My husbands new girlfriend

Leah - posted on 03/12/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )




My husband left me for this girl about a year ago. He moved into her house about 1 week after meeting her. We were together for 8 years so obviously this all was alot to deal with for 2 young boys. At first I was very stubborn and wouldn't allow this new girlfriend around my boys because they emotionally couldn't handle that, Neither could I. His new girl has always been rude to me and its clear that she doesn't respect me as their mother. I recently started allowing the boys to go to their house and its been horrible. They come home upset every time because they say she wont leave them alone. She never lets them have time with their daddy and she is always in their face. I have told my ex time and time again that he needs to keep her away the best that he can but he wont do it. It seems like they are trying to force it. What kills me is that its emotionally damaging the boys and they don't care. My ex doesn't work because she supports him so I don't get child support yet and next month we go to court for our divorce and he is trying to get weekend visits. I absolutely don't think the kids are ready to stay at their house for a night, let alone a weekend so I'm really scared. She got him an attorney and I couldn't afford an attorney so I have less advantage here.I just need some advice on what to do, and if you think I'm overreacting or not with his girlfriend. Sorry for rambling on and on there is just alot to my situation. Thanks for reading!


User - posted on 03/12/2012




My ex and I had to take a class on how to help children deal with divorce before we got a divorce. There are usually ground rules in the divorce papers (depending on which state you file). There are "common sense" rules in my divorce papers that state that we have to be respectful to each other, and not say negative things to the children about the other parent. If your ex can not agree to get his gf to keep her opinion about you to herself when your children are around, then that needs to be brought up in mediation or during the divorce when discussing custody arrangements.

[deleted account]

If there is anything I've learned about being a stepmom, it's that there are always several sides to a story.

It's obvious this was a painful experience for you and I'm sorry to hear about that. It's never easy to be left.

I would suggest meeting with your ex's girlfriend and have a talk with her about your expectations as the kids' mother. Most stepmoms (or potential stepmoms) are absolutely clueless about how they should or shouldn't interact with the kids.

Some stepmoms (like myself) started off trying to be helpful and loving because it seemed natural; these women are often cast as over involved women trying to take the kids' love. On the flipside, some women don't know if they should try the approach to stay removed and allow everyone to warm up to one. These women are often cast as 'mean' or 'wicked.'

Once you are past your anger enough to see things clearly, it might serve everyone well to try to work with everyone peacefully.

Louise - posted on 03/12/2012




You did not say how old the children are? If they are old enough to talk for themselves then take them to court with you and ask the judge to talk to them in chambers. He will get the full picture then on how they feel and what is going on.

As for your husband not paying maintenance well that sucks. Kept man or not he has to pay and this should be mentioned in court.

Is there no womens charity that will help you with the legal matters here. If he has legal representaion then you need it too as you are at a disadvantage here.

Good luck.

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Carol - posted on 04/17/2012




My son 8 years old meet my ex husbands girlfriend after being divorced for over a year. He is very attached to his dad and would rather be with Dad than me. Dad has him 3 days a week.

If my ex cannot pick him up from school and I do he will sob and sob. He loves his Dad very much.

He does get upset with him when he is mean to me but as soon as he sees his Dad , he is so happy to see him.

I do tell him it is ok for Dad to have a friend. I want his Dad to be happy. He will let me alone as well.

I have meet her, she is very nice. She is 21, my ex is 37. I do not date. What I have seen it looks like I should not date.

My son is not spoiled, a good child. He sobs and sobs . He is so hurt. I believe you should put your life on hold when it comes to dating until the child gets older. Put his needs first.

He knows there is no getting back together but I am sure he still has hopes.

He wants Dad all to himself. Is that so bad?

I had to leave the marriage of 13 years because of abuse with me.

My ex and I get alone now that he has a girlfriend.

Are we being selfish. I agree he should have a friend. I just don't think he will adjust.

A divorce, lost his home, his dog. Now this. Thank you for any suggestions. Carol

Maryellen - posted on 03/26/2012




As a parent of a teenage child (14) I have been to the courts. Paid alot of money for an attorney to go and try to get my daughter to NOT have to be involved with the woman. This woman was my husband's bestfriends wife. My daughter wanted (wants) NO parts of her or her father if he is with her. My daughter did NOT go in front of a judge. She basically talked to a mediator, which was an attorney - who basically told her that her father has the right to see her. So my daughter had to go with him and he did take her around the woman. Now if my daughter knows she is going to be around the woman - she basically refuses to go and there isn't anything anyone can do. She is old enough to make up her own mind - and I encourage her to speak her opinion to her father!

My daughter went from straight A's to barely passing - since her father left. I feel now her reasoning is why should she - her dad quit and walked out.

As for the support! You do NOT need an attorney to file. Just go to your local child support agency and file on your own. It is NOT right for a parent NOT to pay for their children - when doing so - please keep in mind that the courts will look at you keeping the house and paying the bills. Basically they look at who makes more money and go from there. It doesn't matter what bills he has - they make him PAY for his children!

Don't sit back and wait for him to decide. Take the steps and make sure you cover EVERYTHING from school supplies/clothes/shoes to sporting activities! This is one thing I didn't do and now he is refusing to help with it~

Pat - posted on 03/18/2012




Your not even divorced yet.... You need to get an attorney call the court

house and ask for a court appointed attorney... If, you can't pay for ne the court will appoint one for you...

Michelle - posted on 03/14/2012




Start a Diary and write everything down. It can be submitted as evidence and a Diary also keeps things in order so when the Judge asks you a question about a particular incident you have it written down in your Diary and you can answer the question with facts like date times and what occurred how your kids were feeling. Any Nightmares or problems at school the kids are having write that down. Do yourself up a parenting plan that you are ok with (know what areas you are willing to negotiate). Preparing before any court case is the key. The new girlfriend sounds like a controll freak. Give ex access when the girlfriend is at work and it's important that you are able to communicate with your ex about things with the kids so have a plan how to deal with future conflicts

Leah - posted on 03/12/2012




Sorry they are only 7 and 8 years old, and actually my 8 year old isn't biologically his son, the bio dad was never involved so my husband was the only dad he ever had. I met him while I was pregnant so thats the only father my son has known. No matter how mad I get I would never take that away from him. I have checked into getting help but so far I haven't found anything here like that. When I talked to a few attorneys they all wanted to charge a starting fee of 3000$ but obviously as a single mother I can't afford it. Every bit of my money goes to my bills and the boys. I was hoping the judge would understand my concerns for the boys and their mental stability. Within this year they have slacked at school, my oldest has had detention and they are always in trouble which is not normal for them cause they were normally good, smart boys. Thanks for replying, I appreciate any advice!

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