Ex wife wants me to have no role with my step daughter

Linda - posted on 09/11/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband has 50/50 custody of his 15 year old daughter. His ex wife and he have been divorced for 9 years. I have been a step mom for 5 of those years. She wants me to have no role with her daughter other than co-habitating with my husband. She does not want me to attend sporting events, pick the daughter up from school, drive her and her friends to movies, do homework with her, buy her clothes or gifts, much less ask her to pick up her room or do the dishes. She was recently upset that I helped her daughter study for an English test and that her step brother helped her with a math assignment. I gave my step daughter some part time work this summer at my office (during our week only) and she totally freaked out and told her daughter she could not go to my office ever. I have a wonderful relationship with my step daughter and this is confusing to her. I have made it clear that I am not her mother, I take care to always support her mom. I do not decide consequences, do I weigh in on them, yeah, but we are careful that he dispenses discipline and I support enforcement. I do participate in conversations about large life decisions, like buying a car (it's my bank account too) but it's his and her decision to make ultimately. I have tried to be a great support to my step daughter and I'm at a loss, I've tried to initiate conversations with the mom, to have coffee or a sit down to talk about this, but still after 5 years, she will not even say hello when she calls our home, just "let me talk to...". Help!

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Amanda - posted on 09/14/2012

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All I can say is it's sad that you are going through this and for as long as you have been. I applauded you for standing by both their sides and being supportive. I wish happiness to you and your family. Stay strong and in the end everything you do will be appreciated. I have no advice because my step daughter lives with us and her dad has full custody, so his ex of 12 years has no real say in my step daughters life.

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