how to prove i have my child's best interests at heart!

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

my sons father is trying to claim in court that i am an unfit mother, he is telling a whole loads of lies and i know they are untrue and i am worried because these allegations are serious and i have no idea how to prove he is lying. I am in court on the 18th of may to fight for my beautiful son, please any advise on this very urgent matter is greatly appreciated


Laura - posted on 05/04/2010




as of today start keeping a log! its hard work but it will help in court. is he claiming you give him your son in dirty illfit clothes? start taking pictures before he goes with dad and when he comes home. is he claiming you let him eat whatever/whenever you want? keep a log of meals/times/what you served/where you ate it. is he claiming you do drugs? get statements from friends and many as you can. talk to your sons teacher, ask her to write a letter about your son's general appearance attitude, absences...tardies etc. get as much PAPER EVIDENCE as you can, but keep it impartial. don't put your opinion in. don't put that he "seemed" hopped up on sugar when he came home. dont speculate! just write the facts. it will help. but it's alot of work. also if you can, communicate with your ex via email if you can. print them all out. then you will have proof if he's lying about things you agreed on or discussed, if he is arguing or calling you names etc. it helped us!

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Sam - posted on 03/22/2014




Be fair and put yourself in his shoes, Sadly I am reading the responses from mothers, one was saying no judge will take a son from the mother, every child should have two parents not one parent, fathers are not visitors they are parents and they should have the same time and right being a woman does not and should not make you better, A good mother try to share the custody and work with other parent

[deleted account]

thank you all soo much. we were in court on tuesday and the judge ordered a section 20. he brought my son into court twice, neither me or his dad were allowed to see him till after the judge spoke to him, it was horrible. i am doing my best to keep a log of everything but now my solicitor thinks he is doing all this because i am a lesbian and is going to try bring moral grounds into it. i know he does not have a leg to stand on and i have nothing to hide so let him do his best. i have so much support from family and friends and you guys, i thank you all so much and i will keep you updated to what is going on. this man has met his match. i feel very strong today, tomorrow i could feel different, lets hope not tho:)

Michelle - posted on 05/19/2010




I went through the same thing with my sons father.. I took parenting classes and kept a log of everytime he didn't show up for his vistes.. I would get a DR's letter stating that you don't abuse your child that he or she has never thought about you beating him or being unfit.. and keep that and when you go to court give it to the judge.. No judge in the world will take a child from its mother unless he has reasons to believe that you can't take care of him.. My sons father tryed that and I have full custody of him and he only gets to see him on weds and everyother weekend and thats it.. I hope this helps and that you keep us all updated.. good luck

Kristy - posted on 05/18/2010




if you are on drugs, strung out, leave your child alone while you go and party, don't feed your child, cloth your child, pawn him off on anyone who will take him...if you are physically or mentally abusive to your child.. you are unfit. Anythign other then that.... Court will not find you unfit. You don't have the burden of proof, he does. Definitely document everything. Record phone conversations. phone recordings themselves are not admissable but a typed manuscript of the conversation is. medical records, school records, supoena non biased witnesses who can testify on your behalf. It is very hard for the Court to find a mother unfit. They don't like to take kids away from their mothers. You don't have anything to worry about. Be strong and confident and don't let them trip you up on cross. if you have ever been under the care of a psychiatrist, are on prescription meds for depression, anything like that, expect it be brought up in Court. Custody battles are ruthless! Just keep in mind burden of proof is on them.

[deleted account]

thank you nicola, im sorry to hear your going through this too. its a total nightmare. i hope that it all goes well for you.

Nicola - posted on 05/11/2010




I wish I could help hunny, but I'm in the same boat.
It's traumatic to be perceived as such a nasty person when you / I certainly am not.

I've been dealing with this emotional / verbal abuse from before I left my husband which was nearly a year ago in June, and it's still going on.
There really isn't much help out there, I'm sorry to say.

But how I deal with it is by becoming resiliant. Put up a wall to all the gossip, accusations and threats. And just keep going!


[deleted account]

thank you all for you kind advice and comforting words. the judge did not ask for social services to be involved just yet but we are requesting that they are called in to prove my fitness as a mother. my son is 7 almost 8 and is a very sensitive boy but also a very happy boy. i know when the social workers come they will see that. like autumn said it just a major pain. i love both my kids and they know they are loved. we read together and play together and enjoy lots of family time so im not too worried anymore. i have spoken to my solicitor and she is ready for a fight. so wish me luck. thanks again everyone :))

Autumn - posted on 05/10/2010




It's hard to prove a mother unfit, and your life would have to be a complete out of control mess. You might even request a home study and a social worker will come and elvulate both homes. My ex tried it and my daughter and I were living with my mother at the time. They knew I couldn't afford to move out of her house at that time, but they could see by our sorroundings that I was doing everything I could for my daughter. That shows things very clearly. It's a pain, but when a social worker looks at your logs and the sorroundings it helps. They are only there to make certian that what's best for your child is what's happening.

Gianinna - posted on 05/05/2010




has he called dcf on you? that is something the judge might ask. if he feels your an unfit mother the first thig the judge would of said is why isnt dcf involved? how old is your son? with your permission the judge might want to talk or even evaluate your son to see if you really are an unfit mother in the sence of any verbal/physical abuse. If you can try and see if you can get one of the teachers or principals from your childs school so they can speak in your behalf that you are a involved parents in your sons education. Also it will help if you have friends/family either show up with you to court or if they cant go to court with you they can write letters stating how much you do for your son. im not sure if you have to have it notorized though. Take recepts of groceris,school materials,feieldtrip forms everything you spend your money on your son will be a great help. He can make all the accusations he wants but the judge will ask for proof. its not just going to be his word over yours so take a deep breath and relax a little. Most judges might even send the child to be examined in the sence of seeing someone to see if they suspect any abuse. It shows alot on the child so if nothing is going on then you have no need to worry about. good luck!

Christe - posted on 05/04/2010




See if you can find proof of whatever he might be thri=owing at you, receipts , anything that can be used to proove your where abouts, purchases, etc.. May help, just do not give him any amunition.

[deleted account]

thank you laura, i have been doing all this so far but i suppose im just worried that i dont have enuf proof that he is lying, the problem i have is that he refuses to give an email address and if we have a phone conversation he is saying wat was said id different that what actually happened. im praying that the judge will see through him but im very worried the judge will go for the fathers rights thing, im just so worried ill loose my baby. his father tells him things that are not appropriate for his age, my son is seven and his father told him wat had happened in court and what the judge had said, in my opinion he is too young to know the ins and outs of what goes on in the court room let alone the verdict. Im going to see my solicitor in the morning and ill be saying all this, i just hope the justice system hold it together for the sake of my son and my daughter, i dont want them seperated. :( ill fight this to the end, i love my son too much and i know it might sound crazy but i need to protect him from what his father is doing to him and to us as a family.

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