My ex-husband hasn't called or seen his two sons for 7 weeks and now he wants to see them. Should I let him?

Michelle - posted on 04/25/2012

Unfortunately us moms can't control what the fathers are doing. I stopped doing the I'm the better parent long ago and I'm glad that the boys dad did not disappear out of their life. I would dial the dad phone and give the phone to your oldest usually dads won't be rude to their children and if the dad is rude to his kid then your kid will know that the fact that he isn't seeing his dad isn't your fault. I have 100% control over decisions and custody of my children not because I faught for the kids, infact I bent over backwards to make sure the kids saw their dad on a regular basis. I also have a new partner who has an adult daughter who would manipulate both her parents to get what she wanted. So I had the talk with my ex partner that I didn't want my boys to be able to do that to us when their older so now we communicate and get along very well. Also it may be that his lawyers are telling him not to engage with you. Think if the boot was on the other foot what would be my reaction.

Sabrina - posted on 04/24/2012

I am going through the exact same thing. My ex hadn't called for my son (4yr) for 3 mos, now he just wants to slither back into my son's life with his newborn baby and see my kid "7 times" a week as much as I can. WTF are you serious? When I ask where he was for the last 3 months he cant give me one good answer. I want him to prove at this point that he wants to be in my sons life for real. I am not going to chase around some deadbeat and beg him to be a dad. Nobody holds my hand through motherhood. I never want my son to feel inferior and that he is not good enough and I dont want him to have abandonment issues. So I tell him, you want to be "father-of-the-year" fix his bike, Ieft it on the porch for you. I text him a list of groceries... He has yet to help. It is so easy to make the phone call or text, and he didnt even do that for 3 months!!! He was supposed to see my son on Sunday, he didnt even call, his baby was born last Thursday... I really dont care. There are phones in the hospital room, he could of called to let me know not to wait around for him. So I dont think you should wait for him. Boys need their mothers more than anyone. Lots of successful men are raised by single moms, and all of the best men I know became men on their own without male role models forming them. So no I dont think you should let that snake slither back in.

Louise - posted on 04/20/2012

I think although to me and you he is a poor excuse for a father he is there father and they have a right to see him. I think you should make the children aware that dad wants to see them and ask them if they would like to see him. If they do fine, do not bad mouth their dad ever, it will come back to haunt you. Be as helpful as you can to maintain a relationship between them. The kids will make up their own minds about their dad. If he messes them about they will lash out at him eventually. If yoou stop them from seeing him you will be the bad guy.