Son calling bio mom step mom

Brittany - posted on 11/24/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So a little background- my son has been with me since he was about 2yrs old (he is now 6) and he has known me as mommy ever since then. At first he said he had two mommies (as his bio mom is still in the picture- she has him every other weekend) but now that she has remarried and he refers to new husband as step dad he has begun referring to her as step mom. In general he never speaks of her and if he does he mentions her by name (he does call her mommy when he is with her) but recently he has referred to his other house as his step mom's house. I'm not quite sure as to how to handle this. It has always been my opinion that I should stay out of her business and stay out of the relationship my son and her share, but I am thinking that maybe this time I should butt in. Since I am the one that does all the mom stuff with him (school, doctors, sports, etc...) I never felt threatened by him calling her mom since I know me and him share a very special bond and I would actually prefer him calling her mommy if at least it meant keeping the peace, but I'm worried though if I bring this up with her it will just start a fight or that she will get it in his head that I'm not his real mommy. I want things to stay peaceful for the sake of my son and I want him to know that he has two mommies that love him very much but I don't think I should be the one to discuss how he calls her with him. Should I just let this go and wait to see if he will stop and return to call her mom or should I discuss this with bio mom????

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Jaclyn - posted on 03/08/2014

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I'm the bio mom my situation is complicated my son is 3. His dad won custody of him when he was 10 months old and denied me visitation.also I have a 8 yr old daughter I have full custody of from another ex that's a different story tho. My ex moved on soon after the break up and it took over a year to get the father to let me see my son every weekend. Now I was aware the his father had moved on and was happy for him. I respect the step mom and was not offended my son calls her mom. I am heartbroken because my son cries for her when I have him and he is upset even says I'm not his real mom. Worst part his stepmom has never said 2 words to me just sits in the car and glares at me.. She is a big part of my sons life and I'm happy she is so good to him but it's been 2 yrs of this how do I break the obvious hate on she has for me!

Lindsay - posted on 11/29/2010

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Coming from the bio mom's point of view... not to make anyone angry. My child is my child and nobody elses. He has a step mom, and he calls her by her name. He has a step dad, and calls him by his name. Neither his bio dad or myself or the steps endorse him calling either of the step parents mommy or daddy. You are his step mom,and he should recognize that. I do not dislike my son's step mom, and think she does a decent job being his full time mom. I left my son in his father's care for a good and selfless reason. Step mom started out as the babysitter, so I talked to her a little before they got married. My son sometimes gets confused, and calls me by his step mom's name. I just tell him that isn't my name, and I tell him mine. He tell's me that my name is mommy. He is 4 now, and has been visiting me every other weekend for two years now. He has never gotten it confused. If I were the bio mom in that situation I would be very hurt if my son was not informed when he misspoke. I dont think that it is anything to do with his feelings toward his mom, but that he just hasnt been corrected.

Brittany - posted on 11/28/2010

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Thanks for the advice- since my son was so little when I became his mom that he has never understood the concept of having only one mommy. Even in his school we made it a point to never refer to me as step mom in front of him so he doesn't really understand what that word means. As of right now he still talks/thinks as if he were in my belly- he makes comments as to how small he was inside of me or how certain traits he got from me. I'm sure he will one day realize that I did not carry him inside of me but as of right now he is to young to understand any of this and I don't want to hurt his feelings, especially since it's my family that he is closest to. I will, however, try to correct him when referring to her as step mom just like I would hope her to correct him if he were to ever refer to me as anything but mommy.

Julie - posted on 11/28/2010

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he is only 6 and confused. he thinks because the new guy is stepdad then she must be stepmum. try to explain to him what the situation is without going into too much detail. has anyone ever tried to tell him why he has 2 mums in the firstplace. he's a little boy who needs someone to explain the ins and outs of these relationships. good luck

Marcella - posted on 11/25/2010

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Hun though not in the same situation my SS does about the same thing when he is with us he calls me mommy and his biomom by her name and visa versa,and we do try to correct him but it seems to make it that much worse, unless it is really brought up just let it go, he is confused right now it seems in the end he will understand what each roll is, I hope this helps

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