how do I explain to my children that we are getting a divorce???

Kerstin - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )




My husband and I separated 18 months ago, at which point I moved back home to Germany with the children. At that point, it was ok with him, knowing he was getting deployed within the next year. I honestly never thought of a divorce. I just needed to get away and be with my family.
Both children were born in Germany and when we moved to the States my daughter was 4 and my son was 2. My daughter had a hard time adjusting to living in the States, being away from my parents and sisters. Now we live almost next door to their grandparents and aunts and they are loving it. They have adjusted really well here. And a lot faster.
Now my husband, who by the way has not paid child support since we separated, and barely shows any interest in his children, has filed for a divorce. How do I explain that to my children who are 6 and 8 now. They are used to their Daddy being gone for long periods of time because he is active military. But I know they know, especially my daughter at almost 9 years old, that this is not the usual separation because of Daddy's work.
He is deployed right now, but planning on coming to stay with us for his mid-term leave. He will be getting here sometime within the next 2 months. No clue exactly when. He hasn't called in almost 4 weeks and I cannot call him. Sent him an email but haven't heard back from him yet.

How do I explain to my kids about us not being together anymore and getting a divorce before he gets here? Also, I am afraid that when he gets a chance to talk to the kids without me being present, he will be telling them lies about me or make them promises to come and live with him. Promises I know he won't be abel to keep.

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GAYLE - posted on 02/26/2010




You haven't said why he has filed for divorce. I agree with Mandie on telling them when he gets back. You both need to explain that it is nothing to do with them and just that sometimes adults find it difficult to be together. You can tell them that even though you won't be together it doesn't mean that they will be any worse off, in fact they will probably have a better time as they will get more attention from both of you instead of just mum. There is no way any court will allow the kids to live with him as he is not around enough and they will most certainly be better off living with you. Hopefully they won't suffer but kids are more resilient then we think and it won't be easy but they will get over it with plenty of love and reassurance. Good luck

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Personally I think you should tell them together when he gets back and have a 3rd- impartial- party with you to make sure no one attributes blame. This is the best thing for them, even if it might not be the way either of you would want it to happen.

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