Is it the divorce or my son's age part 2

Sara - posted on 03/22/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I had asked if my sons sleeping schedule was being affected by his week here and week there schedule. I have gotten wonderful replies and I greatly appreciate it. I have followed some of the advice about having my son see a professional about his "teething" that his father is saying he is going through........We saw the doctor today and his gums were looked at and there is no sign of teething. My x feels that since this schedule has been going on for some time that it is the healthiest thing to do, and since he is so young it will become the norm for him. I have recieved replies that say that isnt so, and my x does not believe them because Scott is starting out so young. Please if you got divorced around the time your child was one, with a similiar arrangement please give me your success or not so successful stories.

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Nancy - posted on 03/28/2010

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Well there is no way to prove it by votes on here. If you are wanting to prove that it isn't well for your child, and it is hard on kids especially hard ones, you are going to have to put more effort into finding that consolor. You should be able to take him to his pediatrician and he will refer him to someone and be able to get an appt fairly quick and at a reasonable cost to you.

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Sara - posted on 04/05/2010

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I have been emailing my doctor. She said that sleep issues at this age arent uncommon. After talking to her and you Im feeling better about it, just wish I got to see my son more

Dana - posted on 03/31/2010

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If you and your x can talk. You both should come up with a schedule that will work in both homes. You 2 have to come to some meeting point on this in order to make it work because the child is young. It works best with older kids, but when the kids are young the parents need to work on schedule that will work for both households until the child gets older.

Sara - posted on 03/30/2010

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I tried a place like that but they wont see him because he is so young, they would be will to see me to discuss it but if I were to need them to testify or anything in court they wont. I contacted my pediatrician for a referral turns out that they have some one come in wednesday afternoons, but I havent found out if they will see Scott with no coverage or not. I am waiting for a reply. I do not have medicaid. We dont qualify

Angie - posted on 03/29/2010

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Sara -

I'm not sure how you're going about getting counseling for your son, but does your community have any sort of free mental health program or is that what you're trying to get into?

We ended up having to go through a free program through our county because my stepson's medicaid wouldn't cover some of his counseling. If you haven't done so, you could try checking with your state, county, or community health department to see if they have any free programs. Enrollment in the free programs are high everywhere because of the economy, so it can take awhile to hear back, but it has been well worth it.

Sara - posted on 03/29/2010

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I know that, just looking for personal advice and ideas. Im 23 and I dont have any friends with the same issues. Just looking for info and to get it off my chest

Sara - posted on 03/28/2010

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A reply for Nancy: Im trying to get views for both sides, I dont think the back and forth is healthy, I want to be proved wrong or right on this matter. I dont care which, just looking for advice for my own piece of mind. Any time I ask my x if he really thinks this schedule is healthy I get the reply "Why are you trying to take him away from me" I love my son and would love to have him 100% of the time, but I know he needs time with both parents. If Scott werent having these sleeping issues I'd be ok with the schedule to some degree. You may also want to look at my previous post for some more info.



Angie: The judge has not agreed to anything yet, we are in the process of filling. I am trying to find a counselor for my son to see to get a professional opinion. No one is answering/returning calls or has openings. My insurance doesnt cover it so I have to be careful who I go to.



Thank you both

Nancy - posted on 03/25/2010

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Have you thought anything about this not being dads fault. Sometimes kids have bad dreams, fight sleep, and especially around two or three they don't want to miss out on anything. I am sure that moving around does stress him out, for how could anyone want to change homes so very often. and really kids don't understand time so they just know that it is one way here and another somewhere else, and so on. Of course it is hard on him. But if there is any way possible you should try to talk to dad and see if you two can come up with a routime in which he can stay on in both homes. Doesn't have to be forever just something to get him through his hard time here. If dad doesn't want to discuss this maybe he is very immature, or if it is you then it must be you. DOn't take what I am saying as bad but at some point you have to learn to work together despite you not wanting to be together no more. Believe me it took me and my ex a long time to put away our childish games of no i love him more he should be here blah, blah, blah, not saying you are but just saying sometimes we have to grow up and learn we have to work together to raise our kids though you still don't have to like him, just work with him.

Angie - posted on 03/24/2010

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Honestly, I think that it is worse for a younger child to go through switching shifts on a weekly basis and I'm surprised that a judge would allow an irregular schedule for such a young child. Children thrive on consistency in sleep and in life, and I think it will set precedence for stress as your child gets older.



Have you talked to your son's doctor about the importance of a consistent sleeping schedule? Perhaps this could be something to convince your ex?

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