My 13yr old does not like to go to her dads.....

Darlene - posted on 05/02/2009 ( 86 moms have responded )

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My 13 yr old daughter does not like to go to her dads on his weekends. If she says no she wants to stay home he starts with the guilt trip to make her feel bad...it works. She then gives in and goes only to stop his bickering at her. When she gets there he lectures her about responsibility and how the decisions she makes can affect the rest of her life. all this because she does not want to be at his house. She is uncomfortable being there as his g/f is always lecturing her about how she does not appreciate anything she has and that she is anti-social (her dad tells her that too), she is bored there and he says he has no money to do anything with her so they have to stay at home. She is sometimes upset after she gets home from his house. She wants to come home but is afraid to tell him for he will be angry with her. She has been seeking counselling and I did confront him about it, of course the blame as always is on me and how I am trying to keep her away from him. He did tell her that he has changed and things at home have changed,.....well that lasted for a week. He is back to lecturing her again.
I do not know what to do. She is old enough to make that decision of going or not and me talking to him is of no use.. It all comes down to her standing up to him.
do divorced moms have the same problem with boys or is this because our child is a girl. :) confused.

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Jacy - posted on 06/16/2013

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im 13 and my mom and dad arent together and have never been married and i have been going to my dads house every other weekend and i hate it there do i have ANY rights to choose if i want to go to his house or not? no court was interfeared with the custody of me.

Diane - posted on 02/04/2013

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I currently have a similar situation. My 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son cry and complain every time they have to go to their dads. I do my best to encourage them to go have fun and be good for their dad. It is hard watching them leave so sad. I want nothing more in the world then for them to be excited about spending time with thier dad. When i ask the kids why they dont want to go they say he spends all of his time in his room. on his phone, sleeping or talking bad about you. They say we love our dad but he doesnt spend any time with us. This again makes me feel bad. He has currently filed for full custody we have 50/50 I agreed to it thinking it was best for the kids. THey need both of us in their lives. I just cant understand how he doesnt see that he is pushing his kids away.

Geraldine - posted on 08/27/2013

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hi Darlene, no its the very same with boys too, i have two sons myself , my eldest boy is 13 like ur daughter, he was very unhappy going to his dads house and did not get along with his girlfriend and her 4 children , it was so upsetting for him and his brother , my eldest son came to live with me fulltime , his dad was furious and refuses to have anymore to do with him because of it its been a full year now , my youngest son is 10 and he also doesnt want to be in his dads house , i dont know what to do with it all either , its mentally exhausting and hard to see the kids so affectedby it all

[deleted account]

I think response is perfect. I am the parent, they are the child, and my responsibility is to encourage familial relationships. Unless there's a safety concern or abuse, I will not let my teenaged child manipulate me to get own way. No teen wants to hear about growing up and becoming responsible... When the time comes, they can choose when to spend with other parent; it's not an option gor them now unless has permission from the other parent not to visit.

Kris - posted on 12/07/2012

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I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but this type of thing just pisses me off. Sit her down and explain to her that she has the right to tell him no. If she's that unhappy at his place, then she has no obligation to go. Explain to her that she should stand up to him when he tries to guilt her; don't be rude or disrespectful, but honest and strong. She's 13. Right now, what future does she need to worry about? She doesn't need to be so worried and anxious about her future that she starts stressing out now. She can end up with some serious problems that could get her into a lot of trouble. Depending on what her dad says, she should learn to just ignore what he says; listen to him, hear him, and acknowledge she did, but not to let it bother her.



I was gonna say something else, but I decided not to, as I didn't want to sound bad, or upset anyone. But if talking to him doesn't work, then I think you should go directly to the gf, and ask her to stop. If she doesn't ask her again, only not so politely. If she still doesn't stop, tell her to butt out and mind her own business. It's not her daughter that she needs to worry about, it's herself, and her kids if she has any.



I wonder if they ever took into consideration that the reason she's anti-social is because they lecture her so much. So she avoids people because she thinks everyone else will lecture her too. Or she could only be anti-social when she's there. Hell, I would be too if I had to listen to nagging all the time lol. What you're saying they're lecturing her about isn't fair. She's only 13, and she doesn't need to be worrying so much about her future. She should be more worried about boys and makeup then what major she's going to choose. She has plenty of time to figure that out, as long as she knows what it takes to get into college, if that's even what she wants to do.



I would also sit her down, and ask her if anything has happened over at his house, and who comes over. I'm not saying she's lying, but she could be exaggerating what goes on over there, because something else is going on, and she's making it out to be worse then it is so she doesn't have to go. I pray to God that she's not exaggerating, and it's only the lectures that's keeping her from wanting to go. Assure her that she can tell you anything, and you'll be there if/when she ever wants to talk, that you'll understand and really listen to her. If she's not social with other people, and is having a hard time opening up to you, talk about some of the things you've been through, or have someone she trusts talk to her, or try a therapist.



I think there's something deeper going on, other then just the lectures. It could be what they're saying, how they're saying it, or even when they say it. If they lecture her when she does something they don't like, or doesn't do something they want her to, they could be talking down to her to guilt her into changing whatever it is. Either way, it sounds like she's going to resent him, and not have much contact with him when she gets older, and to me, that's a sad thing to happen.



I hope everything works out, and she finds the strength and courage to stand up to him when she needs to. Good luck with everything!

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Tuba - posted on 08/09/2014

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You really are wrong, you know. Stop being judgmental at every turn - is there something significant that happened to you at that age? Please don't be judgmental. That doesn't help anyone.

TLM - posted on 05/09/2014

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Every situation is different. Every state is different. I have been divorced for 8 years now with 50/50 custody because I wanted my kids to have a relationship with their father. I always looked up to my father and wanted the same for them. Unfortunately, this has not come to be. I divorced him and he was VERY bitter about it. Now the reasons I divorced him have become apparent to my children (16 &13). Let me make this clear.... I do not and have never bad-mouthed him. Money has never been an issue. He got a girlfriend about a month after I moved out and I was seriously hoping she would help make him a more loving father. Unfortunately, that was not the reality. She has pulled him away from his children. She is belligerent to both kids, mostly behind their dad's back, it affects my 13 yr old daughter the most (my son ignores her... at over 6' I think she is afraid of him). I have seen my bright, shiny, little girl turn into a withdrawn, sad and fearful teen when faced with going to her dad's. I have had coaches, teachers and counselors tell me something is 'off' that she is just 'not herself'. She has told me various things the girlfriend (now live-in) has done over the years and I have journal with all the information 'just in case'.

It has been a LONG 8 years and I won't go into everything that has happened, but it has finally come to a head and my 13 yr old worked up the courage to confront her dad and tell him she wanted to stay with me for a while. He flat out told her she didn't have the right to make that decision. She told him she was done dealing with the emotional abuse of his girlfriend and him not supporting her and always taking the girlfriend's side. The girlfriend said to my daughter 'you have ruined the weekend', 'you're in the doghouse', 'no matter if you apologize or not it'll be a long time til you get your phone back', and most recently 'I'm done with you'. My daughter has told her dad all of this and he STILL defends the girlfriend. He did not take it well, and insisted she was going with him. My daughter then took off and hid in the school rather than go with him. Her teacher/coach nor I could find her, her dad tried to confront me (with the girlfriend in tow) and I had to lock myself in my car and call the police.

I tell you all this because the POLICE told my daughter and me that without a court order signed by a judge changing visitation, she was a minor and had to go with him. I was told that if I allowed her to not go, I was in violation of a court order and could be charged! My daughter was obviously upset and the cop agreed to talk with her dad to allow her to go with me for the night. Thankfully, he agreed but she is required to go back on his next scheduled day.

Ladies and gentlemen - find out the laws in your state. Kids likely have a say in custody, but they must do so through the courts or face charges.

I will be following up with lawyers in 10 mins..... My daughter is afraid of the courts, I am just praying facing these fears will make her a stronger, more self-confident woman in the years to come.

Megan - posted on 04/21/2014

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my heart breaks for the children stuck in the middle of parents battles. PLEASE stop and look at life from your childs eyes. Teens lives do not revolve around their parents...they want some space, some control of their lives. Kids are resilient is the bull always thrown out. But Divorce is painful for kids!!! Its the death of their family. So let them mourn. Be there, be supportive, kind and caring. Even if you have to experience their wrath...
"Wow, I can feel your anger and frustration. I love you so much and wish you wanted to spend time with me. What can we do to make this work for both of us?"
Read this book, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1583334... Stop blaming and guilting. Your child is innocent. Be the adult she or he can rely on.

William - posted on 03/30/2014

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I must say its so sad to hear all you women and your children complaining about your kids dads . I too am a divorced father of four . I have two girls 16-17 and two boys 6-9 . And my daughters don't want anything to do with me after the divorce but there two brothers do . And I can honestly say that the mothers manipulation and brain washing has everything to do with it . I have talked to a lot of fathers in the same situation and there daughters treat them the same way. How is it that this is happening and not just to a couple of dads . Despite what ever the reason is that the two parents were divorced for both are still parents but I see that more and more fathers are robbed of there children by the mothers . And its usually because the mothers are using the kids to hurt the father . My ex was a cheater and did it in front of my kids and for some reason she has convinced my daughters that she has primary custody because shes a better parent . This came from my daughters mouths .
Manipulation and bad mouthing of the other parent to the kids is child abuse . I don't care what any body says you will have a hard time raising kids alone . They need both parents in there life's . And the kids aren't a tool to hurt the other parent . Wake up

Natalie - posted on 03/25/2014

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These stories are so heart felt!!knowing that people are going through the same situations(: good therapy God bless u all..

Anonymous - posted on 03/21/2014

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Look, I'm not a mom. I'm just a kid but that is besides the point.My dad has a girlfriend who is a total (exuse my harsh language) utter b!tch who does nothing but lecture me about things that I either couldn't give any more sh!ts about. Stupid bible catholic stuff that I don't believe in or stuff that I know about or just disagree with period in fact she once lectured me about what video games I should play and not play and I was about to flip out and nearly hit her but thank god I didn't. My dad always lies and says that he would never take her side over mine but that is a strait up lie. If someone can help me stand up to this b!tch and reads this please do so

Tony - posted on 03/13/2014

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My 15 year old son does not want to start High school in Colorado and does want to live with me in Las Vegas. Is He old enough to make his own decision where he wants to go? With 3 other kids half brothers he wants out of the house form mom and step dad. He says he feels like he is just the step kid.
Thanks for any responses

Rachael - posted on 03/06/2014

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Thank you Becky for a brilliant reply. I had wanted to say something similar when I read the original post. I had a relationship with a man who was so emotionally and psychologically abusive that I was very concerned for my child's well being when we finally split up. While we had been together I could at least protect her, monitor and try to counteract his behaviour. However I DID NOT want to deprive either of them of a relationship with each other but what I did want was for him to address his behaviour so that she would not be subjected to the sort of abuse I had experienced. Perhaps unsurprisingly he denied his behaviour and this of course only increased my concerns. She began visiting him but would usually return in a subdued or distressed state. I would have liked to have addressed this with him but it's impossible when a person will not admit to ever getting anything wrong or there are any serious issues about their behaviour towards others. I found it very frustrating as well as worrying because I believe so strongly in both parents being involved in a child's life as well as negotiating and compromise. Additionally there was never an occasion when I spoke badly about her father. She became more and more reluctant to see him and her behaviour became disruptive. Eventually she put a stop to it herself. She was about 7 years old. She told him she wouldn't see him any more. I was genuinely worried what he would do next and was sure I would be blamed but nothing happened. She told me that he shouted at her a lot and she didn't know what she had done and she said he was unkind and a bully. She also told me about incidents which mirrored the experiences I had had with him but that she had not witnessed. I felt very guilty but also angry that I had raised his behaviour and explained how concerned I had been with the courts but had not been taken seriously and he is very plausible. There has been no contact since then. I have no doubt that his new wife blames me and I'm assuming he does too. Perhaps people reading this will think I'm a terrible mother. However, given the emotional abuse I experienced and the behaviours my daughter experienced I also believe that if she had been forced somehow to carry on seeing him she would have experienced real emotional harm (I wonder if I would have been held responsible for that, ie how could a mother knowing how her partner behaved have put her child in such a situation). My daughter asked me recently why I had made her see her father when she had repeatedly told me she didn't want to and that he was a 'horrible person'. I told her how sorry I was and I think I am lucky that she is forgiving and at such a young age can even appreciate that I was in a very difficult situation. Yes there are some amazing parents out there, there are women who might make it deliberately difficult for children to see their dads but there are many of us who would love our children to have a loving relationship with their absent parent and want to be amicable, co-operative and support each other in their parenting whether that is living together or apart. Sadly, that isn't always possible and it's unhelpful when people generalize about these things.

Little - posted on 02/18/2014

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God bless you, Kelly Miller. I, too, see things from the father's point of view. I agree with you completely. It's also very common for children of divorce to put on shows for mom, if they actually enjoy going to dad's and feel guilty for leaving their mother.

Kelly - posted on 02/17/2014

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Darlene and all you other moms here's the problem. Dads are set up for failure from the start, by you the moms. Your children don't want to go to dad's house because they hardly ever spend time with him, because of your custody arrangement. They live with you mom, so they are use to you - the routine, the rules, the food - everyting is familiar. When they go to dad's everyting is different and it's like going to the babysitters house not their parent's house. They aren't given enough time together to forge a bond and build a relationship. Most dads want to be dads, but their ex-wives won't let them.

Custody arrangements should ALWAYS be 50/50; with some obvious exceptions such as abuse, parental drug use or neglect. Children need BOTH parents - mom and DAD - (not just mom) in there lives on a regular basis. Dads are not just babysitters and ATMs, which from reading this article and its corresponding replies is the impression I get.

Darlene you are right your daughter does have a right to choose whether or not she goes to her dads house, but as a reasonable parent I would think you would encourage her to go so she can build a relationship with her father. Your daughter is at a very crucial age when she needs a father figure in her life. Why has the custody arrangement been that he only gets her on weekends? If you truly wanted your daughter to have a father you would have allowed 50/50 custody or encouraged them to spend more time together right from the beginning. You know why she hates it over there, because she hasn't had a chance to build a relationsip with him and he hasn't had a chance to be a dad. Put aside your hate for your ex and think rationally, he has a right to father his child, but it's pretty hard to do when he is allowed only very limited involvement in the childs life. You need to reiterate the importance of her building a relationship with her dad.

Of course him and the girlfriend are going to lecture her. Didn't your parents ever lecture you when you complained or were ungrateful? Mine did and I'm a better person for it. Of course she's going to be upset about being lectured, but too bad, she needs to hear it and she needs to get over it.

You know why your ex has no money to do anything with his daughter on his weekends, because he likely pays you a grotesque amount of child support and there is no money left for him to spend on her when she is at his house. All you divorced moms need to stop thinking of your ex husbands as baby sitters and ATMs. You are not together anymore, and if you want your children to live with you then part of that responsibility is supporting them financially. You have revoked his right to be a parent so you have no right to expect money from him.

I am a mom and I see my husband's struggle with his ex-wife. She wants her child to have nothing to do with him, he has to fight her at every turn to be involved in his daughter's life. It's sad. Moms please put aside your hate for your ex and realize he is still a father and has a right to see his children regularly and be part of their lives.

Meghan - posted on 12/11/2013

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i have the same problem i hate my dad. and dont want to go and give in

Josalyn - posted on 12/01/2013

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I'm fourteen and i have the same problem. My parents divorced when i was about 3 and i've always lived with my mom. I was fine with going to see my dad until he got this new girlfriend, who later became his wife. I can not stand going to see him. My mom and i live in a different state as him now so it seems normal for me to want to go see him and everybody thinks that i want to. It was until he got married and i started high school that everything changed. I was so busy with Volleyball. Dance team, and rodeo that my scheduled weekends began to not work. He tried to make me feel guilty for having a life. When i went down to see him i would always get into trouble and get my phone or something taken away because i didn't see him or didn't agree with him. I finally had enough and had my mom take it to the courts for me. If your daughter is 13 she has a voice in the eye of the judge. I displayed my case that i had and they seriously took into consideration what i said. After it was all done they agreed that the ball is on my court as to when i should go see my dad. I get to pick. If i were you i would consider going to the courts about it. I know i'm only a 14 year old girl but i know what your daughter is going through. It just might be worth it.

Jessica - posted on 11/22/2013

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Hi darlene,

When I was 13, I was going to my dads on the weekends as well. l too used to hate going every weekend because he would lecture me every time I would go every time. I am 25 now and I live with him, til this day he lectures me and treats me like im 5 years old. I am going to college and I can never make him freaking happy. I hate living here, I want out but I can't until I finish college.

Geraldine - posted on 09/10/2013

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Jacy , yes you do have rights your not a baby any more your at an age where you know what you want what makes you happy , you can't be forced to go to ur dads house , if it even went to court the judge would speak to u alone away from ur parents and simply find out what makes u happy , ive been through it myself with my own 13 year old and now even with my 10 year he has rights to , hes not happy going to his dads house but would like to see him but in a different environment hope this helps you in some way

Alec - posted on 05/26/2013

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I'm a thirteen year old boy and I hate my dad to he has put me in therapy twice now and he won't change he is a failure at life and wants me to take his advice I'm sure your daughter doesn't like her father and sending her there only makes it worse my family (my mom my sister and I ) plan on going to court and getting my sister and I out of his custody but he refuses to pay child support I wish you and your family good luck

David - posted on 05/04/2013

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Very wrong Kris. what a bitch you are. You need a shrink, Im not even going to go down the list.

David - posted on 05/04/2013

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too bad. tell her she needs to go because she needs to spend time with her dad and shouldn't make him beg like a dog to see his child and that you will tear her tail up if she does it again. Basically do what you would want him to do if the role was reversed and she whined and moaned when it was your weekend (remember you have her most of the time and influence her beyond the dad, but she will start seeing through things in a few years.)

Helen - posted on 04/06/2013

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I have 3 childern 2 boys 1 girl ages 15 to 8.well my prob is different my ex told my childern they do not need to go to his if they dont want to.Not sure if thats his choice or his new parteners.So now my 8 year old daughter dont want to go when its his wkend to have them.I did tell her she had go go as this was her dads wlend and he wood like to see her.So then i find out he had said this to them about not needing to go if they dont want to.so now she dont go all the time and my 11 year old son has missed a few wkends with him.Now hes saying im stopping them from going which is rubbish.Y he had to get like this i dont know maybe because hes getting remarried but its not fair on the kids.Asked him to meet to chat and clear the air that was a no he told me im getting a letter.About want i dont know so im waiting for this letter to come and see want is in it.So im not making my kids go as he said only if they want to.

Jennifer - posted on 12/04/2012

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My fiance's daughter is at the age when she is A LOT more social and really doesn't make time for her dad anymore. She still wants him to come to her games and school concerts, but other than that, she really doesn't want a lot to do with him. He has to call/txt her and when he does, it's like he's imposing on her. The mother won't enforce anything as far as visitation and now we don't even get overnight visits because the daughter's friends, skating rink, oh yes, and let's not forget BOYS are so much more important. Apparently her daughter sneaking off with boys and doing God knows what is more important to the mother than supervising her and limiting her

Redbear - posted on 12/04/2012

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Not all ex's are the same. (That's a bit of slam, there)



My 14 y/o daughter and I have come to an agreement that when she has social activities that she 1) gets my approval since legally the time is mine - 99% of the time I say 'yes' and 2) she agrees to have make up days with me so we don't miss more time together. We've made our time together a balanced priority for both of us and it's worked fantastically.



Your ex needs to be in the boat or out of it and if he's not participating you need to keep a record of missed visitations of all of the kids so you can go to court and seek a modification of visitation. The courts frown pretty heavily on parents of either sex who don't visit thier kids.

Lisa - posted on 12/04/2012

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im in the same position !!! my daughter hasnt seen her father in almost 6 months she tells him flat out. then i get the nasty phone calls or text that im such a wonderful mother and she is going to be a knocked up junky by the time she's in high school. REALLY!! he is also remarried with another daughter and the problems didnt start until he did get remarried. he stopped seeing the kids on his scheduled days because it was inconvient for him. but once in awhile like today he has a bug up his butt and keeps threatening DYFS on me. thats is way of revenge on me he calls them on me constantly and there are never any findings and i cant press charges on him because he calls in anymously. my kids are getting tired of this and my daughter just wants to emanicpate herself from him. does anyone know the legal age or procedure to do this in the state of nj? my son maintains a relationship with him just to get him to stop threatening us. all ex's are the same they just dont get it. expecailly when a girl reaches a certain age all they want are their friends!! i get it i remember being that age!! sorry to get off topic but you are not alone at all in this....

Redbear - posted on 12/03/2012

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The best argument I've heard against 'if you don't want to go, you don't have to' is:



'Instead of going to church on Sunday or school during the week would you allow your child to refuse to go so they can stay home, drink beer, and watch porn?'



If the answer is 'NO!' then why is the value of staying home, drinking beer, and watching porn have more value than the relationship and visitation between kids and their Dad?



In my own case, this is the argument that I'm making in court for my ex's passive-aggressive parental interference.

Marissa - posted on 12/03/2012

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This is a hard thing to respond too given the fact that I myself am a new step-parent. So I am going to tell you how it feels to be on the outside (girlfriend/stepmother) looking in. I joined this site, in hopes of getting some advice on my own question," and your paragraph came up. I read it and thought to myself "WOW! there are other mothers out there who think like my husbands ex"

Now mind you I have known my step child since she was 6yrs and she is about to turn 15. Her father and I just got married, and we have our up and downs, but bc she is with her mom more than with us I can't say things are always bad.

We have a similar situation, and we always have her mother putting guilt trips on us like " she is always bored and we dont do anything blah blAH" I honestly detest when she thinks this. That bc her daughter comes to stay with us we are supposed to somehow entertain her?? We go out for dinner, we watch movies, breakfast family functions here and there, but we dont have the money for every wknd to take her somewhere. I am sorry to say this doesn't make you a bad father. It is wrong that her mother doesn't explain that or teach her that coming to her fathers isn't a vacation. It's a second home. We are not going to roll the red carpet out every time she comes to our house.

Another thing similar. Her father doesn't put his daughter down at all, but he does tell her certain acts of behavior, bc he isnt there everyday and when she comes off as "we do nothing for her and her mom does everything" he is going to teach her that quality time even just doing homework together is nice since there are alot of dead beat fathers out there that do nothing for their children. He may also give her chores at the house, or advice on how to talk to people ect, bc she needs to learn from someone that it isn't the end of the world that she has to sets of parents.

She gets almost everything she wants, and has always been treated as if she were my own. I just don't understand why she thinks she should be treated special bc she comes to our house Sat-Mon. Life should be kept as normal as possible. Not only that but with the cost of child support (which can be more then 2 cars payments put together) how there is any money left at the end of the month to really do a lot.??

Maybe your ex and you should really find out if the problem is that he has a girlfriend and she thinks there is no time for her? Maybe guilt trips on either end are wrong. You both decided to have a child, and didn't plan on ending things(or whatever the sit is), but it is what it is. You both should really find out what the real problem is before blameing it on just the father. Ive seen my step-daughter go back-n-forth with telling us things she doesn't like about her mothers husband, or I have been accused of making her feel that she isn't wanted there when that isn't even true. Sometimes these kids just need a little extra attention. Try looking at it in both ends. I know mothers are always extra proctive of their kids , but sometimes give the good fathers some slack. Maybe just being with her is enough for him.

Adam - posted on 11/28/2012

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I was divorced ten years ago. In that time only one serious relationship. After she started to criticize my my children and I could feel they felt my attention and devotion was more towards her. I broke up with her. My three kid's loved coming to my house. My X Wife never gave me any problems. Whenever I could spend time with them even above the order visitation rights I had, she was very accomandating ten years ago my boys were three and seven. My little girl was six. I tell you and all Mom's out there, ten years latter and I've lost the two oldest. In the beginning they loved coming to Dad's. I did not have much money. But if you put the time in you can find lots of fun things to do with your kids. For little or no money. The city pool, various small muesums, I was a member of the Buffalo Zoo for seven years- this included many free activities, nature trails etc.

We had so much fun then. I have thousands of pictures of how happy we all were. Even though I can look at them without breaking down. Those pictures are worth more than gold to me.

You the diffence asked between boys and girls. I tell you now there is. I stressed to my daughter over the course of eight years, when she was a big time Daddy's girl. I didn't harp. I did make clear. That when she becomes an adult she must be able to support herself and never depend on a man. Never become so serious in a future relationship, before you can take care of youself. On your own. As time passes things change. Some persons break their oaths. I never want my daughter to be trapped in a relationship. For reason of fear of how to provide for herself or even perhaps my future Grandchildren. I'm proud to say that in took. She is a high honor student and a very independent young woman. About the age you spoke of 13-14 years old she just didn't want to come to my house anymore. Our special Daddy Daughter dates came to an end. I know she loves me. For the years I've bit my tounge with her Mother. She allows me in the house. I still make sure to tell that I love her and how proud I am of her. She does return by saying she loves me. But it just isn't the same. She is 16 though. I miss my little girl so much. You see Fathers worry more for there daugthers simply because they know by the very fact of being a man. How a lot of men think and behave. We know when there intentions are noble and when there just looking at woman as a means to satisfity there end. A lot of women fall for this, "bad boy" mocho bs. Believe me I know nice guys finish last. For now I live only to see my yougest boy who still comes to Dad's. I loves being with me.

As to contrast my oldest Son 17 does not come to Dad's anymore. I tell him I love him. He also will return an ,I love you Dad. Sometimes even him at 6' 4" and me at 5' 10 will give my a hug and a kiss when I stop over his Mother's. He now has a girlfriend who also is a high honer student. I stressed to my boys to be gentlemen and respect woman. But to also not to fall for a woman who is not loyal or kind hearted. You see men have to follow their gut and ask themselves is this a woman that is willing not to stray at the opptunity some one better comes along.

As for my youngest boy we still have great times. But he will be 14 soon. I know all children our uniqiue. My hope is he stay's the way he is. Exited to come to Dad's and lights up when he sees me.

As far as myself if the youngest goes the way of the oldest two. I don't know what I will do. I know all my children love. I know they love their Mom too. For when they asked I always told them what happened between me and their Mom is not their concern. I would tell them she is the Mother and I am your Father and nothing will ever change that. But when I'm home all alone, I'm so lost. I'm blessed with a good job but after I pay support and bills. I can't afford to date. Reader please don't take this as complaining about child support. Their Mother is a good Mother. It gives me great pride to know that my children will know I have never been late or skipped out on supporting my them. It's just night after night alone counting the days until Eric comes over. The very thought that that may end too. Leaving me all alone and sad. I know idea how to deal with lonliness. I go to work come home make something to eat maybe catch a seinfeild rerun maybe surf the web a little and sleep and repeat. Is this how life should be lived. Wacthing youself get older and older as life goes on. Till you eventually die. So to conclude don't consider your problem such a problem. There are some people out there that would welcome your problem.

Jennifer - posted on 11/20/2012

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Wow! To the absent father, I commend you! I hope you get to have visitations with your son soon. You could check into court ordered counseling if your son is below a certain age. Also, if it is that bad, and as horrible as it may sound, you may have to hold your ex in contempt of court for violating any visitation order. My fiance' and i are currently going through a legal procedure due to a similar matter. The thing is, his children and I love each other very much. It just happens that it is his ex-wife who has the problem and his children are worried that their mother will be mad at them or they will get into trouble if they tell her they like me. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck in your journey.

Jennifer - posted on 11/20/2012

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My fiance' and I are currently having a similar problem with his 11yr old daughter, but in reverse. His ex-wife is putting guilt trips on the daughter when she wants to visit with us because her mother NEVER takes her out anywhere for leisure, and rarely does she cook at home. My fiance and I have known one another for 25 yrs. His daughter really likes spending time with us. Her and I have A LOT in common. I also have a 9yr old daughter, and they get along very well. Recently, my fiance' started to make a few changes with some legal issues; his ex wife had been taking advantage of his financial standing for a couple of yrs. He had to make a change in his career as well which resulted in a significant change in his wages. He is a very devoted father who never let his children OR ex-wife go without, and is present at his kids' sporting events, school programs, etc. He has even taken days off work, which we can't afford, to take care of if one/both stay home from school just so his ex wife could go to work.It has put us in financial bindings in the past.But that never changed the relationship between us and his kids. When we have had visitations, we try to do what we can to keep them from being bored. We do travel and take them places to ensure their "fun time." I've noticed a very dramatic change in the daughter's overall demeanor and attitude. She ONLY talks about boys and wants to be on her iphone when she is with us. She has noticed her father gets a little unnerved when she talks about these boys whom she says are "just friends." She has asked me if her dad gets mad when she talks about boys. I advise her to maybe sit down and talk with him. My fiance' is a very reasonable and logical man. He is attentive, caring, and sensitive to his childrens' needs. As I've said, I've never known a more devoted and doting father. She knows A LOT about sex; much more than an 11yr old girl should; more than a 30 something adult should probably know. From my understanding, her mother was very promiscuous around that age as well. I know the mother doesn't discipline the children and pretty much allows them to do whatever they want without supervision, or she'll buy them things to keep them occupied. She allows the daughter to wear very dark make-up and revealing clothes. Is it possible the daughter is already having sex with boys and she wants to stop visitations with her father for fear that he will find out or will just know? As a concerned future step-mother, I would like to be there for her, and she knows she can talk to me about anything in the world. She has confided in me on many occassions. My fiance' has many concerns about this and has come to me with questions I'm assuming because I have raised 3 girls of my own. I'm just not sure how to answer his questions. Let's just say that when my 18yr old had sex for the 1st time, she acted different and my fiance's daughter is behaving the same way as my daughter did. We mothers certainly have instincts like no other.

Rachel - posted on 11/19/2012

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Becky Glenn,



I am sorry for your experience. But if you read what I wrote, I was talking about these women who say that there child is bored, ot their child doesnt want to or its its too far away, or the father doesn't pay enough child support. Not one of these women talked about any real mis treatment of their child. Let me assure yu that I don't think any child should be placed in abusive situation.



My father was an abusive man and we left him when I was very young. I have no more respect for anyone than my mother as she never said a bad word about my father and still made sure we had a relationship with him in a safe way. These women that complain that their husaband is doing something wrong just because they are bitter or they are insecure makes me so angry.



I have seen what it can do to a father. My husband has two children from another marriage and he has tried so hard to have a relationship with his children. He is a loving father and has had nothing but nastiness bitterness and spite from his ex wife ever since they seperated and divorced (and she was the one who left him for another man).

'

The children have been extremely affected by the whole mess. This woman is so bitter and nasty that anytime they have a disagreement or anytime my husband wont agree to a swap in certain dates etc (and he would only not agree if we already had plans with the kids) she will tell the kids that "daddy is mean because he wont let you be with me" . This woman has messed with these kids heads from a young age. Telling them stories that just aren't true. She has aslo told the parents at their school all sorts of stories. My favourite one was when she told people at school that my husband and I are drug addicts. Luckily the parents only took a few months to work out what the turht actually was.



These kids suffer so much. Thay are told to sit at the top of the stairs to listen to conversations and they are to report anything back to their mother. They are made to keep secrets from us. Ie. she is not meant to enrol them or change their schools without signed agreement from their father. But she tries to anyway and makes them keep it a secret. If they take anything from out house to their mothers house she tells them that they are not allowed to have it in her house and they have to take it back. The youngest child says she gets upset when she goes back to her mums because all her mum does is say bad things about us.



The oldest child is so messed up that she is prone to violent outbursts. We tried to get her to see a psychologist but her mother refused this. She has now decided (much because of her mothers insistance for years) that she no longer wants to come to our house. She is 12 and is going through puberty and is already mixed up enough. Her sister still comes but was told by her mother "you shouldn't be going there I don't know why you still are".



The oldest child has told people that my husband was physically abusive towards her and has told people that I used to hit her and her sister all the time when they were little. This is a complete lie!



So I read some of these post where the mother talks about what a drag it is for her kids to go to their fathers and it infuriates me. These children, as all children are extremely influenced by their mothers attitude to the father. They listen and absorb everything that is said and it affects them. They make decisions based on their mothers attitude and not on their own. A 13 year old is not old enough to understand the consequences of cutting ties with a parent. Psychological studies show that children need both parents. (As long as both parents are not harming the child) . These kids who hate their father eventually grow up and have a mind of their own and many will resent their mother from keeping them from having a relationship with their father whether is be active or passive interference.



Even if they don't resent their mother they will suffer because of the lack of time they have spent with their fathers. It makes me so angry that women (and men) put their personal issues in front of the well being of their children. I find is pathetic and selfish. I have a beautiful child and will always put his needs before my own, I also love my step children and would put their needs before my own, which means I do not spend my time being nasty or talking poorly about their mother,no matter how awful she is, because at the end of the day it is their mother and they should be allowed to love her and feel good about her, just as they should be allowed to love and feel good about their father.



The



The youngest

Shannon - posted on 11/12/2012

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well first and for most, no money is not a good reason not to go to her dads house,money isn't everything. but on the contre she is old enough to make her own choices,about going but... i would ask dad to meet you half way maybe one night instead .of 2 ..

Shenna - posted on 11/07/2012

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Your daughter is at the age where honesty is key tell her like it is. Tell her if it bothers her south she doesn't have to go and let her know what a guilt trip is and how she doesn't have to take one! That's bad on dad's behalf for using that! And then he doesn't take her out or do anything with her once she gets over to his house. -_- I'm not sure if she has expressed everything you know about the situation to you or you know because you've read the situation yourself. If this is putting stress upon your daughter tell her to text you when she's ready to come home and you just show up to pick her up. So what if you end up being the bad guy what does your ex's opinion have to do with your daughters mental stability. She is at a fragile age as well easily impressed upon. The more positive her surroundings the better. You also need to have a talk with dad and dads girlfriend, let them know what they are doing and how they are doing wrong and let them know how they can improve. You won't have fans but you will have a happier daughter!

Redbear - posted on 10/30/2012

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I was searching for the topic 'Why divorce kids should see their dads' and came across this series of posts. If it's not too out of bounds, I'd like to offer the dad's point of view:



I am heading into the third year of my ex using the excuse 'he doesn't want to' for why my youngest son haven't seen each other; I insisted on counseling but since he didn't participate fully, there was no final determination on why and the only recommendation the counseling center's student intern could make was, 'if he doesn't want to, then he doesn't have to'.



I can't tell you the frustration and heartbreak that my ex's passive interference has caused me; I've sat up at nights crying and praying that God would return my son to me and have finally gotten to the point where I need to get the court involved. This is not where it should have gone.



The truth is that we need our parents whether we are kids or adults and they need us so, in absence of documented physical or substance abuse, send your kids to their dad's no matter what.

Becky - posted on 10/18/2012

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Rachel Harris, I think it's important to remember that not everyone's father is a good or even decent man. I struggled after my divorce; every man in my family, from my brother to my uncles and grandfathers, cousins, and my own father, are good men who love and cherish their wives and children dearly and will do anything for any of us. They are involved men, who coached their children's ball teams, were present at events, supported home life, worked hard, and took their children to church three times a week. The men in my family love their children's mothers and treat them properly and show full respect and love to their own mothers. To my unpleasant surprise, after I married what I believed was a man much like my own dad, the abuse began. The cheating began shortly after that. The indifference to his children began while I was pregnant. The facade was put up, and no one had any indication that these things were taking place.



My daughter saw these things. She knew her mother was being abused. It terrified her. After we left, and she was ordered to see him, SHE was abused. Now, knowing that we can afford the best attorney in the state, he won't lay a hand on her, but the continual emotional abuse is literally sickening. She's watched the cycle of abuse continue with several of his girlfriends (ladies that she and I both liked very much). She is only 9 and is about to buckle under the mental stress of it all. When I don't want to send her to her father's because she's begging through tears that she doesn't want to go through it again, am I being selfish? Is sending her into it even sort of the right thing to do?



Before you talk about moms in our shoes being petty and selfish, let me just assure you that my daughter has pressed me to tell her details about her father's abuse toward me, that I will not share with her because I don't want there to be a time where she or anyone might believe that I swayed her perspective of him. He's done that all on his own, and when she doesn't want to go, no one in the world could blame her. I'm not selfish, and neither is any woman whose children are emotionally or physically neglected when they're with their fathers. It's not right, and if the loving parent is at home wishing that she could have her children with her so that they could be paid attention to and listened to and treated like they're SOMEONE, and not just a lump on the couch...then why should the children have to endure the monthly pain of being reminded that their other parent doesn't care one iota about them or his relationship to them? How is that good for them? If he wants a relationship with them, then he can HAVE one; until he wants to have one, the kids should not have to be subjected to a parent that ignores them, emotionally abuses them, talks poorly about their other parents, and leaves them home alone while he goes out to have fun with the girlfriend for the whole weekend. That is NOT a relationship, and will only further cause the children to despise him for how he makes them feel.

Michelle - posted on 10/16/2012

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It is a frustrating situation is all I can say and I can relate, I have a 7yr old little girl whom is my life and my shadow. She spent nights at her dads not this summer but last and since school started last year did not and then when she did he allowed her to share a bed with one of her two older brothers one being 10yrs old and one being 14yrs old thinking nothing wrong with. His house is a guys house, him, his two sons and then his brother (in his late 20's). Never showed any real intest in our daughter and now in last 6months is and since his girlfriend is around with her 5yr old daughter whom they allow to share a bedroom on weekends. Our daughter does not want to spend night and is not in parenting plan but he is pushing to have her every other weekend and overnights and she is beside herself and has a meltdown over idea of having to. And then to top it off, I am told her feelings don't matter. It is tearing me apart.

Jenny - posted on 10/13/2012

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Oh my goodness, we have the very same problem. I am not the type of mom who would ever try to keep my children from their dad. I believe children need both parents to be involved in their lives, especially after divorce. However, my children's dad suffers from bipolar and is nice with the kids one minute and a monster the next. He too operates on guilt trips and threats. My 17 year old daughter is supposed to stay with her dad while I am out of town, (starting tmo.) She is so scared and doesn't want to go. He is making threats and demanding she be there by noon. I know she doesn't "have" to go (per court order) because she is old enough to make the decision to stay with which ever parent she chooses. But with me going out of town for 10 days, does she "have" to stay with him when he is the only parent in town to care for her? Her best friend's family loves her and has invited her to stay with them while I am away. I just don't know if she legally has to be with her dad because she is under 18?

Staci - posted on 09/12/2012

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I have 3 kids, 17, 15, 10. None of my 3 want to even deal with their father. We divorced 7 yrs. ago and my 17 yr. old use to make up reasons why he could not go to see him until he turned 16 and just said he refused to go. My other 2 hate going too but don't want the father to give me problems. When they ARE with him, they amuse themselves inside the house on computers while he goes out and does his normal life routine. I have moved 400 mi. away (with his permission) and he told them that 2 weeks a year is enough to see them but then if they do not answer him when he calls their cell phones, not only do I get a nasty text from him complete with swearing, but so do the 15 and 10 year olds.

But there was a lot of hard feelings as he was not the optimal parent lol. I tell mine that I have to adhere to the court until they are old enough to make the decision. Don't know what else to do more out of fear of the father having a hissy fit and upsetting the kids.

Morgan - posted on 09/07/2012

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my daughter is turning 15 and she has had the same problem sense she was 9 she finely just stood up for her self and told him she didn't want to go anymore and she hasn't talked to him very much sense that. but she is starting to feel guilty. because her father got remarried and he has 2 kids. and everyone keeps telling her to go but she doesn't want to. she keeps bring it up to me and she said if she would ever go again it would be just to see the kids. but no your not the only one out there i felt like that to when it started to happen but i asked around and i actually found out that there is A LOT of mothers and daughters out there just like you and your daughter.

Jennifer - posted on 09/06/2012

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my daughter is almost 16, and she has had enough of going to her dad's. he is selfish and so absorbed with his new girl friend and their life, my daughter has had enough.

my older daughter has left for college, and four months before she left my ex convinced her to move in with him saying she wouldnt have any rules and she could come and go as she pleased. he even went as far as host an under age drinking party for her and her friends ( his girl friend purchased the liquor). more court dates.

my younger daughter will not be bought she just wants to spend time with him, and have him be a father and not a friend.



the sad thing is that my ex thinks i am filling her head with these ideas, he even asks her, " are these your mother's words coming out of your mouth"

it is shocking, she is at a point where she no longer talks to him, he is like a child.

i told my ex, there are no words I can speak that are louder then his actions.

the whole thing is sad for the children. :(

Jennifer - posted on 08/27/2012

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my daughter is 11 and she hates her father she has watched him put me threw hell...he bashed my head and pulled me down the stairs...and she watched him try to run her uncles over with is car and almost pin a 6 year ols boy up against the house....and then a few months later watched her father get beat up cause his gf cut some guy off while driveing and he fallowed her home instead of going to the police...that guy almost killed her father and his gf while she watched...if he dont get his way he says hes going to kill me and my daughter...I have taken him to court many time and they do nothing...I have a court order that he gets her every other weekend...I drive her 2 hours up there and 2 hours home....I have to make her go...and she dont want to....I am in the mix of tryn get his rights taken away again for threats to kill us.....she is in harms way and I still have to send her...so if you ladys dont have to send them and not get into trouble ...then go for it....he has also taken her from me 3 times and I paid 10,000 in a lawyer to get her back when she was 2 months old and then again when she was 1 and then again when she was 3 and when she was 5.....the courts dont care as long as they get there money....so tell me what mothers should do to protect there kids from people like this cause this mother is doing the right thing to protect her child.....you may not know her whole story there could be more...you dont know but give her a break

Rachel - posted on 08/16/2012

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MJbruer, Reading your post, it sounds like you have no respect for your ex husband and the importance of his time with his own kids. Going an hour and a half away from their friends to have a relationship with HIS children should be a priority for you. Your ex deserves a relationship with his children and his children deserve a relationship with him too, just as much as you do.

Maybe its your attitude towards him that has rubbed off on these children. If you actually stuck up for him and made it a priority to go you might find thier attitude is better. I am sick of reading about all of these women complaining that their ex wants a meaningful relationship with their own children. You don't own these kids and neither should you. They have a right to love both of their parents and should be strongly encouraged to do so.

"Protecting" your children from being bored or having to be an hour and a half away from their friends are not valid excuses for your children not to see their father. None of you have said that your ex is abusive to your children, just that its inconvienient for your children. Seriously, have a good look at yourselves and do not put your own bitterness and agenda on your children. The will not thank you for it when they are older. Some of you may have new partners and your children may well love them and get along well with them, but they still deserve the right to love their own fathers as well. Put your children first! Stop talking yourself and your children in to being unhappy about going to their fathers. I can gaurentee that if you are respectful and encouraging those children to have a meaningful relationship with him then they will. But while you are making excuses for yourself to put accross your own agenda, your children will be unhappy.

When these children become adults they will seek a meaningful relationship with their father and it may well be you left out in the cold. Change your attitudes before karma changes t your situation. Put yourself in their fathers shoes. He no longer has them as often and is doing the best he can to form bonds with his children. Try and imagine what that must be like for them as well and treat them the way you would want to be treated in those circumstances. You may even find that if you change your attitude he will change his and the kids will be happier too. After all it is all about the kids.

Chris - posted on 08/12/2012

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Is she a young person who is appreciative? 13 is a tough age. I wouldn't say it's okay for her to not go and I wouldn't say she has to go either-I just think teenagers need their father and it is a fathers Job to care enough to parent their children. I am not a fan of the labeling however, is she appreciative? Is there any truth to what Dad is saying?

MJbruer - posted on 08/11/2012

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I just got back from court yesterday on this matter. My kids are 16 and 13 and they have to go an hour and a half away from their friends and activities to see their dad. The dad has guilted them and yelled at them for not wanting to go and their relationships are terrible with him. But the court protects HIS TIME at their expense and though the court gave them control over which days they go, they still have to serve a sentence of the same number of visitation days per year.

My kids are making a chart of the number of days so they can count them down. How pathetic that the court only cares about the guy who left us and doesn't care about the kids' NEED to stay involved with a peer group or be able to keep a job etc. The one who decided to divorce gets REWARDED with time with kids who are FORCED to be there. If you don't take them you are in contempt of court.

SAD SAD MOM here. I feel so guilty and sad for them

Rachel - posted on 08/09/2012

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If roles were reversed and you didn't get to see your daughter as much as you wanted, you really don't know how you would react. It's hard enough for a father to relate to their daughter at 13. But even harder when she is only around on weekends and is "bored" because he hasn't enough money to take her out. The important thing is the relationship he wants to have and not the money he has to buy material things.

Rachel - posted on 08/09/2012

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Your child doesn't want to go there because she is bored? She is 13. All 13 year olds get bored. I wonder how much of her attitude comes from your feelings towards your ex. I am a step mother and for years I have watched my husband suffer because his ex does not encourage his children to have a relationship with him. She can be quite disrespectful and derogatory towards him. I have had to put up with her telling people that the kids don't like me either.

The fact is I have always had a great relationship with his kids. Just recently the 12 year old has gone through puberty and has become quite an angry and violent child. Whenever we have tried to discipline her for poor behavior, her mother has undermined us. Her mother has told her that there is nothing wrong with her behavior when even her school has talked about her behavior to us.

Teenagers can be quite dramatic and if you jump on their band wagon you are fueling the fire. You are contributing to the issues. You may not agree with everything your ex does but he does deserve the respect and ability to be a parent to the child in his own right. YOUR daughter is HIS daughter too.

The fact that he doesn't have any money to do anything should not be a slur on him. He should be allowed to just spend time with his daughter. After all it's the relationship and not materiistic things that will shape your daughter. I can tell you right now that my husband struggled financially for years after his divorce because of the amount he had to pay his ex wife for child support. He still had to feed and clothe his children when they were with him.

If you want your child to respect you when she is an adult you need to encourage her to see her father. I can also speak from experience. My mum and dad split when I was young. My mum made us visit our father even though we didn't want to. She also encouraged us to go and talked.the visit up. She didn't buy into our issues and drama. I can honestly say I have more respect for my mother than anyone because of the mature way she handled the situation.

Your child is still a child and an impressionable one at that. They are sponges and absorb all that ges on around them. They will side with you when there is animosity because they live mostly with you and you are closest to them. This is no reason to take the relationship with their father from them. Girls need good relationships with their fathers to develop properly psychologically and to learn to foster relationships with the opposite sex. Boredom is not a good enough reason to sever their relationship.
As for lectures about not appreciating anything. Your child is 13. I am sure you feel that way at times too. Cut your ex a break. He has a much tougher time establishing a relationship with his daughter as he doesn't have her in his house full time.

Rebecca - posted on 08/01/2012

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Wow! This is very interesting to read that so many people are going through, or have gone through, similar things we are going through. I have to say, though, that being the step-mother of a 13 year old girl is not easy. I have been in her life since before she was 1 year old. So, up until about 2 years ago, she and I got along famously, despite the occasional, but regular flare-ups between her mother and my husband and I. In our situation, my step-daughter is supposed to visit us every other weekend, but we see her about once a month, if we're lucky, and luckier still if she stays the whole weekend. I understand family conflict is difficult, but we all have to learn and work through it to grow and figure things out. Her mother, however, cannot be neutral and let her daughter form her own relationship with her father (and I). Of late, she has been upset because her younger siblings at our house, she claims, are treated differently than she is, although my husband and I make a very strong effort to make sure we treat them equally. What she doesn't understand, though, is that there are differences based on age appropriateness and behaviors exhibited. My step-daughter's mother is always trying to handle her battles for her, no matter what it is (i.e. conflicts with peers at school, concerns with things at our house, etc.). We cannot have debates, conversations or anything that has any intensity or even uncomfortable aspects to it or we will be berated by her mother. From my perspective, and in our situation, my step-daughter only wants to come over if we are doing something special and it's like she feels we should do special things every time she comes over. She doesn't want to come over just to spend a weekend. That is not right, as far as I'm concerned, because that would put her on a pedestal above the other kids and wouldn't be fair. She is part of this family and that includes fun times and boring times and just regular old working around the house times. She knows that all she has to do is call her mom and her mom will tell us what to do. It's extremely frustrating when her mother only encourages her to 1) call mommy when there's a problem so she'll never learn to stand up for herself, 2) to think that if we love her, we'll do what she wants, and 3) makes her feel guilty for loving her father, so much so, that she cannot enjoy herself when she's at our house. This is a story that could go on for quite some time, but I will spare you from more detail. My point here is that I see these blogs from the bio-moms and I know it's hard for you to go through this as well, but nobody seems to understand why the fathers are the way they are. If they didn't care, they wouldn't be involved inyour child's life. They do care, but they need to be given the respect and space to parent their child...mistakes included...as you do. When your daughter goes to her father's house, she shouldn't just be showered with attention and gifts, special trips, etc, just because she came over, she should be treated like a normal part of his family. It's not so much about standing up to him, either (at least in our situation) but learning how to approach and talk with her father.

Sara - posted on 07/05/2012

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my daughter is 15 and is pretty much a built in babysitter at her fathers house he has 2 other children from another relationship. we have a custody agreement she is with me sun -thurs and he has her thurs - sun recently she has decided she doesnt want to go there i have gone and filed a new visitation modification. because they do not let her do anything oh and by the way he lives with and has joint custody of his other 2 kids with HIS MOM . all they tell her they are gonna kick her out. wont fix her bike so she can play ride be a kid. she complains there this not enough food there to eat. i dont think i should force her to go if she doesnt want to go. and so she has been here with me for a week its thursday again and he telling her hes coming to get her. when she doesnt want to go

Jasmine - posted on 06/21/2012

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yes my daughter is 15 and has been going through this since 11 she goes every other weekend she recently decided to go for the summer because also he made her feel guilty she hates it tried to talk to him about it didnt work so now ill b going to get her he will have to take me to court im not having it

Elizabeth - posted on 05/24/2012

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My daughter is 10 years old and she also doesn’t like going to her dad because he gets upset and tells her 'she is like me angry and full of myself'.

Don’t worry, when she is ready to stand up to him, she will be find. But is she not old enough to make a choice not to go to her dad?

Serena - posted on 05/08/2012

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I have been separated from my ex for almost a year pending him paying for divorce he stopped paying for out house last oct 2011 an I was an at home mom for 13 years so I am finding it hard to find a job,an couldn't keep house from being taken so now I am faced with moving in with my boyfriend an my ex is freaking out an wants to get me an apartment etc..I don't trust him an my kids all don't wanna see him they are happy here with me as they have been all their life they love my boyfriend but my ex is a complete control freak he forces kids to go with him an they always call me wanting to come home an my daughter cries every time I leave her.
My ex is being a total jerk an says he is gonna fight me an not pay child support if I live with my boyfriend well we are planning on marriage an no matter what he is gonna be a part of their life,can he get custody of them as long as my boyfriend is an outstanding citizen ? He has never been arrested or done drugs but my ex says he heard from someone he was so wants him to pass a drug test before our kids can be around him, my boyfriend has had the same job for 17 years he is an amazing step dad also wanna see if they will force my boyfriend to go to court with me?

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2012

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i am a mother of 3 my older 2 are from my ex husband and i am going throught the same thing...i hate sending my 11 year old daughter and 7 yr old son but its court ordered he always treats them like they are against him when they dont wanna go and when they do his girlfriend and him treat them like crap and say that everything they do is wrong ugh...she has two kids as well and they treat them great...idk what to do/??so i dont think gender has anything to do with it =/

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2012

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My dad is pretty much the same way with me.im constantly lectured about the same things as your daughter.If he has to buy me something he throws a fit about it.if i ask to go somewhere i get told he doesnt have any money, yet he always takes my little sister anywhere she wants to go and he never invites me. I also get lectured and questioned about why i wont go see my dad. im lectured about that by him, his fiancee and his entire side of the family. they all know why i wont go there.

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