Serenity - posted on 07/19/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )
My ex and I have recently -finally- figured out a reasonable (or so I thought) arrangement for visitation. My daughter (age 8) is on a track system with school, so they go from Las Vegas where they live with me to San Diego where he lives, for 2 weeks every track break. This is about 4-5 times per year. I had pretty much sole custody with small visitations (maybe a night or 2 and frequent daytimes together) up until about 10 months ago when he moved out of town and they started the longer trips (1-2 weeks) with him. Problem being: they come back and are having big issues adjusting for quite a while. My son (age 4), acts out, refuses to follow basic rules that he is used to having, and usually follows before he leaves, throws severe tantrums that involve physically lashing out, as well as being very sensitive, and falling apart over normally what are small issues for him. Normally, he is high energy, but not nearly as combatitive or angry. My daughter reacts by being withdrawn. Her reaction is not as severe I suppose, but I still worry about it.
This will go on for about 2 weeks after they get back. It's like I have to spend that time getting them back into being the children they normally are. It is very stressfull on everyone in the household, and I worry about how it is affecting the children, and I wonder if this arrangement is just wrong for them. I can't pull their father's rights, and don't wish to even, but is this something that my kids will get used to eventually or will this continue to disrupt their lives this harshly?
I am just looking for suggestions about what I can do to help my kids adjust to this, if at all possible. Is this a normal thing? How can I help everyone cope? Or should I be adjusting the visitations? I just don't know what to do. Thank you for any and all advice!