My child begs me to no send him to dad's....

Beady - posted on 03/23/2013

I too am in a similar situation. My 12 year old boy and 9 year old girl don't want to visit their dad. Only our 15 year old boy does. Yesterday my 12 year old cried and I asked their father that he only keep them weekends only as per court order cause of the spring breaks. But father refused to said boy and the girl would be fine. Visits have been year and half now for seeing dad. Dad has been in a relationship for 3 years the woman has a male child about 8 years old. My daughter has said to her grandmother that her dad treats him mean. I am not sure if he is treating them badly or his woman is? The 12 year old don't lie nor isn't mean he is a sweet boy. Our 13 year old takes up for his father I cannot truly believe him, I have him into counseling for his stresses and depression. What is wrong with this picture?

Rita_2_davey - posted on 08/15/2010

There is a reason why your son doesn't want to go. With the way he is acting when you walk by him, this ducking, does not sound good at all. Is your "ex" with someone else? Maybe this someone isn't as good to him and possibly not treating him the way a 4 yr.old should be treated. This "ducking" almost seems like he is getting smacked or something. I would do some checking. If he misses a wknd. with his father, your "ex" there isn't alot that can be done if he doesn't want to go. I wouldn't encourage him to not go at all, but if he seems fearful about going, something isn't right. If need be I would take your "ex" back to court or, take your son to your Physician or Pediatrician and have him speak with them. Sometimes they let out more to a stranger than they do to you. Even councilling in your area, where you can take him and find out the reason behind him not wanting to go. Also he could be hes' at that age that he wants' to be with "mommy". I have been in your position and its not good. My children were very open with me and would tell me if ever something was wrong. Let your son know that he is not in trouble and you would not ever be mad at him if he told you something. Let him know he can come to you with anything and let him know "Its not his fault".
You and your new husband are there to protect him and always will. Perhaps this may make him open up.
It is quite strange that he has nothing to say after being away. Again, if he wont' speak with you perhaps your Physician or Pediatrician. Its not good for him to hold things in, he is much to young to be told "you cant' tell". Get him the help he needs. I dont' know what terms you are on with your "ex" but maybe you could ask him whats' taking place. I wish you luck and best wishes.

Amy - posted on 08/15/2010

Get him into counseling- fast. Kids tend to open up more with an experienced counselor and then if your ex is abusing him or allowing him to see things he should not, it will be documented by a professional and if necessary you will have the ammunition to change the custody arrangement.

Karri - posted on 08/13/2010

BUT she MUST ...... MUST at least file an Emergency Ex-Parte Motion.....to keep the child from the father!!!! Just in case there is nothing proven against the father!!!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/13/2010

If a healthy relationship between father and son existed...the child would have absolutely NO problem with going with his father. As a Psyc. Major who is specializing in trauma, I can assure you that something is way off. Children with healthy paternal or maternal relations look forward to spending "quality time" with either parent. Wrapping it up and keeping it simple...."push more into it"...get professionals involved and have them give you an expert oppinion...P.S. if the child has been like this for a while you should NOT continue allowing visits/stay overs, etc...go to your nearest social worker of even the court and petition an psyc. evalutation for both fathers and son (Separately). Hope I was of some help...My best to you and the child

Kimberley - posted on 08/12/2010

You might want to see him to a child specialist and see what he/she says about his ducking and hideing. That is NOT normal behavior. I know you know this. Do NOT let him go to his dad's until he has spoken to a therapist/specialists. Seriously, your son is reaching out without saying a word, it is in his actions. Good luck. Keep us all posted please. I know I genuinely care........

Karri - posted on 08/11/2010

just be warned if you keep your son from your X and he has court ordered visitation and he files a motion for contempt for you denying visitation AND there is proven to be no just cause the courts do NOT look kindly at the parent "keeping" the child away from the other parent. I would file an Emergency Ex-Parte Motion If you think there is a real issue ! Do it through the courts! OR it may bite you in the butt!

Kelly - posted on 08/10/2010

My son did the same thing when I left his father. My lawyer told me that it was considered "child abbuse" to force a child into a situation that they are resistant to.
If your child ducks and falls to the floor I would definitly be checking into that.That could be a sign of abuse towards the child. Let your child know that you will not be mad with him for talking to you. He may be scared. I would also keep him home until I resolved the issue. Consult with a lawyer just to see what your rights are as far as visitations/concerns.
Good luck

Hailey - posted on 08/09/2010

Sorry for never posting again on this. Things seem better though he still fights to go with his biological father. He doesn't call him dad, only when he is with him because my ex has said this is what he is to be called... fine by me but I explain to my son he doesn't have too. He had a dad and that is my husband. Yes I have sole custody but he has visitation. At the moment it is ever second weekend which appears to be too much for my son. he is much happier when he sees him once a month (or every 4 weeks for a weekend). Every so often I try and do this for him. I do wish to get a councillor or therapist involved in the near future. I am no longer trying to push for information because I do find he is less likely to tell me things then. I let him bring it up to me in his own time and then I talk to the father. We were never together long. When he found out I was pregnant he threatened that I have an abortion or he'd force me so I know he has a temper.
There is a step mom involved who is philipino and apparently doesn't believe in punishment but I know my ex to be one that you do it his way or else type of attitude. Since my ex and his wife married and had a kid things seem to have settled. Thank you all for all the advice!

Kerstin - posted on 01/11/2010

same thing here with my 2 yr old girl. she cries, throws major tantrums, runs away when she sees him, etc.....

dont push for more info; this will only make your boy withdraw from you.

get a therapist involved, ask dad what happened (but realise, he may lie) or try to get sole custody .... hire an attorney, get a custody evalution to figure out what is in your sons interest.

Deanna - posted on 12/31/2009

I work for a lawyer who does family law. In a nutshell, here's my recommendation, which is similar to many of the posts: Call your local domestic violence center if your local area has one. Explain what is going on and ask if they can recommend a good pediatric counselor. Or talk to your son's pediatrician about what is going on and see it they can recommend a counselor. Next, talk to a lawyer or contact your local legal aid organization to get some solid legal advice about what your options are. Every state is a little different and you don't want to get yourself in trouble.



I have mixed feelings about talking to your ex about it. Was he abusive during your relationship with him? If so, then it's likely that he'll just deny everything and may even take it out on your son later. When a 4-yr-old won't tell you what they did at daddy's house, that tells me something is definitely wrong.



Get your son to a counselor asap. At this point, short of legal action and the appointment of a guardian ad litem, the counselor will be your son's best advocate. Most important is to get your son some professional help, but it will also lay the gournd work if you later have to take legal action.

Bev - posted on 12/30/2009

perhaps there should be supervised visits. You are your childs protector and he must feel he needs your protection. For some reason when some parents are questioned about activities at their homes the truth just doesn't seem to come out of their mouths. when I had gardianship of a grand daughter when she was 2--3 yrs old her father did not visit her much and when a custody fight started he lied like an ass____. The judge said the child had to go for visits and every time it was a physical battle to force her into the car seat and she screamed until they were out of my hearing range. Now she is 12 and still does not want to go but what can a person do. The other grandparents and dad would always say that she was fine as soon as she was away from me. I would try to explain that they loved her andwanted to be with her, but she just didn't buy it. Then one day I was told by the child that grandma B said that" gramdma Bev didn't love She___" I felt such anger that I never thought I was capable of having towards the other side of She___ family. I tried to explain how much I did love her and inside I felt so sorry for the dad cause someday Shel__ will be old enough to say no and not go. Get help to handle your sons frustration ( 2 different homes and rules and people is very confusing for children, even adults) reassure him how much YOU love him and ask him to try to be friends with dad. Some investigating would be worth your time. Must be something that is stopping your son from jumping into daddy's arms with happiness. There is a lot of sick people out there and usually we know them but don't know them. I might sound cynical, but I have found out the hard way that people just can't be trusted, no matter who they are, Your child is YOUR child andhe is looking to you. Good Luck bev

Emilia - posted on 12/29/2009

Be careful because if you aren't compliant with court ordered visitation schedule then it may bite you in the rear whether you are doing the right thing or not. I would take the child to see a good family counselor and be prepared to file papers in court indicating what is going on, asking for help.

I can't tell you how many times I had law enforcement officials pry my screaming, crying children off of me to go to their father's and I could do nothing except cry and tell them it was ok... it wasn't. Eventually because I wasn't so willing to share custody as I KNEW and there was ample evidence that the children were being severely emotionally and somewhat physically abused (and yes, finally my ex ended up sexually abusing my oldest and tried with our second daughter) the court didn't care. All they saw was that I was being "the difficult one".

My best advice as one who has lived through this nightmare is do whatever you can to have a civil relationship with your ex if that is at all possible. Talk to him and see if the two of you can't figure out what is going on. Was he abusive to you before you divorced? Maybe he is under stress and doesn't know how to handle it now.

I hope that your family can resolve this issue WITHOUT the intervention of the system as the system does not give a fat rat's behind about our children. The system only cares about protecting and proliferating the system.

Valerie - posted on 12/29/2009

I would meet with a counselor...ask him what it is about daddy's that makes him not want to go...and just listen...don't push him...or drill him...give him hugs and let him know you are glad he is home...there is always something that you can do...a counselor may be able to identify an issue or steps you can take...

Ruth - posted on 12/29/2009

PLEASE take your son immediately to a child trauma and or abuse specialist and get them to help you find out what is going on and who is doing it... You know within yourself something is happening your son is asking you for help...PLEASE PLEASE listen and get it before it is too late and you regret not acting.

Valerie - posted on 12/29/2009

Are you the custodial parent? If so you do NOT have to send him to his father's. His behavior indicates that something that is traumatizing to him is happening at his father's. I suggest taking your son to a child psychologist, preferably one that specializes in traumatizing events, and don't send him back until you are certain that nothing is going on. You have to take care of your son, his welfare is more important than wether or not his father see's him. If you have the kind of relationship with his dad that allows for you to talk to him civily then tell him what is going on and that you are not sending him back until you are sure. If not then write him a letter and keep a copy for yourself. If you don't have a good relationship with his dad, document every conversation you have with him. If it comes down to going to court (and I hope it doesn't) you'll need it. Just remember there are things you can do, you have the control.

Amy - posted on 12/28/2009

Just a suggestion, maybe not sending your son to his dad's for a while. Seems that something has transpired if your son is ducking and hitting the ground. Have you asked your ex husband what they do during his visitation? Keep an open line of communication with your son and eventually he may feel comfortable telling you what happens at his dad's residence.

Joy - posted on 12/28/2009

obviously there must be something going on at his dad's place, i think u shld discuss it with dad and stop the wkend visits n see wht happins.

Julie - posted on 12/27/2009

If he doesnt want to go dont make him. im sure there is a reason. what kind of realationship did he have with him before the divorce? Is there a step mom involed?