How do you get a 12 yr old boy to talk to you without be difficult and shutting you off

Laura - posted on 07/09/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My son is twelve and we have a communication problem. Everytime I ask him how he feels about things or what he thinks, or what his father is telling him (cause we are seperated) he shuts down. He gets upset and says "Gaw lee" "I don't know, or I already told you", or "Why do you ask me so many questions" - I do not know what to do -

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Courtney - posted on 06/15/2014

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i am 12 year old and i konw a 12 year old boy who does that your 12 year old mint like a girl and he is not telling you

Cherease - posted on 08/03/2012

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First of all if your son is communicating better with his dad then he may have some resentments towards you,but if he shuts his dad off then I personally wouldn't take it personal. Seriously I would tell my son that his behavior ( the way he speaks to me)hurts my feeling,I would explain to him that I am still the parent, its important that he respects me and that when he gets upset when I converse with him is not gonna to make me stop. Continue to talk to him and when he responds in a manner that's not respectful you have to take something away that he enjoys.

Shannon - posted on 10/06/2010

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when you figure this one out please let me know. my son is 10 and already shuttin me off!!

Abby - posted on 10/05/2010

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I agree with everyone here. Each child is different and I will say that the tween and teen years are full of lack of conversation. It is the age to establish more independence and separation from parents. My kids are 31, 22, 20, 13, and 12. Four boys and one girl. I just tried to let them know I was there for them. For right now, just try to talk to him about what interests him. My 20 and 22 year olds have just recently started telling me about how they felt about things when they were younger and we do talk about their teen years. Kids do appreciate just knowing that someone will be there to listen but they also want their own space and their own friends. As long as you don't think he is getting in with the wrong crowd - just let him know you love him, don't worry about what his dad is telling him, and just see if you can enjoy watching him grow for a while.

Chrissy - posted on 10/05/2010

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I don't have a 12 yr old son, but I have a 11 yr old moody daughter, who like your son, had a problem with opening up and talking about stuff. I started just talking to her and asking questions when she got home from school 1 day and have been doing it ever since....and I will tell you, if you open a line of communication as soon as they walk in the door from school, friends, dad's, ect..(like how was your day, did you have fun at ____ house, stuff little like that), they will learn to talk openly to you about everything that feel you should know. There are still going to be times that they will want to keep to themselves, but thats OK, don't push them into talking to you, or they might end up NOT wanting to talk to you about anything anymore. Good luck!!

Amanda - posted on 10/02/2010

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Chat with him over the 'net... msn or your favorite chat.. i found my son much chattier there...another place is on a long carride, with him in the passenger seat, no ipad.
Doing the dishes together, making supper together, raking the lawn (mower is too loud)... these create a togetherness in the two of you working toward the same goal. Even going for a walk can help. Be carefulnot to 'pepper' him with questions. After a moment of silence, he may just answer your unasked question.

EIBBY - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hi, my son is 13. This really worked for me. I learned to build a relationship with my son where I know what are his likes and dislikes and what we share in common. This makes it very easy to ask him just about anything, cause I allready know how to ask. When ever their is something I spesificly whant to know we do an acctivity we both enjoy (watch a movie, take a walk, I watch him play exbox...ect) and them over lunch or dinner I open a conversation that will lead to what I want to ask. Building a relationship like this does take time, but is not impossible. Our kids relate and talk to their friends alot more than to us cause they also spend more time with them. I encourage you to try this, you'll be surpriced what kind of new personality your son has developed now that he is about to be a teenager.

April - posted on 07/09/2009

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My son is 12 also, i don't ask him any questions out of the blue. It always has to be presented at the time things are brought up. But, i feel the hormones have a good play in the response he is giving you. Things are starting to be more private for them because their bodies are changing and new things are going on in school. I am also split from my son's dad since he was 2 1/2. I don't usually ask him about his father unless he brings it up first. I get the same answers though, if that makes you feel any better. If you have always had an open relationship with him, then he will come to you when he needs to talk about things. My son will only tell me things when we are alone, not when friends are around or not when my boyfriend of 7 years is around. I hope some of this is helpful, but it doesn't give you an answer, sorry.

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