Kids in school who went through divorce and seem to suffer in school

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I have a 7 year old in 1st grade he is always getting in trouble and for a while he was passing but right on the edge. He improved his grades but he still can not listen, follow directions, or constantly talks in class. I sometimes feel that it's because of the divorce and seperation from his Father. I have a husband now and of course it's his Step-Dad. No matter what we do or what we say it never seems to get through to him. Has anyone experienced this and what can I do?

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Rosanne - posted on 08/05/2009

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I agree with you totally Folsom Christina. Very well said. NEVER-EVER IGNORE YOUR CHILDREN.... no matter what it is. Depending on the situation kids may think you're ignorning them (e.g. whining) But you ALWAYS need to pay attention to everything they say AND do. No matter the age!

Folsom - posted on 08/05/2009

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I have an 8 year old step son. My husband and I have full custody of him, he also was having problem's in school. Not listening, talking, not following directions. We talked to him asked why? Sometimes as Parents its hard to understand the things our Children do. I feel the school settings was not do to the lack of parent in his life just that He is probably not the only child doing these things. Cause at home it was not like that? Children do the darnest things to get attentiion. Just love him/her and be there! Try to understand, just don't ignore it!

Rosanne - posted on 08/05/2009

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When I had left my son's dad my son went through emotional problems. He was 5 years old. As the years went by the problem progressed. I had brought him for counceling. We did 'one on one' and also 'family' counceling. We did that for almost 3 years. My son is now 11 1/2 years old and we have been out of counceling for 1 year now and doing wonderful. I have have my son think for himself ... I would ask him 'is it better to live a life apart with a calm life or having your parents together and having to hear that constant arguing and screaming? He grew to understand it. He also knows that every year he gets the ENTIRE summer with Daddy and he travels 4 times a year. He is a very happy and social 11 yr old.

Kayrene - posted on 07/21/2009

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here's my two cents for what it's worth-My son(now 21) has ADHD and always struggled in school. Have the school call in the psychologist-call family counselling, speak to you family dr. call your church family and see about a mentor, get in touch with big brother and get onthe list, call family services in your area-pull out all the stops while he is young. Divorce is a huge point of anxiety for all kids-some do better with the change than others-they (and you!) also need to be given permission to grieve! read some books on grief, and divorce and developmental issues of your age group kids...and above all keep on keeping on....do whatever you can as long as you can, as often as you can....one thing that i did ALOT over the first few years was to tell all 5 of my kids that i loved them, wrote them notes, bought them silly cards/dollar store gifts to make tham smile, and acknowledged every day how tough it must be for them....
good luck, divorce is so hard..on every one....
One more thing-i feel strongly that step parents need to be careful with discipline-it is not their right-and they have not had a relationship with the kids- the best way to handle remarriage is to make sure you are united front....regardless of what is going on-take the lead with you son, and have your hubby stand fully behind you-if you disagree-make sure you do it when son is not around....just some insights from my years (divorced in 1994, single parented to 2006, remarried since then) hang in there!

Amanda - posted on 07/06/2009

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That is what we are hoping to accomplish with the new school! I really do hope he has a better 2nd grade then 1st. We alaways felt bad cause we couldn't do anything fun with him for his good grades because he was always getting low marks for his behavior. I am crossing my fingers with this school.

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2009

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Good luck with the new school....I did the exact same thing. I do think the boys grades were droping because of the teacher so I too switched the kids to a new school for this comng year.. I think if nothing else it gives the kids a chance to start over were kids and teachers don't know of the divorce or previous behavior.

Amanda - posted on 07/06/2009

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Thank you all for the comments. School is out now and of course he passed but he was still getting in trouble. His Dad does see him every other weekend and sometimes it jumps to every other month even with his help on the matter which I am not sure really if he did or not since I am not around it didn't help much with aything. I almost wonder if it was the teacher being to harsh on the kids but I will never know. We will be moving to a new school district this summer and i just hope that the behavior at his old school was a bit over mentioned by his teacher. i guess we will see! I tried going and sitting in his class but I would have needed permission from the teacher and then the principal and by the time school year was up I never got around to do so! Let me know if any of the behavior from our children seemed to dwindle once out of school

It could be the classmates that pushed it too!

Michelle - posted on 07/02/2009

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I have two son's who went thru the same thing in school....for my boys I think they thought they were the only ones in the world that had divorced parents and although they gets plenty of attention they felt the need to not do well in school or act out simply to get any kind of attention (even if it was punishment for negative attention). I have introduced them to several kids like them and I keep reminding them that 80% of the kids in our town are from divorced families. I think the key is to let them know they aren't any different then other kids

Rebecca - posted on 06/19/2009

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yes my 12 yr old son is going thro this i have been divorced for 2 yrs now and he was passing and doing well in school and then i was seeing him name calling and getting physical on other children to where i was getting the ph calls from the school and he was getting isaps and u name it and one was so bad that he and another kid shanked each other with a pencil and my son got the worse deal of it all... due to him getting hurt over it. but yes i have him in counsling and its on going seems to help him i have a bf with me and he has talked to him many times and seems to get thro to him ... as well the father doesnt know how to parent sad to say but so true his real dad just says stop it dont do that again. me? i take things away from him and priveledges as well. so there is a consiquence for his actions... be persistant on the ruleing of things dont yell at him for this will make it worse of course ... i usually sit down and make them think why they did what they did and we talk about it and see what we can do to change it.good luck!

Stella - posted on 05/20/2009

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Hello Amanda...
Upon completing the raising of my 3 girls...I met a wonderful man whom i am currently involved with. He is a divorced father..who recently was given custody by childrens mother..she showed up one day after "us" having them from Dec to Jan ( she was away for xmas...then on the 3rd of Jan..told us she was going on vacation to Europe..didnt come back for 3 mths and then appeared with all their belongings and said she didnt want them anymore, no patience etc..their ages are 9 and 6, boys.
Since this has taken place...their behavior in school has been unacceptable at that...I feel for both u and stepdad Amanda, because we know just what u both r going thru..as you , we too believe , the divorce plays a negative part of behavior in school..we are at our wits ends and dont know what else to do at this point..any suggestions?

Heather - posted on 05/19/2009

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Wow I am so glad to see someone else in my shoes, My daughter is 7 and in first grade and she has ADHD, she has been getting in so much trouble at school with behaviors, bullying, and not listening to teachers, her mouth gets her in trouble too. She has had three In school suspensions this year already. I am at my wits end, I dont know what to do, I too have talked til blue in the face about this and she isnt getting it. I think some has to do with her dad and I being divorced but he is still very involved but not always in a positive way, she remembers the verbal and emotional violence I went through in my marriage with him and she is starting to mimic alot of things he did back then and some things he still does. I need some good tips on how to deal with these behaviors.

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i cant be of help but i am experiencing a divorce right now and i know what u mean cuz my son is 7 and in 1st grade too, he was top of his class and now he doesnt even want to go to school anymore...im worried its only going to get worse :(

Gabrielle - posted on 05/13/2009

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It seems like he is trying to get attention. I wonder, does he see his dad? Is his dad a descent dad?? If you answer no to these maybe some therapy would help. My son has had to go through therapy just because he seen his dad do some bad things and it helped him understand that that is not how we act. In your house who does the discipline? You? Step dad? Or both? And do you all stick together with it?? He is at that age that life is confusing. My daughter is 7 now and we are going through alot of that at home but at school she is great because she doesn't want to be one of those "bad kids" ( don't ask me where she gets that) Continue to love him and try to go to his level with things....IT WILL GET BETTER!!

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