Kids don't want to go to Dads house.

Jackie - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I left my ex when I was pregnant with my daughter(now 9) & my son was 2. He had nothing to do with either of them (his choice not mine) until he was getting married & they both wanted them in the wedding, & wanted to "do the right thing" by having the kids once a fortnight. This all happened when my daughter was 5,& my son 7, so my daughter didn't know him,& my son barely remembered him! At first,all was good,as my son wanted to know his Dad, but my daughter was indifferent.( she has known her step-dad since she was 2).In the last few years Ive had the problem that they no longer want to go there-at all. It has progressively got worse so that last school holidays when they stayed for the week,my daughter rang me crying on the second day wanting to come home.(which she did & she has taken to crying about going each fortnight) I feel that if they don't want to go,then they don't have to. But get the impression from"them" that I should make them! I don't know what to do,I stick up for the kids & let them stay home,bu then have to fight their dad & step-mum about it! Any advice is welcome!

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I have the same problem. my son is 10 now. I don''t make them go either. now there father calls and text threats to me all the time. telling me the kids don't have a choice. we are now going back to court over this. my children's feeling are number one to me. least I can hang up on them. fight for your children. the ex is just being spiteful about all of it . simply because he can't control you.

Jan - posted on 01/16/2010

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I'm going through this with my 4 year old. I'm in Kentucky and my lawyer said that she has to go when her dad is supposed to get her. It is really hard to make a child go see the dad when he/she doesn't want to. Kids catch on to more than you think... I'm sure your kids are well aware of the fact that dad wasn't there for them through the years. I don't know what your custody arrangement is but you might want to see if you can get the visitation arrangement changed because dad wasn't in the picture for so long.

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Izabella - posted on 01/19/2011

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my co-worker is going though similiar situations with her kids. i was present during a few of swaps and witnessed these kids crying and voicing their opinions. the little girl throws up during every other visit.

wow.does the new wife really have nothing else to do but be nosy and be obsessed with what the ex is doing even on the internet? be content with your own kids and new life and leave them alone, but yourself in their shoes and go on with your life like they are trying.

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The worst thing ever is having to put those kids in that car and watch them back out of the drive way, knowing that they DO NOT want to go spend visitation with their father, but yet it is COURT ORDERED! I have been going thru this agony for 10 years now...Now my oldest daughter is 18 and has the decision to say NO, I"M NOT GOING!...but she feels guilty about doing that and making my youngest daughter, who is now 15, go by herself...It's tears my heart out. I was always told that in our State, if a child is 12 yrs old, they are considered OLD enough to say if they want to go visit their dad (or mom) or not...but after I went to court...$4,000 later, I find out that is only an issue of who they want to LIVE with...But when it comes to visitation, they don't have a choice! It's rediculous!!! My X would drive over from another state (where he lived) and force them to go with him back "to visit"...well, that would only end up with him going back to work (sometimes working 10 to 12 hour days) and leaving them at his house alone with NOTHING TO DO! There is a madness to it all, and it's NOT FAIR TO THE CHILDREN...my hands were tied!!! Talk about feeling helpless!

Candice - posted on 02/06/2010

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Jackie I see where you are coming from your kids have not known their dad. But for Hillary Smith her kids have known their dad this whole time and he has been in their lives since their birth. But brainwashing does a number on the kids. As for you Jackie you should ask your kids why they dont want to go. It just may be the fact that they dont know him as their dad. It will take time but at the same time you have to go by the court order. Talk to your ex see if you knows of anything that is going on and talk to your kids. If you have not done anything to try to make your kids scared of their father then ask them. Yes I am the STEP MOM to Hillary Smiths kids. And she is right she does not make them go even when they say they want to go.

Brandy - posted on 01/17/2010

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What a terrible situation to have to be in. first thing, is there a court ordered visitation schedule you are required to follow?, I f so I would take the kids to a child psychologist and have them evaluated and allow them to express their feelings about going to their fathers and their reasons why they don't want to.go. Then I would continue to fight for them and there choice not to go. If you have to I would go back to court and get the visitation stopped, and at least you would have a psychologist's report to back you up. Also keep a diary of each episode and write down what the children say about going and what their father says to you about it. that way you have a written log of what has been going on to present to the court.

Deanna - posted on 01/14/2010

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I would suggest that you meet with a lawyer who specializes in family law and find out what your options are for where you live. Different places have different laws regarding when a child can have a say in visitation. Where I live the kids have no say until they are 18, but I've seen that some other places give the kids more of a say at 12 or 16. Have the children talked to you at all about why they don't want to visit anymore? Is there something going on that could give you some leverage legally?

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