My ex, his father trash talks about me to our son

Jen - posted on 06/27/2012

Your best bet is to get your son in with a therapist to deal with the garbage his dad is filling his head with. Therapy will help your son, but also it is a way to document, through a third party, the damage that his dad is doing. If you do want to go to court, you'll need some sort of documentation of the trash talking. Otherwise, it's a he said/she said issue and the judge won't be able to do much about it.

Good luck!

Luanne - posted on 06/18/2012

My son was 9 when I divorced, and while his dad was bad mouthing me, I let my son make the choice to visit, and he chose not to go. when he got older he chose to visit since the bad talk had stopped, but then he thought we would be back together and that is what my son wanted. Well against my better judgement, I let him go. After a few visits his father convinces him to come and stay the summer. Well he was mistreated and ended up being beaten by his dads wife and he assainted a brain injury from being hit in the head and back with a baseball bat. So be careful how far you let the trashing go. Going back to court will only cost you money, not help the situation. And beware when it stops. Good luck to you and your child.

Sue - posted on 05/29/2009

Just dont follow suit - your ex is being very selfish and not thinking of the well-being of your son. Trust me your son will one day open his eyes and see the truth. Mine did! All you can do is address the questions and concerns your son has honestly. Get him sighned up with his school counciler - I cant stress that enough! School councilers are free and they know how to deal with this - its also an outlet for him.

Rise - posted on 05/28/2009

Don't fall into the rut of badmouthing dad. Unfortunately there is no law against badmouthing the other parent. Yes when the kids are young they worry about which parent they are supposed to choose, But yes they grow up and realize they can love both. But they will have resentment towards the dad for all the badmouthing and they will admire mom because she didn't do it. Yes it takes time but hang in there. I'm a step and I know my name in the BM's house is "That B----h your worthless piece of s--t father married" It's going to happen because the badmouthing parent is angry that you are happier without them and you arent miserable now their gone.

Gabrielle - posted on 05/13/2009

and as Gwen and Samantha stated...those are actually the exact words that I would tell my son instead of saying his father is a liar!! Even though we say that someday your kids will know its not really long time...they know now but now is when they think awkward cause they think if they were to say something they would have to pick which parent to love....not true but think like a kid. Like I said before my kids love their dad but honest no respect for him. And as for the law or papers...we all have that written someway or another but its just words and its just a paper....Unless they are mature enough to respect it or themselves they are not going to understand it(the ex that is)

Gabrielle - posted on 05/13/2009

Being in your shoes...married for 10 years, 2 kids...one is 7 and one is 10. My ex and his new wife talk crap all the time about me to my 10 year old. Whats funny is I used to get mad and tell their dad about it and how wrong it is but it just got worse or he would lie. I confronted him in front of our 10 year old and still just said our son was lying. I stopped confronting him and ignored it. He would still do it and occasionally still does. I don't question my son about it anymore...cuz he would think that it bothered me and he is a kid does not need that responsibility. Now when my son tells me about it I just say well hun I love you very much your dad loves you very much but if he says stuff to you that bothers you you need to tell him to stop or just walk away. None of that stuff matters and most of it is lies so as long as you know I love you that is all that matters." One day your child will see and understand as long as you are not trashing his father that you are the bigger parent and he will love you for it and end up like my son and loving his father but no respect!! My ex started this 4 years ago so my son was around 6. Kids learn fast...faster than we do!!!

Val - posted on 05/12/2009

I have to agree with everything that they have said on here. I have been dealing with this same thing and my son's dad and 2nd stepmom are still trashing me and he is now 14 going on 15 in a couple of weeks. My son thinks that i have been lying to him all these years even when my son lived with me for 12 yrs of his life...it's so hard, but I don't talk bad about his dad and everyone has told me that later on in his life he will see the truth and know what the REAL truth is. Why do we have to suffer for others mistakes...very frustrating to deal with.

Katie - posted on 05/02/2009

I know just how you feel. I have a 3year old that comes home and calls me naughty words because his father calls me anything but my name. Whats sad is its harder for the kids then us. They are the ones walking through life confused about what they are being told. My mom and dad got divorced when i was 2 and my mother never said a bad thing about my dad... and same for my dad. It was my step mom talking bad about my mom. I think it doesnt matter what they are told. My outlook is a child will see the truth!!! Good luck!

Gwen - posted on 05/01/2009

ditto... "your dad seems to remember things differently.... do you have a question about what he said?.... I'm sorry he thinks that..." ect

Samantha - posted on 04/30/2009

I agree with Crystal. My daughter is 4 and my ex and his new wife constantly tell her all sorts of lies that I have to try to straighten out. I've been to my attorney about it and basically there's nothing to do even though it says in the divorce papers not to trash talk if front of the child. I just smile and say 'Well, that's not very nice for Daddy to say, now is it?' and 'I'm sorry Daddy feels that way, but that's not true." When they grow up they will make their own decisions about each parent........ It totally sucks waiting for that day though.........

Crystal - posted on 04/27/2009

well you can confront him about it but let me tell you he's gonna regret talking about you to your son. Your son will resent him for it later in life. Just don't say anything about your ex in front of your son. I know it's hard,I've been in the same boat. Remember,your son WILL grow up and remember all the things your ex said and he'll resent him for downing his mother. You be the bigger person and let your ex is going to regret it someday. Good luck hun!