Need advice and/or support

Candace - posted on 07/14/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone. This is my first time posting to the group but will admit that I have really gotten a lot out of the conersations and posts that I have been reading.
Anyway, I have a 8 1/2 and 6 yo. They have physically seen their father a combined total of 13 days since April 2008. He is a soldier and has been deployed during that time frame but even when he was not deployed, chose not to take any of his visitation "unless I agreed that he didnt have to pay child support". The times that he did see the kids (4th of Jly 2008, Christmas 2008 and Christmas 2009), it was at my home. My oldest (son) has ADHD which he was diagnosed with in May of 2008 so my ex really has no idea what that entails or how to deal/cope with it.
My ex apparently got married in April of this year to a woman that my kids do not know exists. I had asked him if she knew that our son had ADHD and he said "No. But she'll just have to deal with it. I told him that our son needs medication daily and he said "Not when he's at my house. I'll just let him do whatever he wants to do." He said that he wanted to have the kids for a couple weeks this summer. They have never been to Texas (where he lives). In fact, he has never really had an address to provide me, let alone lived in the same place for more than 6 months since he has been stationed there.

I know that there really isnt a question in here. I suppose I am just really wanting some advise or support on the issue. I don't know anyone else going through anything like this.
Thank you.

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Candace - posted on 07/17/2011

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Katherine- Thank you. I know what you mean. I do not talk bad about their dad. Whenever they ask a question though, I do not make excuses for him. I tell them that only he can answer the question (when applicable) and they should ask him. I too grew up with divorced and remarried parents. My bio-dad has had very little interest in my life for the past 23 years and when we were younger and had to go to his house for visitation, he would always say negative things about my mother. I don't want my children to ever feel the way that my dad's actions and words made me feel. Thank you again for your response.

Katherine - posted on 07/14/2011

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Dear Candace,
I know child support is needed but remember what is best for your children. Always teach them he is dad and don't tell them the bad things like dad not coming to get them unless they ask . That way you can lay your head down at night knowing you are at peace your children will know what dad has done when they get older. I'm a 47 year old from divorced parents and my dad was not military but a farmer and he rather raise someone Else's children instead of his own he had four of us and my mom was a gem she never spoke bad of dad but we knew and we do love him but we don't see him much either and we are all doing good in life my baby sister is 45 and she does not care for dad I''m praying time as an adult can teach her not to hate him because he did not want us. So all I'm trying to say for one the out of state would be no if your not okay with it he may need to travel to visit close by until the children were more relaxed with him and you are okay with the new wife cause she may be the one with them while they are their if he works As far as the med's for the son husband needs to understand he has to give this child his medicine for him not because he don't get the whole ADHD x-husband may need to get educated about it all and understand how this does help your son to live in our world and understand life. You sound like a very good mother and I pray it all works out for you one day your children will love you for all this that says a lot but you will have to wait to hear those words they will come in time Good luck with the babies
Katherine Smith

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