Holiday exchange frustration!

Jaime - posted on 11/29/2008 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Why does a divorce have to be so frustrating all of the time.
I suppose I am just delusional to think that just because our marriage failed it doesnt mean we have to fail as parents too????
Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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[deleted account]

Whats hard for me is that my ex acts like he HATES me after four years.  I completely understand your comment that just because our marriage failed doesn't mean that we have to fail as parents.  I just don't understand how you can be SOOOO in love with someone and they can be your best friend and then when things go wrong, you become the scum of the earth.  I would be more than happy to be friends with my ex but he just wants to make my life hell because I left him.  And the worst part is that he doesn't care whether our daughters are around or not.  He will do whatever it takes to make my life hell.  Its so exhausting.

Mariea - posted on 12/27/2008

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I hear ya!

I am hoping that SOMEDAY things with my ex will not be so fustrating!

Jaime - posted on 12/10/2008

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As for the dear ex-mother in law, I don't speak to her. Its not that I am unwilling, but she acts as if I do not exist. She will even talk to my son while I am holding him in my arms and act as though I am not there. She has been married 4 times herself, and she is still hateful to my ex's dad and they have been divorced for over 25 years!! Grow up already!!

Bonnie - posted on 12/09/2008

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Been there with the X mother in law - We had a great relationship but when push comes to shove she is looking out for what is best for her son. Always keep that in mind when you speak to her and never tell her more then she needs to know. That was my experience!

[deleted account]

I know what you mean,,I am just recently separated and getting a divorce from ex and it's been better, trying to parent our kids but sometimes he is an as$H$le

Jaime - posted on 12/06/2008

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Thank you all. It is nice to know I am not the only one who feels frustration. The main source of contention in our relationship is my ex-mother-in-law. She is the puppet master behind all of the strife! My ex and I can get along, but I always have to worry about how he is going to take everything I do and say and twist it and use ti against me in court! It is really hard to be friends with someone who is always stabbing you in the back!

Rita - posted on 12/05/2008

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There is hope. even though the condition's at my ex's in IL are deplorable he spends the majority of his visiting up here inWI with the girls. We all went to my daughterrs play last month and it was wonderful. We even got the small town tounges wagging by sitting all together. A little scandle is good for em and the girls couldn't be happier to have Dad and Mom and Step-Dad together getting along and coexhisting for their achievements!

Gwen - posted on 12/05/2008

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I wish i had some magic wand that could facilitate cooperation!!! Or maybe a 2x4, that might work too...



I would absolutly love to have a relationship like Saya with my ex... not because I think he is in any way a decent human being, but because it would make my DS's life soooo much easier if we could both act like grownups. I'm thinking I wouldn't go so far as to actually go to church together, but I do applaud you for being able to do that!



What works for us is having everything spelled out exactly. Yes, it's a PITA when something comes up that isn't in the CO (stepdad's bday? not in the CO, so DS wasn't allowed to come home 2 hours early for dinner), but it does make holidays easier- the exchange times are clearly listed so nobody can mess around with it. i dont necesarily LIKE to have to share Christmas/ Tday/ Easter, but hey, that's life for a divorced parent.



If you can set up something steady, do it in writing. But remember, don't set up something you won't be willling to agree too when it's YOUR turn to have the 'off' hours or days! Unfortuantly, we can't have the kidshome for every holiday anymore, we have to share...

Saya - posted on 12/04/2008

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You are not delusional. My ex and I do all birthdays and holidays togeher. That way the kids do not get more from mom or dad and don't lose the true meaning of Christmas. We even take them to mass together. Neither of us wants the other parent to miss out so we just do things together. We both realize that the past is over and we need to put the kids happiness first. Because we were both so dedicated to this, we have become great friends again and parent as a team, just from different houses.

Samantha - posted on 12/02/2008

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I completely know what you are going through it like I know things didnt work out with us but lets work on things for our child its hard but we have to do it. and its hard when you are making the effort but he is not. good luck with everything I hope the season goes well for you

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