I am so sad over my son going to live with his dad!
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Ann - posted on 03/21/2013
Hi Sharon, I just wanted to let you know...although my 18 Year old now still lives with his dad (and probably will not come back to live with me) we spend more time together..he does not seem upset with me anymore..and we do stuff together...out for dinners/lunches, movies..so I am content at the moment : )
Sharon - posted on 06/04/2012
Sounds like 17 yr old is trying to protect dad. This is normal, in my experience, the kids want to protect their parents.
7 months in the middle seems like a long time. But it should eventually come around and the alienation will either not continue or you will get callused to it and be able to move on.
I had to keep telling myself that we both had years ahead of us and that eventually she would see what she had done, even if it wasn't till she had her own family. I still believe that, for you. The mother/son and the father/son bonds are there and will always be. They are just trying to figure things out.
Love him and try not to push, no matter how hard it is. Cry yourself to sleep at night and move on. Things will get better, one way or the other.
Sorry I can't *fix it now* but this is the way life is. (I don't mean to sound cold here, just realistic)
Ann - posted on 06/04/2012
Thanks Sharon! :)
The problem is if I knew I had done something wrong then at least I would know what it was...would make it a little easier...To make a long story short..his brother decided to live with mom because of how his father was treating him..he felt intimidated and bullied by his dad so he got upset with him and decided he had enough and after 1 week of my other son (17 year old) seeing how dad reacted with my 15 year olds decision..he decides he will live with dad..and now has issues with me...I have asked him to come to see someone with me..and he refuses...he gets angry with me..he cancels app.s with me..I don't know how to handle this..I do not want to get sick over this...but its too much right now..its been already 7 months...and it is not easier...:(
Sharon - posted on 06/04/2012
It is really sad when a child decides to live with the other parent.
At 15 my daughter decided to stop coming for access visitation; the reasons were numerous and didn't make sense to me and were never the same twice.
I was upset for a time but decided with help, that her dad was her dad and she was old enough to make this decision. It wasn't hurting her and really it was my pride that was hurt.
Now, at 18 I talk with her and she has nothing to do with her dad. I never did force the issue and only when I was alone would I cry it out.
My other 3 knew how I felt, even though I tried to cover it up. My 16 yr old son is having issues (with himself) because he feels he should stay at his dad's to help with farming and I finally "released" him to be able to do that. We are in touch constantly and have a good, open relationship.
My 13 yr old daughter moved in with me full time in September and wants nothing to do with her dad. I encourage her to visit at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now Father's Day. I feel that even though her dad and I are not together she still needs to keep contact with her dad. This is something that their father never did with the oldest one.
My 12 yr old son seems to be torn and I don't know how to help him. Sometimes he says he doesn't want to go back to his dad's and other times he seems to not want to come with me. I have tried to gently find out where he is with this, but I don't want to push him to make these sorts of decisions yet.
I guess, I am just trying to say, don't push your 17 yr old. Divorce/Seperation is hard on kids and although they will get through it, there are decisions that they have to make that other kids don't have to Some deal with it okay and others aren't as resilient.
Hold his hand from a distance. Let him know you love him whatever his decision and always remember that no matter what anyone says, A kids dad is a kids dad and a kids mom is a kids mom. No one can take it away from them, not matter what they say or do. Definitely no matter how the opposite one feels.
Keeping you in my thoughts,