keeping the friendship and loosing the relationship!

Olga - posted on 01/03/2010

It takes time to build the friendship...You have so many emotions going on when a relationship just ends... you have to take it day by day.. some days will be bad and others good. At the end you should be okay with the friendship. Me and my ex have been broken up for 4 yrs.. We have a bad break up so the first year was horrible many fights but it took us a while to open up our eyes and realize its not about us its about our daughter. It took some time but now we are really good friends and I cant remember when the last time we have fought now. Friendship is important for the sake of the kids. Its hard enough on them that parents are separating its worse when the parents aren't getting along. Have to make them feel warm and loved.

Denise - posted on 01/02/2010

This is so difficult to answer. There are so many complex emotions involved. Children need to know that they are cared for and loved by both parents. You need to make sure that you do not say anything negative about the child's father in front of the child. Friendliness and friendships are two different things. Boundaries need to be identified and maintained. If you become too friendly with your child's father this can build false hope that you still love each other and will one day reunite the family by getting back together. You can remain friendly with your ex while maintaining an acceptable boundary.

Nancy - posted on 01/02/2010

These are all great suggestions. There is no "one size fits all" when you're dealing with divorce. Things that have helped me immensely when navigating relating to my ex-husband are: knowing my heavenly Father's love for me, that He will sustain, comfort and care for me. His love knows no bounds. He heals my heart and makes me new through his son, Jesus. From that place of knowing I'm loved, can I face the father of my children, in whatever state I find him. And having my heart full of the love of God, I can walk in forgiveness toward him. This brings me strength to do what I could not do on my own. Otherwise, I become a bitter, angry person that will not be healthy for the children to be around. This will help the children, in the long run, to know the love of God, which to me, is THE most important thing we can pass on to our kids anyway. They are watching what we do always, and they will learn from how we handle the trials of life. Blessings to you!

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

To be honest it doesn't matter if you remain friends or not, divorce hurts every child. When my ex and I were separated waiting for the divorce to be final, we spent time together with our son thinking it was better for him. It was more confusing and harmful for him than I thought it would be. His father and I are civil for the most part now. If I can give you any advise it would be to not blur the lines in your child's eyes. Make sure they know where you and your ex stand with each other. Don't be afraid to tell them the truth...they will understand, if not now, in the future.

Dawn - posted on 01/01/2010

i was in that situation over my divorce so my ex and i decided that we would be polite in front of our child and even go to school functions together even though it was hard at first now we can talk civil to each other and have become really good friends through our son.

Lynda - posted on 12/31/2009

Your child needs to be getting the best of both parents and sometimes that means the end of a relationship. My ex husband and i are the best of friends and still do a lot for each other if needed. We have been on family holidays together for my sons birthday and spend time with the ex inlaws on special occasions. I find the hardest thing to be when either of us starts a new relationship, the new people coming into the situation find it very hard to understand that we can be such good friends with no underlying romantic involvement so at this stage we are both still single. Obviously when either of us is in a new relationship we tend not to do the extended family stuff to make them as comfortable as possible but it still seems others have there own hang ups about it which we cant control. I think it is lovely for our son to see that although his father and I are no longer in love and married we do love each other and get on very well. In this day and age his other friends in a divorced home dont enjoy seeing the parents getting along. The children are the most important thing and you must strive to have the best relationship with your ex as is possible for them. They then can learn, not all relationships end badly or with animosity and can go into their own relationships as they get older with that in mind.

Kim - posted on 12/30/2009

Deep breaths, having the ability to forgive and move on, compassion, and remembering that the most precious things in your life were created with the person you are no longer with is the best advice I have received. My ex and I dragged each other through the mud in the temporary hearing, but are now talking and friendly.

Valerie - posted on 12/29/2009

if a relationship has to end and their is a child involved then work to have the best friendship or relationship you can...you will be better parents if you can remain friends and have good communication

Emilia - posted on 12/29/2009

What exactly are you asking?