punishment

TealRose - posted on 08/09/2011

Rena that is interesting .. and telling .. that you 'choose not to speed or blow through stops signs because the consequence would be a ticket' ... and NOT because .. it is wrong! That is like a spanked child - appearing to 'do right' to avoid being hit - and not learning the lesson, which it is also obvious that you never did !

What is wrong, with keeping a child safe from the stove - there are myriad ways? And if you believe that a toddler can equate 'mummy hit me, oh I better not touch the stove' then you have NO idea at all of child behaviour/development.

Which brings me to the next point. You ran a day care centre - and you hit tiny children ' as a last resort' ?? I sincerely hope this was with parental consent? And did ALL the parents consent? I mean .. if I had know for a nanosecond that someone in care of MY toddler/children was going to HIT another child that was in the same establishment - my children's feet wouldn't have touched the ground in my speed to protect them from 1] Witnessing an adult who should be gentle and know better hitting a child, and 2] from being hit 'by accident' - 'oh I forgot' or 'oh we couldn't find the paperwork' being a fine example of what goes on in schools that paddle.

You want a child's attention? Then use your words not your hands. If they need more then you hold them gently, bending down to their level and talk and explain and deflect and move the child from there.

Outlawing spanking in Sweden brought the child abuse rate down to an incredibly low level. Parents caught spanking aka hitting their children in Sweden are sent for parenting lessons that show how to cope with a child without hitting it. If they keep on hitting - then THAT is when they go to jail.
``'If outlawing spanking would end child abuse I would be all for it, unfortunately there is not an abusive parent out there that is likely to stop in mid beating to think "Oh, I can't do this...its illegal!" How crazy is that ?? We ban things every day and make them illegal that we know will not 'stop' just because it is illegal. Like wife beating, rape, murder etc ... It isn't an excuse for leaving them legal !!!

My children weren't hit, they were taught right from wrong, taught how to tell the difference so they could work it out for themselves if we weren't around and now they are fine, gentle adults who wouldn't dream of hitting a child. My grandchildren, who also are not hit and disrespected are a delight!

Respect not thumps .. and that goes for children and all of us!

Rena - posted on 08/09/2011

Spanking is a very contentious issue. I often equate spanking with other consequences that we as adults encounter. I choose not to speed or blow through stop signs because the consequence would be a ticket I don't care to receive. Unfortunately a monetary consequence does not stop a small child from placing their hand on a hot stove, but a spank on their bottom with a stern word may remind them the next time they go near the stove. If there is a consequence to actions for children beginning at a very young age they will be more likely to think before acting. I was spanked as a child...never beaten. I spanked my daughter occassionally and never when angry with her. I also ran a day care and on occassion used corporal punishment as a last resort. Many children respond to a stern word, but some children simply need you to get their attention first. If outlawing spanking would end child abuse I would be all for it, unfortunately there is not an abusive parent out there that is likely to stop in mid beating to think "Oh, I can't do this...its illegal!"

Orliande - posted on 08/08/2011

Someone was right these conversation on spanking is getting to be too much. I spanking my son every now and then. Since I know it will never become a abusive or might nit go on for ever. I'll continue to do so. Among all the other things I do as discipline. Happy parenting everyone. I'm out

TealRose - posted on 08/08/2011

Spanking ie hitting a child, is not discipline .. it's punishment and isn't allowed to be done to adults, animals or even criminals.

TealRose - posted on 08/08/2011

I suspect that a child will listen SO well after being hit! I mean .. that really is respectful, and really opens ones mind !!! He might not 'DIE' to you ... but like me .. and many MANY others I know .. he may well 'die' inside..... Discipline means to teach ...just like when you say 'Use your words and not your hands.....' ... or perhaps you don't ..... after all how can you tell a child not to do one thing .. and do it yourself !

Orliande - posted on 08/08/2011

For me i give a tap or sometimes a good spank when he really doesn't want to listen. My son is 3yrs and he's not violent. When I was a child I use to get ass whooping alot, my sister and brother included. And we turned out just fine. It u don't hit to seriously hurt. He won't die. I read a article where they say kids get too much punishment. And taking pocket money or get sent to rooms have negative influence on kids. I had all those things done to me and I'm ok. Kids needs discipline. How we go by it, is up to us.

Dawn - posted on 08/07/2011

Spanking is a form of discipline that can be useful in certain situations. It is one tool among many that some parents use, myself included.

Gudrun - posted on 08/07/2011

As a child I was beat till I peed. I had black eyes, broken nose, concussions at least once a month. I thought spanking was something normal and what you do to discipline your child. I spanked my first daughter. I spanked till I found myself standing over her with my fists balled and her laughing in my face. That was the day as I admitted that I was abused and about to do the same to my child. I got help. Spanking is wrong. No matter what. My other children never got spanked. I talk to them. Even as they were little. It works. I now say that spanking is for people who are to stupid to talk.
Oh and I saw this sign once at the therapy group and it stayed in my mind :
"It should not hurt to be a child"

TealRose - posted on 08/04/2011

I think hitting a child, is wrong plain and simple. If we respect adults and animals, even criminals and aren't allowed to hit them - why on earth should we be allowed to hit a defenceless child?

Why would I have wanted to show my children violence first hand? Why would I want them to fear me - instead of trust me? Why HIT when you tell your children - "Use your hands and not your words" ? why is this not good advice for parents ??? !!!!!

Spanking is done simply because a parent can think of nothing better and as 'they were spanked and are fine' see nothing wrong with hitting a child! I was spanked = it ruined my relationship with my parents for good. I don't love, trust or respect anyone who hits me - and never will. And I wouldn't expect my children to either. I learned fear, pain, anger, hate and resentment only - a 'great' result but not the one my parents were looking for.

My children are now adults and are gentle and kind - and were never hit. My grandchildren are not hit either - and are a delight.

If you can't think of anything else but hitting - go and get help. Respect not thumps ... says it all !

Carrie - posted on 07/22/2011

I guess it depends on what your goal is. A docile and conforming kid who will give you a peaceful evening, for once, or a well-grounded, productive, kid who grows up to be a self-disciplined, adult, thinking for themselves, who does the right thing because it is the right thing, and not because he might be caught and sent to prison (punished).

Discipline means:

* Focusing on what the child needs to do in the future.
* Relating the strategies directly to the misbehavior.
* Helping the child develop self discipline and learn how to become responsible.
* Assisting the child to accept natural or logical consequences of the misbehavior.

On the other hand, punishment:

* Focuses on what’s wrong instead of what needs to be done right.
* Consists of penalties or restrictions that often have nothing at all to do with the misbehavior.
* Puts responsibility for enforcement on the parent instead of encouraging the child to become responsible for his/her actions.
* Is concerned with making the child “pay” for what he/she did wrong.

The reason for discipline is to help children learn self-control and take responsibility for their own behavior. Children who are raised in a way that stresses positive discipline will understand their own behavior better, show independence, and respect themselves and others. When punishment is the basis for discipline, the person who punishes the child becomes responsible for the child’s behavior.

Positive discipline is a process, not a single act. It is the basis for teaching children how to get along with other people. But children who are frequently punished instead of encouraged, learn that those they depend on the most for love and care can also inflict physical and psychological pain on them.

Michelle - posted on 01/05/2011

Spanking is a parents decision. When the boys where younger they were spanked (a single tap on the bum). I am fading it out as they get older. Discipline changes with age I take away things now and talk around the table now. I think every parent has a style of discipline nothing is right or wrong. Abuse is different to spanking. physical abuse is only one type of abuse (emotional, financial and mind control are more damaging in my view)

Jennifer - posted on 11/28/2010

i dont unless its life a life threatening offense--- ie. something super dangerous (or has the potential to be so), walking into a street ect..... our rule is you dont hit mommy and mommy doesnt hit you because no one likes to be hit.... works in my house I havent had to spank! both my kids are treated as equals- that does mean age appropriate chores are done in my house

Amanda - posted on 11/26/2010

I personally don't use it as a method of discipline. I think my parents spanked me maybe a handful of times, and it was only for something I did that was going to hurt me or someone else. My dad has however spanked my oldest son when he was younger for running into a busy street. But other than that I don't think that spanking a child is a smart choice of discipline. To me it is only teaching the child that hitting when you're upset is the right thing to do. We use time out as the main discipline method, and loss of privelages for the older ones.

Jamie - posted on 11/12/2010

Im not for or against spanking, I use it at times when the situation calls for it. Normally sending them to the room or simply setting them on the couch and turning off the tv usually works. The times I use spankings as punishment are usually when they are doing something to hurt themselves or others. Usually a little swat on the butt is all I need. I do have a wooden spoon that I threated to spank with but never have and all they have to do is see it to straiten up. That will only work till they actually realize its a bluff!

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2010

I hate spanking! I use timeouts or maybe a hand tap if they are doing something that aren't supposed to be doing but I don't oike spanking. I think I was maybe spanked a total of 3 times when I was younger and that scared me more than it made me listen! It teaches your child to hit when you're angry or upset or if your doing something your not supposed to be doing. In my opinion I hate spanking!

Amanda - posted on 11/02/2010

I am against spanking. There are smarter ways to discipline our children then striking them.

Patience - posted on 10/26/2010

I agree with Lacy. I agree with spankings but ONLY on certain rules. My opinion is if you have to use more than you hand then you are abusing. If you do it while you are angry you are more likely to lose control. What I view as spanking is swatting them on the butt with your hand. I never punish in any type of way while mad. I always have my children go to their room or a corner till we both have a time out. Spankings are only last resort in my family. Usually a time out, taking away of things, grounding and so on work for my kids.

Chrissy - posted on 10/25/2010

Lacey, I don't believe that not spanking your kids will cause them to be disrespectful of adults, they learn that from their parents. If you chose to hit, then they learn to hit. If you chose to cuss, they learn to cuss. It's like this...how can a parent tell their kid not to do something when the parents do it themselves? It is a learned thing, they see their parents give the bird, they will do it, they hear their parents cuss, they will do it at an early age. Alot of it with older kids is more towards peer pressure..they will do it without you around, only in front of their friends. I do need to agree with you that there is some truth to the fact that parents believe they can't discipline them by spanking in fear of someone calling the authorities on them, but I don't agree that if you don't spank them that they are going to act out more than usual.

Lacey - posted on 10/25/2010

I was an abused child and I believe in spankings as long as it is done as a spanking and not as a BEATING!. and I believe that it should be done as a last resort, when all other options have been exhausted.......It is stricty my option, but I really believe it is because children think that parents cannot punish them or will not punish them by spanking them that they are behaving in the absolutely horribly dispicable manner towards them and/or other adults by talking back to them and cussing at them and other things, like flipping them off, etc. Children would have never behaved like that do today to their parents and to other adults as they did when I was a child and now look at them.........it is truly unbelieveable!

Marcella - posted on 10/23/2010

I dont like spanking because i was an abused child so what we do is TEASPOT which is take everything away short periods of time also known as time outs if those dont work then in the corner they go and if that dont work it is taking there favorite toy away.

Chrissy - posted on 10/23/2010

I don't agree with spanking....all thats doing is teaching kids to hit other kids if they do wrong....how we discipline at our house is time outs (with my older kids time outs away from their games or tv time) and it works wonderfully! But we normally don't need to use any discipline because the kids listen (they like to be able to play, takes 1 time telling them)......even my bf's son when he comes over on weekends. He is 3 and listens very well for a 3 yr old.We tell him to put his "listening ears" on when he comes in and have no problems!