My husband doesn't follow through with disciplining his daughter

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I am really struggling with something regarding my step daughter so I'm hoping to get some constructive feedback here. My husband and I only argue about 2 things...his ex wife and his daughter. I have known his daughter since she was just a year old and she is now 6. I feel like I've been such a huge part of her life since she was just a baby when my husband an I met. She's such a great kid when she's with us...do well behaved, so enjoyable, etc. Problem is that she's a COMPLETELY different little girl when she's with her mom :-/ I have always encouraged my husband to talk to his ex about their daughters behavior and they have....about 3-4 times. She is so frustrated with the daughter and has expressed that she would love to call when L (daughter) is out of control. However, she has never ever called....as a result L continues to defy her mom. I have relatives and co-workers who have seen L in public with her mom and was blown away by her behavior bc they have never seen her act that way---standing on tables in restaurants, riding bikes around Walmart as her mother yells at her to get off, running thru parking lots as her mother is 50 feet behind her yelling for her to stay with her, etc. Well in the past there was an issue of L not staying in her carseat/booster seat while mom is driving. It became such a problem that my husband told his ex that he will contact authorities if she doesn't get L under control to stay safely in her seat when the car is moving. Unfortunately, WE actually witnessed it on the road last week. We passed her on the road and saw L climbing from the back seat to the front seat. My husband immediately called his ex to discuss it. He was going to have his ex put L on the phone. Well after several attempts she didn't answer. So, he called authorities to get advice on how to handle it because his daughter is TINY and he's worried for her safety if mom gets in an accident while L is hopping all over the car. They advised him to call child protective services and continue keeping all incidences documented. Problem I'm having is that he WILL NOT discuss anything with his ex so that they can come up with a solution to correct her behavior with her mom. I have talked to L about how she should be nice to her mom and listen to her like she does her dad...but it's all out the door when her mom is around. Unfortunately its hooening at schoo now as well. We have had conferences with her teacher twice, the summer daycare director once, and the bus driver has sent home a note stating he will set up a meeting with the principal if her listening doesnt improve onthe bus. I find these issues very problematic. My husband tends to brush them off so that he doesnt have to talk to L's mom. He will avoid talking to her at all costs. I feel that is only making things worse. His daughter has learned that her parents won't talk about issues so she has learned to manipulate her mom. My husband has told me over and over how grateful he is that I have been her to be a positive person in his kids lives and how much I have helped him raise them. Well this is an ongoing problem that will never change if my husband doesn't become active in co-parenting with his ex. I have talked to him about stepping out. I will raise my son and continue to help with my step son, but I'm not a beneficial part of fixing L's behavior issues with her mom. It causes many arguments between my husband and I bc it scares me that L can literally be 2 different kids--like Jekyll and Hyde. I want good things for her but it's not good that she can manipulate her parents so young. Should I back off an key my husband sit back and do nothing or should I continue to push some change and risk conflict with my husband and I. I apologize this is so long :-/

Thanks

A very desperate step mom

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