My sons 5th birthday? what to do?

Mandy - posted on 09/03/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hello all, I am new to posting on here, I have read a few threads though. with that being said, I have a question in regards to my sons 5th birthday at the end of this month. Do you celebrate your kids birthdays with your ex or not?



a bit of history for you to help with the question. We have been seperated now for about 8 months, working on the divorce.........we were together for almost 12 years, have 3 kids together and this will be the first birthday we are to celebrate, well the second........we did have our younger sons first birthday which was a horrible ordeal........lets say he decided not to come to that. Things got bad between us for a bit because of this, and alot of hurt feelings were let out, but we are doing good now, talking all the time and working well for the kids, we even get along.



alot of the invites will be to my family, and there was some bad things said between one of my sisters and my ex, so I know he is not comfortable around them.



My ex is seeing someone else, and she does have 2 kids as well, my son did say to me that he wants to invite her son to his birthday, ( they live together so the kids see each other every weekend, when mine are at thier dads house) so do I invite them all or do I let them do thier thing with him and we do ours here?





I hope that all makes sense.lol.



thanx for any help.



this is all so new to me, and alot of first times of many things.

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Karen - posted on 09/06/2009

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I dont think it is a great idea to do parties together anyway. First off the problems with family members saying stuff to one another, making faces or remarks to others etc. Second, I have noticed that it gives some inkling that the parents might get back together. They tend to feel the "family" thing again, when its not really there.

That said, we have gone through this for 3 years and my kids love having parties with me and parties with him. My family does not want to be around him and I dont get along with ANY of his family except my "nieces". My kids have friends and family on my side and his side, so it always works out.

Christal - posted on 09/06/2009

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My ex and I just did our first birthday seperated. My childrens birthdays are three years,and two days apart. His girlfriend was not here thank god but it was still hard. I had their birthdays at a safe zone, his mom's house. We did take the kids and their friends out together. I just remand calm and civil as much as I could. Afterwards he had to tell me how much he missed doing things as a family but it was his choice to leave and be with someone else, so I just ignored his comments. I would try for a neutral zone and let the boy come. It is his birthday and both of you need to remember that it is about that and nothing else. I would be civil and polite but I would not go out of my way to make them comfortable.

Caroline - posted on 09/05/2009

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I think it depends on the kids and the situation. I have been seperated for 2 years and divorced for 7 months. At my son's 2nd birthday, the first one apart, we had a family party all together. At that time I was still hoping we would get back together so we did everything the same and I tried to act happy. For my son's 3rd B-day it was obvious that we were not getting back together and we were discussing having 2 parties when my son walked up, grabbed us both by the hand and said "Mama, Dada, I want to have one party with everyone together!" We just looked at each other and I asked is that ok with you? He said yes, is that ok with you? We agreed it was and so did the family party again. It was a little tense for me, being around all his family, but I made it work for my son. My family lives out of state so I don't have to worry about the 2 families interacting. I don't know what we will do this year in November. I may try to give my own party for him this time because he does have a few friends I could invite.

Mandy - posted on 09/04/2009

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thanx for the responses, I guess I am just used to doing things a certain way, and everything is new now and different. I guess its time to accept the changes in a positive way, like Michelle said now they get two parties.lol.



thanx I know it will all work out, things always have a way of doing that.lol.



your kids are all so close in age to mine as well. My daughter is 8 and my son will be 5 on the 25th........I just have the little one as well. lol



thanx again for helping out.

Sarah - posted on 09/04/2009

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I am going thru the exact same thing as you right now. My ex and i have been seperated for 5 months now and our son just turned 5 last week. We have always had a big family cookout with both sides so i didnt know what to do this year. My ex and i also get along very well but he and my mom had a falling out when we split. So we talked it over and decided it would be best to have seperate parties just to keep the drama out of the celebration. Afterall the party is about the kids not the adults.

My ex also has a girlfriend with kids and my daughter(6) wanted to invite them but i told her that it is a party for Mommy's family and that Daddy would have a party himself with them.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2009

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Hi Mandy, I have been seperated from my ex for 19months now, and we do the birthdays seperate. It is easier for all of us otherwise it just gets uncomfortable. The kids understand this ( I have a girl almost 8 and a boy almost 5) They actually didnt mind it because they got to have 2party's.....little ratbags...lol.



Hope this helps a bit. Take care and good luck.

Oh and congratulations on your son's 5th birthday. My son will be turning 5 on 17th sept.

Cheers Michelle :)

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