Help please! 7 year old duaghter cries every Friday

Erin - posted on 09/05/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

8

18

0

My 7 year old daughter and 10 year old son go to their dad's every Friday, and have for 4 years now. All the suddenly my 7 year old daughter cries every Friday. She will be happily playing , smiling, giggling, laughing. Etc.. Then the moment I say it's time to go she drops her head. We make about a 30 minute drive, and the whole time she looks sad, buries her face in her bag, and cries. I have asked her several times why she gets sad on Friday. She always replies she doesn't know. Her brother is very protective of her, and I beleive if something serious was going on he would speak up. When I ask him about it, all he says is she is sad the whole time, and constatnly asks to go home to my house. Their dad is obviously upset by her not wanting to go to his house, but believes it's a "stage" I started only making her go every other weekend( we have no formal court ordered visitation, we have done everything out of the court system), but she still cries on the weekends she has to go to his house. I really don't know what to do. I feel horrible making her go, but I feel just as bad not making her go. Nothing has changed in her life at his house. He has lived with the same lady since we divorced, she has a daughter and son the same age as my two, but they have been together 4 years now, so I don't understand why just now did she start crying. She is a Mama's girl, and at home she is by myside all the time. I spend as much quality time with her as possible. My current husband and I took the kids to Chicago for a week to see if she jsut needed a vacation, but it seemed to get worse after I spent 9 days straight with her!! Help Please!!! Her brother loves going to his dad's he freaks when I keep him home to spend quality time with him. And their dad is a very good dad, he loves both of them very much, and has always put them first (since the divorce)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Marcia - posted on 03/28/2012

4

0

0

Gosh that would be difficult.. Im going thru a similar situation and am having a hard time as well.. my new boyfriend's. 5 yo cries for him everytime we go out no matter who she is with and he feels he has to get home to her because he feels she is feeling abandoned bc of the divorce.. any ideas to help...

Jennifer Jo - posted on 09/07/2010

18

75

2

i would have to disagree, i think if it was seperation anxiety it would have happened before 4 yrs down the road. i would try to have a nice set down talk with her... not as "mom" but as her friend. i have always talked to my daughters as a "big sister" when it comes to emotional issues. they need to know that you are there for them no matter what is goin on with them. also have a talk with dad and step mom to see if there is ANYTHING that has changed at all in that house. even break it down to a time frame, when did this all begin? and discuss the possibillity with dad of giving her a "break" on the weekend visits... atleast till you can figure out the core of the problem. to substitute the weekends, ask dad if he would like to take her somewhere for the day... like daddy daughter days so that he still gets to spend that time with her? if she agrees to that, then i would say there is something in the house making her uncomfortable, and that will give you a start. best of luck to you

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

13 Comments

View replies by

Justice - posted on 07/23/2012

1

0

0

Maybe he is more comfortable around a father figure. Or he is just expressing his difficulty to cope with this in his life. Maybe it is an arrangement among adults, but this could be translated in a kids mind to instability. Have him express what he feels through drawing and such. But if it gets worse, consult a child Psychologist. Good luck Sarah. :)

Sarah - posted on 07/23/2012

1

5

0

I have read the responses and they all seem to be as if "there is something going on at that house" etc. I am the mom and my kids see me throughout the week and every other weekend due to shared custody arrangements. My two daughters (12 and 7) are fine when they are with me, while my son whom is 5, has anxiety attacks to the point of throwing up when he is at my home.. I dont know what to do...

Katy - posted on 09/18/2010

55

44

2

Try putting her in counseling if she won't open up to about it. It might be something that she is affraid to tell you, maybe she thinks you will blame her or she will get in trouble with someone. It might be nothing more then her wanting you but at the same time it could be somethign very serious. Either way it may help her to have someone that she can talk to outside of the situation. Talk to her father about it too and see how he responds to it, watch for signs all around. How does she interact with the other children there, how about with the step-mother? How does she act when she comes home? I mean when she first sees you, does she cry? Does she run to you? Does she seem like she had fun? Maybe you could set up a phone call time for her to call you every night that she's at her dad's to let her know that you are still there for her. Maybe try telling her something that makes you sad and trying to see if she'll relate that way. Hope something helps I also have a 7 year old that goes to her fathers every other weekend, but she is usually crying to see him more. It's difficult on them to have their worlds turn upside down everytime they have to go back and forth. I wish you luck!

Erin - posted on 09/17/2010

8

18

0

I got remarried in February and her dad got remarried in April, but he has lived wiith his new wife since our divorce. We can not think of anything that has changed at his house. And all 4 of adults have sat down and discussed it. The only thing at my house that changed is she start spending the night and having her friends stay the night with her. I thought that maybe she just was upset due to wanting to spend time with her friend's so we told her she could stay home every other weekend. But she still cries on the weekend she needs to go to her dad's. I will try the picture and perfume next weekend as this is our weekend together thank you so much for the suggestions. It breaks my heart to see her crying and not know how to fix it.

Ricci - posted on 09/16/2010

2

7

0

Jennifer to Stevens....I am sorry, but I would have to disagree with you. I have been divorced since my daughter was 1 1/2 and she just started showing signs of the separation anxiety at the age of 4 going on 5. It can takes up to years for it to appear, but I do agree with you on what has changed in her father's household...has something occurred that might has traumatized this child to where she needs her mother's protection. There's the question.

Ricci - posted on 09/16/2010

2

7

0

I have had a similar situation to yours and in fact my daughter is 8 and at times she still does the exact same thing. It is simple...she is having what is called SEPARATION ANXIETY..what I did to help my daughter is I gave her a picture of the two of us to take with her in her bag and then I sprayed my perfume on her favorite doll or on her blanket that she takes with her. It seemed to help a great deal. Try that and see if it helps your precious baby girl. Let me know..curious ♥

Janice - posted on 09/15/2010

37

17

0

You are not going to know until she tells you---get her to draw and color. That is a calming thing to do and is a way of expressing and do not be surprised if she starts talking more. There is always a reason!! Ask her to draw the family and draw what she does when she is at her dad's and then get her to explain the pictures.

Erin - posted on 09/08/2010

8

18

0

Thats true! About the being so late. She has agreed to do every other weekend for now. And seems happy about that, but I guess we will have to wait, and see if really helps.

Erin - posted on 09/07/2010

8

18

0

Thank you for your suggestions. I never even thought about anxiety. I will definately look into that. And a locket seems like an excellent idea! Thanks

Justice - posted on 09/06/2010

1

0

0

Oh, I have a very similar situation with my stepdaughter. Her mother is going through the same situation as you. She is also 7 years old. She's been suffering from separation anxiety. Maybe it's what your daughter might be going through and all she needs is extra assurance from you. It could be she feels she is not capable of being without you and this saddens her. You should probably have the stepmom become more involved with her particularly.. By this I mean very special attention towards her, in a very caring, protective way. (Just as mom).. lots of love. On your behalf, try giving her a picture of yourself, or of both of you, for her to keep while she is away..better yet a locket or personal item that reminds her of having you near. Look in the internet for Separation Anxiety and try to find the true motive of her sadness. Hope this helps and mind the time of me writing this, I put my 4month old to sleep and kinda have insomnia. : (

[deleted account]

It could be a number of things maybe his new wifes kids is mean to her or maybe she's not getting enough attention from her dad or maybe something did happen to her and she is to afraid to tell you because she thinks u might get mad at her...what u should do is have a sit down talk with everyone your ex,your husband,his wife,u,and all the kids and find out what's really going on...

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms