My husband's ex-wife is CRAZY

Amanda - posted on 09/03/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Okay, so we decided to try to be nice to his ex-wife for the sake of the kids. We thought that by cowtailing to her every whim we were showing the kids how to act around bullies. Yeah right. When we found out that abuse was going on in her house it was too late to do anything. Child Protective Services said that even though there was abuse going on the best thing would be for us to not persue visitation because my step-kids would abuse their younger siblings. They went on to say that the ex-wife has the children so scared of her that CPS can't take the kids away from her until they get the courage to speak against their mother despite the physical abuse she was doing to them.
Well, when she found out about this SHE stopped the visitations herself, and when she found out I was expecting our third child, she decided she wanted another child as well. Then, when it came close to the time for me to deliver, she wanted to be in the delivery room with me. Now, she wants my permission for her to have sex with my husband so that she can have another child since her new husband is infertile.
I'm sorry, but being nice to her was the only way my husband could even TALK to his kids, and for a solid year she would let him see them once a month for an hour. It wasn't until the past week she's decided to let him see them longer than an hour, and only if me and the baby show up with him.
I know that the kids wouldn't lie about abuse going on in her home, and CPS knows that it's coming from her and not us because our children aren't doing what her kids are doing (they are acting out sex scenes, pretending to roll weed joints to smoke and hitting each other with whatever they can get their hands on) and yet she's trying to say that they were telling her that WE were the ones doing this stuff to them. The woman's crazy! I know there are good birth mothers out there, because I'm one of them, but please, someone tell me that I'm not alone in thinking that maybe we shouldn't have tried to be nice to this psycho!

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Rachel - posted on 09/24/2010

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That is so weird we are going through the same thing like including the sex part too...I don't know what to do either I am sorry.

Katy - posted on 09/18/2010

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Everytime the children tell you about abuse call the police immediately!! Take her to court and have all this thoroughly documented and take those kids AWAY from her immediately!!! Do not communicate with her at all unless it's about the kids and then keep it short and need to know.

Janice - posted on 09/15/2010

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In this particular case, you should not have talked to her to be able to have a life of your own. She needs lots of help. The children need to be taken away from her.

Susanne - posted on 09/11/2010

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have you tried family therapy for all? and she can't withdraw a court-ordered visitation. Take her to court. And don't talk to her, only talk to her about the children, don't let her in your house, and give the chidlren support and explanation of your decision to go after full-custody. Tell them that they have to be the ones to tell a JUDGE (make a big deal about it being a judge) what is going on.
My husband's ex is the same way. She calls me the "evil one". But luckily, we have full-custody. She only sees them when she feels like driving up to go get them-or I threaten my husband with spending the weekend in a hotel by myself- kidless :)
You need to use the court- and it may take a REALLY long time. The courts are not fond of taking children from their mother, regardless of how horrible she is. Something, I don't understand, but nevertheless true.

Good Luck

Amanda - posted on 09/07/2010

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The ex-wife is only 26 years old, she's not a single mom. She kicked my husband out, he didn't leave her, and when she kicked him out she also kicked the kids out as well. It wasn't until after I potty-trained them that she wanted them back.

Chrissy - posted on 09/07/2010

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I agree with everyone, the "ex has gone way over board. She has put you into the mix and she shouldn't have. I would have your husband take her back to court first off for not allowing their dad have his visitations. If there is a court order and she is not following it to a T, then she can be held in contempt for not following it. But what I don't get is if CPS knows whats going on in her home with the kids and that they are allowing her to keep custody of them. That is called child endangerment. Best thing that you can do is get a lawyer and stop all contact between you and her. If she has a problem with it, yes she may keep the kids away but all that will do is help you gain custody. Good luck hun! ~hugs~

Rita_2_davey - posted on 09/05/2010

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I think your husbands' "ex" has gone way over the limit. You didn't mention how old she is but she certainly is not acting her age. Some single moms' feel that they can and will do anything to their children and get away with it. She is no doubt taking her anger out on the children for her "ex" leaving. As for dope smoking these children should not be around any of this. I hope in time her children do speak up because she is not one who is capable with a mind like hers' to have them. As they grow older this is where they learn what they live and so the circle goes around. It sure isn't fair to the children. As for her wanting to have her "ex's" your husband child, where is she getting off. Like your going to bow over and say here take him for a while. This girl definetly needs some counselling and I mean fast. I don't see why someone can't step in now. As for you and your husband being nice I'm sorry but no more. She is trying to take total advantage of both of you. Quit with the nice, as for seeing the children, what is she telling them prior to their visits. These poor kids are going to grow up and not even know the meaning of love, caring and understanding. This is someone I feel should never have had kids to begin with. She has gone way overboard. Call it quits until she realizes' that she has taken it way to far, if in fact she ever does. My heart goes out to those poor children living with her. I congratulate you on your new one coming along and I do hope that she will leave both of you alone and grow up. Take care and good luck!

Allisha - posted on 09/04/2010

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OMG, WOW!!! I GUESS SHES CRAZY. IF I WAS ASKED COULD SHE HAVE SEX W/ MY HUSBAND, I CAN HONESTLY SAY I WOULD HAVE SNAPPED.U JUST HAVE 2 B STRONG. THAT SITUATION IS NUTS, BUT U SHOULD GET A LAWYER N SEE WHAT THEY SAY. CPS IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, IM A HELL OF A MOM N I HAVE MY EXS GIRLFRIEND SENDIN THEM 2 MY HOUSE. I HAD 2 STOP LETTIN THE KIDS GO THERE N FINALLY NOW THEY HAVE A KID. ITS A BIG MESS, MY BOYFRIENDS EX WIFE IS AN ALCOHOLIC N SO IS HER HUSBAND, BUT WE B NICE SO HE CAN C HIS KIDS 2, HE IS GETTIN SO SCREWED ON HIS VISITATION ITS SICK. I WISH U LUCK !!! EVERY STATE IS DIFFERENT SO TRY THE LAWYER THING. BEING 2 CLOSE W/ HER COULD POSE A PROBLEM , LATER ON !!!!!!!!

Marcella - posted on 09/04/2010

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Hun been in a crazy baby mama drama now for almost a year, and trust me when I say it never matters how nice you are to them if they are not ready to move on or if they think the children are a way to hold on to your husband it is never a pretty picture. Being nice was the way to go for the kids sake but there is a line to draw, my husbands kids are already in CPS custody and somehow the ex wife gained custody of the two youngest with no job,living off her mom and now the child support my husband and I will be sending, the oldest acts out as you say your step kids do, he hits and cusses but only at his mothers and foster home never with us he is a pretty good child. And her wanting to have sex with your husband yeah that is stepping over the line just a bit If you get visitation just document everything it seems to have helped us.

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