My kids step mom.....

Maria - posted on 07/05/2011 ( 56 moms have responded )

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My kids step mom thinks that she is my kids mom and that she is superior to me that she is a better mom to them than i am. My ex goes along with all of this and lets her do everything from signing saying she can take my kids to the doctors and doesnt even tell me till afterwards. I feel like he is trying to replace me as the kids mom. i dont know what to do any advice? i thought about calling them and talking to them about it and i dont know what to say

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I think the common misconception about stepmoms is that they are trying to be a mom or replace a mom. I've been a stepmom for 17 years, since my stepdaughter was 2. As a woman I always understood my place in her life but the role of a woman in a child's life, any child's life that even enters your home for a sleep over, is to be a care giver. My marriage with my husband is no different than most marriages. The woman is the primary homemaker, cooking, cleaning, arranging appointments, and taking care of most of the womanly duties. Women are created to be more nurturing than men and most men are not that in tune with the emotional well being of their children. I've found that most stepmoms like myself are pegged by moms as wanting to control in some way when mom's really have it all wrong. How would you treat a young stepchild? Would you treat them well or would you not be around them? Would you feed them, do their laundry? Would you tuck them in at night and give them a kiss on their forehead? Would you read them bedtime stories and stay up with them all night when they have a virus and throwing up? When they cried about something going on in school would you lend an ear and offer support or would you wait 5 hours until their dad got off work and have him deal with all this? I also had to take my stepdaughter to the doctor after her mother disregarded a low-grade fever that continued for 2 weeks. My husband advised his ex-wife to take her to the doctor after a week and she didn't. My husband was working and I took her temp and it was still 100 degrees so I took her to the doctor and she had pneumonia. In most states step-parents are automatically considered legal guardians and are allowed the same rights as the biological parents. I had the right to take this child that I cared about to the doctor. Her mother was furious even though there was no pointing the finger at her. My husband simply called to tell her how sick she was and she had to be on bedrest for a week or go into the hospital. Instead of a concerned response, she went into yelling and screaming that I had no right taking her to the doctor and it was MY fault that her daughter would miss a pool party. I would urge you to try to put your feet in her shoes and consider how you would treat a step-child. Hopefully it would be with love. Hopefully you would treat that child as your own so as to not make the child feel like she/he didn't belong in daddy's new life. Divorce is never easy but it's the hardest on children. Many times I find the moms always have the same negative view of the stepmom and it's simply not the case. Moms shouldn't take it personally when stepmoms are proactive with their stepchildren. It's only because we love the child. I'd also like to add that no one on here should ever be offended of a stepmom taking a child to the doctor. That is as plain as the nose on anyone's face that a doctor appointment is scheduled to address an issue the child may be having. If you want to be angry about the child going somewhere, how about getting angry if the child is taken to a strip club or bar...not the doctor's office. I mean, some of you sound like you don't love your children and all and that your pride is more important than the well-being of your children.

Lisa - posted on 10/15/2012

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What is wrong with you people??? I am a step mum and I would do ANYTHING for my step children!! NOT because I am a B**** but because I love them and want the best for them! NOT because I am trying to "replace" their mother but because I am trying to HELP!!!!!!! My step childrens mother is much like most of you woman, BITTER!! She hates the fact that I am apart of their lives! She makes her children feel bad for loving me, and that is WRONG!!!!!

My advise to you Maria is to ignore the negative comments from these bitter women. It sounds to me that you have an ok relationship with your ex and his new partner (if you can actually call them to talk!) and im sure you dont want to ruin that!? You need to realise that your kids will always be YOUR kids and you will always be their mother!! They are never going to start calling her mum and you by your name!! You should be happy that she cares about your kids cos some step parents are horrible to the step children. At the end of the day its not about you, its about the kids!! And if they are happy, thats all that should matter!!

Christina - posted on 07/05/2011

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Try reverse psychology with them. Next time you see them, let her know how happy you are that she loves your kids so much. Tell her it is wonderful that she loves them like her own because a lot of stepmoms are horrible to their stepkids. She will be taken back, and if she is doing this to spite you, she will know it isn't working. And if she is just trying to be a good mother figure to your kids, then it can be a stepping stone to a friendship.

Christina - posted on 07/06/2011

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Then file in court for parental alienation. Go to mediation over it. You can either take legal action or ignore it.

Jen - posted on 07/05/2011

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It doesn't matter what your EX does.. as long as your kids know you love them.. YOU are Mom.. not her :)

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Denise - posted on 12/23/2013

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We have full custody of the kids. So if kids get sick and Dad is at work then is it wrong to take Step Kids to doctors?? BM is not available? In our case BM lives 5 hours away (her choice). I married my husband because we love each other not to replace BM. I feel in love with a wonderful man that happen to have 2 kids. If BM wanted to be mom then she should have not cheated and stay with her family. I am more of a mom to my SK then their mom will ever be. My husband and I work hard to provide for the kids. BM gets kids school holidays. We receive no support for kids. I do everything for these kids because BM doesn't seem to have the time. I get kids ready for school, clean up after them, wash their clothes, take them to school, pick them up, prepare dinner ect..... Everything a mom should be doing. So why do I not have the right to sign papers ect....????

Laura - posted on 10/16/2013

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I feel your pain I am in the exact same boat. It stinks totally. I sit back and do nothing about it because I do not want to drag MY daughter through anymore turmoil then she already has. It really stinks.

Susan Raye - posted on 10/10/2013

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question:::: my x husband is remarried and he has custody of my kids they are 8 and 9 and my son well with me he a mamas boy but yesterday his wife sent me a txt bout my sons field trip when I called the kids at night like I do everynight he didn't say anything bout it so I asked him if he wanted me to go he said yes and then he told me that his step mom was going so I told him I would not be going is she was and he got upset , I might be wrong but I don't believe she has any business going to his field trip......so what do u think...

Susan Raye - posted on 10/10/2013

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sorry but if they are married she has a right to sign the papers , I hate it my ex-husbands wife does that and I get so fired up

Susan Raye - posted on 10/10/2013

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I fell the same way after my divorce he got the kids and hes remarried and its like she does everything that I was doing and hes not doing anything and it drives me nuts

Cacia - posted on 07/27/2013

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I am having the same issue. Except for I have already spoken with both of them and they told me that she (step-mom) has just as many rights as I do and that me being the mother means nothing now. Unfortunately I have to take my issue to court since my son's step mother and my ex have zero respect, but for you I would definitely advise to speak to them about it. Maybe take the step mom out for coffee and tell her what exactly she does that makes you feel like she is stepping on your toes. Ask her her feelings also, maybe she is a little threatened by you and so she is over compensating. As far as your ex, he should always defend your place as a mother, but he does not sound like he does, neither does mine. If the child is being effected by the drama then you should consider mediation or a court hearing to protect your child. :) best of luck

Trista - posted on 11/23/2012

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I do love my child more than anything in this entire world and am very concerned about her well being. I was having this same problem she is speaking about until recently.

My child's step mom realizes she is not my child's mom after my ex husband, and I had a talk about the way things were going. I am very nice to this lady because she has to be there for my child and I want to make sure that when she is with them on the weekends that nothing happens to my child. I also like it because there is a female with her most of the time that can be there to bath her and take her to the bathroom, doing what a woman should be doing when it involves a little girl. It is not that I just don't like her. Me and this girl were friends she even asked for my wishes before she got with my ex husband so I know that my child without a doubt is being taken care of. She is also having a baby girl of her own this month, hopefully next Thursday. Thanks for your advice it has diffidently helped a lot. :)

Cindy - posted on 11/16/2012

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All I can say I was told that when they are ready my girls will call me or come to me !!!

Lindy - posted on 11/02/2012

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Omg! Lmao about the PTA. I was goin to join when my SS was accepted into pre-k. I have a different relationship with my SS and his mom though.



If they have only been together less than a year, she hasn't earned the right to step in as the mother. She can be the step mom, but what you say she has done is extreme!

Raelyn - posted on 11/01/2012

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I think you situation was unfortunate. I was very happy when my ex remarried. I was happy that my daughter would have stepmom. I love my step mom.

Raelyn - posted on 11/01/2012

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I am a Mom, have a wonderful Stepmom of 30 yrs, and my daughter has a stepmom that watches my daughter when she is with my ex. The goals I have for my daughter are for her to be independent, intelligent, confident, and have positive opportunities in life. My daughter is currently enrolled in preK. I am a firm believer in education and family time. At my house education and family time are not put in direct competition with one another, because then it can be assumed that one may be more important than the other. Both are very important to raising wonderful children. My daughter's stepmom, knows that she is not my daughter's mom physically. However, she has two sons from her previous marriage. There are decisions that can be made for her children, but not for mine. Not without my consent anyway. Last summer She decided that she was going to keep my daughter out of a program that my daughter enjoys immensely. Although in the summer, even I, am lenient with the time, but like to make sure she attends. She enjoys it, she plays with peers and learns teamwork. Her Stepmom wanted to keep her home because of the bonding that needed to occur with the stepbrothers. I agreed that bonding was important as I have a stepbrother, but to simply make the decision without discussing it with me was bad form. We ended up taking it to court. The judge agreed that because there is joint decision making the decision must come from the parents. Not made by one side in a unilateral process. But once school started in sept the stepmom still kept my daughter out in the morning so that her youngest and my daughter could play before her son had to go to Kindergarten. This was kept from me once again. I found out when I saw the sign in sheets at school. When I spoke with my ex he was unaware of the situation. So my daughter's stepmom took it upon her self to keep my daughter home in the mornings when the learning centers were done, but took her son to kindergarten on time. My daughter was brought to school in time for PE, lunch, then nap, followed by outdoor play. All the learning time was missed in the morning. I want the stepmom to care for my daughter the way I would. However, when the expectations of learning and care are not as good it makes me nervous. We all live in the same town. We frequent the same coffee shops and playgrounds. The coffee shop owner was under the impression that the stepmom was my daughters mom. This was because I stopped in there after I dropped my daughter off at school at 8:30am before I went to work. The stepmom brought her son and my daughter in on their way to school at 10:45. My daughter recently had a cough that only came on at night and was gone by morning. She went to school each day. I told the teachers that this was occurring and if for any reason the cough interrupted her day or if my daughter was feeling horrible to call and I would pick her up. No fever, no runny nose, no other symptoms. The stepmom used the cough as a reason to keep my daughter home until her son went to Kindergarten. Both my ex and I agreed that education in a priority. My daughter should attend school everyday and be there 4 days a week by 8:45am. This was a compromise that I agreed to.

So I guess my point is, I want a working relationship with my ex's wife. But, when she is sneaky and makes decisions that are beyond the basics of caregiving it creates issues. I've tried to work with her, but have been told that a women's place is in the home and education is not all that important at 4. I tried to explain that occasionally keeping my daughter home in the morning is OK, but not on a regular basis. Not when it is a priority that her son goes to school daily. She uses the excuse family time, but how is this family time when they play Wii. And where is the rest of the family? Now my daughter has gotten the impression that school is not important. The stepmom says that she teaches my daughter what she needs to know for preK. If I wanted my daughter to be home schooled, I am pretty sure that I would be a fine candidate and would not want the stepmom to be that role.

My ex and I agree that he and I should be making these decisions, but when the stepmom takes it upon herself to do so and then gets caught it gets ugly. My ex is either lying or doesn't care. Either way I am frustrated and can see both sides to a too much stepmom and not enough stepmom.

Trista - posted on 10/22/2012

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Wow this is exactly what I am going threw. Well not this bad yet bc I would hurt her if she ever took my child to the doctor and acted like she was my childs mom and signed the paper work to. Legally I do not even think she can do that as she is not the legal gaurdian. But it has gottn pretty bad. Sorry that u are going threw this. I feel for you and will be praying for you and your children.

Angela - posted on 09/12/2012

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I don't recommend just letting it go. Depending on what state you live in, you can or even should have in place a court-approved parenting plan that places limits on this sort of thing. It can limit the kind of or extent of interaction you have with Stepmom, and require civil behavior, and all communication to be in writing, for example. And then if agreed-to parts of the plan are not adhered to, she will be in contempt of court.



The book "Divorce Poison" focuses on the crucial issue of how parents can defend themselves and prevent alienation *without* putting their kid/s in the middle. It's still the sane parent's responsibility to stand up for what is right and for reality. Letting yourself be treated poorly is not the best way to handle things.

Christina - posted on 09/12/2012

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www.xpandedfamilymag.com Issue #1- Learn all you can about Parent Alienation and get the help you need

Cindy - posted on 09/11/2012

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I agree with you on this and my ex lets her take over my kids .Now my daughter calls me a whore a cunt that not right . She tried to still them and take the to S carolina . trust me talk to the ex don't help I see a thyrphist now and it still don't help ...



WIsh i had good advice but I need some to as well ... iam Cindy

Sandy - posted on 10/23/2011

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Tell your ex in a nice way that taking your kids to the doctor is your job, and only your job. The doctor would much rather talk to the actual mother about her children, afterall she did give birth, breastfed them, had sleepless nights when they were sick, knows their allergies, their little symptoms that only a mother would know when their kids are just not right. Sure it's great that his wife is sympathetic to your kids needs,but a line has to be drawn and that line has to be drawn by you. Make it clear in a nice but firm way what you want to do for your kids and only you, not her.

J. Elizabeth - posted on 10/23/2011

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easy call her start by saying #1" thank you sooo much for loving my kids and taking care of them you are great.... blah blah blah....." #2 tell her ur problem but make sure you say that u love the fact that she is willing to help but that you would love it if se runs it by u first.. " #3 and then if you are in good terms with her end with something good like hey did you see this movie or something she likes" i call it my 1*2*1 open with a positive* say the negative* close with a positive

Ells - posted on 10/20/2011

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don't let the children feel this rift...
you should talk to ur ex and to his new partner.
my ex had 2 kids living with him and i was their stepmom but because the biological mom left them and wasn't seeing them for years i took her place, as it's a figure they need i think.
but you are still in ur kids lives and she is doing the wrong thing acting childish. if she wants to be a mom she should have a child of her own! but unfortunately, you have to swallow some hard things sometimes, for the sake of ur children and so i think u should talk to their father and his gf and tell them exactly what's going on. also ask a specialist's opinion. if u are separated and have shared custody you can ask a judge to make sure she doesn't interfere with ur children education!
good luck honey and if u need a chat im here x

Maria - posted on 10/17/2011

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thank you for all your helpful words i appreciate them ALOT. @ rachel c. we share custody of the kids and i am there for them ALWAYS even when my oldest daughter is at her dads i drive there just to take her to school because i cant go a day without seeing them or talking to them.

Crystal - posted on 09/21/2011

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Maria, I know how you feel, I am going through the same thing. My kids's step mom tells them all the time that she is a better mother than me and it hurts them but she does not seem to care. I have talked with my children many times about this, all you can do is reassure the kids that you will always be there no matter what. Mine are now 11 and 13. My daughter is taking it the hardest but she knows that I am her mom and that I will always be there for her no matter what. After their half sister was born it made it even harder because the step mother then realized what it is to be a "full' mother and not just a step. My son understand more than my daughter cuz he is older and has told his step mother she is not his mom and he does not need a "new" mom. Unfortunatley this has caused some trouble between him and his father. I have been told that I have to tell my kids to call her "mom" so that it does not confuse their half sister, in my opinion this is up to the kids. They are at the age where they know how they feel and know who is their parents. I told my ex and his wife this many times but it still leads to trouble. My husband does not let my kids call him "dad" because he knows they have a father and does not want them to think he is trying to replace him, so why should I tell them they have to call her "mom"? Keep your chin up and remember your kids love you unconditionly and they know who their "mom" is. You can never be replaced no matter how hard your ex tries. If he is anything like mine he won't like it but eventually he will accept it.

I hope this helps....

Sumiah - posted on 09/19/2011

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I think it's time to have a chat with stepmum , just let her know oh she's a really good Stepmum and u have no problem with it but when doing anything like ( going to the doctor or dentist) thing like that u should know about and u should have de option of saying i have to work so u can take them or whatever but your MUMMY.

Christe - posted on 09/15/2011

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My kids SM is the same. She cant have kids & litterally took my babies away by brainwashing them into making them think I am a bad person. They will learn the truth soon though as they age. Parental Alienation is a B to live. But it hurts the kids more than it does me, and thats what this fake mom seems to be doing, ABUSING our kids. But courts wont do shi about it because as far as Florida Child Abuse is only child abuse if there is a mark. Forget the emotional BS.that you can't see but leaves a even bigger mark. Good luck and if you need contacts for PA, I got em.

Rachael - posted on 09/11/2011

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I am the stepmom as stated in my previous post. I handle everything to do with my stepson's school as well as doctor visits. My fiance signed a consent with both the school and doctor to allow me to do so. So responding to Heathers post...it does depend on the state you live in I guess. However it also depends on what rights you have still. My fiance's ex has NO legal rights what so ever including visitation. She hears about him going to the the doctor etc and gets mad that we don't tell her...we have no legal obligation to do so. I don't know Maria's situation so I cannot judge it however, there is a good reason my stepsons mother is not in his life. I do not feel bad for her one bit...there is something to be said of a "mother" who chooses drugs over her child. There is also something to be said of a "stepmom" who is there 100% day in and day out for a child whom is not her own.

Karin - posted on 09/11/2011

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Have you tried to talk to her? Obviously I don't know the situation but maybe if she knew how hurtful it was to you she would take the time to adjust how she interacts with you and the kids. Good Luck!

[deleted account]

My SKs and their mother think I'm evil (I'm also the mom of an almost 12yo DD) because they have chores, rules, & expectations here. Her son is now 18 1/2; we already removed him from our house due to his lack of respect, and beyond laziness factors. Guess who's about to do the same "tough love" on him? Yup, beloved MAMA! lol. Wonder what she's planning with my 16yo SD... We'll take her permanently (instead of the sporadic weekends we have now) if her mother decides *she's* "too much" to handle, too. So, call me Evil Stepmonster if you wish, children; you'll be thanking me & your father when you grow up. My DD *will* be a productive & responsible member of society!

Rachael - posted on 09/09/2011

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Sandi...you are 100% right. I am a "stepmom" however I am his only mom...she is not in his life and she doesn't know about appts etc...she has no right to know. It just depends on the situation etc.

Sandi - posted on 09/09/2011

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BTW... not all stepmoms are evil... there are some pretty crazy mothers out there too!!! Dealing with my husbands ex has been a challenge too. It boils down to jealousy!

Susan - posted on 09/07/2011

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Some good news today for me...spoke to a lawyer today and I am doing everything right by documenting everything and keeping things neutral. I will not let myself feel like the victim anymore!

Rachael - posted on 09/07/2011

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I do not know your situation to make a complete judgement. Do you have full custody or does the father? Is she raising them on a daily basis? I am a stepmom to an 11 yr old. He has lived with us since his father and I started dating. His mother is in and out of his life (mostly out of his life.) So I can honestly say that I am a better mother to her child. I take him to the doctors, do all of his school things etc. and I dont tell her. She has no legal rights to him at all. Giving birth does not make you a mother, being there for your children makes you a mother. If you see your children on a regular basis and are there for them when they need you...IGNORE HER. She is doing it to hurt you...don't let her do that to you. Your EX will side with her....always. The worst thing to do is get into an arguement through the kids. They should never know that there is a problem. Hope it gets better.

Kristin - posted on 09/06/2011

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If you do chose to say anything, be careful, because it will make you sound insecure or show that you feel threatened by her and as their mother, that is the one thing that you don't need to feel. Regardless of what your ex and his new wife are doing, the kids are always going to think of you as their mom, not her. So i say, let her take them to appts or sign things, she is helping out in your childrens lives and if they like her, you should be greatful that they are lucky enough to have someone that is nice to them in their lives. But Always remember that as much as your ex MAY be trying to replace you in his own life or with his new wife, your children will never view her as a replacement or substitute for you. They will always love YOU as their mother and she is just a new friend in their lives. As for her overstepping her boundaries, she may not even be aware that she is doing it?! Maybe she is just honestly trying to take an interest in them and be involved in their lives. I don't know what she is doing that makes you think she is acting superior, but my quess is that you could straighten her attitude out quickly by requesting from your ex that she be respectful of certain boundaries, while being careful to portray that you don't feel threatened by her and that you're not acting out of insecurity. Most of all, think of what is best for the kids. I know we all like to say that we do, but I think alot of times our selfish motives take over. If she isnt doing anything that is causing tension between you and the kids (like criticising your parenting) then I probably wouldnt say anything at all.

Heather - posted on 09/06/2011

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I don't know what state you live you but I live in NJ and everytime my husbands ex-girlfriend took him to court, I went with. In NJ, the step-parent has NO rights to the stepchild whatsoever. If one parent makes an appt. for the child, the other parent MUST BE notified of that appt. And, let me tell you, if she is insisting that your children call her mommy, that is also illegal. The only mother that they should be calling mommy is the biological one and you can bring her and your ex up on charges in family court for all this but yet again, it all depends on what state you live in. My husbands ex always complained that I was interferring with her parenting also and let me tell you, I wasn't and I was also looking out for the welfare of his daughter. His daughter's mother started writing her their daughters first name but her mothers last name in her clothing and when he brought that up in court, the judge ripped her a new one. The children have to respect her but in no way, is she allowed to over step you has there mother when there mother is still in the picture. If she threw it in your face that you'll never be the better parent to your own kids, it's past time to take it to family court, especially if your ex is going along with what she is doing. And you need to document everything that your ex and his wife does or say to you or your kids for court for proof and if they keep going against any court orders in the future, your ex-s wife will not allowed to be present while he has his visits which also means that he will get no overnights. Again, that's in NJ.

In response to Susan Fries,
step-mom, girl-friend to your ex, whatever the case maybe with your ex, SHE has no right to just go to your childs school and fill out papers. That is up to your ex to do that, not her, especially if right now, she is only a girl-friend. And like I said before, here in NJ, unless she is on the emergency contact list that you, not your husband but you filled out for the school, she can't even pick them up at the school without your consent and if the school is allowing this, threaten legal tactics.

Sarah - posted on 09/03/2011

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I will be doing just that Maria! My now ex husband cheated on me with her and left during my daughters bed time, two days before her 3rd birthday! She had night terrors for 6 months afterwards and had to sleep in my bed with the lights on - she thought I was going to abandon her too!

[deleted account]

Maria -- I know this is hard right now, but it DOES get better! I went through this EXACT same thing; ex cheated on me with this woman, then moved in with her, then she was insisting my daughter call her "mom" (even worse, she called me, "mama Dana" while over at ex's house), and everything else you're describing. I tried to ignore it, tried reverse psychology, went the mediation route, and finally to the judge. Judge sided with me, I had legal documentation/orders stating that THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN. Well, it still did, and all my ex got was a slap on the wrist (multiple contempt charges). However, the positive of all of that is that NOW, my daughter is almost 12yo, and (unfortunately for the irritating gnat of a stepmom) has no respect for that woman for the way she's treated me over the years. Your kids know who their real mother is (YOU!!); no matter what they have to call stepmom. I will advise you, based on my experience, to ignore as much as humanly possible. Do not respond, do not raise your voice to her, let everything you possibly can roll off your back. I know it's hard, but it gets easier... and your kids will be that much more grateful. ;)

Kim - posted on 09/01/2011

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I watched one of my younger sisters marry a divorced man that had a child from his first marriage..I listened to her complain about the BM, and how unfit she was as a mother, watched her try to take over...but never did I sit by and not voice my opinion on the matter to my own sister. I pointed out to her she should think twice before voicing any opinion of the BM, or trying to change the way things are done with said child until she has all info from both parents not just the one she is married to and is mad at the BM..the exwife. Everyone gets paid back for what they do without you having to do a thing (in time). Some call it Karma. Just do whats right, remember children learn from example, not by what we say....remember children will work their parents against each other...some on purpose ...some not ...some do it cause they feel like they have to, to keep one parent from being mad at them.

Just keep your nose clean, make sure you take your children to their doctor no matter how many times the SM takes your child to a doctor. This way their are two opinions, and if she tries to say you are an unfit mother you have info to back up your ablity to mother your children and show you are responsible and place them first in your life...above what the SM mom might like, or want. They grow so fast and so many people get lost in the drama they forget their children are watching, listening and learning from the behavior they witness. Just put your children first in your life and no one will have crediability saying otherwise.

Maria - posted on 08/31/2011

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@ sarah-- she doesnt sound very nice... ide keep the last name just to piss her off

Sarah - posted on 08/30/2011

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My daughter tells me that her soon to be step mum whines about her not calling her stepmum - just her first name. She is also apparently p****off about me keeping my married name - Too Bad!!!!!lol

Susan - posted on 08/26/2011

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I recently called my ex to speak to him about our son and was denied by his new wife..she also yelled and screamed at me and then hung up. She then called my mother to yell and scream at her as well. This situation is turning into a circus. My ex will not return my calls and will only communicate thru our son who is 11..completely crazy and inmature. I have kept my son with me and sent my ex a text stating he is welcome to come visit his son and call me anytime to discuss this. I have also filed a petition for us to go to mediation with the family court to change parenting time. My son is stuck in the middle of this and is stressed out and upset all the time...he tells them one thing and tells me a completely different story. He says he pretends he is happy with his dad and new wife and new house because they yell at him when he speaks his mind. This has been going on for months now and he has been seeing a therapist...its a long story but I am just so angry and upset that the new wife disrespected me AND my mother, and blocked all communication with my sons dad. Thanks just had to vent.

Maria - posted on 08/21/2011

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i have a fiance and he knows the boundries that he isnt allowed to cross i made them clear to him when we started dating and the woman enrolled my child in school with my ex's help.... i was spittin mad i feel like they are taking everything away from me

Mechelle - posted on 08/21/2011

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I am going through this as well. It rough at first. But I learned best way to deal with this is kill her with kindness to her and the kids. While they are mouthing you, your kids will see that you are the bigger person. As for replacing you...NEVER!!! You can try to talk to them however, they will feel like you are trying to take control in their house. I did have a problem with the step mom taking charge with dr appointments, and school. It felt like a power trip for both of us. As soon as I quit complainer of her helping she quit helping. She doesnt take my child to dr, she makes the father do it. She does not mess with teachers or anything from school. Andto see like from the other side- what if when you get married your husband whats to be involved with your children as well. Are you going to stop him from helping you? Hope this gets better

Christina - posted on 08/13/2011

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It is a lot of work. The quicker everyone can get along, the better for the child.

Susan - posted on 08/12/2011

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I guess its just all so new right now and everything happened so quickly...she moved in after 2 months and started changing things right away. I am learning to deal with the changes and so is my son with the help of therapy and also just a change of mind. I appreciate the help and advice!

Tassy - posted on 08/11/2011

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I'm not just "saying" ignore her. I'm LIVING it! It's not difficult. My son has sports events or things at school and we just act as if we don't know each other. Until she matures a little, that'll be the way it will be

Susan - posted on 08/10/2011

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It's easy to say just ignore it..but much harder to actually do when the SM is always in your life. Now that school is starting up, how the heck do I handle my sons school activities and PTA meetings where I know SHE will be there??? I have wanted to reach out to her and talk but my ex does not pick up or even return my calls so not sure how I could even get in touch with her. We have even tried family therapy but they never seem to have the time to attend.

Tassy - posted on 08/10/2011

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It's because she's jealous of you... Being something she'll never be..... You kids' mom. I know because I go through the same thing. I used to let it bother me to the point I couldnt sleep. I mean it got bad. She even hacked my Facebook and email accounts to try and dig up dirt to cause problems between me and my husband!! She is consistently trying to make others see me as unfit which is just laughable. Anyone who knows me knows my babies are my life. I pride myself in being a good mom.

After many tears and vent sessions, my husband and everyone else would tell me "SHE IS OBVIOUSLY JEALOUS OF YOU!" It made sense after a while. I mean why else would she be so obsessed with me?? I learned that ignoring it is the way to go. Act as if it doesn't bother you in the least. Hope this helps

Maria - posted on 08/08/2011

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thank you for your alls advice i appreciate it alot i will trry my hardest to let it go but when my middle child runs to her and calls her mommy because she told her too at not even two yrs old i wanna go off it drives me nuts

Susan - posted on 08/03/2011

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I am in the same boat..my ex just bought a house with a woman he has only known for 6 months and they are planning on getting married soon. This woman actually showed up at my sons school registration and filled out the step parent portion on the info card right in front of me, she also joined the PTA! Also every time her and my ex are around me they are constantly hugging or holding hands..they are never apart, and I know she just does it to piss me off. I used to let it bother me, but now I know it pisses her off even more when I rise above it and don't react at all! My ex is not the brightest man so she is perfect for him to control and brainwash. oh and her 2 kids dont live with her either, really dont know why that is but I did a criminal check on her so she is clean.

Janna - posted on 07/12/2011

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I was having a very difficult time with my son's step mom a while back. Neither of us had ever had a conversation about what we want from one another and crossing the boundaries with each other. It was awful until I came to my breaking point thinking that the SM was purposely lying, going behind my back, using my son as a tool, so on. There was an altercation. It was ugly at first but, this one altercation was the starting point to a much more stress free life. We talked about everything and we hide nothing from each other now, we are friends now that carefully watch the feelings of each other, both trying to see the other persons view.

Britt - posted on 07/10/2011

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as crazy or you think im wrong but "let it go, or let it roll," its the bigger better thing. let SM think she is better, all it matters is that YOUR BM! You have rights too and deep down you know you rock!
She is getting to you dont let it! you know your way up there and above all that BS!
The SM my way acts like she is inthe control booth, she loves whispering to BD in court and laughing kissing him like it bothers me its really funny .....its like 6 yrs after we 'divorced' and i re married HAPPILY have a beautiful little 1 1/2 yr DD W/ my DH!
I have learned to let it roll and let it go....she will get more irratated that she didnt' get to you
because she would love nothing more than to piss you off!

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