and respected the time he spends with his children as off-limits to his female love interests until he develops a serious long-term relationship that warrants introducing children and forming another parental support.

Parenting requires maturity, and this type of behavior lacks both maturity and wisdom.

Jennifer - posted on 11/28/2012

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Thank you for all the advise! Thankfully the GF moved out & wasn't even there a year! My kids did suffer because of it...My 17 yo daughter's grades were in the toilet! She's doing much better without the extra drama. :)

Candace - posted on 04/01/2012

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You cant prevent him from having a 3 ringed circus move in, however, where Im from, you can have a court-ordered criminal reference check from her seeing as she will be providing care for your children and living in the same residence. I know its hard to come to terms that your ex is moving on, however its part of almost every split relationship. The happier you are with your own life and circumstances, the less you will be upset with his.

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User - posted on 08/07/2014

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Wow. People just don't get it. I understand people live together before marriage all the time. HOWEVER, once you have children your priorities should be your children, not your love life. Let's face it, moving in together is mainly for convenience, which is selfish.

My stb ex just moved in with his new gf and her two young daughters (from her second marriage - she has two kids from her first marriage as well) after knowing her for just four weeks. And two weeks before he met her, he was crying on my sofa about another gf who had just broke up with him and didn't want him anymore. He and I had a deal that we wouldn't introduce our kids to people we date until we know they are very serious - well he's very confused and doesn't know what that means. We had a very good relationship until this woman came into the picture. Guess she's a pro at divorce and I suspect she saw $ with my ex. That's how she's living... off of her exes. So, I do have a big problem with my children being exposed to this situation. And to this woman. Clearly her judgement and his are very questionable. He also has stopped paying for agreed upon bills since meeting her... this won't be good for him.

Lucianna - posted on 12/25/2013

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As my attorney informed me, during my custody battle, I have no choice what my ex does in his personal life UNLESS I can PROVE that the significant other is harming our child in some way. A lot of times this kind of control issue is simply a reminder that you have personal issues that you have not dealt with yet and it would be in the best interest of the children that you do not project your personal feelings onto them, let them make their choices as to how they feel about others and remember that it takes time to adjust to new people in the picture. My son, personally, felt it was okay for his father to have a girlfriend but felt that his mother should not move on. Children always hold onto that hope that one day mom and dad will get back together, aide them in moving forward and you will see that it helps you heal over the split as well. **Just because you have a child together does not give you a right to control the others personal life!**

Evelyn - posted on 11/29/2012

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I do know in a lot of states that cohabitation with someone you are not related to or married to is not allowed in the custody agreements. It says so in mine that no minor children should be with the parent who is having someone of the opposite sex staying in the house unless married or related. THAT MEANS NO GIRLFRIENDS OR FIANCES. My kids told me that their dad and current step mom did this several times and did not tell me about it until it was too late. If they had told me sooner I would have had something done. Its a moral issue for a lot of people and also its not right to expose children to this type of lifestyle even though they know these things happen. My ex and I raised our kids until the divorce to wait until being married to live with someone. So when he went and stayed in the same house with step mom 2 before marriage he went against all he and I had taught our kids. THen he had the nerve to say that if our daughter got pregnant while in high school he would kick her out. What kind of example is that? People think not of the kids but of themselves a lot. I have not dated by choice in ten years but that is beside the point. If I ever did find someone, I would think twice about having him stay over night when my other kid is with me.

Redbear - posted on 11/28/2012

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Much depends on where you live; in Virginia, cohabitation is a *major* no-no and automatically grounds for loss of custody and visitation. The courts do not play games with this here.

User - posted on 03/28/2012

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You can have it fixed for no cohabitation while children are scheduled for visitation...

Jennifer - posted on 09/08/2011

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Thank you all for your comments! And you are right that he has a right to move on...guess I still have unresolved feelings for him to work out and that's why I'm having such a hard time! My kids are struggling with sharing their dad and their home too, so I do worry about them! Thanks for listening :)

Bri - posted on 09/07/2011

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sounds like maybe you and your ex still possibly might have feelings toward one another and have children in volved anyway you two can work it out? If its mutual to work it out I mean. If not then I wouldnt say anything about a new gf, let him live his life with someone new. Trust me there are way better guys out there and when your "not looking." you ll find him! ♥

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You'd have to check w/ a lawyer.... You MAY be able to prevent it unless they are married, but I have no idea since my ex did marry his girlfriend before they ever had any overnighters w/ the kids.

Michelle - posted on 08/23/2011

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He's your ex and you can't control his life. Why do you think it's inapropriate? As long as the GF doesn't wander around they house naked I don't really see the problem.
People live together before marriage these days.

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