My ex has our kids call his girlfriend Mommy!!!!

Ros - posted on 03/31/2013

hi my boy has not seen his dad for 2yrs. recently he came back on the seen. i am going

through the family courts so he can be introduced very slowly, to all of the family. my boy seems happy enough he has only met my exs partner twice as the family courts have

put it in to writing to him.but after meeting her just twice he seems overwhemed and very important as she purchased a expensive present for him as he told her and his dad he

has been getting good marks. he has just come home and told me she is his step mom.i

nearly cried he is seven now and god have i strrugled i feel like going to see them and

ask what they are playing at. but i wont . and i feel i will lose him as my ex and new woman have money, i have cried myself to sleep . so i would like also to know how am i going to deal with this, i feel as if my heart is breaking

Janices - posted on 01/15/2013

my name is janices wallocks from housto,
texas.i never believed in love spells or magic
until i met this spell caser once when i went
to africa in decmbr last year on business
summil. He is really powerul and could help
cast spells to bring back one's gone,lost ,
misbehaving lover lookng for sone one to
love you. Bring back lost money and magic
money spell for a good job,i'm now happy
and living testimony cos the man i had
wanted to marry left me 2 weeks befobre
our wedding and my life was upside down
cos ourrelationship has befn on for 2years...i
really loved him, but his mother was against
us and he had no good paying job . So
when i met this spell caster, i told him what
happened and explained the situation of
things to him..at first i was undecd, skeptical
and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in
7days when i returnd to texas, my boyfriend
(now huband) called me himself to me
apologizing that everything had been setted
with his mom and family and he got a new
job interviw so we should get married..i
didn't believe it cos the spell caster only
asked for my name and my boyfriend name
and all i wanted him to do... Well we are
happily married now and we are expecing
our little kid,and my husband also got the
new job and our lives became much better.
In case anyone needs the spell caster for
some help, his email address is:
agagulovespell@gmail.com......hope he helps
you out. Hurry now and conntact him now
via email address:
agagulovespell@gmail.com

Janices - posted on 01/15/2013

my name is janices wallocks from housto,
texas.i never believed in love spells or magic
until i met this spell caser once when i went
to africa in decmbr last year on business
summil. He is really powerul and could help
cast spells to bring back one's gone,lost ,
misbehaving lover lookng for sone one to
love you. Bring back lost money and magic
money spell for a good job,i'm now happy
and living testimony cos the man i had
wanted to marry left me 2 weeks befobre
our wedding and my life was upside down
cos ourrelationship has befn on for 2years...i
really loved him, but his mother was against
us and he had no good paying job . So
when i met this spell caster, i told him what
happened and explained the situation of
things to him..at first i was undecd, skeptical
and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in
7days when i returnd to texas, my boyfriend
(now huband) called me himself to me
apologizing that everything had been setted
with his mom and family and he got a new
job interviw so we should get married..i
didn't believe it cos the spell caster only
asked for my name and my boyfriend name
and all i wanted him to do... Well we are
happily married now and we are expecing
our little kid,and my husband also got the
new job and our lives became much better.
In case anyone needs the spell caster for
some help, his email address is:
agagulovespell@gmail.com......hope he helps
you out. Hurry now and conntact him now
via email address:
agagulovespell@gmail.com

Janices - posted on 01/15/2013

my name is janices wallocks from housto,
texas.i never believed in love spells or magic
until i met this spell caser once when i went
to africa in decmbr last year on business
summil. He is really powerul and could help
cast spells to bring back one's gone,lost ,
misbehaving lover lookng for sone one to
love you. Bring back lost money and magic
money spell for a good job,i'm now happy
and living testimony cos the man i had
wanted to marry left me 2 weeks befobre
our wedding and my life was upside down
cos ourrelationship has befn on for 2years...i
really loved him, but his mother was against
us and he had no good paying job . So
when i met this spell caster, i told him what
happened and explained the situation of
things to him..at first i was undecd, skeptical
and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in
7days when i returnd to texas, my boyfriend
(now huband) called me himself to me
apologizing that everything had been setted
with his mom and family and he got a new
job interviw so we should get married..i
didn't believe it cos the spell caster only
asked for my name and my boyfriend name
and all i wanted him to do... Well we are
happily married now and we are expecing
our little kid,and my husband also got the
new job and our lives became much better.
In case anyone needs the spell caster for
some help, his email address is:
agagulovespell@gmail.com......hope he helps
you out. Hurry now and conntact him now
via email address:
agagulovespell@gmail.com

Janices - posted on 01/15/2013

my name is janices wallocks from housto,
texas.i never believed in love spells or magic
until i met this spell caser once when i went
to africa in decmbr last year on business
summil. He is really powerul and could help
cast spells to bring back one's gone,lost ,
misbehaving lover lookng for sone one to
love you. Bring back lost money and magic
money spell for a good job,i'm now happy
and living testimony cos the man i had
wanted to marry left me 2 weeks befobre
our wedding and my life was upside down
cos ourrelationship has befn on for 2years...i
really loved him, but his mother was against
us and he had no good paying job . So
when i met this spell caster, i told him what
happened and explained the situation of
things to him..at first i was undecd, skeptical
and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in
7days when i returnd to texas, my boyfriend
(now huband) called me himself to me
apologizing that everything had been setted
with his mom and family and he got a new
job interviw so we should get married..i
didn't believe it cos the spell caster only
asked for my name and my boyfriend name
and all i wanted him to do... Well we are
happily married now and we are expecing
our little kid,and my husband also got the
new job and our lives became much better.
In case anyone needs the spell caster for
some help, his email address is:
agagulovespell@gmail.com......hope he helps
you out. Hurry now and conntact him now
via email address:
agagulovespell@gmail.com

Janices - posted on 01/15/2013

my name is janices wallocks from housto,
texas.i never believed in love spells or magic
until i met this spell caser once when i went
to africa in decmbr last year on business
summil. He is really powerul and could help
cast spells to bring back one's gone,lost ,
misbehaving lover lookng for sone one to
love you. Bring back lost money and magic
money spell for a good job,i'm now happy
and living testimony cos the man i had
wanted to marry left me 2 weeks befobre
our wedding and my life was upside down
cos ourrelationship has befn on for 2years...i
really loved him, but his mother was against
us and he had no good paying job . So
when i met this spell caster, i told him what
happened and explained the situation of
things to him..at first i was undecd, skeptical
and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in
7days when i returnd to texas, my boyfriend
(now huband) called me himself to me
apologizing that everything had been setted
with his mom and family and he got a new
job interviw so we should get married..i
didn't believe it cos the spell caster only
asked for my name and my boyfriend name
and all i wanted him to do... Well we are
happily married now and we are expecing
our little kid,and my husband also got the
new job and our lives became much better.
In case anyone needs the spell caster for
some help, his email address is:
agagulovespell@gmail.com......hope he helps
you out. Hurry now and conntact him now
via email address:
agagulovespell@gmail.com

Ellie Richardson - posted on 08/15/2012

I was not married to my ex but we had a daughter together and My now husband has raised my 11 year old as his own and she calls him daddy cause he raised her since she was three months old. I had the paternal grandmother from her biological dads side tell my daughter that my husband is not her biological father which she already knew but I guess the grandmother felt the need to tell my child that as a reminder. In that sense I can relate to your feelings of the blood boiling and being pissed off.

Erika - posted on 09/10/2011

I have the same problem but the girl thinks its of for my son to call her mom because one day so she says she will be his step mother??? i dont know what to do

Rebekah - posted on 09/09/2011

Hi Heather! Honey I am so very sorry you are dealing with such immature and childish behavior from your ex and his equally immature gf. I think it's a fantastic idea to document everything, talk to a mediator and stick to your guns. You are a fantastic mama and don't let his pathetic behavior let you forget that. My ex told me more than once I was a terrible mom, but I refused to let that stop me from being the better person. Granted we now have a relationship that is highly unusual, we get along very good and share equal custody of our son. I am dating a fantastic guy and my son loves him, but does call him by his name. If my ex EVER actually ends up in another relationship I certainly hope he would never revert to acting like an ass. Good luck to you and make sure your divorce settlement does not entitle him to any more control than you've got.

Maria - posted on 08/31/2011

by the way you can call cps on her... its a form of child abuse.. and im not kidding

Maria - posted on 08/31/2011

with kids the same age

Maria - posted on 08/31/2011

going through it now i hate it...

Aliana Lynn - posted on 11/06/2009

also remember that you must explain to your children that having a role as a step mommy or daddy is very important and that it is EARNED and that how they feel about the situation is really important and that you would never deny them that. Also remember that the anger you feel towards your husband should not get in the way of how your children want to feel out the divorce its already hard for them now just let them feel how they want to feel about it on their own However let them know that you will always be there to answer any question they feel need to be answered.

Aliana Lynn - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi Heather! Me and my daughter went through the same situation and I was pissed at first... however I see it differently than other parents. What makes this situation a little iffy is that your children were TOLD to call her Mommy, with my daughter after she got used to Josh she on her own accord started calling him Daddy and it goes the same with my ex husbands now ex girlfriend. Of course me and Josh sat her down and talked to her, explained to her and asked her how she felt about it and asked her if she was comfortable with calling Josh dad and she was. I guess its all about what your child is feeling because having your child forced to call a significant other mom or dad is wrong however if a child is comfortable with it it should be explained to the child and the child should not be denied that right or their feelings... I hoped this helped you understand more because your situation between you and your ex should have as little an effect as possible on your children thast between you and him, Think about it. Good Luck to you add me if you want to talk more or you can just reply

Dana - posted on 10/18/2009

yeah I remember the first time my 2 called my exs woman mommy. It to was after a visit with them and actually the way mine worked was they came back calling me by my first name. I was like, heyyyyyy wait a minute, Im ur mother. Thats when I got a response of....we have a new mommy now. Thats when I found out he decided to get married. I was furious of thinking the same things you are but then I had to remember, these are kids. And yes they say what others tell them to say. As hard as it is, focus ur energy on you and the kids relationship and dont give it any attention to him and the ignorance he does(unless its something bad). Everything comes full circle. My kids are now 18,17 and 14. Its a long time since they first called her mommy. :)

Courtney Faith - posted on 10/18/2009

That is actually considered detrimental to the child's health. My daughter calls my husband (step-dad) Dad sometimes because my son does it and she hears it. She is constantly corrected and told that she has a real dad. I hate to say have the lawyer put it in the papers but if you are part of the children's life and obviously you are then there is no need for the children to call some other lady "mom". Sounds like his new "love" is a piece of work to allow that to go on.

Gina - posted on 10/14/2009

hi heather im gina i am going through this as of right now i have a 3 yr old son and divorced his dad when he was a yr old his dad remaried shortly after that except his new wife is forceing the issue on my son and if he dosent call her mother he getts punished i have had several talkes with my ex and his wife about it and they refuse to stop doing it and unfortunatly from my understandings is ther is nothing you can do about it it drives me crazy and the excuse that his wife has is its disrespectfull if MY son dosent call her mommy in her mexican heritage i honestly dont belive thatbut what i hate about the hole thing is my son dosent want to call her mommy but is terrafied if he dosent because they punish him if he dosent i havent found a soulution to this yet but your deffanitly not alone like i thought i was befor i saw you post

Jenny - posted on 10/14/2009

I went through the same thing. My ex wanted my kids to call his gf Momma Jessica. I was furious cuz I have a fiance but i would never have my kids call him Dad nor does he want them to call him dad. My kids have since stopped calling her that and now just call her by her name. Two of my kids are older. They are 10, 8 and the youngest is 3 but the momma jessica thing stopped once she got old enough to repeat it so I am happy with the fact that my oldest kids were smart enough to realize how much it bothered me and stopped calling her that. In your situation I would definitly get it court ordered or something.

Rachael - posted on 09/27/2009

I've been on the other side of that with the bio family telling the child to call me mom. I sat down with her mother and explained that I would never allow this and while I love her daughter I wanted to make sure she knows who her mother is. The child decided to call me MEME. She lives with us and has two sisters so occasionaly she misspeaks just like a child calling thier teacher mommy but she knows that I am not her mommy. Some times we let our anger rule our feeling and don't try to see things from the childs point of view. When people use Bio VS. Step the only thing that happens in the children get more confused and hurt. The children are whats important no matter what your feelings toward one another are you have to bury them and act like you like eachother for your children.

Anna - posted on 09/26/2009

you should just blow it off. Like you said he is using the kids to get back at you! and that is some sh*t I must say! .. the more he sees you get angry over it the more he is getting enjoyment out of it and for his little gf.. she needs to grow up. neither of them have the best interest of those kids in mind. they both are playing games with those kids to get back at you! so i say brush it off. they know who there momma is and just let them know you love them and will always be there. And they will see it when they are older and his gf's come and go!... so just put you chin up and dust it off. He is only being an ass cause he knows he lost out on having you.

Monica - posted on 09/25/2009

Dear Heather,

I know exactly what you are going through. My ex-husband and I went through the same thing. He yelled and screamed when he found out I was seeing somebody and threated me "You better not have my son call any man Daddy or I will" well it wasn't pretty.  So one night on the phone with my ex and told my son to say bye to his daddy. He was 2 and half at the time so he is waited for my cousin to get done talking to my ex cause he was startin some stuff when my son said Amy mommy and he kept saying it. I asked my cousin if heard what my son had said and she said no. So we waited a minute and he said it again. Yeah I know the whole furious thing I went off. Well after that he never said it again but I know if he had I would of not worried about it cause kids are program to do what adults tell them to do. And if he is like my ex then this girlfriend won't last and the kids will learn their daddy. Just hang in there and don't agure in front of the kids that is not good either.

Quoting Heather:

My ex has our kids call his girlfriend Mommy!!!!

My husband kept my kids from me for 4 days because he found out I was dating someone, im those 4 days he kept calling and harrassing me and in one of those conversations his got his gf on the phone and she told me she has my kids call her mommy. My kids and 3 and 2 and would call anyone what they say their name is, but I didnt think they would call her that. I was pissed but brushed it off, because there was nothing I could do at the time. 3 wks have passed and he had the kids this past weekend, when I went to pick them up she walked outside before we left she said by to the kids and they said "bye momma" I was pissed I wanted to walk over there and do something I know I shouldnt. I looked at my ex told him to F off and drove away. I know he lets the kids call her that and tells them to call her that and Im furious. Ive tried to talk to him about it and let him know I would never let the kids call some guy I was dating dad(which I would never let them do) but he wont listen. He is so angry and pissed at me that he will find any way to get at me. And this is definitly the one thing that is driving me crazy, I cant stop dwelling over it.

Has anyone ever gone through this or have any suggestions on what I should do???

Tee - posted on 09/24/2009

Hi Heather,I have never had that to happen to me, however, I can imagine the anger....its unfortunate that the kids don't know any better.....I would have a nice little chat with him....I would let him know that until he respects my status,he is not to have anybody around my children.....And I would do it by putting fear into his azz.....And when I finished with her she would forget her own name....I know violence is not the answer.....but its sh%t like this that keep the news,news.
I hope everything works out for you sweetie,just get an attorney and let the judge decide.

Renee - posted on 09/23/2009

My ex husband did the same exact thing!! It finally got to the point that I had my lawyer send him a certified letter explaining if he didn't stop, we would be going back into court. The letter stated that when young children are involved and are told to call a girlfriend or boyfriend mommy or daddy it is proved to be emotionally damaging. So, if he didn't stop we were going back to court to minimize visitation to supervised visitation and he would be charged with emotional abuse towards the children. Talk to your lawyer. I don't know what the laws are in your state but, I did this in the state of Iowa. Fortunately, for me, my ex got scared and high tailed it to Oklahoma and we haven't heard from or seen him (not even a child support payment) in a little over 3 yrs. Once we hit the 4 yr mark, I get to go back into court and petition to have his rights stripped.
Hope all works out for you.

Vanessa - posted on 09/22/2009

i am sorry that you AND the kids are having to go through that. i unfortuanatly have been divorced 2x's and after my last one there is one thing i have learned. keep EVERYTHING that happens in a log. everytime he keeps the kids from you, everytime she gets snotty with you EVERYTHING,..if you should every need it for court purposes you with have dates and times to reference and the courts will take that a lot quicker than if you just tell them. it worked with me when my ex's gf tried to take ALL control not only from me but from him too- and just like your ex,..mine was ok with that. as far as what you can do right this minute about it,...there's not much unfortunatly. you dont want to do anything stupid that will cause you to lose them ( even though it would make you feel a whole lot better ) just reassure your kids when they are with you that you love them. i promise it wont last forever- and when you finally have enough ( a tape recorder also helps when they are being mouthy and uncooperative on the phn - best buy or circuit city have them for about $60. ) you will beable to take your kids and raise them they way they should be raised- with their real mom

Jody - posted on 09/22/2009

Wow I am so happy for all the advice, but the time is coming very soon things just keep getting worse instead of better.

Terri - posted on 09/22/2009

Doesn't the girlfriend know better gheez!!!!! Anyways, always keep positive and don't stoop to their level. Don't degrade yourself in this mess. Be strong for your kids and one day your kids will learn the truth and will know who was truly there for them. I had that issue before and I explained to my kids that I'm their only mom ever! Your dad is your only dad! Its really hard when families split and we move on but I have to say it can get better. My ex and I get along great now but only because of kids, not that I agree on everything but I had to learn I can't control what goes on in his house nor can he mine.

Pauline - posted on 09/21/2009

i am in the same place as jody my girl is 9 and my boy is 5 my exs new wife always is trying to get my kids to call he mommy thank god my kids are old enough to make there own choices and choose not to (they also hate her ass) someday ur kids will grt it and reallize u are ther only mom and the bullshit there are puting them through and ur kids will make there own conclusions...remember KARMA IS A BITCH..i promise u!

Jody - posted on 08/31/2009

WOW I draw the line there. They are your kids you gave birth your their mom noone else. My youngest son is 8 and my ex just remarried a real bitch. My son said she was his step mom now and I nicely told he I was his only mother. As for her she can have hr own kid and leave mine alone. They are just trying to make u mad but stop it now or it will get bad for the young kids.

Sandra - posted on 08/29/2009

I know it is hard, kids are to young to understand. He is only doing this to get to you, and she sounds like a twit with no brain if she lets them call her mummy. dont let him see you get angry about it and it will pass :)

Adriana - posted on 08/27/2009

I think that we need to think of our kids also. If they are doing this on their own, we need to be thankful that they are comfortable enough with a person to do so and that that person treats them well. I know that I would have a hard time if my son started calling his fathers girlfriend mom, but if that is what he wanted to do, I would have to deal with it. We made our decisions and I think we make too big of a deal out of this. We are actually going through the same thing right now and I think that of all the things that could go wrong in out parenting situation, this is small. The kids too oftem get stuck in the middle of our feuds as adults and I think that's what makes it hard for them. Kids worry and stress because they want to please everyone. Kids are sweet and kind and in most cases innocent. I think there is a point when we need to just back off a little bit and let them make a decision.
I do think that if he has women in and out of his life and this is not a long term thing that they are just hurting the children, they are going to get used to her being there with the "label" mommy and then she'll be gone. I do think that we need to be as sure as we can be that the person is going to be a long term player in our lives and our childs lives before we allow this. If so, then let it go. Think of the kids and how they must feel....not just how we as divorced mothers feel. It IS hard....so hard but like someone else said earlier, she could never live up to what you do for your children and what you mean to them. And labels fall off. Not that you want them to lose another person in their life but, they know who and what you are and they will find out the same about her.

Kris - posted on 08/26/2009

Well hope will not happen to me. Thats not good at all. I wont ask my kids to call my fiance "Daddy", Uncle will be enough. Because if I know I will be pissed that my kids will call their Dad gf mom, then I know what he feels like as well. So just respect each other is best for the sake of our kids.

Megan - posted on 08/25/2009

Any lawyer will tell you no one is mommy except mommy and no one is daddy except daddy....there are legal ways to deal with it I've done it myself.

Joanna - posted on 08/24/2009

When I was a stepmum, my stepkids called me by my name... I left my ex with our baby daughter in 2005, but she was sent back to him last year

(I went to prison for an allegation of child abduction but have been found innocent since).

Meanwhile, I wasn't even allowed to call my daughter the first 5 weeks... when I did, she referred to his partner as her mummy, it tore me up inside and still does a bit, but I try to be grateful that she has a woman in her life there with him... besides, she knows she only has one real mummy and its me, she even explains to me that the other woman is really her stepmum (as if I don't know) and she is only 5 yrs old bless...

Don't let it get you down - no matter what anyone else is called, remember, your kids only have one mother, YOU and only you and they know it too!!!

Don't give your ex the satisfaction of getting to you... if they were old enough to understand, you could talk to your kids about how you feel (not towards their dad, but about this issue).

You could try in a very simple way with the oldest, without making him/her feel guilty, after all, it is not their fault, your ex is trying to upset you and you are, unfortunately letting him. Chin up...

Kerri - posted on 08/17/2009

Hi, this is the same thing that has happened to my partner, His Ex has kept there daughter from him for so long and in the mean time she was teaching my partners 3 year old to call her Boyfriend daddy, it broke my partners heart because there daughter started to call her real daddy by his first name, my partner had spoke to her about it but she didnt care. But unfortunatly theres not much you can do about it if the father isn't willing to listen. Kids are smart though they will always know who there mummy and daddy is.

Quatia - posted on 08/16/2009

Hmm. I wish I knew what to say, besides he's just being vindictive. I am in a similar situation, my children are 6, 4 and 4 right now, they guy I am with I have been best friends w/ for seven years. He has come into my life now as a possible future partner. My children decided to call him "dad".... My oldest actually came to me and asked why he couldnt call him dad, his logic "he does what a daddy does and he's always here like a daddy" ... we held out for 6 more months telling my son no and no... Finally, we caved. My partner had EARNED the right to be called Daddy to my children. Of course, their father was furious, but I explained to him, it was truly none of our doing. They decided on their own to call him daddy. My partner and I had nothing to do w/ it. In the end they loved him and felt he had that right, but they all switch up and call him his regular name sometimes, too. The ex tried to get back at me and have my youngest call his gf "Mommy" ... I just laughed. His actions was based on arrogance and vindication - like yours. But I didnt allow it to faze me. Because I know the truth. She could never do what I do or be who and what I am to my children. Its a "label" and over time "labels" fall off. And i know my children, even if they did call her that now...in a couple of years its only a matter of time before they would just stop on their own. Children realize a lot more than adults give them credit for, its all in knowing your child and how you raised them. This GF of your ex, she sounds like she is just like him...two miserable people together. Dont let it faze you. You are free to be who you want to be and if he wants to use your freedom against you (example you dating) to get back at you, eventually it will come around and kick him in the face.

Denise - posted on 08/15/2009

Put a stop to it quick, they are too young. They are going to get really confused. Find a way to sit down and talk with them and see if maybe you can come up with a cute nickname the kids could call her. I have a friend that has a little boy and he knows his real dad and calls his step dad Ace. NIck name or by her real name, that is what i do with my step mom

Mildred - posted on 08/14/2009

Tell your ex to stop doing this... there's only one Mom... YOU! Other wise he will create a mess on your kid's head. It's not the divorce complicated enough for them to understand? Do not allow this to happen again. Be stong.. you are not alone on this. But you got to make your point. Good luck

Lisa - posted on 08/14/2009

I have had to explain to my kids that she is not thir Mum it gets confusing for te younger kids as they are just tring to please. I explained that you only have one mum just like you only have on dad and that his wife they call by her name as she is not their mum. I did explain they had to be respectful but sometimes when they are young it is hard wait until the shoe is on the other foot and he hears they called someone else dad he will freak but wont understand how you feel now until it happens to him

APRIL - posted on 07/30/2009

AH I WOULD BE SO SAD ABOUT THAT :( I'M SORRY

Heather - posted on 07/30/2009

Thanks, Im glad you commented its kinda like hearing from the other sides point of view. Yeah I try not to say anything in front of them, just cause I know they will pick up on it and my son repeats everything! But when I said that to him, I heard them call her mom and I couldnt contain my anger. He is bi-polar so it makes it dificult communicating with him when he is not on the right kinds of medications. But when he is we are usually pretty civil towards each other, or atleast we try!

Thanks for your response!!!

Mandie - posted on 07/30/2009

Heather, I'm a step mum myself and I think it's atrocious that he's allowing this. My step kids asked to call me mum when they were younger and I said no because I'm not their mum and it would be too confusing for them; plus I knew it would upset and hurt their mother. So we came up with something else for them to call me that is not my name but that they and I am comfortable with. I can see it's probably not at a stage yet with you and yr ex where you could discuss something like this, but maybe in the future when things have calmed?



In terms of communication, while I agree with the other posters about email or non personal communication; that can be a trap too. I dont know where yr from but here in Queensland in Australia, the Family court or yr lawyer can provide you with a Communication book that is triple carbon printed. The idea is you and he each keep a copy and one stays in the book- that way everyone gets their own copy and if anyone writes anything inappropriate there is a record in the book and the pages are numbered so it's obvious if something has been removed. It forces everyone to 'play nice' and stick to kids-only issues not personal attacks- we are hoping to use it ourselves soon as almost 7 years on we still have the same issues as you.



Also, and I KNOW it's hard BELIEVE me; but as much as it's really upsetting when he is doing things obviously to hurt you dont tell him to F off and similar in front of them. Firstly because they WILL remember it (my husband's ex called me many names and offensive swear words in front of her kids and they still remember it even though they were 6 and 4 years old at the time- she might have felt justified but they see her as the bad guy in that scenario which is sad) and secondly it can be used against you.

Kristy - posted on 07/30/2009

It's never too late to change any papers. Go to a mediator, or try to. Lawyers can get expensive fast and this is wasted money that could be going to your kids. Stick up for yourself and fight for your children. Unfortunatly this is not going to be the end of the "madness," but the kids should not be subjected to this. Like someone else said, be HAPPY even if you want to scream, this makes them even more furious. Stop fighting him and her, she is nothing and will only continue to provoke you until you blow and then you have a worse situation on your hands. Been there done that and it is not fun. As for you dating, not sure how they found out but try to keep this on the dl, the kids are going through so much right now that they should not have to be dealing with parents dating issues. What ever you do, do not let him continue to control the situation and follow that "parenting agreement" line by line. Document everything!! Every time you come in contact with him either in person or on the phone. Every time the kids talk to him/her and then everytime they tell you something. It seems like you have a hard time talking to him, so use email for communication. It works wonders and kills fights dead in their tracks. Your ex will do whatever he wants and you have no control over that, but if you document everything you can use this against him in court if that is where it leads to. Good luck, divorce sucks, but once you get the hang of the "game" you will come out on top.

Tabatha - posted on 07/27/2009

I can completely understand where you are coming from. Kids are smart. They will find out in time that even calling her mommy doesn't mean she is. Plus if you tell them, Dont call her that, shes not your mommy. They could get in trouble and it could cause a whole huge mess. From my experience. Just being you and allowing them to realize what the situation is for them selves is a much better way than getting mad or upset because then they have you upset, their dad upset at you, you upset at him and his girlfriend talking what she talks im sure about you. Just be happy, let them do their thing and bascially say F you! You wanna my kids call you mommy. Fine, Its just a name, it doesn't measure up to what you are to them. Obviously if you're mad about this, you are a DAMN good mom and being that is what they REALLY need right now. I hope this helps.

Heather - posted on 07/27/2009

Well he hadnt had them in about 2weeks and I needed a break so he was supposed to keep them on a Sunday night, so he kept telling me he was going to take them at about 8PM and bring them back at 7AM, and I told him there was no point in keeping them if they were going to come over and go to bed, then wake them up and bring them home. So I dropped them off around noon, and just left. He was mad and he had also just found out I was seeing someone so he was jealous too. So he thought to punish me he would keep them from me, but I wasnt relly stressing over it cause I knew it would only keep them a few days cause thats all he could handle.... But he wouldnt let me talk to them or anything so on the 4th day I was going to go over there with a police escort and get them and then he came and brought them back.



I do have a lawyer, but it might be to late to do anything, cause im getting divorced in 2 days. But im definitly going to call my lawyer and ask about it.

Thank you!!

Laurie - posted on 07/27/2009

Hi Heather! I had that happen with me as well, but I put an end to it ASAP!! My ex is getting married so he thought it would be ok for my 5 yr old to call her Mommy. I said ABSOLUTELY NOT! I told my lawyer and we have it in our papers that no one is allowed to be called mommy/daddy in anyway shape or form other than us. My daughter told me that she knew that she shouldn't call her that and didn't. Your kids are still little enough that they may not understand that tho. Do you have a lawyer? Sounds like you need some help with more than just what she is being called. How was he able to keep them from you for 4 days? I would have called the cops to get them back!! Good luck to you, exs suck!!