My ex is furious cause our son call's my husband "daddy" what do I do?

Deanna - posted on 03/14/2010

My husband and I got married when his kids were 5 and 7. They had been taught to address adults respectfully and calling them by their first name was not considered respectful. So they were uncomfortable calling me by my first name. My husband came up with the idea of calling calling me Mama D (my first initial) to give them a way to call me mom but totally differentiate me from their Mom. They are now 15 and 17 and still call me Mama D...and some of their friends do, too. Maybe your son would be a little more receptive of Daddy "X" and Daddy "Y" if you explain to him that it helps you understand which "daddy" he's talking about. It worked for us anyway.

Mandie - posted on 03/12/2010

Gosh, that's really sad- I've seen this topic debated so much on this and other communities and I believe it should be up to the child to call stepparents whatever title they are comfortable with. I can see how it would be hard for the bioparents to accept but it is really is- as you said- about what's in the child's best interests. YOu sound like you are being reasonable in that you accept that his wife maybe called 'mom' one day by your son. Are you able to make a proposal- maybe through your lawyer since he seems so upset about it- to your ex, that your son should be able to choose and that you accept that he calls his stepmother 'mom' as well? It may not work but at least it 'shows willing' on your part if it did come to court. I'm not from the US so dont know Family laws there but I find it hard to believe that you would lose custody based on this one issue- if there were other issues in conjunction with it, maybe, but that seems unlikely to me.

Sarah - posted on 03/12/2010

i'm kind of going through the same thing with my ex. i say its up to the child what he wants to call your new husband. it does come from love and respect, and if he's comfortable with calling him daddy then let him. it would be heart breaking to think of telling him he can't do that anymore. he's a father figure in your sons life, let him express himself. your ex needs to grow up and be a little more mature about this, its not about him, its about the boy.

Michelle - posted on 03/12/2010

I have been through this situation myself. My oldest daughter is from my first marriage, and my twins from my second marriage. So I have a very supportive hubby now, who treats my oldest daughter like his own. He never treats her differently to her younger sisters, or loves her any less because he isn't her biological father. He tells everyone that he has 3 daughters. My ex has only just started to pay a pathetic amount of child support, after me struggling for many years to support her myself. Our daughter is 11 now. My husband is the one who really financially supports her. My situation is a little different because my daughter was 5 nearly 6 when I first met my hubby to be. And I got her to call him by his first name for the first couple of years of our relationship. I didn't know what was to become of our relationship, and I wasn't going to get her to call him dad if there was no future. But thankfully there was. Just before we got married she was 7 and actually brought up the subject herself of what to call my husband, now that he was marrying her mum. My hubby said that he would love it if she called him dad, but was in no way forcing her to do so. Only if it made her feel comfortable and she was happy to do so. She really wanted to call him dad because she loved him and got on with him famously (and still does). Which of course made my ex-husband her father furious. We got the rants and the threats of "how dare she call him dad, I am her father, I helped make her, I will do this or that if it doesn't stop" blah blah blah. My ex-husband hasn't really been in her life full time for about 5 years due to his own undoing, and has only been getting week-end visits with her in the last 2 years. He has also re-married, and my ex refuses to let our daughter call his new wife mum. Really it does bother me to some degree, as of course we are all human and have the she is my little girl, I gave birth to her and not you sort of argument going on in your head. But I didn't mind if my daughter decided to call her step-mum "mum". If she felt comfortable in doing so, well it would have been something that both of us would have had to get used to. I don't know if it is because she is older, but she doesn't want to call her step-mum "mum". Which was totally her own decision. All I really care about is that this woman treats my child with the care and respect that she deserves. As my child is older and has a better understanding, I tried to explain to her that she is really lucky to have 2 mums and 2 dads. Your little boy has known no different, as your husband was a part of his life since birth. It would be very stressful and upsetting for him to change what he knows. I don't understand why your counsel would think that you could lose custody if your son doesn't change to calling your husband by his first name instead of daddy. Here in Australia you cannot force a child to call a parent anything (referring to either daddy or first name), and be told that you will lose custody unless you 'correct' it. If you possibly can, get a couple of other opinions of what would happen. Sorry to me this sounds a bit strange. But we as adults (talking about your ex here really) need to get over it, and move on. Such a waste of money, emotions and brain power to take it back to court regarding this. Really all that should matter to us as parents, is that our children are growing up in two homes where they are loved, healthy and happy. What people are called is just a small part of the bigger picture in my opinion. I probably haven't helped much sorry. But just letting you know I can empathise with how frustrating and upsetting this situation is. I hope that you can find some resolve soon. Take care.