My teenage daughter will not talk to me!!!

Faith - posted on 08/03/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am having a problem with my daughter.She lives with her father M-F and is at my house on the weekends.She treats my husband like he is not there.Maybe 2 or 3 words in 3 days.She missed 50 days of school last year and faild all but 1 class(english) I have tried to speak with her but I can talk for 10 minutes or 2 hoursit dosent matter I dont get a responce.At her fathers she has no rules and i have rules at my house.She cares for her father-(cooking,cleaning,laundry, mowing)(nothing wrong with him) at my house she is suppose to mow and load dishwasher but is to tired from all the work at her fathers and wants visits with me to be a vacation! I am at my wits end and dont know what to do by the way she is 15 and will be 16 in a few days! I want my child to get a good education and be the chef she wants to be!
Can someone help me before I go crazy!!

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Chrissy - posted on 08/03/2010

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Since she is older and has no boundaries at her dad's, it's going to be hard to enforce them at your house. Maybe she thinks that since she "works" at her dad's house that when she comes and visits you that she shouldn't need to do work, or maybe it runs deeper....maybe you should get custody switched. Show the courts that she is NOT doing good at her dad's and that she takes care of everything there, that it would be in her best interest to live with you. Only thing is that she is old enough to let them know where she wants to live. Don't give up on her! Keep talking to her, even when you don't think that she's listening, she is! Both of my parents are divorced and when I was 15, I was in the same situation as your daughter....I skipped school, hung out with the wrong crowd, failed all my classes, and my mom had enough! She gave me the choice to live with my dad or grandparents. I don't know what else to tell you but to just keep on her...she will realize that all you want her to do is succeed. Good luck!!! ~hugs~

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Ellen - posted on 08/08/2010

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Sometimes as parents we try so hard that we push our children away. Lay off her for a little while and spend some quality time with her. Since she has to mow at her dad's, ask her if she would at least be willing to load the dishwasher. She may be feeling overwhelmed and pressured. Take the pressure off for a little bit and take time to reconnect with her. I did this with my son and now I have no problem getting him to do things for me. I ask him to do something and he does it. As for school, make sure you get copies of all report cards and maybe come up with some reward incentives when she gets good grades. Talk to her about her grades and ask her why they are so low. No lectures. No demands. Let her know you are disappointed with any bad grades and that you want her to do better because you love her and you want the best for her, then ask her if she wants the best for herself. That will get her thinking about what she wants for herself. Help her find ways to improve her grades. Sometimes kids struggle and don't know how or where to ask for help. Be proactive. Most importantly, if what you are doing is not working, try something else. But don't ever give up.

Amy - posted on 08/05/2010

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Hello,

Well it sound like she having issues with adjusting to the way things are. With her being a teen she going to try to see what she can get away with. Be consistent with her let her know you realize she has choirs at dads, but also has them there too. Let her know you love to hang with her, but choirs come first then you may hang all she wants. I don’t know how your relationship is with your ex, but you need to talk to him also. It nice when both parents can come together and discusses things about the other homes. You should let him know you’d like for him to talk to her let her know she should do the same at mom as she asks her to do at dads. I also suggest therapy for her, they will help her in so many ways and hopefully things will get better. It’s also sounds if dad wants to be the nice guy and let her have no boundaries not good with a teen. So this makes you be the bad guy when it comes to visiting you. I have this roll here at my house, so I know what your going threw. We have custody of his kids mom over there doesn’t make them do nothing we do. It’s hard to get them to stay on task here because of this. We have tried to talk to her but she so whacked she say one thing and does another. So I’ve decided to just be consistent with them and this is my house my rules and their kids. If they don’t they have to get in to trouble like groundings and things taken away. Sometime my husband doesn’t want to discipline because he afraid of them wanting to live with her but it must be done. They will learn to love us for what we have taught them and see we were the better parents when they become an adult. I am also kind of thinking he’s got her doing a wives job living with him not letting her be a teen. So when she’s coming to your home she want a break and she all wore out form doing it at dads. Maybe you can discuss this with him in hope he’ll listen and do some of the chores. She should not be responsible for all of what comes with keeping a house going. You never know if bringing this up to him he may not realize what he doing, then again he might and might not care. But all you can do is try and you do your best at you home to stay consistent with what you do at your house. Let her know you understand what a load she has at dads and your goanna have a chat with him to see what can be done. But like I said I suggest in taking her to a therapist if she not listing and grades are poor this is a cry for help. Good luck..

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