Step mom ~ mom

Jennilyn - posted on 05/07/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son is 5 1/2 his fathers wife told him that he can call her mom. I personally think he is too young to make up his mind on that. It also seems that they might be pushing it a little while he is there. She has been around for a while. I have been broken hearted about it and I just wanted to get more opinions on if it is too early for that before I have a chat with hi dad

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Christina - posted on 05/10/2011

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I think you need to take a deep breath and relax. Suggest your son he call her Mommy Blank (Insert her first name) instead of Mommy. Just remember that she will never replace you. Just be happy that his stepmom loves him and takes good care of him. It is a hard bite to swallow at first, but keeping a good relationship with his dad and his dad's wife will be a fantastic thing for your son! I love my son's stepmom and I tell my son he is so lucky to have two moms in his life who love him to pieces. I know if anything happened to me, she would do a wonderful job raising him.
On the flip side, my 4yr old step son calls me Mommy Chris. He is the youngest of our five children (I have four, my husband has just him) and he hears my kids calling me mommy. My stepson came up with the name Mommy Chris on his own. I am honored to be his Mommy Chris and I will NEVER tell him he can't call me that. His mom is pissed off because she thinks I am being rude. But how do I tell a 4yr old little boy that he can't call me mommy when my children are calling me mommy and he is with us 50/50? It's not fair to my stepson to not allow him to call me what he wants. I love him just as much as I love my children and I want him to know that.

[deleted account]

I am a step mom as well as a biomom; so I hope you dont mind if I give advice from that perspective? Firstly, let me say that my stepkids asked to call me mom at around that age too and I said no, but there were very specific reasons for that (which I cant legally go into on a public forum), one being that I am not their mother and despite the very ugly relationship between myself and their mother, it would be disrespectful to her. So what I'm saying is, check first that it wasnt your child's idea- I have been bawled out (not that I'm suggesting YOU would do that) by the BM before about things that were NOT my idea and it's very hard to be diplomatic in saying 'actually it was your children's idea'. But that said, I dont think has anything to do with the child's age, it's more about how they feel about the stepparent- if your child feels close to her, perhaps; but if not I dont think your child should be pushed into it- it should be the child's choice. Perhaps you can suggest to him that they come up with a mommy-type nickname for her, if that's what your child is comfortable with? That's what we did with my SK's, now that they are older they call me by my name again which is fine with me, but it was easier for them when they were little to have the option. Just a thought.

Constance - posted on 05/11/2011

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If it is something you are not comfoertable with then I defidently would talk to him and her if you are ok with involving her. If you calmly explain how you feel then it shouldn't be a problem.

As far as his wife saying he can call her mom. It may not be that she is forcing him to call her mom. Maybe she is just telling him that it won't bother her if he does. It is just IMO though.

[deleted account]

I meant to also say, I somethimes feel that as adults we read way too much into kids wanting to call stepparents mom or dad- I know it's hard not to be emotional about it but often it's more for their convenience than a desire to see that person as a parent. For example there was a while where my SK's mother wasnt in the picture (not her choice) and I know full well that the only reason they wanted to call me mom was b/c they didnt want to explain to their friends that I WASNT their mom as it would lead to questions as to where their real mom was. I hope that makes sense?

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